Turning Point

Turning
Point
my journey to
Him
Maanoj Rakhit
©Maanoj Rakhit
Originally written during Aug – Oct 2002
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Page 2 Turning Point

INTRODUCTION1
During my last visit to Venezia, DM2 asked me about my spiritual
journey, which so far, I had been hesitant to share with anyone,
as they were not quite common occurrences, very deep and
complex in nature, requiring substantial amount of explanation
to render them meaningful to those who may be unfamiliar with
such experiences.
During my flight from Venice to Bombay I, nevertheless, decided
to share them with my readers, and this work is the result of that
decision. It was conceptualized while waiting at the Milan airport
on 4 August 2002, continued through the flight to Mumbai; and
then developed at Yogeeta between August and October 2002
These writings are for all those who are now at different stages
of their respective journeys towards the Supreme Soul…Those
who are in search of the Truth…The Truth that does not change
with Time… For all those whose quest for the eternal Truth has
begun but not ended!
This work comes to you in good faith! However, it is possible
that you may not want it; in that case, I would request you to let
me know. If you have any observation that can bring about an
1
2009-12-15 This introduction was written over seven years ago and I decided
to leave it as it is. I did not want to make any change because it had been
written in a certain frame of mind which is no more part of me. I have changed
a lot in these seven years. This introduction was then written to describe what
made me come about recording those events that had occurred during one
phase of my life, a phase that I have now left long behind. My current day
writings will have no resemblance to that phase of my life. Those footnotes,
which carry a date stamp like this one, have been inserted now; other
footnotes were part of the original work
2
DM born in Italy, retired professor, linguist, agnostic
my journey to Him Page 3

improvement into this work, it will be highly appreciated.
Feedback in any form will be helpful. If you find this work helpful
to you in any way and if you feel it can possibly be helpful to any
of your friends in some way, then please feel free to share it with
them.
Initially, I had started translating BhagavadGita in simple English,
presenting only the essence of it. However, soon I was debating
if to continue or not. On the New Year’s Day, I received a mail:
“Please continue sending the Gita teachings”. It was signed as
“Members of Ramakrishna Mission Calcutta Students’ Home”.
After that I did not stop.
For past few months, FY3 had been asking me to bring structure
into my work, hinting that they would someday take the shape
of a book. He emphasized that appearance is as important as are
the contents, and therefore, he suggested several formatting
improvements and the need for a list of contents with page
references, both of which are reflected in this work. He also took
the pains to spot typographical errors, lack of uniformity in
presentation, etc.
Upon receiving my work on BhagavadGita Chapter 9, RS4 wrote
to me a brief letter: “Someday may be you will think of
publishing your works. I am sure that there are a few hundred or
may be thousands parched persons … who would benefit by
reading your material. Wish you well. May the Lord be with you
and guide you.” After this, I decided to start work afresh to give
it a very new shape, beginning with Chapter 1 all over again.
DM and FY remained constant source of support. SDK, UG,
MMM, GKK, and SKM also offered encouragement in their own
ways. Behind all these, remained the inspiration of God, who
works in a silent way, unnoticed by anyone!
3
FY born in Hong Kong, Buddhist monk, computer programmer
4
RS born in Israel, senior government administrator

I would not know if it would ever be published, and if the work
would prove to be worthy of it; and therefore, I would leave it to
God to show me the way at an appropriate time. It is with His
inspiration that this work has commenced, and it would continue
as long as He wishes.
Let this work be for all those who seek Him. Let there be no
desire, within me, for any material gains from this work. Let
there be no attachment, in me, towards this work, due to which I
may feel bad if anyone denounces this work, or due to which I
may feel elated if anyone praises this work. If there be any desire
within me let it be for my final dissolution within Him.
This work, if it is of any literary value, let it be an offering to Him.
This work, if it is of any spiritual value, let it be an offering to
Him. Let this work be my Yagya5, an offering to Him.
5
Yagya means: a religious sacrifice. Sacrifice means: making an offering to God.
Through dictionary meanings, we can derive that: Work done in form of Yagya
means: Work done as if it were an offering to the God.

INTRODUCTION __________________________________ 3
DARKNESS TO LIGHT _____________________________ 10
IN QUEST OF TRUTH __________________________________ 11
About Hinduism ______________________________________ 12
Central theme ________________________________________ 13
Seeking beyond the limitations of intellect _________________ 14
No blind faith please! __________________________________ 15
My background _______________________________________ 17
PAST JOURNEY __________________________________ 22

TURNING POINT IN MY LIFE _____________________________ 22
Purification of the soul _________________________________ 23
My life’s goal spoke for itself ____________________________ 25
Personification of the Supreme Soul ______________________ 27
Mysteriously led to the Chants ___________________________ 28
Oneness with the Unknown _____________________________ 28
Never known such serenity _____________________________ 31
Shock from the Monk __________________________________ 33
Return was inevitable __________________________________ 34
Gospel of Sri Ramakrishna ______________________________ 35
Mind flooded with the name of God ______________________ 37
In love with the Divine Mother ___________________________ 38
Money lost its attraction _______________________________ 39
Take my responsibilities away ___________________________ 39
Take control of my life _________________________________ 40
Mechanisms of cosmic management ______________________ 40
Difference between Him and Her faded away _______________ 41
Supreme Soul in Its male and female aspects _______________ 41
VEIL OF MAYA __________________________________ 43

THROWN BACK INTO THE OCEAN OF MATERIAL WORLD ___________ 43
Hide and seek with the veil of Maya ______________________ 44
Divine Mother asked – Where are you looking for Me? _______ 45
Separation from Her was very painful _____________________ 47
God realization was it __________________________________ 48
Return to India with the dream of Sannyaas ________________ 49

Pain at seeing people whiling away their lives_______________ 51
Pain at seeing people oblivious of their true state ___________ 52
All people became His reflection _________________________ 52
Key to the events of my prior birth(s) _____________________ 53
Key to the end of my present birth _______________________ 54
Lessons about money __________________________________ 55
Treasure of knowledge of the ancients ____________________ 57
Tapes that had gone out of circulation ____________________ 58
Journey from Bhakti (devotion) to Gyaan (knowledge) _______ 58
Tapes were gift of God! ________________________________ 59
Back to full awareness of material world ___________________ 59
Being in it and yet not being in it _________________________ 61
Return from Samaadhi _________________________________ 61
In search of a name ____________________________________ 62
Why Nirvikalp Samaadhi? _______________________________ 62
What is Nirvikalp Samaadhi? ____________________________ 63
Was it Nirvikalp Samaadhi? _____________________________ 65
What is Bhaav Samaadhi? _______________________________ 67
Was it Bhaav Samaadhi? ________________________________ 67
How was I led to these experiences? ______________________ 68
The Yogi who lost his way and drifted away ________________ 70
Bird in the cage _______________________________________ 71
Who was the Guru guiding through the process? ____________ 71
Supreme Soul was the Guru _____________________________ 73
Is God with Form or without Form? _______________________ 74
Was that an Aura?_____________________________________ 75
Was that white Light? __________________________________ 76
PRESENT JOURNEY ______________________________ 78

WHAT WAS HIS PURPOSE? _____________________________ 78
Like a lightening hit the answer __________________________ 79
Started work on BhagavadGita ___________________________ 81
Moksh is the only thing I know ___________________________ 81
You can do it – When you recognize your true Goal __________ 82
EPILOGUE______________________________________ 83
THE LESSON OF THE LIFE TIME ____________________________ 85

OTHER WORKS__________________________________ 87
Ordering Process ______________________________________ 87

वक्रतण्
ु ड महाकाय सय
ू क
य ोटि समप्रभ।
ननर्वयघ्नं कुरु में दे व शुभकायेषु सवयदा।।
या कुन्दे न्दत
ु ष
ु ारहारधवऱा या शभ्र
ु वस्त्रावत
ृ ा,
या वीणावरदण्डमण्ण्डतकरा या श्वेतऩद्मासना।
या ब्रह्माच्युतशंकरप्रभनृ तभभर् दे वैस्सदावण्न्दता,
सा माम ् ऩातु सरस्वती भगवती ननश्शेषजाड्याऩहा।।
या दे वी सवयभूतेषु शक्तिरूऩेण संण्स्थता।

नमस्तस्यै नमस्तस्यै नमस्तस्यै नमो नमः।।
कायेन वाचा मनसेण्न्िऐवा बुध्यात्मना वा प्रकृते स्वभावात।

करोभम यद् यद् सकऱं ऩरस्मै नारायणायेनत समऩययाभम।।

DARKNESS TO LIGHT
We need an open mind and heart plus a dedicated soul
Om! Asato Maa SadGamaya,

Tamaso Maa Jyotir gamaya6
Mrityor Maa Amrtam gamaya,
Om! Shaantih, Shaantih, Shaantih7
Meaning8: O Lord! Please lead me from the unreal to the real.

Lead me from darkness to light. Lead me from death to
immortality. May there be peace, peace, and perfect peace.
As I understood its meaning9 O God! Please lead me from this
transitory world to the permanent bliss. Please lead me from my
spiritual ignorance to the spiritual knowledge. Please lead me
6
Letter ‘a’ in Gamaya is pronounced as ‘u’ in But
7 rd th
BrihadAranyak Upanishad, First Adhyaay 3 Brahmana 28 Mantr
8
Translation Dr. Nandakumara, Bharatiya Vidya Bhavan, London, UK
9
Different people may understand unreal and real in different ways. I
understand it in the following way:
Please think of a beautiful flower. It is the reality of today. Days later, it will
decay. Then, that will be the reality of that day. Today’s reality is a beautiful
flower. Another day’s reality is a decayed material.
The reality of today does not remain the reality of tomorrow. Such reality is
transitory reality. Permanent reality is that which is real today, real tomorrow,
real day after, and real forever! We are after that reality, not after a
momentary reality.
Happiness of today may not remain the happiness of tomorrow, and therefore,
it is transitory happiness. In our delusion, some seek the true happiness in the
union between man and woman, some seek it in wealth and power, others
seek it in fame and praise, and so the list is unending; but they all are transitory
in nature. Permanent happiness is found by a soul only in union with the
Supreme Soul.

from the cycle of repeated birth and death to the ultimate
dissolution into the Supreme Soul, where after, there would be
no more a birth, nor a death. Please lead me to the permanent
peace!
IN QUEST OF TRUTH
My life has been an experiment in search of the Truth.
Therefore, this work is for those who are now in search of the
Truth.
Truth can have different meanings for different people. The
truth I have been after is the truth that can have no two
meanings for two different people.
It is the Eternal truth. Everyone will reach to the same Truth, as
and when s/he reaches it.
That is the Truth of God; God of every being, every animate and
inanimate object; the God from whom this creation evolves and
in whom this universe dissolves.
I have found that truth through BhagavadGita. I shall walk you
through the process that will describe how I have found that
Truth.
There remains the possibility that your life may also change, as
never before, if you happen to absorb the eternal truth
contained in BhagavadGita.
That would, nevertheless, depend upon the level of your
readiness. It is one of the laws of creation that nothing happens
before time. Each of us would assimilate it, at a given point of
time, only to the extent of the preparedness of our individual
soul.
The only way to raise our absorption level is to stay within the
environment of its thought, gradually practice it in our life, and
thus elevate our soul to the desired level.

It is, however, necessary for me to clarify that I have no
missionary objective behind these presentations on
BhagavadGita. You may adopt in your life only what appeals to
you from these works on BhagavadGita and, ignore anything
that you do not like.
Occasionally you may find me challenging those who have, for
their own stake, misguided the humanity in the name of God.
Quoting Romain Rolland [1866-1944], winner of the Nobel Prize
for Literature [1915], in his book The life of Ramakrishna [1928],
addressing his Western readers: “The first qualification for
knowing, judging, and if desirable, condemning a religion or
religions is to have made experiments for oneself in the fact of
religious consciousness. Even those who have followed a
religious vocation are not all qualified to speak on the subject;
for, if they are sincere, they will recognize that the fact of
religious consciousness and the profession of religion are two
different things”.
Religion is not, and has not been, my vocation/profession. I have
made experiments for myself in the fact of religious
consciousness, and I shall walk you through them.
ABOUT HINDUISM
Hinduism had never been a missionary religion, desirous of

increasing the number of its followers through conversion from
other religions. Therefore, there had been no stake in
propagating Hinduism.
Hinduism had neither been a prophetic religion, founded by a
prophet, who would be the only link between man and God,
whereby preventing man from direct access to God.
For Hinduism, the Journey to the Supreme Soul is every man’s
own quest! Everyone will reach it, but only at his or her own
time.

At heart, you could be a Hindu but you would not be required to
adopt Hinduism formally, or give up your birth religion, unless
you yourself want to. Coercing or tempting others to give up
one’s own birth religion is inspired by gross selfishness, which is
not a divine characteristic!
Hinduism shares with others that it knows. It does not seek
anything in return. It does not try to capitalize on the
weaknesses of other religions.
Hinduism encouraged open debates on individual understanding
of God. It did not formulate a hypothesis on God, and made it
mandatory for all to accept it. This process over thousands of
years, allowed true seekers to experience God in their own
respective ways, and then share with others. This helped enrich
the understanding about God better amongst all.
The collective knowledge, gathered by the ancients who were in
close communion with the Supreme Soul and the Mother
Nature, has come to be known as Hinduism.
I would be trying to share my knowledge and understanding, in
its original form, with those who would be ready to receive it.
CENTRAL THEME
The central theme of BhagavadGita is Moksh. Moksh, in this

context, refers to the freedom from vicious10 cycle of birth and
death.
My spiritual journey has convinced me that there is birth after
death. I shall walk you through them by the medium of this
work. You can, then, be your own judge.
10
Vicious Circle (also, Vicious Cycle): a sequence of reciprocal cause and effect
in which two or more elements intensify and aggravate each other, leading
inexorably to a worsening of the situation [Oxford Dictionary].

