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A Government Pension@ 25
Short Fiction of Eternal Youth
By Russell Twyce - Scribd.Com Version
 
Short Fiction byRussell TwyceA Government Pension at Twenty Five
“According to this file,” a government bureaucrat set a reverent palmflat on the open folder, “you’ve been collecting old-age security checksfor the past five years. Yet you are obviously a man in your early20’s.”“Chronologically,” the young man dug out his wallet, “and by mygovernment issued identification cards, I have just passed my 70thbirthday.” He offered up the proof. Then this has to be either forged or in error.” The government agentstated after he had intensely scrutinized the document. “What yearwere you born in?”“I was born in 1940 and I aged normally until 1985, when I discoveredthe secret of eternal youth. From then to now, I’ve been growingyounger, instead of older.”“My year of birth was 1955.” The civil servant announced in a mockingtone. With grey hair and many facial wrinkles, his physical appearanceexactly matched his 55 years of age. “And you are NOT fifteen yearsolder than I am. So let’s get to the real truth of this situation.”“The honest truth is exactly as I’ve said. You can look into my taxrecords or you can have the police fingerprint me and compare theresult against any government files you can drag up. I was born in1940 and I am currently seventy years of age.”“You didn’t invent the secret of immortality.” The pension officialscoffed. “I should think that such a discovery, if proven, would’vemade an international news splash. I don’t recall hearing anythingabout it in 1985 or since.”“I didn’t seek any publicity and I didn’t care if anyone verified myresults or not.”“Right.” The disbelieving government man said in a sarcastic voice.“So you actually are seventy and you fully expect me NOT to cancelyour old age security benefits?”“Correct.”“And I suppose your cute wife over there,” with a nod he indicated ayoung woman in the waiting area, “is fast approaching sixty-five?”“My girlfriend there is twenty-two. My wife passed away awhile beforeI uncovered the secret of Nicholas Flamel’s philosopher stone.”
 
“Does she know that you’re seventy?”“Absolutely.” The young looking old man smiled. “She appreciates mymaturity and experience, while still being able to enjoy the physicalityand vitality of my second twenties.”“Philosopher’s Stone and Nicholas Flamel?” The scoffing of a minuteago had been replaced with a pang of envy: whether the old-agepension claimant was 25 or 70, that girl was certainly a knockout.“You’ve obviously been to a Harry Potter movie.”“JK Rowling didn’t invent either the name of Nicholas Flamel or thephilosopher’s stone idea. Nicholas was an alchemist born in 1330 andhe returned to his youth after learning of the philosopher’s stone froman ancient manuscript.”“And I suppose you know this for a fact.”Definitely. Nicholas Flamel is a friend of mine. He contacted me afterhe deduced that someone else had achieved his eternal youth secret.Nick is a cool old guy, who looks like he is twenty. He thought it washilarious that he was immortalized, off camera, in the movies. But theauthor has no clue that Flamel really is still alive.”“I suppose he collects an old-age pension too?” The bureaucrat jotteddown the name: he would look it up in his files later.“No. Nicholas is an alchemist. Whenever he needs money, he turnslead into gold.”“Since you have his eternal youth secret, why doesn’t he give you thetransmutation tips too? Then you wouldn’t need to keep yourpension.”“Nicholas has his thing and I have mine. When he was born, therewasn’t a public pension plan in place, so he needs to make gold. I paidyears worth of exorbitant taxes to earn my retirement income, so I’lluse it for my ‘golden years’ and I’ll keep collecting it for a VERY longtime.”“Unless I stamp your file as a fraud and cancel it.”“On what grounds?” The young man asked in a resolute voice. “Theproof of my age and even the ‘before’ and ‘after’ pictures are iron-cladin your department of motor vehicles. The stored license photos willshow me growing older until 1985 and then progressively younger untilmy most recent one.”“On
grounds
that I work for the Federal Government and can therefore
of 00

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uploaded a new revision for this document (#2)

01 / 09 / 2010
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