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St Katie of Closure's Journey into the Wilderness : A Chronicle
 And on the 16th day of the 11th month, St Katie, newly awarded with 300,000 gold pieces did once again step into the wilderness. Alone she did walk, accompanied only by the camera of truth and the Holy Holder of the Script of Prophecy. Alas there didfall upon the land a shortage of cloth and St Katie did walk with ripped and tatteredclothes, that which made her famous laid almost bare unto the masses.The Holy Holder of the Script if Prophecy did nod sagely.And it came to pass that St Katie did stumble unto an oasis wherein gifts were bestowed upon the 11 acolytes. But St Katie was sorely vexed. “Oh woe unto me for Ido burn upon contact with water. But the acolytes doth starve for there lack of foodfor 24 hours, hence I shall sacrifice myself unto the needy.” St Katie went unto thewater, and did burn, but did save from the swamp keys of half a dozen and one.The Holy Holder of the Script of Prophecy did nod sagely.But the trials of St Katie did not end, for it came to pass that a sacrifice must be madefor the seven keys. For a time did St Katie ponder, then she spoke unto the masses.“The acolytes may fornicate elsewhere, as in truth they are persons if very littleimport, I shall take from them what they covet and shall bestow them with my gifts”.And so the dye was cast.The Holy Holder of the Script of Prophecy did nod sagely.And lo, did St Katie come unto the 11 acolytes. And acolyte George from the LandFar Away Where Silicone Grows on Trees did comment upon her vision of loveliness.And acolyte Sabrina who Covets to Walk in the Path of Alesha did comment upon her  beauty. And even acolyte Justin the Doubtful did comment upon the unexpected joyhe received from her presence. And acolyte Stuart the Beautiful but Empty did sitwithin her presence awaiting the massage of the chosen.The Holy Holder of the Script if Prophecy did nod sagely.“Be it known unto you” spoke St Katie, “that my love for you shall allow me to sleepupon the ground in humble surroundings. But be it known that yonder bed did serviceme well from half a dozen years hence.” And lo did the acolytes fall onto her ingratitude and St Katie did sleep upon the feathered bed of the righteous.And that night they broke bread and St Katie did regale Acolyte George of the parableof St Katie and Peter the Thrice Damned. And in the morning Judges Antonius andDecmanicus did bring forth the judgement of the masses. “It has been ordained that St
 
Katie shall face trial anew” was the judgement. St Katie was sorely vexed once more, but inwardly rejoiced as it will allow her to preach unto the masses of the Word of StKatie.And the Holy Holder of the Script of Prophecy did nod sagely once more.
 
Lesson 2 – The First Trial of St KatieAnd so it came to pass that St Katie did cross the Bridge of the Martyr in order to facethe judgement of the masses. “It has been so ordained that thou shalt face exile withinthe dark caverns for 10 minutes” spoke Judges Antonious and Decmanicus, “whatsayeth you unto the Camera of truth.”“Verily I am bricking it,” sayeth St Katie, “for the dark doth make me sorely vexed,and it shall burn me as surely as the water of the swamp of keys. But yonder acolytesdoth cry in their hunger, particularly Acolyte Camilla the Stick, whom doth caste tearsof pain in her martyrs life. Therefore, as the chosen prophet of the Overgod Meedja Ishall face exile unto the cavern.”And St Katie did venture forth into the dark caverns. But the waters of hades did pour upon her head, sorely burning her. “Forsooth but my suffering is too great,” called StKatie unto the judges, “I am the chosen of the Overgod Meedja, please extract meforthwith.” And St Katie was thus pulled from the caverns, beaten and abashed. Andthe sacred bag was thus examined and found to contain only four sacred relics. And itwas thus ordained that St Katie and the Acolytes should dine upon the leg of the beast, in quantities small.Unto her return to the Church of the Campsite St Katie did gather together theAcolytes. “I shall now teach you of the Overgod Meedja my Acolytes” she taught,“Meedja doth bring great reward but also great sorrow. Meedja is all. Totallysurrender yourself to Meedja so your life becomes his and his alone. Meedja can be acruel master, and I doth wear my armour of steel when I commune with Meedja, butmy true form is that of a fluffy cloud, I seek only love …. Love of a man who willalso surrender totally to Meedja obviously.”Then St Katie did adopt the aspect of the cat circling the mouse. “Tell me”, she askedAcolyte Stuart the Beautiful but Empty, “Art thou skilled in the art of love?” And thusit came to pass that St Katie did desire of companion with Acolyte Stuart, to hold himunto her bosom in act of union.And the following morning Judges Antonious and Decmanicus did once more bringforth the judgement of the masses. “It is so ordained that St Katie will face trail anewon the morrow” was the judgement. And the Acolytes did rejoice. And St Katie didthink unto herself, “Oh Lord Meedja, why have the masses forsaken me?”
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