The whole process of creation evolves from a very simple
phenomenon at the core, following a set of few simple rules. As
it progresses through the entire gamut of creation that we see
now, by the process of mathematical permutation and
combination, it assumes significant proportions.
The base simplicity, thus, finds its expression into highly complex
design that would look like a massive spider web. You might
easily get lost into it, and therefore, the need for determination
to stay with, an analyzing faculty of mind, faith and consistency,
desire to connect missing links in light of one’s own life
experiences, would be necessary.
It would require an open mind, an enquiring mind, perseverance,
consistency, following through the whole process from
beginning until end, and an effort to correlate different pieces of
information gathered through the process.
The approach will not limit itself to spiritual or religious focus,
but it will expand and encompass various phases of life. Life that
you and I live and experience will be the base from where we
will progress towards the understanding of the Supreme Soul!
SEEKING BEYOND THE LIMITATIONS OF INTELLECT
Before proceeding, I have something to ask you. Do you have an

open mind to dive into the unfamiliar depth of the ocean of
knowledge?
Do you have the patience to travel with me, through the entire
gamut of complex phenomenon that may unfold gradually, one
piece of the puzzle at a time, and as you go connecting them, the
global picture may start emerging? Then, a stage will come when
every question will be answered, and everything will start falling
into place, one by one.

Finally, you will reach a stage where you will see no need for
questioning any more, your intellect would be satiated, and it
will start seeking something beyond the limitations of intellect.
Do you have the patience to come along with me and reach that
stage? Do you have the desire? Primarily, do you want it? Do you
have the faith?
However, please realize that, this will need tremendous amount
of patience, as you may have to go through the entire process
from beginning until end.
It may not be possible, or relevant, to explain the entire creation
process at one sitting, in one linear logical flow, as if it were an
essay. Explanations will be spread over throughout eighteen
chapters of BhagavadGita. Subjects will be explained in different
manners repeatedly, through different chapters. This all would
be necessary, and you will start appreciating that, as you
progress, and start absorbing gradually.
The life process itself is so complex that it cannot be explained in
totality at one place, and you must come to appreciate that.
When you are reading one set of explanation at one place of
BhagavadGita, not all your questions will be answered at that
one place; rather they may give rise to new questions. They will
unfold before you gradually as you progress, and that is true for
any kind of education.
NO BLIND FAITH PLEASE!
I would expect the readership to be mostly a collection of men

and women who would not want to accept anything at the face
value. They would have questions and they would need
convincing. Their education system would have trained them to
think independently, so they would want to evaluate what they
hear from me, in the light of what they have learnt in the past.

Many of them would have had Christian religious education in
their formative years of life, which would have taught them that
there is no11 rebirth at all, and Jesus is the sole12 redeemer of
humanity. They will want to listen to me only if they have not
found convincing answers in their own religious teachings.
They would want to listen to me if they have an open mind with
a scientific bent, where one does not reject anything based on
preconceived notions. Instead, one examines each theory that is
new to him or her, and allows it time sufficient to sink in, and
combat against the preconditioning of mind, and finally comes to
own conclusion after prolonged deliberations.
I do not believe in anything blindly. I would not expect you to
believe in anything blindly.
In BhagavadGita, Shri Krishn13 did not ask Arjun to believe
anything blindly. He encouraged Arjun to ask questions. He
explained it to Arjun repeatedly in different ways until Arjun
understood them. It is important that you too understand it well,
11
Christianity endorsed the doctrine of Rebirth until 534 years after death of
Christ, and then the Council of Constantinople decreed against it, and the
Church banned it. “If anyone says or thinks that human souls had a previous
existence, anathema sit,” the Council declared.
12
Dr. David Frawley – I want to read a statement, from "The Coming of the
Third Millennium", which was issued very recently by the Pope, in relation to
the situation in Asia: “The Asia Synod will deal with the challenge for
evangelization posed by the encounter with ancient religions such as Buddhism
and Hinduism. While expressing esteem for the elements of truth in these
religions, the Church must make it clear that Christ is the one mediator
between God and man and the sole Redeemer of humanity.”
13
Krishn is a male name. Krishna is a female name; it was the name of Arjun’s
wife Draupadi. If you would want to pronounce it, looking at the spelling
Krishn, you are likely to come relatively closer to how it is written and
pronounced in Sanskrit, using its original DevNaagri script. You may, however,
choose to follow the spelling Krishna, and practice its pronunciation with a
wrong accent. The choice would be entirely yours!

and absorb it fully, and therefore, I shall try to explain the
concepts differently.
Faith, however, is needed. I do not mean religious faith. You
need not start with faith in Hinduism. Nevertheless, you must
have faith in yourself. The faith in yourself must hold you well on
the path of learning. The faith in your own ability to judge must
remind you that you do not reject anything without trying it.
It would be of no use my telling you that the eternal truth is
hidden in BhagavadGita. It would also be of no use my telling
you that I can help you understand that truth hidden behind the
words of BhagavadGita.
Who am I? Have I experienced the truth of BhagavadGita by
myself? If I did, how did I do it? Did I experience it through my
own life incidents? Were my body, mind, and heart subjected to
any of those experiences? Is it that I read it all in other books,
understood it, and now trying to bring them to you, wrapped in
a new package?
If I did experience anything at all with my body, mind, and heart,
what was it after all? Moreover, what worth was it? Was it
anything that you could rely on and expect that possibly I knew
what I was talking about?
Therefore, first I have to bare open that part of my life to you,
which prepared me gradually, through a process that could be
called an ordeal by itself. I shall need to walk you through that
process, trace its origin, the path traversed, and the goal
attained.
MY BACKGROUND
At birth my grandfather named me Yashodharman. I developed

an enquiring mind, enquiring into what is unknown, what is
mysterious, what is not the common knowledge and belief.
Often I made myself a guinea pig for testing a theory, observing

the effects, relating them to possible causes, examining the
cause and effect relationship, analyzing and questioning the
validity of my approach and conclusions. Normally each process
would be long drawn, sometimes ranging too many years, and
yet continuing on my quest.
I was born in a family with long history of education and spiritual
practices through several generations14. I was raised15, educated
14
Born at Bankura, West Bengal in India on 25 January 1952
Our Present is based on our Past, and crop is only as good as the Seed planted
and Soil provided. Therefore, brief description of earlier generations may be
considered relevant in this context despite the fact they tend to occupy space.
Hope you would appreciate the need for their presence.
I have gathered details regarding earlier generations, that I was not personally
present to witness, from a book that my mother preserved, which was
published long-time ago, by my father’s eldest cousin Vigyaan Shekhar Rakhit
on the subject of our family tree …
Umesh Chandr (b.1814), grandfather of my grandfather, was a very charitable
and holy man. He was literate in Sanskrit and scriptures. He took early
retirement from business, and then he devoted the major part (1857-1908) of
his life entirely in devotion of God. Externally a family man, internally he was
like a Sannyaasi (one who has renounced the worldly ties). People who knew
him, perceived him as a Yogi, who was mad in love with God…
Durga Charan (b.1855), father of my grandfather was a voracious reader,
learned in Sanskrit and English, a frequent traveller, a writer (published 1902,
1904, 1908, and after), and an educator (Durga Charan Rakhit Girls Intermediate
College in Varanasi). Practiced self-restraint from youth, he was indifferent
towards material attractions of life. Last years of his life (1910-38), having
retired from business, he devoted in search of the Self…
Prabodh Chandr, my grandfather was a distinguished physician in his youth;
but I have seen him in his advanced age when he lived a relatively low profile
life. Harsh Gopal, my mother’s father was a prominent surgeon of his time,
very charitable and prosperous
My father was a Gold Medallist Engineer who worked in senior positions, but
lived a low profile life of a very simple man. My mother is a pious and devoted
woman, simple and liked by all, devoid of worldly desires, living a very simple
life

in several cities, in India, and overseas. Passing High School with
distinctions and State Merit Scholarship for college education, I
then qualified as a University Graduate with a rank in the
University. This was followed by acquiring three professional
qualifications16, in different disciplines, in India and overseas.
I have been ambitious in my youth, with strong confidence in
myself, and I believed that I was in control of my destiny. Life,
however, wanted to teach me some valuable lessons, but
gradually. As a result, I experienced the life in many of its colors
and shades. Swimming against the current had become my
habit, and this caused quite a bit of turbulence in my life.
Despite being ambitious, curiously enough, in a peculiar way, I
was detached17 towards the rewards from my professional
career. Often I contributed substantially more than I received in
return, but generally, I did not carry any sense of dissatisfaction
because of that. Somehow, my contribution towards my work
and monetary returns remained like two separate
compartments, in my thoughts and emotions, without bearing
an influence on each other.
Most of my working career was centered on building up start-up
corporations, and restructuring or reviving ailing corporations or
ailing divisions of prosperous corporations, and in turn, burning
My younger brother, who has a Master’s Degree in Engineering from IIT, works
in a senior position, but like my father lives a low profile simple life
15
I was raised in different States of India: Uttar Pradesh, Rajasthan, Madhya
Pradesh, and MahaaRaashtr. Also, I lived briefly in West Bengal, Punjab, and
Haryana.
16
Qualified in Accountancy and Taxation, Corporate Laws and Administration,
Computer Systems and Analysis
17
Detachment towards rewards of the work: It would have been the transitory
stage of Karm Yog in my life, in a very limited way. Karm Yog refers to the path
of Karm (work) without desire for results, which gradually paves the way for
ultimate union with the Supreme Soul

up all my energies. Most of it was spent in a breathless manner,
without vacation, without rest, more like a Yagya (sacrifice).
It was sacrifice in the sense that while contributing towards my
responsibilities, my eyes were not on how adequately my
employer paid me for those services. I enjoyed power by making
the position valuable through my contributions, instead of
acquiring valued positions, and enjoying them. By 1987, I was
already listed in Who’s Who in the World18.
It was not sacrifice of religious nature. Spirituality was always
with me, as an integral part of my life, but not yet as a
domineering force.
I worked in five countries19 in varying capacities20 managing
diverse disciplines21 in diverse category of organizations22 that
18
Marquis Who’s Who, Macmillan Directory Division, 3002 Glenview Road,
th
Wilmette, Illinois 60091 U.S.A., 8 edition 1987-1988, p.834. Now moved to
121 Chanlon Road, New Providence, NJ 07974, USA
19
Worked in India, the Middle East, Far East, North America
20
Started work in middle management position, soon rising to senior
management cadres
21
Managing functions in various disciplines, a combination of few at a time:
Financial, Cost, and Management Accounting; Treasury functions; Company
Law Matters; Human Resources Development; Materials Management; Sales
Administration; Project Management; General Management and
Administration; Information Technology
22
Starting with an American multinational corporation to a small family-owned
private company (in a much senior position); to an overseas family-owned large
business-house; to a start-up public company; to an overseas Government-
owned business, and back to the same American Multinational I started my
career with (in much senior position now). Again, to overseas start-up but a
vast corporation; back to the same American Multinational-owned another
company; to another private start-up company owned by several overseas
corporations from different continents and saw it growing; to another overseas
start-up small professional company and saw it growing.

were engaged in a variety of activities23 and in close contact with
people coming from truly diverse ethnic origin24.
Looking back, the basic thrust of my life can be described in one
word: Variety!
In addition, the basic pattern of my life could be described by yet
another word: On the move!
As if there was a hurry to cover as much as possible, within as
short a period as possible, gathering as much exposure as
possible, offering as much contribution as possible!
I came to understand why this hurry was, only after I was taken
through the gamut of spiritual experiences, and some
fragmented exposure to my prior birth and some definitive
indications about the end of my present birth.
23
Pharmaceutical and consumer products manufacturing to laboratory
chemicals manufacturing; to trading business; to agricultural pesticides
manufacturing; to dairy husbandry, industrial agriculture, and horticulture; to
financial products; to pharmaceuticals manufacturing; to paper pulp
manufacturing and forestry operations; to pharmaceutical manufacturing;
CAD/CAM software manufacturing; to accounting firm; to environmental MIS
software manufacturing.
24
Worked in close contact with people from India; Bahrain; Oman, Pakistan,
Nigeria, Kenya, Sudan, Philippine, France, Netherlands; Indonesia, China, New
Zealand; Canada, USA, Britain, Japan, Germany, Korea, and Israel

PAST JOURNEY
Recollection of the events – Purification of the soul – Dhyaan Yog (on the
path of Meditation) – Bhakti Yog (on the path of Devotion)
TURNING POINT IN MY LIFE

On 22 July 1998, I had a cardiac arrest; it was on-table with a
surgeon25 present. A cardiac arrest would be fatal26 if the patient
is not already in the hospital, and therefore, it was a second
lease of life to me.
Immediately thereafter, during next two months, I started going
through intense devotional experiences. Initially they were in
form of flooding of love for God, becoming very deep and
intense27.
25
Dr. S. Fort at Sunnybrook Medical Center, University of Toronto, 2075
Bayview Avenue, North York, Toronto, Ontario, Canada M4N 3M5. It was
during the procedure for Cardiac Catheterization revealing severe blockages, at
four different positions, in varying degrees (100%; 90% & 70%; 50%), to all
three primary blood vessels to heart
26
Quoting Dr. Terrence Kavanagh from his book Take Heart [published by Key
Porter Books, Canada, 1998]: “If the damage is severe, then the heart may stop
beating (‘cardiac arrest’ or ‘ventricular fibrillation’), and the attack is fatal. If
cardiac arrest occurs when the patient is already in hospital, then normal
rhythmic beating may be restored, by applying an external electrical current to
the chest wall. This procedure is known as defibrillation. Obviously, there is a
great advantage to having the patient in the intensive care unit; here the heart
can be monitored continuously, and if cardiac arrest occurs, defibrillation can
be carried out within seconds. Unfortunately, cardiac arrest is most likely in the
first few hours of the attack, when decisions are still being made to call a
doctor or arrange admission to hospital.”
27
Flooding of Love for God – It would have been the transitory phase of Bhakti
Yog in my life, in an intense mode. Bhakti Yog refers to the path of Bhakti
(devotion) which gradually paves the way for ultimate union with the Supreme

These spiritual experiences were spontaneous, with no
conscious effort on my part, without encouragement from
anyone, and seemingly, without guidance from anyone; I would
come to know who the guide was only after I had traveled
considerable distance.
PURIFICATION OF THE SOUL
During August-September 1998, I spent all my spare time, after

work, at various temples in and around Toronto28. This had an
immense effect on me.
In those days I turned totally fruitarian, I would live on fruits and
milk alone. I would eat at home after formally offering them to
Shri Naaraayan29 (with proper Mantr30 recitation). I had done
nothing like this in earlier part of my life. No one told me to do it
Soul. Living alone at my condominium located at 3607–3 Massey Square,

