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NOW AVAILABLE!95 Transformational Tipsto Transform Your LifeAfter Divorce:This inspirational book offers you 95 ways tomove forward after yourdivorce.Buy your copy now atwww.divorcesupport-book.com
Divorce Recovery Newsletter / Vol 25
 November 3, 2009
The Price We Pay:
I know that November is the month for Thanksgiving and I do want to touch on the power of gratitude BUT lately in my coaching practice,I have been moved by the high price we pay for holding onto our pain.Divorce Recovery is all about letting go of our  pain, resentment, anger and hurt so that we might be free to move forward and create a new life after divorce. It is about taking back control of our lives.
Why do we need to let go?
Well it is obvious that these emotions cripple us and hold us back from a lifeafter divorce. What resonates for me is the undeniable fact that we and wealone pay the price of holding onto the negative emotions surrounding our divorce. We and we alone pay the price. No one else.
Consider the costs.
Sadness and depression hold us in their grip. We are miserable. Our healthsuffers. Our relationships we those we love, our family and friends, suffers.Anger eats at us like a cancer. Blame makes us a powerless victim. We haveno control over our own lives and are incapable of creating positive change.Our work suffers. We have no peace of mind. Our perspective on life turns bleak and colors everything we do. The costs are staggering. The price we pay for holding on and resisting reality are our very lives.
The cold hard fact is that we pay the price, not our ex.
Our misery is ours and ours alone. Have you heard of the phrase, “The bestrevenge is in living a good life?” That is also a fact and the only way we can
 
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The Marketplace:
A new feature on my websiteoffers you access to some of thebest yoga, meditation and center-ing exercises available.We must learn to combat the ef-fects of stress on our bodies andminds and the Marketplace willhelp you do just that!
Where are You in the Di-vorce Recovery Journey?
Check out my Divorce Life quizand see where you are in the jour-ney to recovery from your divorceand get instant feedback fromShelley.Go to:http://www.lifeafteryourdivorce.com/life-resources/divorce-life-quiz/
Quotes of theMonth:
In ordinary life, we hardlyrealize that we receive a greatdeal more than we give, andthat it is only with gratitude thatlife becomes rich.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer
live a good, happy and fullling life is in the letting go of all of the stuff that
keeps us stuck in the past and our pain.
We need to stop resisting reality as it exists right here andnow.
Resisting what is, is like attempting to swim against the current of a river.
It is exhausting, difcult, painful and downright futile. Ultimately we justmight drown. We have to learn to go with the direction of the ow of our own particular river, our new life. We must go with the ow of the directionof our life versus resisting that ow.
Letting go will give you freedom from the hurt and pain.
I submit to you that when you really get the price you pay for holding on,you will be ready to let go and move on with your life. Sooner or later youwill come to understand the exorbitant and self-destructive price you are paying. Letting go will give you freedom from the hurt and pain. It willgift you with freedom to forge ahead and see the new possibilities andopportunities that exist for you now.
Picture of the MonthPicture of the Month:
 
3Let us rise up and be thankful,for if we didn’t learn a lot today,at least we learned a little, andif we didn’t learn a little, at leastwe didn’t get sick, and if we gotsick, at least we didn’t die; so,let us all be thankful.”
Buddha
My Gift To You forThanksgiving:
Cranberry sauce has never  been my favorite part of theThanksgiving feast and yet Ialways feel compelled to serveit. Here’s a new twist for your Thanksgiving table!1-1/2 C sugar 1 navel orange1/2 t grated ginger 4 C cranberries1/2 C (2 oz.) toasted pecansGrate the orange peel and add toa pot with the sugar and ginger.Add the juice from the orangeinto the pot and simmer over medium heat until the sugar isdissolved. Add cranberries andcook until they pop - about 5minutes. Add pecans and coolsauce.
Thanksgiving: Looking at What is Rightversus What is Wrong
Those of you who have been receiving my newsletter for over a year now,may remember the research study on the power of gratitude. Allow me toshare this information with you:In their research on gratitude, Robert Emmons, Ph.D. and MichaelMcCullough, Ph.D. have discovered a positive link between gratitude and anumber of factors associated with general wellbeing.For instance, people who keep weekly gratitude journals were more likelyto exercise more, have fewer physical complaints, and have better attitudesabout their lives in general than those who kept records of neutral events or aggravations in their lives.Also, the researchers found that those who kept gratitude records were more
likely to make progress toward signicant goals in their lives (personal,
academic, and health) than those who did not.People who participate in gratitude exercises were more likely to exhibithigher levels of alertness, enthusiasm, attentiveness and energy than thosewho recorded aggravations or made ‘downward social comparisons’ (at leastI’m not as bad as someone else).The researchers also found that people who were grateful experienced more positive emotions, had greater life satisfaction, optimism and vitality, whileexperiencing less stress and depression.Grateful people also tend to be more in tune to the feelings and needs of others, and act accordingly by being more generous and helpful.Elie Wiesel is a survivor of the Holocaust and a Nobel Peace Prize winner.He has survived horrors that are beyond the scope of our imagination andunderstanding. I recently read his trilogy entitled Night, Dawn and Day and
was stupeed at what he endured and survived. Here is what he has to say
about gratitude:“When a person doesn’t have gratitude, something is missing in his or her 
humanity. A person can almost be dened by his or her attitude toward
gratitude.”
Gratitude is a choice we can make.
We can begin to look at what is right in our lives versus all that is wrong.It is a shift in our perspective or attitude on life and that simple shift canchange not only how we think but also our very reality.
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