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æThe Ten Page NewsNumber 15the ten page news number fifteen we turned one year old sometime in the lastmonth or two we were too busy to notice fourteen issues in a year is prettygood for a monthly in our opinion especially when we started out as a quarterlywe do seem to be slowing down though time will tell our beloved muse shaunaalso has a birthday this month shell be mumbledymumble years old on octobertwentyninth keep those cards and letters coming the ten page news numberfifteen october nineteenninetyseven publisher owen thomas pee oh bee nine sixfive one columbus ohio four three two oh nine you ess a editor vlorbik at delphidot com copyright the integral of e to the ex power is equal to eff of you sub enpubs limited aitch tee pee pee colon slash slash people dot delphi dot com slashvlorbik rates sixtyfour cents a copy five dollars for a nineissue subscription com-ical tip gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme thatthere white tip paragraph union intersection is a subset of minusplus unionfor all minusplus vertical rule composed with intersection punctuation by vlor-bik it has come to my attention that certain authorities actually support theomission of the serial comma ive always felt that people who wrote in what isapparently the standard example red white and blue for red white and bluewere careless or illinformed i now learn to my horror that the comma beforethe and in such a series has long been abandoned by newspaper editors harperdictionary of contemporary usage william and mary morris sure enough thenew york times manual of style and usage sez in general do not use a commabefore and in a series unless the other elements of the series are separated bysemicolons automobiles buses and trains were stalled have you ever seen any-thing so stupid in your life what were these tonedeaf barbarians thinking of listen buses and trains now try automobiles buses and trains you can hear thecomma its really there doing it their way makes it sound like automobiles busesand trains ive always hated this ugly mistake but it had never even occurred tome that anybody might actually recommend it never mind require it the kingsenglish aitch doubleyou ampersand eff gee fowler says that the removal of thecomma makes so little difference that it is an open question amoung composi-tors whether it should be used or not as if the existence of differing points of view implies that the question is unimportant try this abortion of the fetusmakes so little difference that it is an open question among citizens whether itshould be allowed or not and anyway what the heck is a usage manual for comeon guys take a side wilson folletts modern american usage has a nice long arti-cle four pages on the subject clearly in favor of the correct usage of the reasonsfor omitting the comma only one is cogent the saving of space in the narrowwidth of a newspaper column this saving counts for more than elsewhere whichis why the omission is so nearly universal in journalism folletts also discusses afew examples, but for my money theyre all needlessly complicated my favoriteexample comes from arthur dee hlavatys zine deragoatory reference numberseventynine i would heartily recommend teresa nielsen haydens making bookshe can write fascinatingly about the serial comma pointing out that its ab-

sence led to the remarkable book dedication to my parents ayn rand and godthis example should be decisive who cares if its probably apocryphal there areother references to serial commas in dee arr the editor works as a temp andfreelance copy editor and likes to complain of his pet peeves with bad softwareand sloppy writers i just figured this was one we had in common i cant getover it its as if i had learned of a society whose customs required people topick their noses in public im grateful to misti crow and alden scott crow forbringing this revolting state of affairs to my attention their onepage monthlygrammar cue ampersand a is available for the asking send a stamp from peeem cee communications box one nine four eight fair oaks california nine five sixtwo eight tell em vlorbik sent you gimme that gimme that gimme that gimmethat gimme that there white tip blue car blue car an autobiography part oneowen thomas i finally got a learners permit at age nineteen in thousand oakswhere id been living like a hermit on coffee pot and rum and cokes now backin school a lack of patience for classes during my vacations had kept me outof drivers ed but something had to give i said of course id rather do things myway and walk or thumb or ride my bike but i cant have things as id like thiscalifornias one big highway its best to take things as they are id better learnto drive a car and so my then best friend bob shaffer agreed to bring me upto speed i know a car that you could pay for ill teach you everything you needbut what about repairs dont panic this car was owned by a mechanic its ingreat shape it runs just fine it sounded like that classic line the only owner wassome granny who never drove but bob was right i got the car that very nighta sixtythree pushbutton tranny plymouth valiant not much rust it turned outworthy of my trust i made a hundred dollar payment and owed another then idbought it breaking up the debt this way meant i could pay with ease i thoughtbut then my boss at howard johnsons whose every word was arrant nonsensesaid although it pains me i have got to let you go goodbye i thought i knew hissecret reason id worked there for about a year and paid vacations cost themdear its always bellboy shafting season so even though i had enough to makethe payment it was rough gimme that there gimme that there gimme thatthere white tip zineage indy ana jones i wrote to some of the distros in lastmonths indy unleashed ampersand am buried in zines look for another eye yousoon meanwhile here are a few ive been meaning to get around to reviewingfor a long time damn number two is sixteen halfsize pages of grim ampersandgritty writing by six authors with unclassifiable illustrations by four artists thelongest piece ampersand one of the best is the jay mans story what the bellmeans the jay man publishes the jay man times reviewed in tee pee en numbertwelve but my favorite by far is ashlys the man with the longest arms in theworld in rhymed couplets theres a nonfiction article by editor brian johnsonon a sixteenth century torture victim ampersand shortshort stories of madnessampersand violence by anthony alba em cee mcdonald kenn pell ampersandsteve skeates its definitely not for all tastes in fact its not really for mine butall the writing is good ampersand i enjoyed it surprisingly well the same editoralso publishes the zinereview zine funhouse reviewed in eye you number oneone dollar and an age statement brian johnson eleven werner road greenvillepee a one six one two five dash nine four three four damn pulling teeth from the