Etobicoke, Toronto, Ontario, Canada M4C 5L5 helped me avoid distractions
28
Vishnu Mandir (Richmond Hill), Vaishnodevi Temple (Oakville), Kali Bari
(Mississauga), Ganesh Temple (Richmond Hill), Lakshmi Naaraayan Mandir
(Scarborough)
29
Shri Naaraayan, personification of the Supreme Soul, personal God. If you
would want to pronounce it, looking at the spelling Naaraayan, you are likely
to come relatively closer to how it is written and pronounced in Sanskrit, using
its original DevNaagri script. Last N in Naaraayan is supposed to be pronounced
with a hard tone, but there is no English equivalent and therefore, it is hard to
describe in writing as to how exactly it should be pronounced. With the
knowledge of this limitation, you may want to pronounce both N in Naaraayan
as is N normally pronounced in English. This difficulty arises because we have
half the number of vowels and consonants in English as compared to Sanskrit.
In Sanskrit alphabet, you find a different letter for conceivably each and every
kind of intonation, which could be fundamentally essential, for producing any
vocal sound for expression of any human language. You may, however, choose
to follow spelling Narayana, and practice its pronunciation with a wrong
accent. The choice would be entirely yours
30
Like Naaraayan, spelling Mantr will give you relatively closer pronunciation to
how it is pronounced in Sanskrit. You may, however, choose to look at spelling
Mantra and pronounce the term with a wrong accent, if you would prefer that

now, nor did I read it anywhere that I should do it so. It was
spontaneous, and I would not know the source of this desire, at
that point of time31.
I was not thinking of a vacation, and I would not know what
inspired JL, my colleague, to speak in a company meeting out of
town, that I had been overburdened with work and I was
justifiably entitled to some vacation. SM, CTO, promptly offered
me two weeks leave from my work (he was aware that I was
truly overburdened, but I had never made an issue of it).
I was aware that Vishnu Mandir was organizing a Yagya for a
fortnight, and I was earlier planning to attend it after work every
night for the devotional discourses. Then, I would have missed
the main event of Yagya32 that was to begin every morning and
continue through the day. Now that quite unexpectedly, two
weeks leave was presented to me on the platter, and the period
coincided well with the schedule of Yagya, I had the benefit of
participating in the Yagya without failing33.
I would spend hours sitting in front of Shri Naaraayan, or staring
at Shri Krishn, and tears would be flooding through my eyes
31
I collected a copy of the Satya-Naaraayan Pooja procedure and mantr from a
priest of Vishnu Mandir and followed it religiously, and I bought all material
required for Pooja from a shop at Gerrard St. East Market (this market is
popularly known as Little India), which specialized in collection of entire range
of products required for any kind of worship and ritual by Hindus
32
If you would want to pronounce it, looking at the spelling Yagya, you are
likely to come relatively closer to how it is written and pronounced in Sanskrit,
using its original Dev-Naagri script. Letter A in Yagya is pronounced as U in But.
G in Yagya is pronounced with a nasal sound. You may, however, choose to
follow spelling Yajna, and practice its pronunciation with a wrong accent. The
choice would be entirely yours. Yajna means Worship, devotion, prayer, and
praise; act of worship or devotion, offering, oblation, sacrifice (the former
meanings prevailing in Ved, the latter in post-Vedic literature) M. Monier-
Williams, A Sanskrit English Dictionary, 1899, 2002, p. 839. In our context, the
post-Vedic meaning is relevant
33
As if the hand of destiny was guiding through the events, unseen by me

continuously. I remember once my eyes caught the face of a
young mother who was looking at me with amazement. The
amazement showed on her face as she saw me in silent tears,
flooding unabated, in the public place with so many people
around. I was quite oblivious of my surroundings!
At times when no one would be there, I would sit in front of the
Havan Kund34 and participate in Yagya, me alone, very involved.
It was no ritual for me, emotions would be flowing from within
my heart, and they would be pouring themselves into the fire of
the Havan Kund.
It was the period of my AatmShuddhi, purification of Soul. In the
fire of my repentance, I would be burning my Karm (past deeds).
Through the tears of my repentance, I would be washing away
my Karm.
MY LIFE’S GOAL SPOKE FOR ITSELF
During September-October 1998, I attended three Jaagaran35,

which had far-reaching effect on me, and I have vivid memory of
them.
Dr. Doobay of Vishnu Mandir had invited Chanchal from
Bombay. His invocation of Divine Mother was extraordinary.
From time to time, he would say: Ask Mother today what you
want and it would be granted.
I remained hesitant, what do I ask. My vision was blurred with
tears. Finally, I did ask for a place at the feet of my Aaraadhya
Naaraayan, and to take away everything else, in its place!
34
Havan Kund: Where oblations are offered in the fire; oblations of ghee, the
purified butter.
35
Jaagaran: Whole night hymn of praise spoken to the Divine Mother and Her
invocation - Vishnu Mandir, Lakshmi Naaraayan Mandir, Vaishnodevi Temple
(before this I did not know about Jaagaran, these appeared to be very popular
among our Punjabi community).

In time, my prayer was heard. I got what I sought, and lost what I
offered in its place, but that was too small a price to pay.
Nevertheless, I felt a deep sense of loss, once a while, for what I
had lost. Whenever I experienced this, on those occasions, it did
not occur to me that those losses could have had any connection
with my spontaneous offerings to the Divine Mother Durga, on
that night of first Jaagaran.
Suddenly now it occurs to me that ‘yes’ they were inter-
connected. Voluntarily, in exercise of my freewill, an inner urge
had surfaced on my mind from the depth of my heart, that night,
and it was I who made the offerings.
Those offerings were meant to be a sacrifice, though in those
days, I never understood the meaning of sacrifice in a spiritual
sense. The word sacrifice had always meant to me in a worldly
sense, as is generally understood by people, making sacrifices for
their loved-ones. Therefore, I made the offering quite
spontaneously, not realizing then that, in effect, I was making a
sacrifice of spiritual nature.
It is only now, that I sit down to write these lines36, it occurs to
me from nowhere (I was not thinking of this consciously), that
the offering I made that night was a sacrifice to God.
It is dawn as I look out of the window, and I hear birds chirping,
and simultaneously dawns the realization on me37 that I had
made, that night, a sacrifice on my own volition, and therefore, I
have no reason, whatsoever, to be sad about it.
I have lost what I had offered, and I have got what I wanted, and
that is a good deal.
36
Yogeeta, 24 September 2002
37
My feelings were poetical at this moment of realization

PERSONIFICATION OF THE SUPREME SOUL
God has created billions of humans. He can, at His will, create

Himself in form of a human38. He can, when pleased, reveal
Himself in the form in which His loving devotee wishes to
recognize Him!
Naaraayan means the goal of the individual soul. He is the
representation of the Supreme Soul, in human form. He is the
Personal God; Supreme Soul is the Impersonal God.
Now I can perceive the two, the personal and impersonal God, as
the same. In those days, I could not perceive Him as the
Supreme Soul. He was Naaraayan to me, very much the
Naaraayan, the living God, the ‘One’ reality, bigger than life,
bigger than the Universe.
At that time, I could not associate myself with any abstract
concept, like the Supreme Spirit. I needed someone whom I
could visualize, I could talk to; I could pour my emotions before
Him; I could cry to Him if I needed, someone I could love with all
my existence!
There was much more in store for me to experience. He knew
better than I did, that my perceptions were incomplete until I
experienced them for myself. A lot of journey was slated for me,
which was yet to reveal itself. For me, I was happy and satisfied
with what little I knew and what little I understood, until now.
38
Those who scoff at this idea are trying to convey that God has no ability to
assume a human form for Himself though He might have the ability to create
billions of humans! Such belief is the product of their gross ignorance of God’s
abilities

MYSTERIOUSLY LED TO THE CHANTS
After a few months, spiritual experiences started taking

mysterious turn, as I moved into a new condominium39 on 25
January 1999, the day I completed 47 years of my life.
I was mysteriously led to getting the Chants of India40. I had no
inclination, in my remotest dreams, to get any CD for that
matter; I was taken to it at the pretext of something else, and no
one seemingly associated with the process.
As I started hearing its demonstration at Future Shop, I felt as if I
knew these Sanskrit chants verbatim and with their meanings.
Curiously, though, I had been out of touch with my Sanskrit
education for a considerably long period.
As the demo progressed, I reached those Vedic verses whose
meanings I did not readily know, and yet amazingly they too
seemed to be so very familiar to me, as if I used to hear them in
my distant past very frequently. As I look back, I had actually
never heard some of them in my present life!
ONENESS WITH THE UNKNOWN
As we dive deep into the spiritual domain, the aspirant often

knows not what would come next.
During February 1999, every evening I would return from work
and sit down with the Chants of India, and recitations would go
on for a little more than one hour.
It would be dusk; I would leave my mind flow freely with the
chants, as they would begin.
39
It was registered in my name on 25 January 1999, and I came to live there,
on the same day. It was located at 402–725 Don Mills Road, North York,
Toronto, Ontario, Canada M3C 1S6
40
Chants of India, Ravi Shankar, Angel, 1997

After the second track ‘Nityam dhyaayanti Yoginah’41, I would be
lost into the unknown, the absolute blankness.
As I would return to consciousness of my surroundings, I would
hear the last chant in recitation ‘Sarve Shaam’42.
This would happen every evening, without exception, about the
same locations in the course of the recitations. This would
happen every evening, by itself, without any conscious effort on
my part. Evenings after evenings, for few weeks in row, the
experience would be repeated, and I would not understand what
it was all about.
I would have no recollection of where my mind had been during
that one hour.
I would have no recollection of any dream, any thought, any
feeling, anything at all that I can give a name to.
The only word I can think of, by which I could probably describe
it well, was “Total Blank”. Period!
I would not know if I even existed during that one hour!
41
Omkaaram Bindusamyuktam nityam dhyaayanti Yoginah
Kaamadam Mokshadam chaiva, Omkaaraaya namo Namah
Meaning: The sacred letter ‘Om’ is associated with the sacred dot – the Bindu.
This ‘Om’ is the bestower of all wishes and is indeed capable of leading one to
freedom from worldly bondage and is meditated upon by Yogis - translation by
Dr. Nandakumara of Bharatiya Vidya Bhavan, London, UK
42
Sarveshaam svastir bhavtu, Sarveshaam shaantir bhavtu
Sarveshaam purnam bhavtu, Sarveshaam mangalam bhavtu
Sarve bhavantu sukhinah, Sarve santu niraamayaah
Sarve bhadraani pashyantu, Ma kashchit duhkhbhaag bhavet
Meaning: May good befall all, may there be peace for all, may all be fit for
perfection, and may all experience that which is auspicious. May all be happy,
may all be healthy; may all experience what is good and let no one suffer -
translation by Dr. Nandakumara

It would feel as if that one-hour was totally lost somewhere, but
where I would have no clue, whatsoever.
I would be sitting erect, without support, for whole one hour,
with my head and neck remaining straight. I did not find any
change in my posture, when I returned to the consciousness of
my surroundings43.
There was a typical consistency in the pattern. All that was
happening about at the same place, about at the same time,
about in the same manner: my going into absolute blankness,
return to conscious world about the same location during the
recitations, absolutely no change in the body posture before and
after the event.
I was being transported, possibly to another world of
consciousness, of which I had no recollection.
43
I started suspecting that probably I was sleeping during that one hour of
recitation. Later I started analyzing the situation. It occurred to me, if I were
sleeping for an hour, I could not be sitting erect, without support, for whole
one hour, with my head and neck remaining straight. I asked myself, as to why I
did not find any change in my posture, when I returned to the consciousness of
my surroundings
I compared it with my numerous experiences of long travel in bus or train
where often I would go into sleep, and invariably after a while, I would get up
with jerk in neck, as my head would drop down during sleep, but it did not
happen because the bus or train would stop with an unexpected jerk. It
happened because, I simply could not keep my head straight while sleeping in a
sitting position, and it had happened for many years
The feeling after regaining consciousness of my surroundings was
extraordinarily different. That kind of serenity and bliss I would have never
known, in my present life, ever before. Whereas, waking up after a nap in the
bus or train had always left me with a peculiarly dried throat and a
discomforted feeling
There was yet another reason for discounting my original suspicion about
sleep. My sleeps were invariably filled with some kind of dream, but I would
have no recollection of anything like a dream, after regaining consciousness of
my surroundings, after that one hour, I spent every evening

