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domestic violence personal

domestic violence personal

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Published by Lee Gaylord

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Published by: Lee Gaylord on Dec 01, 2009
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Laura Russell,
Ph.D., Archive
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Domestic Violence Personal Stories

My name is Linda and I started having a bad life at 18. I met what I thought
was a wonderful man. He was one of my bosses from work. He was so kind
to me at fist. We would spend lovely times together just having fun. I
seemed important to him; at least I thought I was.

After we were dating for about 2.5 months I found out I was pregnant and I
wanted no more children. I already had a son and I was too young for him
but another would have been havoc. So I told Joe that I wanted to terminate
the pregnancy and that is when it all started.

He kept me home and fired me from my job. For the 1st time he hit me right
across the face because I said I was leaving him. He dragged me into the
dept. store and said we are going shopping so stop crying like a baby. He
acted like it was nothing and I knew it was wrong but I did as I was told. I
was 18 and he was 31. I thought an older man would be better for me but I
was wrong!

The hitting became beatings almost every day. Even though I was pregnant,
he did not care. He said, "If you were a good girl I wouldn't have to discipline
you so much." I hated hearing that. Be a good girl- that was screwed up ya'


I had my daughter and I thought it would help us but it didn't. It just meant that I was stuck with him. The black eyes and busted lips and bruised body was all I knew and he was taking my heart too. I was no longer living near my parents and I was forbidden to have friends or should I say a life?

Two years later I became pregnant and I was not at all happy with that. But
of course I had to stay pregnant. It cooled him down a little and he always
said he was sorry. I hated my life and I wanted it to end but I had children
whom I loved and I couldn't leave them. That is what keeps me alive. I tried
to get help from my dad but he said THAT I MADE MY BED NOW - lay in it!!
That hurt so much because I thought daddies were there to help when you
needed them most.

My father was angry with me because I had children and he said it was my
fault I put myself in that type of position. My mom couldn't even help me she
could barely take care of herself. So as my pregnancy progressed he was a
little nicer to me- we had twins now. That was the worse news to me. I kept
thinking how am I going to leave with 4 kids.

I paid for a tubal ligation so I couldn't have any more children with him. I
started saving a dollar here and a dollar there so I could escape my hell with
my children. I remember one day that I told him I hated him with every
bone in my body. He hit me so hard I went flying at least 10 feet across the
bed and onto the floor. Blood dripping from my mouth, I just smiled and said,
"Are you done?" I was so tired of him hitting me and controlling me as a
person that I had had enough!

He started hitting me some more and I didn't back down. He finally walked
away. The days went by and I would get hit because I didn't vacuum first
then dust. The house was not clean enough or there was a fork in the sink I

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would get slapped again. He made excuses to hit me. So I bided my time till
I could leave.

A few years later I was going to be gone within a few months then I found out I was pregnant again. I was floored because I paid to be fixed. Well I was that 1% that could get pregnant. So I stayed until my last child was 1 and a 1/2 and I packed my things and left.

I left the children behind because I couldn't care for 5 children. I took the
oldest child with me because he was mine and not his. I became a stripper to
care for my son and we did fine and I thought I would finally be free of
violence. I loved my new life of no more long sleeved shirts or pants to cover
the bruises.

Then I met James and he swore he would never hit me and he didn't for 1
1/2 years. Then one day I was out riding my bike and I pulled into the front
yard and he was yelling and all of a sudden I fell down. He had hit me in the
face so hard I had lost my balance. I still do not know why he hit me that
day he never told me.

I stayed with him for a few more months hoping it was a mistake and it
would never happen again. But I was wrong again. I let him move in with me
in hopes of a good relationship. It did not last long.

One night I went out with my friends like I always did on Fridays and when I
got home he yelled and screamed at me for being out while he was working.
I basically told him he needed to leave because it was not working out then
he hit me across the face a couple of times. I got up and ran for the phone to
call for help. He pulled it out of the wall. He kept saying why are you making
me do this to you? He grabbed my hair and was dragging me into the
bedroom and I knew what that meant from experience I began to scream for


My son heard me and I hollered to him to get the neighbors and he did. He
saved my life. James was arrested and given 1.5 years and no contact. I
moved after that. We were over and I was over with men at least I thought I


Then one day my friend introduced me to a handsome sweet intelligent man
and I fell for him hard. I was tired of being put down and bruised but my
girlfriend assured me that he was good. She lied! He was worse than the
other two put together. It was pure hell and I didn't realize what pain really
was till I was with Jeff. He hit me every day even if he woke up in a good
mood. I hated life and everyone in it. I thought that this is how my life was
meant to be so I stayed for 6.5 years till I couldn't take it no more.

