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Love Systems Insider: Inner Game, You Don't Have To "Win"

Love Systems Insider: Inner Game, You Don't Have To "Win"

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Published by Love Systems
Inner Game: You Don't Have To "Win"

Inner Game: You Don't Have To "Win"


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Published by: Love Systems on Dec 05, 2009
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Love Systems Insider
Date: July 2007
Inner Game: You Don't Have To "Win"
Here's a little tidbit that crosses the line between "outer game" tactics and "inner game" psychology. It's probably most important to guys who are consistently able to get in-depthconversations going with women, but should be relevant to everyone.A lot of times you'll hear a woman (or even someone in her group) say something you disagreewith. It could even be something that is blatantly wrong. Last weekend a woman told me that theU.S. government under Bill Clinton left the U.S. with the largest deficit in its history. Mosteducated Americans would know that this is probably not true.But so what?I'm not part of the U.S. Treasury Department Accuracy Enforcement Committee. I was out tohave fun. Yes, she had silly ideas. If she were my girlfriend, I might tease her about this andsend her a link to the U.S. Treasury's website. Otherwise, who cares? Let it go, and enjoy themoment.If you argue with someone over a little point, you are subcommunicating that this is somethingdeeply important to you, that you always have to be right, and that you probably don't have goodsocial intuition.You'll also lose control of the frame of your interaction with her, and hopefully by now, yourealize that if you don't have some control over the frame, you're not likely to get the girl.Women are often attracted to men with wealth, status, and confidence. In fact, these are three of the eight attraction triggers explained in Magic Bullets(see Chapter 3 (Female Psychology) and Chapter 7). Now, how does a man with wealth, status, and confidence act? Does he argue with strangersabout things he knows to be right? If you met Richard Branson or Brad Pitt at a party and yousaid that there has never been a man on the moon, do you think they'd care? They'd probably say
"oh, that's interesting" and move on. Do they care that you have strange ideas? Practice havingthat kind of reaction. Notice, by the way, that the hypothetical Richard Branson or Brad Pitt controls the frame with aresponse like "oh, that's interesting." It subcommunicates that you are trying to convince them of something. They control the frame, and you are operating within it. What you're talking about isclearly more important to you than it is to them, which subcommunicates that the wholeinteraction is more important to you than it is to them.When you meet a woman you don't know, focus on what's important to you, and what you wanther to perceive as being important to you. If you are having fun and making a connection, thatsays one thing about you. If you are arguing with her about some factual trivia, that sayssomething else.
Frame Control is Crucially Important
Even though I'm skating over this pretty quickly, these are crucial issues. In fact, I'd agree withthose who have said that this is probably the single most important subject in dating science. If you don't feel completely confident around issues of framing, frame control, andsubcommunication, you should make this one of your top priorities for your game. It's a bigfocus in how we structure our bootcamps now as well.
Change her mood, not her mind
On a related note, you will never seduce a woman with facts and logic. The only reason I waseven talking about politics with this person was because I was more interested in the topic (youdon’t meet a lot of very conservative right-wing people where I live) than I was in seducing her.That didn't stop me from making out with her later, so that's perhaps not the best example.Actually, it is, in a way, since it illustrates the theme of changing her mood, not her mind. After a too-intellectual conversation for the venue we were at, I became a bit more interested in her.To get her attracted to me, I led the conversation to an emotional level. Instead of talking about politics, I made her laugh, I teased her, I told fantastic stories and I listened to hers. Then I usedthe "almost kiss" (one of the four major kiss moves described in Chapter 17 (Kissing) of MagicBullets). She didn't even let me finish the routine before our lips touched.

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