NEVER KNOWN SUCH SERENITY
The feeling after regaining consciousness of my surroundings,

after that one-hour of total blankness - Oneness with the
Unknown, was extraordinarily different. That kind of serenity
and bliss I had never known, in my present life, ever before, until
then.
I would have no recollection of anything like a dream, after
regaining consciousness of my surroundings, after that one hour,
I spent every evening; at the same time, I could not be
unconscious, for that period, or else my body would not remain,
for one hour, in that posture.
It would be very blank, absolute blankness, but could not be a
medical blackout with such systematic repetition evening after
evening. I felt perhaps the fittest, mentally and physically, during
the daytime that followed every evening, during those few
weeks.
After my return to the consciousness of my surroundings, I
would be in a different world altogether until next morning,
when I would get ready for work.
At work, the sense of peace would be so deep that I would not
want to think of vacation at all. We look forward to vacation in
order to run away from the monotony or stress of the work
environment. Curiously, now at work, every day gave me the
mental comfort of a vacation, as I was very free from stress,
during those few weeks! I felt as if I was enjoying each day’s
work immensely in those days, as if I wanted to remain in that
environment all my life. This kind of feeling, I had only once,
through my entire working career of so many years, and that
was only during those few weeks.
I was able to perform my work very efficiently in those few
weeks, a work that needed high degree of concentration and
application with deep analytical bent of mind. My job was to

unearth invisible flaws and hidden weaknesses that are not
easily spotted, in computer programs of technical nature.
My mind goes back to those days bringing the memories of my
weekends, the kind that I had never experienced before or after
those few weeks.
Saturday and Sunday, I used to have two days off from work. I
was living alone and I would not turn the television on for time
pass, I simply did not need to. Solitude is very congenial to
spiritual journey, and living alone did help.
I would get up early morning extraordinarily fresh, something
that was a rarity in my life pattern. After daily routines and bath,
I would sit down with a book or a music that had only sounds of
Nature as music.
The day would pass in absolute calm and serenity. I would not
feel the need for filling up the hours of the day. There would be
no sense of emptiness in my whole being. There would be no
lethargy in my physical and mental system.
There would be no sense of wanting or emptiness during the
time of two whole days at my disposal to spend. There would be
no sense of wanting in my surroundings and in my life. That was
the February of 1999 and 1st week of March!
During this period, I would always be part of my surroundings,
my work, people, and yet I would be out of it all. I would be
wholly involved with my work at my work place, with people I
would be in contact with, and yet detached from all of it and all
of them.
That kind of detachment was not the product of mind or learning
or training. That kind of detachment was not the product of a
hurt or deep loss in life. That detachment was unique. I have
experienced detachment in life of other kinds, but never of that
type. It was so natural, so self-evolved, so un-engineered. It was

so very different. I have not been able to attain it again,
thereafter.
The basic attribute that I can remember now of those few weeks
of my life is the wanting of nothing. Nothing that I was lacking,
nothing that caused a void in my life, nothing that gave me a
sense of emptiness44!
I have not known of a better feel of contended life ever before
or ever after those few weeks!
SHOCK FROM THE MONK
I have had no earlier exposure to any documentation on spiritual

experiences of other people with which I could correlate my own
experiences. Besides, it was so very different from the life I had
lived so far, and more importantly, it was all so sudden that I was
baffled!
I was naturally curious about the recent developments in my life.
One of my colleagues, PC45, used to go to a Buddhist Center46
regularly. One day I went with her. Towards the end of the
44
Three and half years have passed since then. As I now sit down to write these
details, my mind is taken to BhagavadGita chapter 2 Shlok 55 and 58: Shri
Krishn said: “O Arjun! When a person gives up all his desires fully well, and lives
content within him, in such a state he is called Sthit’Pragya (T pronounced as in
French, G with nasal sound. Both A are pronounced as U in But). As tortoise
withdraws his limbs, in that manner, when this person withdraws all his senses
from all sense-objects, then his Buddhi is resolute”.
45
Born in Malaysia, of Chinese origin, an Engineer from Queen’s University in
Canada, and a Graduate in Computer Programming; I do not know of her
present whereabouts as I have lost touch with her.
46
I have lost the address of that Center as my Casio Organizer, in which I used
to keep all details, became dysfunctional soon after my return to India, in May
2000. Since I do not remember the exact name I cannot locate/identify the
address using the Web either.

session, I narrated briefly my recent experiences to the Monk47
and asked him what it was all about.
He told me that it was very bad. In next birth, I will be born as
one of the creatures in one of the lowest of the species
(obviously not human) in this world. He also mentioned that his
Guru had written so in his book. This explanation was very
dispiriting, and I lost the desire to make any further enquiries
into the subject, though I did not buy his theory.
PC noticed that I was visibly disturbed, and she only said later:
Total blankness is a deep subject! This made some sense to me,
and I kept it in my mind for future reference but I did not get to
probe into it until recently that, I started documenting my
experiences.
Developments that took place thereafter, in quick succession,
left me out of breath to get into any probing of what was all
happening. All I knew that I was totally overwhelmed by all that
were going around me, and I was so completely enveloped into
the process that I had simply lost track of many other things that
seemed to be quite unimportant, at that point of time!
RETURN WAS INEVITABLE
This process of daily retreats to the total blankness - Oneness

with the Unknown - went on for about a month or so, and then
on Saturday 13 March 1999, something happened that totally
removed me out of that state.
Quoting Romain Rolland from The Life of Ramakrishna [1928]
page 42 “Then Ramakrishna intoned the Canticle of the Divine
Mother. Come to Me! Either through Love (Bhakti), through
Knowledge (Gyaan) or through Action (Karm), for all lead to God.
I will lead you through this world, the Ocean of action. And if you
47
He was white born, taken to Buddhism, and had risen to the level of Head of
that Center; PC respected him very deeply.

wish it, I will give you the knowledge of the Absolute as well. You
cannot escape from Me. Even those who have realized the
Absolute in Samaadhi return to Me at My will.”
Therefore, my return was inevitable. For, many more
experiences of different type were yet to come. After those
experiences, a predestined task was to be completed. Thus, I
was led to another state of spiritual experience.
GOSPEL OF SRI RAMAKRISHNA48
Around this time, I felt an innate desire for reading spiritual

material. For long, I had been out of touch with spiritual
material. The last memory of significant study of spiritual
material goes back to my very early age, between eight and nine,
when I completed reading the epic Raamaayan, which I think ran
into more than thousand pages49, from beginning till end, with a
fervent desire.
Using the computer system of the Toronto Public Library, I
placed hold on all relevant titles that I could spot and that held
48
Shri RaamKrishn (1836–1886) never adopted himself the anglicized spelling
Ramakrishna for his name. If he had himself done it so, we would have
certainly respected his personal wish, and followed that spelling everywhere.
Since it was not by his personal choice, but imposed by others, we can re-
examine it. He was born in undivided Bengal, and Bengalis called him
RaamKrishno. If you would want to pronounce it, looking at the spelling
RaamKrishn, you are likely to come closer to how it is written and pronounced
in Sanskrit, using its original DevNaagri script. You may, however, choose to
look at the spelling Ramakrishna, and practice pronouncing it with the wrong
accent. The choice would be entirely yours. I would, nevertheless, want to
remind you that it is not necessary that a wrong practice, howsoever popular,
must be followed, simply because others have done it. Someday, I only hope
that Ramakrishna Mission will find the desire strong enough to restore its true
name RaamKrishn Mission. However, I suspect that, for doing this, they might
need yet another Naren of present generation!
49
My grandmother also had the epic MahaaBhaarat but somehow I did not
develop any interest in it then. BhagavadGita is part of MahaaBhaarat.

my interest. Every week thereafter, I started getting a bunch of
books. I kept skimming through the pages, but none held my
interest except one on Taantrik Buddhism50.
What I was looking for was nowhere there. Finally arrived the
last one The Gospel of Sri Ramakrishna recorded by M51 and
translated by Swami Nikhilananda. This book (the unabridged
edition) gripped me totally, and transported me to a new
horizon.
As I read the book, I felt as if I knew everything contained in it.
As if all the conversations were recorded in that book in my
presence or, for me, over a century ago. It was an amazing
feeling. Curiously enough, in my present life, until then, I had
never known of the existence of this book52.
As I completed reading it, I felt as if every word had sunk within
me without requiring a second reading. I could think, feel, and
50
I do not remember author’s name, he was an American, white, held a PhD,
and happened to be an amateur snowboarder; if that description can help
identify the author.
51
Quoting Aldous Huxley in his Foreword to The Gospel of Sri Ramakrishna:
“Never have the casual and unstudied utterances of a great religious teacher
been set down with so minute fidelity”
Mahendr Nath Gupta (1858-1932) was the Principal of VidyaaSaagar High
School at Shyam bazar, Calcutta. He recorded the conversations for his own
reference, which took place in his presence, everyday in his dairy, as it is,
without editing.
Throughout these records, he has kept himself in the background, quite
inconspicuous, without projecting his own personality, or without inducing his
own thoughts, keeping the records in their original form.
Later he published the records of his dairy, in its original form and content,
under the pseudo-name ‘M’, between 1897 and 1932, in five volumes.
52
The due date for return arrived, and no extensions were permissible as there
was a queue of people, who had also put up a request for it. I did not have the
patience to wait for my turn at the end of the queue, and therefore I went to
Vedanta Society of Toronto [Ramakrishna Mission], and bought a copy of it

live by it for almost two years thereafter, until I was gradually
exposed to BhagavadGita.
MIND FLOODED WITH THE NAME OF GOD
During the time to come, I remained in a state of a different kind

of consciousness. There were two kinds of consciousness
present most of the time.
At work, with one kind of consciousness, I would be working on
the physical plane where my mind would be focused at the work
in totality without a distraction, and functioning as always and as
sharply as before.
At work53, with the other kind of consciousness, my mind would
be continuously flooding with the name the God54. This would
not be a conscious act, because I would not be thinking about it
in the manner I would be thinking about the work, and yet the
name of God would be flooding through my mind from where, I
would not know.
At home55, I would be lying down in the bed or on the carpeted
floor, while my mind would be flooding with the name of Divine
Mother. The body and its muscles all over would be mildly
tightening, in a peculiar manner, as if gripping me with a great
feeling and experience, that now I am at loss of words to
describe. I remember I would not want to get out of that
experience. The process would continue for hours, or for most of
the day. Blissfully, I would remain in the thoughts of Divine
Mother56.
53
Location of work: Suite 918–555 Richmond Street West, Toronto, Ontario,
Canada M5V 3B1
54
I think now, it would be during April-July 1999 but I could not be very sure
55
Same location of home: 402–725 Don Mill Rd, North York, Canada – this was
during April-July 1999
56
Divine Mother is the personification of the Supreme Soul in Its female aspect

IN LOVE WITH THE DIVINE MOTHER
From about June-July 1999, things started changing and I tended

to become very emotional in a deep devotional sense57.
I would often cry like a lost child, from the very depth of my
heart for the Divine Mother; tears would flood through my eyes.
The feeling of love for God was so intense that nothing else
around me would matter.
At North York District Library in Canada, I found an audiocassette
belonging to the forgotten yesteryears. It was in Bengali, titled as
Kaalo Meyer Paayer Talaay, sung by Mrinal Kaanti Gosh. Its
appeal to me was stupendous! I would go into a state as if I was
talking to the Divine Mother, spontaneously bursting into spell of
cries, in course of singing along with Mrinaal Kaanti Gosh58.
Listening to him, I would feel the pang of having lost my mother,
I like a small child on the road, lost in the crowd, searching for
my Mother who would pick me up in Her arms, and love me. I
would ask Her why She had deserted me, left me unescorted in
57
Probably, it happens with many. Quoting Romain Rolland in his book The Life
of Ramakrishna [1928] at page 25 “The way of Bhakti was the way the blind
instinct of Ramakrishna had unconsciously adopted from the first. But he knew
nothing of its winding and lurking ambushes.”
58
I had made a copy of that cassette at my work place one evening late after
work, using an old unattended dual cassette tape recorder, lying in the office of
our CEO AM. I remember PC walking to my desk and asking me what was I
doing, and I told her that I was copying the songs of Divine Mother.
I returned the original to the library after making the copy. Sometime later, I
had the desire to borrow the original again. I searched the shelves of the library
thoroughly, consulted the librarian, who checked library catalogue and records,
but could not trace it for me. I wonder now, if the cassette had appeared on
the shelves for me, when I had got it for the first time. God’s ways are
mysterious!
I have the copy, which I had made, till now with me. I wrote the words of those
songs in my own hand while listening to them, and those too are still with me.

the crowd of this mad world, why do I have to be part of these
sufferings!
As I write these lines now, for the first time after a long time,
tears rolled down my eyes. I can feel those days back, and the
feeling is so beautiful! There is nothing like this, in the dryness of
Knowledge, and the Oneness of total blankness.
The way love can fill our heart, and wash the dirt from our mind,
is something that can only be experienced, not so well said!
MONEY LOST ITS ATTRACTION
I would not want to have anything to do with money if I possibly

could, in those days. I would not want to think of money; I would
almost hate the thought of it.
In August and September 1999, I signed two legal documents for
effecting transfer of all my assets, leaving not a penny to myself,
except my monthly salary for ongoing expenses59.
After this, I felt so light within myself, and had a delightful
feeling that finally I would no more be required carrying the
burden of property. It could have been the transitory stage of
Sannyaas Yog in my life, in a very limited way60.
TAKE MY RESPONSIBILITIES AWAY
Somewhere about this time, I appealed to the Divine Mother to

take my worldly responsibilities away, so that I may keep
undiluted attention towards my journey to ‘Her’. About the end
59
Signed the two legal documents in presence of Mr. Said Mohammedally,
Barrister, Solicitor & Notary Public, Suite B27–45 Overlea Boulevard, North
York, Toronto, Canada M4H 1C3
60
Sannyaas Yog refers to the path of Sannyaas (mental abandonment of
worldly ties), which gradually paves the way for ultimate union with the
Supreme Soul.

of 1999, ‘She’ started removing them from me, gradually, and
surgically.
As ‘She’ took them away from me, ‘She’ took them upon
‘Herself’. I had not, however, realized it until now61.
TAKE CONTROL OF MY LIFE
I begged Her to take control of my life, and use it the way She
would want. I would want to feel devoid of any personal desire
or freewill. I would want Her to exercise my freewill on my
behalf. I would not want to have any freewill to myself, by
handing over my total existence to Her. I would not want any of
my egos; all of it dissolved into Her, the Divine Mother.
I would want to see Him as my Master, with complete surrender
of my ego unto Him, the Supreme Soul. He would be my Master
and I would be His servant, entirely dedicated to Him. The state
of my inner feelings in those days is not very easy to describe.
MECHANISMS OF COSMIC MANAGEMENT
In those days, I could be very oblivious of worldly needs, and live

entirely in Her realm62.
During this period, some intricate details of cosmic functioning
opened up in my mind, during meditations. Of one of them, I
have the vivid memory, as if it were happening just before my
eyes, as a continuous process.
I remained in Her realm, in a state of bliss. This experience was,
however, very different. It was not like the one I had earlier in
February 1999.
61
Yogeeta, 25 September 2002
62
The Divine Mother, Bhav’Taarini, One who frees us from the bondages of the
mortal world, and whom Shri RaamKrishn worshipped

DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HIM AND HER FADED AWAY
I would be in love with Him, He being everything to me, the very

basis of my existence. This feeling was something that enveloped
my whole being into a kind of bliss that is difficult to express in
words.
In this state, the difference between He and She, the Supreme
Soul in Its male and female aspects, would not matter. However,
as far I recollect now, most of my emotional overtures would be
directed towards the Divine Mother, as Her child.
Now that I am out of that mental makeup, I have only
recollections of those relationships that were like mother and
child, and/or master and servant.
I did not see any difference then between Him and Her.
Sometimes I would take fancy in experiencing the company in
one form, and sometimes in another form.
SUPREME SOUL IN ITS MALE AND FEMALE ASPECTS
With time, I was to learn that Naaraayan is the revelation of the

male aspect, and Divine Mother Bhav’Taarini the revelation of
the female aspect.
This creation has originated from the Supreme Soul, and this
creation requires blending of the male and female aspects.
To give shape to this creation the Supreme Soul Itself assumes
male and female aspects.
Now I can perceive these, but earlier I could not. For perception
to me, is nothing but experiencing it. He knew my limitation and
He led me to the understanding of it.
For me now, He is the only Truth that is permanent. Life has
taught me that every other truth, at best, is transitory!