He would call my job all of the time and make me bring home a register
receipt to prove what time I left. He held a gun to my head and said, If you
want to die, let's do it." He would hit me in the face all of the time. Everyone
at my job knew he was mean but no one would help me. Finally after he
broke my windshield for the 3rd time I left and moved 20 minutes away and
transferred to another store. He found me once again.

He called us all hours of the night yelling nasty things to myself and my
roommate. He threatened her a lot and finally after 6 months of calls I finally
agreed to see him in hopes of it being the last time. I was hoping that he had
realized that after 6.5 years of hate he would finally end it and be civil. I
wanted him to go on with his life so I could without him. I wanted to stop
looking over my shoulder and my dreams would stop keeping me up at night.
I wanted sleep again. I wanted to smile again. I wanted to be ME again.

He invited me to his birthday party so I figured I would be safe. I was so
tired from working 18 hours straight but I made it to the party and there was
other people there so I was ok with it. He was drinking and taking Librium
pills the next door neighbor got him. I should have known to leave but I

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I fell asleep on the couch and I awakened to him standing over me just
looking at me in a confused look. I asked him what he was doing and he
grabbed my throat and said, "you think you can just walk away from me. No
you can't." I froze for a moment because I had this strange feeling rush over
me and I can't completely describe it but it was scary. I knew then if I didn't
get away from him I would die! I knew it and I didn't know how but I was
terrified beyond belief. I pushed him off and ran for the door. He got up and
chased me and it started a fight because I was determined to win this one.
He grabbed my hair and pulled and yanked it hurt so bad that I could barely
stand the pain. I wrapped my arms around the railing of the outside steps
and held on for life. My arms began to bleed from scraping the wood rail back
and forth but I held on.

He finally got me loose and I fell to the top step with my face down hoping to
pass out. I knew I had to stay alive and that meant staying awake. He
grabbed my head and began pounding it into the top step. It hurt and all I
could do was cry and fight back. I saw blood dripping onto the step and I
knew I had to be bleeding from my face now. It was a mess all over the
steps. He yanked me up and I dropped to the steps again and he kept telling
me to get up and get inside and I kept yelling for help. No one listened. He
grabbed my hair and dragged me inside and I grabbed the doorway in hopes
of tiring him out because I was tired. I dug my nails into the wood frame
around the door making my fingers bleed and nails breaking from the
pressure I could no longer hold on. I was now inside and he picked me up
and threw me up against the wall calmly talking to me saying that we were
soul mates and we had to be together. He said that our lives, especially his,
was not going to be wasted by me. I owed him and I say I owed him
nothing! We fought some more hitting each other profusely not taking a
breath. I pushed him away and he fell over the end table he looked up and
then unscrewed the table and came at me again and caught me right across
the nose. I felt dizzy and out of it.

I remember saying to myself if there is a God, please help me. I will never
doubt Your existence again. I never believed in God until that night. Jeff kept
hitting me and made me walk the house with him. Finally I had him
convinced that we would marry tomorrow. He stopped. He brought me into
the kitchen to wipe my face off because he said I was a mess. He told me to
go shower and change into some of his pajamas and we would watch our
favorite movie. I agreed. I rushed upstairs and got into the shower and cried
so hard it hurt. I looked down at the water and it was red all red. That's all I
could see and I cried even more. My face hurt so much that I couldn't bring
myself to look at it. I got out of the shower and dried off quickly and ran
down stairs. He laid on the couch babbling about how I made him do that to
me. He made me make a promise to be good and to marry him. I was to
obey him forever and we would never be apart again.

I waited for him to fall asleep. It was midnight so that meant we had been
fighting for 1 hour. I was so tired and dizzy but all I could think of was
getting out. I waited for him to snore so I would know he was asleep. I went
to the back door and unlocked the first lock 2 more to go. I waited a little
while longer and opened another then another then I ran out the door as
quickly as I could run. I ran down the steps and didn't look back. My feet
were bleeding from running down the rocky driveway. All I could think was

getting help.

I ran across the street to a neighbor's house it was 3:30 in the morning. I
tapped on his window and begged for him to let me in. He opened the door
and let me in we called the police and it was now over for me and him. I
thank the Davidson county police of Tennessee for all their help. I get to live
again. I am now 36 years older and am finally happy. I forgot what it was
like to breathe on my own again. I haven't seen Jeff in 3 years and I keep
track of him. He is still in jail and I have found someone who is the best thing
in my life besides my children. 3 times is a charm - no the 4th is!!!!

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