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How to Lay Low as Helicopter Parents
By Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D. and Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D.By now your college student has settled into the dorm and adjusted to campuslife. Despite the relief you feel, are you surprised to discover that letting go ismore difficult than you imagined? Even with the time constraints and dailypressures that you experience as a member of the Sandwich Generation, areyou ambivalent about cutting the apron strings?You may be stuck in a new phenomenon that falls under the colorful moniker,Helicopter Parent. If you find yourself 'hovering' over your kidult, micromanagingfrom afar or attempting to protect him or her from life’s ups and downs, you fit thedescription perfectly.Is it technology - cell phones, email and instant messaging - as some say, thatkeeps parents overly involved, or is something else at work here? Mariaworries, “Since my daughter left for college I realize that I’m far too enmeshedwith her. I like knowing what's going on in her life, but I'm afraid of keeping her closer than is psychologically healthy. I’m trying to step back some and minimizeour contact – I think it's best for the emotional growth of both of us.” Like Maria,you can do this, too.
1.
If you want information, contact the parent-relations specialist that many of the colleges now employ. The telephone hotlines and email supportservices that they provide allow you to stay connected in a healthy way.
2.
Adjustment to communal living – roommates, dorms, personalitydifferences - takes time. Be more supportive and less directive as your sons and daughters go about learning new problem solving skills.
3.
Your adult children will be faced with many choices about courses,assignments, extra curricular activities. Be supportive, but let them maketheir own decisions and then deal with whatever consequences occur. It’sbeen said before, but experience is a great teacher.
4.
Make sure that parents’ weekend is on your agenda. You'll meet otherswho understand exactly what you are going through. This is a natural andpositive means by which to feel reassured that your children are adjustingto their new home environment.
5.
Resist taking on chores that now should fall to your kidults. As much aswashing their clothes and cleaning their rooms have been part of your jobdescription for many years, it’s now time to pass the baton.
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