I have also learnt that the names do not matter. Loving God
does. Those who do not love God sincerely enough, but say that
they do; only such people fight over the names!
Such people try to establish that they alone are right. Where
does the right and wrong matter, when we are in His realm?
When we are in love with Him or Her, all those distinctions of
name, religion, cult, and faith, all that disappear, only remains
one reality that is He!
Forgetting Him, we fight; remembering Him, we unite!

VEIL OF MAYA
Alternatively, lifted and then dropped – Key to the end of my present birth
– Key to the events of my earlier births – Gyaan Yog: On the path of
Knowledge – Nirvikalp Samaadhi? – Bhaav Samaadhi? – Yogi who lost his
way, and drifted away – Who was the guru guiding through the process?
– The Supreme Soul is the Guru
THROWN BACK INTO THE OCEAN OF

MATERIAL WORLD
Living in His realm may have been bliss, but the time for
honeymoon was over. Now was the time to face the harsh
realities of the world once again. From these realizations were to
emerge another source of knowledge that would benefit many.
The return, however, would not be so easy. There would be
instances that would want to drag me back to the material
world, quite forcibly against my will. I would want to resist, and I
would be able to do so but only for some length of time. Then
some kind of external force would mysteriously create yet
another new situation, and it would want to drag me out, again.
The inner struggle would be intense, and invariably I would lose,
every time a bit by bit.
The process started shortly before Christmas of 1999 and
continued through after my return to India. I was being brought
back to the gradual awareness of the material world. This
transition was very painful, as I did not want to return.
The process had left me confused as to why was I being dragged
back to those worldly realizations, which I had once left far
behind and had no inclination to return to.

Return from the realm of love and beauty to the world of crude
realities was not easy. It would create many waves on the mental
plane. The disturbances at emotional level would be quite
unsettling.
HIDE AND SEEK WITH THE VEIL OF MAYA
The Divine Mother would lift the veil occasionally, and I would
be able to see through clearly. I would know why it was all
happening to me. I would have no regrets. I would understand
Her fully and Her ways as well.
I would see that whatever is happening is part of a much larger
script being enacted at the stage of this world, and myself as
only one small part of that script, only an actor enacting my own
role in it.
Then the veil would be dropped before my eyes again, and I
would react to each situation as a person, who sees only that
much, as much is visible. My thoughts, actions, emotions would
be guided by my ego, where I would be employing my free will
the way I would choose.
Again, the veil would be lifted temporarily, and I would see the
futility of my thoughts and actions. I would see clearly that I was
being part of a larger game plan, simply an instrument.
At that time, however, I would not understand that the game
was 'not' drawn at Her whim and fancy. Its seed remained buried
in the actions of my present and my past, and the direction
towards which my future was now taking shape to.
There would be a constant tug-of-war between two opposing
forces: one that would be driven by my ego, which would want
control over my free will; and the other: my surrender of ego to
Her, where I had appealed Her to take control of my life in Her
own hands.

The hide and seek would continue thus, alternately repeating
the process, with intervals, when the veil would be lifted, and
then dropped again.
I spoke to my friend HD about it as he was driving me to the
Pearson International Airport at Toronto, but I am not sure if I
was able to convey to Him properly what I wanted to say,
because he made no response. For, such things can only sound
like riddles without self-experience. With self-experience, they
may appear as clear as an image in a mirror.
Life is like a puzzle, with only few pieces of the puzzle given to us
at a time. Putting together few pieces alone, we never get the
full picture!
DIVINE MOTHER ASKED – WHERE ARE YOU LOOKING FOR ME?
I have been visiting the temples quite frequently, now for about
one and half year, and I had come to know the routes very well. I
remember one specific incidence that I was driving to Oakville
from North York, and through the drive, my mind was flooded
with the thought Ma…Ma…Ma…it was the thought of my Divine
Mother.
My eyes were glued on the highway and the signs of passing
exits, but my mind was flooded with emotions for Mother. I was
driving quite mechanically, more like a machine, on that fast
flow of traffic where I would be on a moderate speed of 110-120
as compared to most others who were passing by quickly ahead
of me. I was in two kinds of consciousness then, with one
managing the traffic, with the other oblivious of the
surroundings diving into the love of my Mother.
I believed that my eyes were glued at the overhead signs of
passing exits, and I was constantly looking for Bronte Exit63. It
63
Or it was Hwy 25 exit, I do not remember well now, though the name Bronte
has stuck in my head

probably arrived and passed by while I remained oblivious of it in
thoughts of the Mother, and at some point of time, I came to
realize that I was driving on an unfamiliar road, probably heading
towards Hamilton or Niagara Falls (I think now the overhead
signs said so). I had to return and with difficulty, I found my way
back to Oakville Vaishnodevi temple64.
Something very similar happened after sometime when I was
heading towards yet another well-known destination Vedanta
Society of Toronto (Ramakrishna Mission)65. My mind was
flooded with the name of Divine Mother; I lost the way to
Ramakrishna Mission. With a long detour, I arrived there finally. I
had scheduled an appointment with SP66. I narrated both the
incidences to him, and enquired why does it happen like that? I
think this second incidence was sometimes in March or April
2000, because I visited him to speak about my desire to visit
Kamarpukur, the birthplace of Shri RaamKrishn, for saadhna
(spiritual discipline).
As I left Ramakrishna Mission, on my way back the same
question resurfaced my thoughts. Why is it that I lost my way to
Vaishnodevi Temple and to Ramakrishna Mission, though I had
driven on those routes so many times, and I knew the routes by
heart; and it happened only on those few occasions when my
mind would be flooded with the name of my Divine Mother67?
64
Vaishnodevi Temple 3259 Hwy 25 Oakville ON L6J 4Z3 Canada
65
Ramakrishna Mission 120 Emmett Avenue Toronto ON M6M 2E6 Canada
66
On 17 October 2002, I sent a copy of this work to SP. I informed him that I
had mentioned his name on this page.
67
Rationalist would want to argue that my mind was not actively present while
I was watching the road signs, and therefore, I missed the appropriate exit.
However, I would not buy that, because it only describes the process, the
mechanism as to how it could have happened, but not something that lay at
the root of it, something more fundamental. Probably Divine Mother was
trying to tell me something that I was not yet able to hear! (continued to next
page)

As I continued driving back home (from Ramakrishna Mission),
suddenly from nowhere the answer stormed my mental plane:
“Where are you looking for ‘Me’ – at Vaishnodevi temple, or at
Ramakrishna Mission, or at Kamarpukur? Why, I am here right in
your heart, in your mind, in your whole being! You go all the way
there, in search of Me. What for? Just look for Me within
yourself, and you will find Me right there, with you!”
After that, I did not need to go out looking for Her, elsewhere.
Nevertheless, I did retain the desire to visit Kamarpukur, other
places of pilgrimage in India, and Mother Teresa’s in Calcutta.
I could, however, visit Kamarpukur only as late as in September
2001, and after arriving there, I came to the same realization! I
returned immediately, and the desire to visit other places was
extinguished.
SEPARATION FROM HER WAS VERY PAINFUL
I have one vivid memory of my bursting into loud cry, holding on

to the wooden panel of living room wall of my condominium at
North York, begging Her for company of such people only with
whom I could talk about God through the day and night. It was
within one or two weeks before my departure from Toronto in
May 2000.
I remember about continuation of this condition even after my
return to India in May 2000. Many a poems that I had written
Let me agree with the rationalistic approach and assume for a moment that my
mind was so very absent that, I missed the exit signs (ignoring for the moment
that I distinctly remember that my eyes were glued to them and were
searching for the specific one). Then I have one question: With such kind of
absence of mind, how did I drive on such high-speed roads, for such long
distances, without a single violation of traffic rules, and without causing a
single accident in the process? There was something more to it, which I could
not see!

those days in being separated from the Divine Mother are in my
dairy68.
I still have another vivid memory of my singing to Her begging
Her to take me away from here into Her own world, asking Her
how long will it take more, and then bursting into spell of cry,
standing at the bedroom window of my New Bombay house
where I lived alone, sometime about June-August 2000.
GOD REALIZATION WAS IT
As I begin recounting these memories, different incidences keep

surfacing on my mental plane. BG and his wife GG had come to
look at my Taurus Station Wagon having learnt from HD that I
was selling it before my departure from Canada. While BG was
test-driving it, GG said69 ‘Bhaisaheb (Brother)! Would you speak
to BG about God? That is all he seeks in his life, and HD
Bhaisaheb said that you have realized God!’
I do not know what had made HD say so to them, but few days
later when I went to HD’s house to leave my briefcase containing
my testimonials and documents (just in case, I ever returned to
Canada, I might need them), HD’s wife TD said in a manner that
touched me70: Bhaisaheb! It is our good fortune that you have
come to our home. HD was saying that he sat before you, and
68
Late July 2000 at Yogeeta, early August 2000 at Shiv Palm Beach
69
It was about the end of April or beginning of May 2000. At that time they
were living at 58 Davis brook Blvd, Scarborough ON M1T 2J1. Now they have
moved. They did not have any email address, when we met last in May 2000. I
could not mail them a copy of this work, seeking their permission to my making
references to what they had said to me.
70
It was first week of May 2000 at 90 Beckenridge Dr, Markham ON L3S 3B1,
Canada.

you were speaking to him about God, and he felt only if he could
stay like that, listening to you like that, for all the while71.
Around that time FY72 returned from Hong Kong, and seeing my
email that I was leaving Canada for good (we had been out of
touch for quite some time; during the days of my upheavals I
had lost touch with all my friends), came rushing to see me73. We
spoke for long and then went for lunch at an Indian restaurant.
Later, I do not remember well exactly when and in what context,
he said something like this, referring to our talks on that
morning: I saw light in your eyes74!
As I could not have seen myself, I would not know what all was
happening to me around those days, except that I remember
now that I was madly in love with Him, call Him God, Divine
Mother, or anything else.
RETURN TO INDIA WITH THE DREAM OF SANNYAAS
On 7 May 2000 when I left Canada, I had hidden close to my

chest the desire to become a Sannyaasi, one who renounces the
world, and with that renounces the family name and ties.
Therefore, I gave up all that I had including a good well paid
permanent job and returned to India with minimum necessary
clothes and personal belongings. I had also decided on my new
71
HD and I came to know each other in February 1998. We became friends
after my cardiac arrest. Our friendship was dissolved sometimes around June-
July 2000. On 17 October 2002, I sent a copy of this work to HD. I informed him
the specific page numbers on which I had mentioned him. I sent the mail to his
last known email address, but it returned promptly, undelivered with a
comment: invalid recipient. Possibly, he has changed his email address.
72
FY is a Buddhist Monk, and my classmate at The Institute for Computer
Studies, 155 Gordon Baker Road, Suite 402, North York, Toronto, Ontario M2H
3N5 Canada
73
It was during first week of May 2000 at 402-725 Don Mill Rd condominium
74
On 17 October 2002, I sent a copy of this work to FY. I informed him the
specific page numbers on which I had mentioned him.

name ‘Samarpit Uske Charno May’ meaning ‘surrendered the
self at His feet’. I had hoped to travel on foot through the length
and breadth of India.
I began changing my lifestyle. I lived in solitude, slept on floor,
washed my clothes with my hands. I cooked food myself, offered
them to God and then ate it as His blessing. I had no money of
my own. My mother gave me sufficient money for my expenses,
but initially I tried to spend as little as possible. I wanted to
prepare myself before I could leave home for destinations
unknown.
He, my invisible Master, had other plans for me. He had His
unique ways to convey that as well. He knew better that He
Himself had given me the tenacity not to give up once I have had
a resolve in my mind. Simplest way was to put up as many
obstructions as possible until finally I got the message.
From June/July I started getting sicknesses one after the other
until I felt thoroughly dispirited and wanted to go back to
Canada75. I booked my flight, postponed it twice, and finally gave
up the idea, as I had no physical fitness to start life all over again
in Canada without money.
I had become very weak and it had become very clear to me that
I did not have the physical fitness to travel anywhere in India,
leave aside being on foot! My immune system had been very
incapable of a single exposure to outside food and water, so
where was the question of travel out of Bombay?
Anyhow, finally I got the message that I was not slated to
become a Sannyaasi! By now my detachment towards worldly
life had considerably diluted. I had other attachments that had
come in my way, and I had realized that I had prior birth
75
Finally, I was admitted to the Intensive Cardiac Care Unit at Harish Hospital,
Nerul, New Bombay on 24 August 2000

commitments to fulfill yet. This was all happening around the
end of 2000.
PAIN AT SEEING PEOPLE WHILING AWAY THEIR LIVES
After my return to India, I would watch at my dismay the Indian

youth, busy acquiring a Western life-style, and would wonder
why did I come back here; to see what, this rat race, the rush for
materialistic gains; to acquire a Western clothing on an Eastern
soul?
I would see people who were at their advanced age, now freed
from most of their obligations towards life, whose children had
grown up and now capable of supporting themselves. I would
see these elderly people having adequate resources to live on
their last years of life, but not focused entirely on their journey
towards God. I found them occupied with their attachments
towards family, friends, television, and so on.
I would feel pain at my heart for them, noticing them whiling
away their last days of life, not investing it for attaining Him and
Him alone. I would find them religious, but not entirely devoted
to Him alone. I would tell them in anguish, why are you wasting
these precious remaining years of life, when you have no familial
obligations left, why do you not seek Him and Him alone.
I would want to tell them that you are fortunate to have reached
this stage in life, but you are not using it properly for what you
can, now. I would see that what they are busy with, would not
lead them to Him, it will lead them to more of attachments and
nothing else. It was the time in their life to grow over those
attachments, try to free themselves from those shackles. At
times, my anguish for them would be so intense that I would
literally shout at them in pain, scold them for losing out this
opportunity to seek Him. I would not care that they were elderly
people, and I ought to be speaking to them with respect.

