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Couples going through menopause often have unique struggles when coping with thenew changes and challenges it brings to them both as individuals, and as partners.It is an inner battle – mentally and physically – for not just women, but men aswell. For women, it may be hard to get a male partner to understand and be able toempathise with her challenges. But both sexes go through a form of menopause, andthis transition is disruptive and even scary, and a certain level of understandingand communication is required for any one to have a quality relationship at thisstage of life.Nancy Cetel talks about many of the changes couples experience in her book DoubleMenopause, and what often happens is that emotions, including past hurts, hopes,dreams, etc., that may have been buried or unexpressed in the past, can no longerhidden. It can’t be helped – the truth will not be held back any longer. For somewomen, that shows up in pent up aggression that is taken out on a male partner bypushing him away and/or making him unable to relate to you on a physical level.Men need to know that the loss of desire for sex may be caused from the hormonalchanges, but there might also be an emotional element that needs to be dealt with.It is advisable that men in menopause couples acquaint themselves with the effectsof menopause, in themselves and their partners, in order to better understand thechanges their relationship is going through. Men soon realize that hormonalimbalances are causing unwanted emotional symptoms in women that could lead toverbal spats every now and then. Men need to be aware that emotional changes arelikely to occur and that they are not to blame for them but that their partner mayrequire extra attention, love and outward expressions of caring more now than everbefore.Men need to understand that their sexual drives could also have changed as theyexperience a slower loss of testosterone. To keep sexual interest, partners mayneed to put more time and attention into the quality of their sex lives and‘update’ themselves on what things turn them on at this stag of the game.Men need to know that a decrease in estrogen in their lover’s bodies – cansignificantly alter how she thinks and feels about sex. In addition, vaginaldiscomfort and thinning of the lining of the vagina can make sex painful so itwill not be enjoyable for either of them until they find a solution for this.More than ever this is a critical time for couples to communicate more about thechanges they are both experiencing. Christian Northrup talks about ‘reversingroles’ as couples go through this transition in her book the Wisdom of Menopause.Men often lose a lot of the aggression that once fueled their younger years andthey are happier to stay home and engage in more nuturing activities, that theynever paid attention to before, such as cooking. Women, on the other hand, maywant to venture out into the world and pursue a long-thought about career. Theybecome more aggressive and passionate about accomplishing things. In this way, thecouple almost switch roles in the relationship.Talking a lot, expressing ideas, and bonding with one another again becomescritical during this transition. Men need to know what is happening to their womenon a day-to-day basis, and visa versa. Women want men to cheer them on as theyundergo significant changes including dealing with physical discomfort, hormonalimbalances, and possibly venturing out into the career world for the first time!Men need to know that sex isn’t going away totally. Explore sexual alternativesand realize that having less sex is not the end of the world! Experiment withvibrators, and oral sex, if you haven’t already as these are fine alternatives andto maintain a healthy sex life. Women love toys as much as guys do. Menopausemight mean taking more time for foreplay for some women. Get into a habit of
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