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Miguel, does it hurt?

Yes.

If you said you only loved me as afriend. Then why does it hurt?

It just does.

You said you’d value my feelings.

I do.

Tonterías.I’m sorry. You promised me you wouldn’t hurtme.Do you know how much it hurts forme to break that promise? You said you hate to see me hurt,and you hate to see me cry, sowhen you hurt me, did you closeyour eyes?Don’t you understand? I’m doingthis for my parents.No I don’t understand. You don’t have to.I love you.As a friend.

“

zabela, stop reading that notebook over and over andburn it already,” said Concepcion. It was mid-November, somaybe the cold was getting to her head. I gave her a sternno before I said:“If only I could.”“You would if you wanted to,” she replied.She was right. It was because I didn’t want to. I sighed torecognize my defeat. I closed my notebook and hid it in mybag. I bade goodbye to Concepcion, who was probablyhaving second thoughts about letting me go home alonetoday in this kind of mental condition.“I’m riding home with you today,” she said as she choseone of the horses lined up the street outside school and sether things down as we got inside the carriage.I wasn’t feeling especially talkative today, so I just listenedto her as she told me about her day, and how happy shewas when Lorenzo san Gabriel said hi to her that day.It felt like it had been so long ago since I first set foot inthis hell I’d like to call high school.

Vuelto.

t happened only late January this year when my motherchecked the diario. Yes she was happy, wait no. Happy wasan understatement. I swear I could hear her screamingfrom where I was standing at school (which was around3521365721357 leguas from where she works). She pickedme up with my father that day, and I was getting passedaround some twenty something relatives when I got backhome, probably because I was the first de los Santos to beable to pass the school.I was really glad though; because when I checked thenewspaper a handful of my friends also passed the test likeConcepcion, Feliciana, Andrea and Daniela (who was a yearyounger than us). I couldn’t wait to tell them the newstomorrow morning.Escuela Secundaria de Cienca en Filipinas was a school thataims to produce the country’s highest quality scholars, andonly 100 people can be accepted each year. It was onlyavailable to the Principalia until the Peninsulares class, andindios were accepted every once in a while but they rarelypass because of their lack of proper primary education. The next day, I was met with joyous screams of rejoicing –so apparently we weren’t the only ones who read the diarioafter all. Feliciana, Andrea, and Daniela already toldeveryone they knew, and everyone who passed me bywould greet me with a warm “Congratulations!” Even thefeared Maestra Lanuza (who was actually one of myfavorite teachers) beamed with pride when she wascongratulating us in her own way. I passed by Daniela’sclassroom and told her about the test results and she wasso happy and gave out a semi-conservative squeal. Sheseemed like a nice girl and I wondered how it would be liketo study with her. Several seconds after I started walkingback to my room again I heard a very loud shriek with lotsof jumping and celebrating involved. Hah, I bet we’re goingto get along well. Two short months have passed, and already it’s our finalday in primary school. I made a long letter of gratitude toeveryone I could remember and there were lots of crying.I’ll miss them a lot, and I was glad to have met them all,but I was really decided on enrolling to Escuela Secondariade Ciencia en Filipinas, so it was no use trying to convinceme to change my mind. Of all the people that would leavethat school after this day, I think I was the first one to haveaccepted it wholeheartedly. I recall Andrea not talking forthe whole day because of depression. I bet she alreadymisses them even if they haven’t even said goodbye yet.It’ll be awhile before she’s going to act cheery again. I’veknown her since 4

grade and depressed isn’t a word thatwould suit her. I wish I could make her and Concepcion(who was know bawling) feel better. Feliciana was tellingthe others that she wouldn’t transfer, which was acomplete lie. She said she didn’t want anyone to be sadbecause of her so she lied about not switching schools. Ibet she was sad as well.

These are the scholars whopassed the Nacional Examenen Competitivo: (cont.)

Agapito Abella y Garcia Yzabela de los Santos y ResurreccionAna Maria Zamora y MercadoDaniela Alcantara y ReyesBernardo Silvestre y Dominguez 111Concepcion Fernandez y RodriguezFeliciana Ocampo y FloresMaxima Espinosa y Viola Juan Miguel Guillermo y LlamesAndrea Paulino y Ignacio

You are requested to go to the office of the Maestrawithin 10 days lest you void your scholarship.De opicina en Senora Agustin - Maestra en EscuelaSecondaria de Cienca en Filipinas.

Distinto.

istinct. Different. That was what this school was. Or washigh school really like this? So apparently the enrollmenthad so many requirements it’s kind of scary to think of what they might do to your personal data. My motherpresented her cedula personal so I could get my books Iwould need for my freshmen year. I got all nervous whenthey were checking what class I’ll be in. I tried to calmmyself down by thinking how lucky we were to get thereearly, as the line behind me grew very long. Mama

saidthat you’d have to wait for hours if you got their late. Thank God for overspeeding calesas. I was about to driftinto sleep, getting barely a wink of sleep the night beforebecause of excitement when my thoughts wereinterrupted.

“

palo.”My heart skipped a bit for a reason I’m not so sure of. Ibegan thinking about my future classmates, who they’ll be,what they’ll look like, and if boys really do act like thoseugly friars we used to have in our old school. I wonder if Iwould be able to talk to any of them. These were one of thetimes I’d hate my parents for enrolling me in a privatesecular exclusive for girls.