I gradually started realizing that the time has not come yet for
me to speak to them. For, I did not possess the knack to speak to
them properly. My love for Him could be intense, but that does
not give me right to speak to others through my anguish over
their lifestyle. He had, obviously, not given me the command to
speak for Him, yet76!
PAIN AT SEEING PEOPLE OBLIVIOUS OF THEIR TRUE STATE
I was at pain seeing that people do not realize that they all are
travelers, and this world is just another station. That: they have
made this station as their true home, having lost the knowledge
of their true origin and ultimate destination.
I was at pain seeing them under mistaken belief, that it is they,
who create what is around them, not realizing that they are only
trying to replicate what He has already created around them.
I felt helpless seeing men, intoxicated by their quest for
technological advances, marching towards that which takes
them farther from Him, who has created us all.
ALL PEOPLE BECAME HIS REFLECTION
As I lie down in the bed, my mind is transported to the memories

of earlier days, when my mental state was such that I could not
distinguish between myself, and others. What seemed natural to
me seemed natural for others too!
My memory flies back to those long forgotten days, when
Shankar and his people were painting my house at Nerul, New
Bombay. Those days I lived alone and cooked simple food for
myself77. I cooked for me and for all them, and then we all sat
down on the floor and ate together. They expressed very special
76
This was all happening around middle to end of the year 2000 when I
alternately lived in Bombay and New Bombay
77
It was probably early June of 2000

feelings about this as in their experience it is not done. For me
the feelings were quite different. I felt it quite gratifying that
God gave me the opportunity to cook food for all of them with
my own hands and then eat together with them. Few such other
instances of different kinds resurfaced on my mind now.
My heart would be filled with compassion and love for others,
disregard their faith and religion and nationality, wanting to
share resources at my disposal; seeing in everyone the image of
the same God whom I worshipped.
That purity of heart I have lost now, having been transported
back to the realm of this materialistic world; with only the
memory left that living in His world was so very satisfying, where
there were no distinctions.
The distinction between good and bad had been obliterated. All
people looked good to me, in those days. I had lost recognition of
bad elements in others. Bad in others did not disturb me then.
The happiness within me was of a different kind. I felt much more
pure within me, because my feelings towards others had become
so pure78.
KEY TO THE EVENTS OF MY PRIOR BIRTH(S)
During August and September 2000, I learnt certain fragmented

details about my prior birth(s). The questions had earlier
surfaced my mind repeatedly but I had no access to the answers.
He only knows when the time is right for a soul to have access to
certain kind of information. He only triggers the instruments that
come in action and carry such knowledge to the destination.
78
Having returned to the full awareness of material world, now, I have lost that
purity of thoughts and emotions. Now, black appears black, and white appears
white. When bad influences my life, now, I feel disturbed. I did not understand
then why He robbed me of that state. I realize now that the task I have ahead
of me could not have been accomplished in that state of mind.

Such things are not in our control, and they do not happen by
our choosing. I came to know of them now only by His Grace, at
a time He chose.
Subsequent efforts on my part to know more of such
information became futile, until He chose again to part with
some more fragmented details of one of my prior births, about a
year later, in July 2001.
The knowledge of such kind was of significant interest to me, but
yet inadequate to explain to my conviction, about the incidences
of my retreat to total blankness - Oneness with the Unknown,
until I had further exposure to BhagavadGita, which finally set
my all doubts at rest!
KEY TO THE END OF MY PRESENT BIRTH
In August 2000, I learnt, with His Grace, something definitive

about the end of my present birth, and during next month a
confirmation of it. About a year later, in July 2001, I had
reconfirmation of that; also some additional knowledge about
that.
About four years ago, in August 1996, I had learnt about it in a
different light, but in a definitive way, and again two years later,
in August or September 1998 I had confirmation of that, but in
those days I retained it in my mind, and did not give due
importance to it.
Sometime in April/May 1998, I had an indication about it in yet
another different way, but I had then ignored it. Much earlier,
about ten twelve years ago, sometime between 1986 and
199079, I had very similar indications but those were very early
days for me to have attached any significance to them.
79
The period has faded away from my memory, and I can only correlate it with
the place I was living then, that is, O-9 & O-10 Nensey Complex, Western
Express Highway, Borivali East, Bombay 400066

Now looking back in this light, I realize why there had been such
a rush during my present birth, to experience this world and this
life, and all kind of spiritual experiences as well as the worldly
experiences, and to be over with them, as if once for all80. Life’s
ways are, indeed, very mysterious!
LESSONS ABOUT MONEY
For many years I held the unshakable faith that He who waters
the plants, He who feeds the birds, He would take care of my
needs. My faith was blind and He had protected it all along.
By now, good amount of money had come to me in form of large
number of stocks in one corporation in which I had once held a
very senior position.
I felt, by bringing money to me, Bhav’Taarini, the Divine Mother
was probably trying to bind me again. My hands were restless;
they would not want to retain money. I started looking for
avenues to spend it away. I sent large amounts of money to
charitable organizations to feed people; and to send books81 to
public libraries and University libraries in Canada and USA, and
to friends in India and overseas. Like this, I kept finding use for
money.
I compassionately extended loans to those who would give me
an appealing story, without having true intention to return the
money. In those days, I felt it was His82 money, me as the
custodian, only to distribute it freely.
80
Living through worldly experiences, and re-living through spiritual
experiences
81
Books published by Advaita Ashrama, Calcutta; The Ramakrishna Math,
Chennai; Voice of India, New Delhi
82
I remember of few incidences when I said to others that it was Thaakur‘s
money. Devotees called Shri RaamKrishn ParamHans Dev as Thaakur. In those
days, I perceived him as an Avataar of Shri Naaraayan, as the legends say.

Probably He had not given me the money for this, and therefore,
He gradually made me realize that money at my disposal was
limited. That I needed to learn that in today’s world we need to
be financially independent in order to be able to do what we
need to do and what we want to do.
If I could not keep myself financially independent then soon my
mind would be engaged in finding means for survival. If that
were what He wanted then He would not have brought money to
me. He would have let me struggle my way through and earn it
for myself. I came to realize that He had given me the money so
that I do not worry about my day-to-day needs; and focus on
something that He would want me to do, instead. I, however, did
not know yet what was it that He wanted me doing?
Again, He had His unique ways to convey that to me. From July
2000 to August 2001, my stocks gradually lost their market value
by 90 to 95 percent. Now they were worth only 5 to 7 percent of
their value, as compared to the value when I got them in
marketable state by end of July 2000. I would not want to
remain aware of the slide in market value of my assets. There
would be others, who would keep reminding me. The process
stretched over a year, and that made me aware of the
importance of money. It also made me conscious that these
stocks were all that I had to live on for the rest of my life, if I
were not going to work for my living again.
After dawn of this awareness, market value of stocks started
rising and over next eight months, by April 2002, they gradually
regained their lost value. Shortly thereafter, they started their
It was not a matter of superstition; in such exalted states of devotion, often a

devotee sees everything as an expression of the Supreme Soul. The people
whom I gave money, I thought of them as not different from me; their needs
were my needs. Then, where was the question of not thinking of Thaakur as an
Avataar? Thaakur itself means God, in Bengali. Thaakur was my ladder to
Bhav’Taarini, the Divine Mother, in this birth again!

downward march once again, only to lose one-third of their
market value before stabilizing.
Through this process of ‘ups and downs’ I kind of became aware
of the need to monitor and protect my limited assets, if I wanted
to remain financially independent and work for what I would
love to, and not for my survival. And yet I was not able to
seriously think about it, and put it into action until two months
after my return from Venice.
TREASURE OF KNOWLEDGE OF THE ANCIENTS
Somewhere around those days, I became aware of the vast

treasure of knowledge buried from the days of ancient India,
when it was known as BhaaratVarsh. I started buying books and
studying a lot. I felt I did not need anything else. I would be
happy if I had plenty to read and learn.
I dived into certain branches of Vedic knowledge that were
focused at human living and I was amazed to find the in-depth
work by ancients83. Many a principles I tested on myself,
favorable and unfavorable, both types, making myself a guinea
pig, only to be proved of their validity.
I also realized the ‘root cause’ why (not how) the knowledgebase
had been lost into antiquity. Clearer picture about this ‘why’
emerged, however, only after I had adequate exposure to
BhagavadGita.
Somehow, they could not hold my interest for very long,
probably because my destination was elsewhere!
83
It was about early 2001 at Shiv Palm Beach, Nerul, New Bombay

TAPES THAT HAD GONE OUT OF CIRCULATION
Somewhere during this transition84, I started listening to a

collection of ten audiotapes on BhagavadGita with original
Shloks beautifully recited in Sanskrit, and excellent translation (in
Hindi) retold exceptionally well by Harish Bhimani. This
translation mirrored my experiences very well.
Later, I learnt that this collection was no more available in the
market as the manufacturer, Oriental Gramophone Record
Company, had closed down its business. I had found that old
package lying on the shelf of Rhythm House in Bombay85, bought
it without any specific intention and when I started listening to
the first tape, I remember having found no interest in continuing
with it, and for once I had even thought of returning it!
May be the time was not ripe, then. I was too deep in Bhakti
Yog, and probably I needed time to come out of its spell, and be
able to appreciate the deep knowledge of BhagavadGita.
JOURNEY FROM BHAKTI (DEVOTION) TO GYAAN (KNOWLEDGE)
Quoting Romain Rolland from his book The Life of Ramakrishna

pages 25-26 “The way of Gyaan is that of the absolute or
impersonal God. The way of Bhakti is that of the personal God –
at least its pilgrims linger long on the way before finally rejoining
the pilgrim of Gyaan”.
84
It was about early 2001 at Shiv Palm Beach, Nerul, New Bombay
85
While typing these lines, I called Rhythm House and I was told that they had
none left to sell. I realize now that I was led to that box of audiotapes with a
definite purpose, not known to me then!

TAPES WERE GIFT OF GOD!
Months later, as I listened to other cassettes of the same

package, I found myself mysteriously drawn towards them, with
each Shlok unfolding before me the knowledge, which I felt as if I
had known sometime in the distant past. May be this was the
beginning of my transition towards Gyaan Yog86, in a limited
way.
At times, the answers to the questions that I had been seeking
for long came back to me with a flash, as if I had already known
them, but somehow I had forgotten about them87.
Sometimes, they would unfold before my eyes one by one, as if
they were hidden somewhere in my memory from my prior
births88 (because, during present birth, I had read only few
Shloks, probably ten, almost three years ago, during August-
September 1998).
Audiocassettes contained no explanations at all, yet the meaning
of most other Shloks appeared to be so very familiar to me. This
all could be beyond familiar logic to many.
BACK TO FULL AWARENESS OF MATERIAL WORLD

Gradually, I regained the memory of names of many
acquaintances and places, and the memory of details regarding
many events in my life, which had become very vague (almost
lost) during the exalted state of my devotional madness.
If I were to attempt writing in those days, all this that I am
writing now, I would have drawn a big blank. First, I would not
86
Gyaan Yog refers to the path of Gyaan (knowledge of the Self and of the
Supreme Soul), which gradually paves the way for ultimate union with the
Supreme Soul.
87
It was about mid-2001 at B11/1:3 Shiv Palm Beach, Nerul
88
It was about Sept-Oct 2001 at 20 Yogeeta, Borivali

have had any inclination to sit down to write all these. Second,
even if I had forced myself to do that, my memory would have
failed me miserably at every step. I lived in a very different world
in those days.
Now also, I have to retrieve the information gradually, all do not
come back at once. Sometimes, they come back like a lightning,
tearing the darkness!
There was yet another change during this process. I lost the
sleep of night, and therefore, I needed to recover it during the
day. I wondered if it was unhealthy, and if it was in contradiction
with the demands of the Nature89.
Gradually, I regained the ability to differentiate between good
and bad. At one time, all people had seemed to me alike; all
were good! I would then glorify those who even betrayed me.
Then, in those days, the inside I was in peace! For, I saw the
good in all. Now having regained the distinction between good
and bad, and the recollection thereof, it has placed my life in a
different light.
Given the choice, I may want to go back to that earlier state. At
the same time, I accept the return, as it has to be with a purpose.
Nothing happens under the heavens without a purpose!
Finally, through a seemingly prolonged struggle over a period of
two and half years90, I was entirely brought back to the material
world, by now very conscious of its needs, desires, attachments,
relationships, and money.
Gradually I became well equipped (physically, mentally, and
emotionally) to deal with them, as everyone else would do.
89
We need the waking day to interact with the outside world. We all sleep in
the night because normal business closes then. My interaction with the outside
world is through this work on BhagavadGita. I do it in the cool, calm, and peace
of the night.
90
This was between December 1999 to June 2002

BEING IN IT AND YET NOT BEING IN IT
But, with one basic difference; whereby, I remained in this

material world fully and yet, not in it fully; whereby, my mind
and emotions sought all that every other person does, but
nothing would bind me for long enough. The only permanent
bond seems now, is to be with Him, the Supreme Soul, my
immediate as well as ultimate goal!
However, I realized that so long I have to carry this body; I shall
have to bear with the needs of this body, and fulfill the desires of
this body; no point denying them. I have also become aware of
certain prior birth commitments or compulsions that need to be
discharged or met with.
By now, I had understood the purpose of my forced return, which
I had questioned often before. Mysterious are the ways of
destiny that we ourselves create through our own actions in the
past, utilizing our freewill in a manner different than, for what,
He has given it to us!
RETURN FROM SAMAADHI
Quoting Romain Rolland from his book The Life of Ramakrishna

page 40 “Even the saint who comes down from Samaadhi
(ecstasy) to the plane of ordinary life is forced to return to the
envelope of his ‘differentiated’ ego, however attenuated, and
purified. He is flung back into the world of relativity. So far as his
ego is relatively real to him, so far will this world also be real; but
when his ego has been purified, he sees the whole world of
phenomenon as the manifold manifestation of the Absolute to
the senses. Maya will then appear under its true colors, at once
truth and falsehood, knowledge and ignorance (Vidya and
Avidya), everything that leads to God and everything that does
not lead to Him”.

IN SEARCH OF A NAME
Whatever I had passed through, until now, those were only

experiences to me, the real-life experiences but without a
definitive name. I did not search for a name because, so far,
there had been no need to give it a name. They were simply
personal matters to me.
Now that I am documenting these experiences, it becomes
necessary for me to find the appropriate name to identify those
experiences, the name by which others can correlate them. With
that purpose in mind, now I consult other works to find the
definitions.
Now I look for similarities in the documented experiences of
others to find a name for my own experiences. Until now, they
were my own experiences, my very own, unshared with others,
and I needed no name for them. Now that they come to public
knowledge, they will need to be identified by a name for
common reference. I begin, therefore, with the documented
experiences of others that I have access to.
WHY NIRVIKALP SAMAADHI?
When my friend at Venice asked me about my spiritual

experiences, the first question that surfaced on my thoughts: Do
you know of Nirvikalp Samaadhi? How and why that word came
to my mind, at that moment, I do not know. For, I had never
thought of it seriously before91.
91
Three years ago I had read something about it in The Gospel of Sri
Ramakrishna, but the specifics had not registered on my mind, probably
because, I had considered it something of a very distant object, only relevant
for someone like Shri RaamKrishn Paramhans Dev, who was an Avataar in my
perception.
Something that I would perceive as not relevant for a common person like me, I
would simply ignore. The only thing that I vaguely remembered, in relation to
Nirvikalp Samaadhi, was about an experience of Swami Vivekananda, where he

This term ‘Nirvikalp Samaadhi’ had never been of any relevance
to me, with regard to my own spiritual experiences, involving
retreats to total blankness - Oneness with the Unknown - during
February 1999. So far, I had treated my experience of such
retreats as admixture of strange and wonderful occurring.
Why then, a term Nirvikalp Samaadhi that I never consciously
thought about, nor associated with my own experiences,
surfaced on my mental plane out of the blue, when I got
somewhat ready to speak of my experiences to my friend DM92,
and that happened to be my very first reaction?
Whatever might have been the reason, now after my return
from Venice, as I start documenting my experiences that is the
first place I am prompted to look into: Nirvikalp Samaadhi!
WHAT IS NIRVIKALP SAMAADHI?
Quoting Swami Nikhilananda (1895-1973), the founder of

Ramakrishna-Vivekananda Center of New York, USA in The
Gospel of Sri Ramakrishna [1942] [unabridged edition] Glossary
published at the page 1041 “Nirvikalp Samaadhi: The highest
state of Samaadhi, in which the aspirant realizes his total
oneness with Brahm93.”
felt something like missing his body, or such. The only impression I carried with
that vague memory, was that it sounded too odd to me, and probably,
therefore, it stuck in my head for its oddness.
A year ago, I would have again read about it somewhere in Romain Rolland’s
Life of Ramakrishna, but I was more impressed with his beautiful language
throughout the book, and the fact that someone of his eminence was writing
so highly about my Master, and even then I did not even think of relating it to
my experiences.
92
I could not do it then, therefore, doing it now
93
BhagavadGita, in its original Sanskrit script, refers to Brahm, and therefore, I
shall use everywhere Brahm, not Brahman

Quoting Shri RaamKrishn (1836-1886) in The Gospel of Sri
Ramakrishna [1942] at page 639 about a conversation between
him and Pundit recorded by M. on Monday, October 20, 1884 at
12 Mallick Street, Burrabazar, Calcutta94 “Pundit: There are two
kinds of Samaadhi: Savikalp and Nirvikalp. In Nirvikalp Samaadhi,
the functioning of mind stops altogether. Ramakrishna: Yes. The
mind completely takes the form of Reality95. The distinction
between the meditator and the object of meditation does not
exist.”
Quoting Romain Rolland [1866-1944], winner of the Nobel Prize
for Literature [1915], in his book The Life of Ramakrishna [1928]
page 32 “But hardly had Ramakrishna crossed the threshold than
he attained the last stage – the Nirvikalp Samaadhi – wherein
subject and object alike disappeared. The Universe was
extinguished. Space itself was no more. At first, the shadows of
ideas floated in the obscure depths of the mind. Monotonously a
feeble consciousness of the ego went on ticking. Then that
stopped too. Nothing remained but existence. The soul was lost
in the Self. Dualism was blotted out. Finite and Infinite space
were as one. Beyond word, beyond thought, he attained
Brahm.” pages 167-168 “This realization was the last stage, for
beyond this temporary revelation lay the supreme realization,
the absolute identity, obtained in the Nirvikalp Samaadhi (the
Highest Ecstasy). But that reserved for men, who had achieved
their mission in life; it was the ultimate and forbidden joy; for
from it there is no return except in a few exceptional cases like
that of Ramakrishna himself.” page 168 “He who is desirous of
attaining identity with the Unique Reality only receives a return
ticket by a miracle…Properly speaking, it is the stage of
94
On the invitation of Marwari devotees for celebrating Ann’Koot festival,
where a vast quantity of cooked food is offered to the Deity and later
distributed among the devotees and the poor
95
The Supreme Soul is the permanent reality. All else are transitory, not eternal
reality

illumination to which, we can all aspire and to which we have
the power to attain by ourselves and to guide others to a similar
attainment.”
WAS IT NIRVIKALP SAMAADHI?
I have described earlier, in great detail, about my daily retreats

for few weeks, into the total blankness - Oneness with the
Unknown, where I lost my consciousness of the external world,
and was transported into another world of consciousness, of
which I have no recollection. Wherever my consciousness would
be transported to, there would be no dreams, no thoughts, no
emotions, no feelings; no awareness of anything that would be
worldly in nature, nothing whatsoever; and this process had
evolved by itself.
Was it a state, as described by Swami Nikhilananda [in the
Glossary of The Gospel of Sri Ramakrishna], where the aspirant
realizes his total Oneness with the Brahm? Was it a retreat into
the Nirvikalp Samaadhi?
Was it a state, as described by the Pundit to Shri RaamKrishn,
where the functioning of mind stops altogether? Was it a retreat
into the Nirvikalp Samaadhi?
Was it a state, as described by Romain Rolland, wherein subject
and object alike disappeared; the Universe was extinguished;
nothing remained but existence; the soul was lost in the Self;
dualism was blotted out? Was it a retreat into the Nirvikalp
Samaadhi?
Was it a situation, as described by Romain Rolland, where one
had achieved the mission in life? Why would I beg of Her to take
me away from here into Her own world? Why would I beg of Her
to take control of my life, and use it the way She would want?
Why would I not want to have any freewill to myself, by handing

over my total existence to Her? Why would I not want any of my
egos; all dissolved into Her, the Divine Mother?
Why was this hurry, through this life, to experience the world as
much as possible, as soon as possible, to re-live through the
spiritual experiences in a hurried manner; and to be over with it,
as if once for all?
Was it a state, as described by Shri RaamKrishn to Pundit, where
distinction between the meditator and the object of meditation
does not exist? Was it a retreat into the Nirvikalp Samaadhi?
If I were in a state of meditation, then I was the meditator, and
someone else was the object of that meditation. The meditator
in me had lost its identity, into the one, who was being
meditated upon.
Who was I meditating upon? I did not make a conscious effort
for meditation. I simply sat in front of the altar (images of Gods
whom I worshipped), started the recitation of the Chants, and let
my mind and heart and soul flow freely with it. Then, soon I was
gone. Where was I gone, I did not know?
If He was the object of meditation, and I was the meditator, then
He certainly engulfed me, in a way that I lost myself totally96.
If He was not the object of meditation, then who or what was it?
All I know that it was Naaraayan, I have been seeking all along; I
simply wanted a place at His feet, nothing else mattered to me.
96
Continuously it happened every evening, about the same place, during the
chants:
Omkaaram Bindusamyuktam nityam dhyaayanti Yoginah,
Kaamadam Mokshadam chaiva, Omkaaraaya namo Namah
Meaning: The sacred letter ‘Om’ is associated with the sacred dot – the Bindu.
This ‘Om’ is the bestower of all wishes, and is indeed capable of leading one to
freedom from worldly bondage and is meditated upon by Yogis.
Now that I look at this meaning carefully, I am struck by the amazing relevance
of it!

He used to be in my thoughts all the while. I did not know what
meditation97 was all about. Now after this entire journey, that I
have already walked you through, I have learnt that meditation
is nothing but being in His thoughts, all the while, with all our
heart, and mind and soul.
God is there in the base simplicity of thought and expression all
else is cosmetic!
WHAT IS BHAAV SAMAADHI?
Quoting Swami Nikhilananda in The Gospel of Sri Ramakrishna

[1942] [unabridged edition] Glossary published at the page 1031
“Bhaav Samaadhi: Ecstasy in which the devotee retains his ego
and enjoys communion with the Personal God. Bhaav: Existence;
feeling; emotion; ecstasy; Samaadhi; also denotes any of the five
attitudes that a dualistic worshipper assumes towards God. The
first of these attitudes is that of peace; assuming the other four,
the devotee regards God as the Master, Child, Friend, or
Beloved.”
WAS IT BHAAV SAMAADHI?
My retreats into devotional madness, the state where I would be

very much aware of my physical existence, and yet I would be
wholly immersed into Her thoughts, was unlike the earlier
situation of retreats into total blankness - Oneness with the
Unknown. I would be working at office, or driving on the
highway, but my mind would be flooding with the name of the
Divine Mother.
My existence would be very much in my conscious and yet it
would be totally engulfed by Her. I would be very much there as
97
I had heard of that term, and had some vague impression, that it was some
kind of a specialized mental activity, for which you would need a teacher, a
guide, a Guru.

me, and yet I would be within Her. She would envelope my total
being, and yet I would be aware of it.
Was it a state of ecstasy, as described by Swami Nikhilananda, in
which the devotee retains his ego and enjoys communion with
the Personal God? Was it Bhaav Samaadhi?
This all was very spontaneous, without aid of a guide, or, without
former practice of devotional discipline that could have led me
to such situation. How or why, I did not understand then, nor did
I try to.
I was so much immersed in what I was passing through that I had
no inclination to ask myself any questions. The experience of
bliss was so immense that nothing else mattered. What, why,
how, all these remained beyond the sphere of my thoughts; all
that mattered was, that I was experiencing then.
Now that I am searching for a name, this is what I am led to
quite unconsciously. That was the first thought that occurred to
me as to where to look into [Bhaav Samaadhi]. If this is not the
right name, what is the right name, and how does it matter? My
love for Her is still with me, which I experienced when I was
writing about it yesterday. That is all that matters to me, names
do not!
HOW WAS I LED TO THESE EXPERIENCES?
This all was about what had happened. Nevertheless, the

questions that I had sought answers to, during the period I was
gradually being dragged back to the awareness of the material
world, had eluded me for quite some time.
What could have led me to those experiences, one after the
other in quick succession, and in such depth? What was behind
all this? Who was behind all this?
I had no training; I had no prior association with any religious or
spiritual organization; I had no guide, Guru.

Things of this nature cannot happen just from nowhere. There
has to be the seed somewhere. There has to be a connection
with something. There has to be a cause and effect relationship
between the events and their root somewhere, howsoever
obscure it may be!
When in August 2000, for the first time, glimpses of my prior
births were revealed to me, I saw some light, some explanation
to my questions, but not sufficiently.
The connection between my prior birth and the events of this
birth did show me the root, but it did not explain to me the
process. I still wanted to know ‘how’, while I had only known
‘why’?
I had known what I was in my prior birth, and what led me to my
present birth. I could understand the natural tendency for the
return of my past birth attributes, in the form of my present
birth aptitudes. I could also understand their return only after
the incidence of fatal cardiac arrest in this birth, which was like a
second life to me in this birth. So much for ‘why’, that I was
searching answers to.
Nevertheless, ‘how’ still deluded me; I wanted to know, if it was
the part of natural mechanism of the cosmic management? Does
this happen to anybody in my situation? Is this one of the laws of
creation that it should happen in this manner98?
I wanted to know the universal system that governs it all. I learnt
it only after I was exposed to the BhagavadGita, but it did take
me time to unravel the meanings that lay behind the shloks in
BhagavadGita.
98
I do not use the words ‘in this manner’ in relation to the precise steps
involved in the events of my life; I mean globally ‘in this manner’; particulars of
the steps involved in each individual’s life can very well be different because no
two individuals are identical in every possible manner

THE YOGI WHO LOST HIS WAY AND DRIFTED AWAY
It was only after 1 November 200199 that I was able to connect

the ‘why’ relating to my prior birth with the ‘how’ that I found in
BhagavadGita:
“Arjun asks: O Mahaabaaho! On the way to attaining Brahm
(nearing Soul’s imminent dissolution into the Supreme Soul), a
Yogi who lost his way and drifted away (having been attracted
and become attached to the worldly desires), does he become
shelter-less? Does he belong neither to the world, nor to the
God? Does he get shattered, like a torn cloud? Does he have no
refuge at all?” “
On being asked so by Arjun, Shri Bhagawaan said: O Paarth! That
man perishes neither in this world, nor in the other world. O
Dear! No man is ever subjected to decay, if he works for raising
the Soul within him.
O Kurunandan! That man attains with ease, his prior
accumulation of spiritual wisdom, from his previous birth and
earlier body, and with its influence, he attempts once again, with
even greater determination and effort than ever before, to
attain his goal.
Because of continuous practice during prior births, he keeps
being drawn, as if not being within his own power, towards the
complete attainment of his object.
With the help of perfection acquired through the course of many
prior births, such Yogi, practicing with effort and dedication,
becomes accomplished in this life itself; and (by neutralizing all
his Karm), he attains the Supreme State.”100
99
I learnt the object of my Present Journey on 1 November 2001 which I will
narrate later in this work (additional note dated 2009-12-16 not in this work,
but elsewhere, in Gita Today – Rise against Adharm)
100
BhagavadGita Chapter 6 Shlok 38, 40, 43, 44, and 45

BIRD IN THE CAGE
I would feel this body like a cage. The soul in the body, like the
bird in the cage, would flutter for its freedom. But no matter,
howsoever, it may try it remains trapped in the cage!
I would visualize101, me riding a horse, racing with the speed of
the wind, running alongside the train, trying to leave it behind,
thoughts racing through my mind: I am coming, I am coming! At
the end of the horizon, He is waiting for me, my eternal Father,
my eternal Mother, my eternal Friend, my Origin, my End! The
train running at a set speed was like the life itself, and me trying
to beat it, and reach Him!
Lying in the bed, in the middle of the night I would ask Him,
Where did I lose You? Let me lose anything but not You, this
time! A drop of tear would roll down my eyes.
Pain of losing everything else would be on one side, and the pain
of losing Him would be on the other side; and, I would not want
to trade Him for anything. One lifetime I wasted in desire of
these worldly attractions, only to learn how futile they are in
comparison to the beauty of His love!
WHO WAS THE GURU GUIDING THROUGH THE PROCESS?
Who was the Guru guiding through the process Leading to

Nirvikalp Samaadhi, Bhaav Samaadhi, and explaining the
meanings of BhagavadGita?
The entire process leading to spontaneous total blankness -
Oneness with the Unknown - and subsequent returns there
from, were self-evolved, spontaneous, something that happened
by itself. I had not been initiated, as it happens traditionally.
101
Yogeeta, 16 September 2002, little before dawn

I had heard that every person needs a Guru for showing the way
to the Supreme, and I had always perceived that such Guru
would only be a living human, but I did not have any.
How was my mind flooded with the name of God when I would
be at work and at home? Why would I cry like a lost child for the
Divine Mother? Why would I become so averse to money, and
feel unburdened after giving away all I had? Why would I want to
mix only with people who would want to speak of Him alone?
Why would I want to give up my freewill and want only to be
guided by Him? Why would I want to feel myself His servant with
no ego present in me?
What brought their occurrences within such a short period,
changing in shades and colors one after the other or, mixing up
with one another?
In retrospect, it feels as if there was a hurry to live in each
situation and quickly move to the next stage?
Who helped me in my spontaneous return to the deep
esoteric102 knowledge of BhagavadGita? I did not read or listen
102
Esoteric = Intended for or likely to be understood by only a small number of
people with specialized knowledge or interest.
I was lying down, when on my thoughts, surfaced the term ‘deep esoteric
knowledge’. I was up, looked in the dictionary, and found it befitting; so, I
added it here.
The knowledge of BhagavadGita is intended for those souls who have attained
a certain level in their evolution and is likely to be absorbed by only a small
number of people with specialized interest. Most souls will ignore its
knowledge even if it is served on a silver platter!
Why go far, millions of Hindus keep BhagavadGita in their home, in the place of
worship with great reverence, but how many have read it, leave aside trying to
understand it? I, myself, had it at my home for many years but never looked in
it, until the time came and it led me to it by itself!
The interesting part is that I do not remember having ever before used in my
writings or in my speech the word ‘esoteric’ or having ever before looked at its
meaning in a dictionary. I may probably have read it somewhere in distant past

to any commentaries on BhagavadGita; how was I able to
understand, connect, and interpret them?
Who took me through the whole process, guided me all through
this journey; who led me to it all?
They always remained out of my sight, and yet so very real to
me: my Isht Dev Shri Siddhi Vinaayak103, my Aaraadhya Shri
Naaraayan104, and Shri RaamKrishn Paramhans Dev who
transported me into the devotional madness for Divine Mother!
SUPREME SOUL WAS THE GURU
It is true that we all need a Guru, who would generally be a living

human, but there could be exceptions that I learned much later,
from the following Shlok, which always preceded the Shlok
‘Nityam dhyaayanti Yoginah’ that led me to spontaneous
Samaadhi during February 1999:
GururBrahma GururVishnuh GururDeo Maheshwarah
GuruSsaakshaat Param Brahm105 Tasmai Shri Gurave Namah
and assumed some meaning for that, in the given context, but I could not be
sure about this. How then, did the word surface on my mind at a place
appropriate?
This was just an example. I have noticed many times that concepts, phrases,
explanations, etc float on my mental plane, from where I do not know. It is
Him, who prompts me from behind the curtain
103
Shri Siddhi Vinaayak is another name of Lord Ganesh, who is known as the
God of knowledge. Ved Vyaas narrated and Shri Ganesh penned the epic
MahaaBhaarat, which contains BhagavadGita
104
Shri Naaraayan is the personification of the Supreme Soul. Naaraayan
means goal of every individual soul. Shri Krishn is His Avataar, who delivered
the message of BhagavadGita to Arjun at KuruKshetr
105
Here again the word used, as written in original Sanskrit script, is Brahm, not
Brahman (Supreme Soul, impersonal God)

Meaning106: “The Guru is none other than Brahmaa107; He verily
is Vishnu108, and He truly is the Maheshwar109. He is the
Supreme Spirit110 Himself. To such a Guru I offer my salutations!
The intent of the above Shlok, as I have now understood, is:
When the soul attains a certain stage in its journey towards the
Supreme Soul, the Supreme Soul Itself assumes the role of the
Guru, and thereafter leads the soul to the desired path111!
IS GOD WITH FORM OR WITHOUT FORM?
The Supreme Soul, who guided me all through this journey, is He

without Form the Supreme Spirit, or is He with Form the
Naaraayan? Let us try to look at it in a different way.
I have a body now, so you see me in Form. After I give up this
body, you will not see me in this Form. So, in your opinion, do I
have a form or, do I have no form?
When I have acquired this form, it is real. When I give up this
form, it will still be real. Only two different forms of the same
reality!
Why then would you want to waste your intellect debating on
whether my ‘this form’ is real, or my ‘no form’ will be real?
Why would you want to remain trapped in such petty debates?
What of essence, would you gain out of that?
106
Shlok translated from Sanskrit to English by Dr. Nandakumara of Bharatiya Vidya
Bhavan, London, UK for Chants of India of Ravi Shankar and George Harrison.
107
Brahmaa: Brahm, as the Creator.
108
Vishnu: Brahm, as the Preserver.
109
Maheshwar: Brahm, as the annihilator, the one who triggers the dissolution
of the creation process, only to pave the way for yet another new creation!
110
Brahm, as impersonal God, the Supreme Spirit
111
Shri RaamKrishn Paramhans Dev used to say: Satchidaanand is the Guru!
[Sat-Chit-Aanand = Existence-Knowledge-Bliss, the Absolute, Brahm]

Rise above the pleasures of intellectual pursuits, and come to
experience the Truth as it is.
Then, all questions will disappear. Only He will remain!
WAS THAT AN AURA112?
It was in August 1996 that I met SH. As I entered her office113 and
sat down before her, she said that you have a spiritual aura
around you.
Shortly thereafter, between August and November 1996, I called
PK and spoke to him on phone for enquiring something. Soon
after he called back and said he wanted to meet me, if possible
now114. He also said on the phone that he sensed a spiritual aura
about me, and he said it again when I met him at his place same
afternoon115.
I filed both incidences in my mind, as rather odd occurrences,
but did not attach much significance to them because I did not
fully understand the implications. Looking back I realize that
those were the days when I was getting back to God.
In the mornings, as I would leave my house, I would be caught by
the stunning beauty of the Nature and remember God’s
presence all around! I still remember it vividly, and I had written
about it to my mother in India116.
112
Oxford Dictionary, 1998, 2001, p.111. Aura: a supposed emanation
surrounding the body of a living creature, which is allegedly visible to some…
113
It was at her office, situated at Kennedy in North York
114
I asked him, how he got my number, to which he said that it was displayed
on his phone. I had not yet seen a phone with visual display.
115
It was at 964 Albion Road, Toronto ON M9V 1A7
116
It was about November/December 1996 when I was living at 915–7 Crescent
Place, Etobicoke, Toronto, Canada

I remember of the late nights waiting for TTC bus117, in the midst
of snow and ice, enjoying the wait, remembering God! The wait
about the middle of the night, after school since about sunrise,
did not seem to me like a wait. For, I would be floating in His
realm!
Then were the evenings of May to August 1997, I would be
walking after the day’s work118 for about a mile or so, looking
towards the sky, seeing God’s images amongst the clouds!
WAS THAT WHITE LIGHT?
Recently I was at Venice for three weeks at the invitation of my

friend DM. After the air journey, I was stretching myself at the
terrace garden that evening119. I opened my eyes momentarily
and looked at DM sitting on the chair, looking intently at my
face, her eyes narrowed and focused. After a while I opened my
eyes again, and found her in the same state. Later, on my
enquiry she said about white light surrounding my face120.
117
In front of Honeywell’s at Victoria Park, North York, Toronto
118
The walk from Softkey’s TaxPrep, 2700 Matheson Blvd East, Mississauga ON
L4W 4V9 to the first TTC bus stop, in the beautiful Canadian summer
119
It was 12 July 2002 at Via Felisati 4, 30171–Venezia Mestre, Italia
120
DM is no superstitious person. Being agnostic, she is likely to be more
sceptical than any average believer. She is the retired professor of literature, a
linguist, and a widely read person of sharp intellect, as I came to know her.
She was born as a Catholic, later turned an agnostic, now developing keen
interest in BhagavadGita. Though, my stay was brief, few of her questions and
suggestions inspired me significantly, and their effect is bound to reflect in my
future work.
On 13 October 2002, I sent a copy of this work to DM. I informed the page
numbers of this work where I had mentioned her. On 14 October 2002, she
confirmed all details, without any change.

It was probably the same night, in a dimly lit room, DM again
looking at my face, with the same intensity, and narrowed
focused eyes. Watching my face, she asked me: Who are you?
I do not remember what I replied to her, but I do remember my
asking her about looking at my face. The same was her reply that
there was a white light surrounding my face.
What I realize now is that some people can, at some time, either
sense or see something about me that I myself cannot. I would
suspect that this would happen only with such people who have
the innate ability to sense or see, not121 with all people, and not
with such people all the time.
121
Oxford Dictionary, 1998, 2001, p.111. Aura: a supposed emanation
surrounding the body of a living creature, which is allegedly visible to some…

PRESENT JOURNEY
Work on BhagavadGita – Moksh is the only thing I know
WHAT WAS HIS PURPOSE?

The seemingly prolonged period, during which I was gradually
drawn back to the haunts of material world from the blissful
realm of His domain, I had asked a question to myself over and
again, as to why was I being dragged back into it? I had
suspected often that there was a purpose, but I had not known
with clarity what it was.
I had asked myself many a time as to why I was not able to give
up my body that I no more desired, as I wanted to totally
submerge my ego into Him. I wanted no ego of my own, and yet
He would return me back to it, after giving me the taste of its
transitory dissolution in Him. I had known it very clearly that He
had a use for this body, but I did not know exactly what.
This not knowing, exactly what, was a bit maddening. By now,
three years had passed since the fatal cardiac arrest, which was
the turning point in my life. First two years had been hectic,
different kinds of spiritual experiences one after the other had
come by, and they had engulfed me totally. Third year brought
me repeated sicknesses, and by September 2000, I had become
very weak.
After this started the process of dilution in my devotional fever,
and with that, my exposure towards the worldly life started
increasing. With that, the total erosion in the value of my assets
gradually made me aware of the importance of financial
resources for sustenance of life. Coupled with that, total absence

of any definitive direction to the remaining life, started
bothering me, and making me restless
Now, my life minus the devotional fever became equal to
emptiness! Knowing that such emptiness can be disastrous, and
not knowing exactly why He had chosen to bring me back to this
state, I decided to go back to my old life pattern, that I lived
before my cardiac arrest. I sold my New Bombay house in August
2001, visited Kamarpukur next month, and then left India for
good, returned to Toronto on 25 October 2001.
LIKE A LIGHTENING HIT THE ANSWER
Earlier, I had appealed to Him repeatedly that He takes the rein

of my life into His hands122. I had appealed to Him, over and
again, for the privilege of my being of service to Him, instead of
me working for my own needs, and these prayers seem to have
been heard now.
A week later123, one night as I was listening to the last chapter 18
of BhagavadGita, at Shlok 61 suddenly I knew the answer, the
work that lay ahead of me.
“O Arjun! This body is like a machine. Mounted on this machine,
God with the aid of His Maya124 makes it move around in
accordance with the individual’s Karm125. He knows what is in
the heart of each creature. He is resident in the heart of all the
creatures.”
122
When I write this, in my mind there is no difference between Him and Her, I
use them quite interchangeably, as God in any aspect is only God to me, my
address to Him/Her is immaterial
123
It was 1 November 2001, 10 PM at 2015–25 Mabelle Avenue, Etobicoke,
Toronto, Ontario, Canada, M9A 4Y1
124
Om namo Naaraayanaay – Jurisdiction of Maya – here we live
125
Om namo Naaraayanaay – Bondage of Karm – here we use our free will

At that moment, the analogy surfaced on my mind, how God
creates man and monitors him, and how man creates robot and
monitors it. I visualized myself as the machine and God as the
operator.
Man creates robot, gives it partial intelligence to operate on its
own in a limited way, retain its control in his hands, and operates
it through the remote control system.
God creates man, gives him substantial amount of intelligence
and together with that the freewill, so he could operate on his
own; nevertheless, He retains the control in His hands, knows
what the man does, and gives him his rewards according to his
Karm (deeds). The reward monitoring system operates on its
own but not without His knowledge, nor without His access to
the remote control system126.
It became clear to me that I am His instrument, and gradually
now He has made me ready for the task He had for me. This is
when I knew the task127 as well, for the first time.
Then, one morning as I woke up, I found all my desires having
been extinguished, desires that had recently brought me back to
Canada128. I returned to India to start the work.
126
Epilogue – Mechanisms of Cosmic Management (2002)
2009-12-11 IST 0429 at that time I had planned to complete the chapter on
Mechanisms of Cosmic Management as Epilogue to this work; for reasons no
more I remember now it wasn’t done; and, after passage of so many years I
have lost that knowledge the vision of which I had acquired one evening during
meditation at 402–725 Don Mills Road, North York, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
M3C 1S6; for, now I am a changed man; so much water has flown...and washed
away all that...why that happened, see Epilogue, and you will understand...so
much was documented but this one was left over...for TIME hadn’t yet come in
the scheme of His designs for that part to be documented
127
2009-12-11 IST 0502 It has come as a flash and had disappeared almost
immediately. The impression had remained fresh in my memory for quite some
time but now with passage of time and with very substantial change in my
person that impression too has become vague.

STARTED WORK ON BHAGAVADGITA
I started working on BhagavadGita retaining the originality in my

work. If God has given me the understanding in a certain
manner, it ought to come out in its original form, uninfluenced
by other works that may be in variation. Being in variation would
not mean that they would be in contradiction.
God has expressed Himself through His creation with an
enormous variety. We humans have only limited understanding
of God’s unlimited expression of creativity.
We humans can only comprehend a limited aspect of God’s
creation and portray it in our own limited way. Hence, none of
us can claim that I know all of Him, and I am the only one whose
portrait is right.
If any of us tries to claim that, then that person would perhaps
be the most ignorant one amongst us, because s/he would not
have truly understood Him, at all; or else, there would be no
such claim!
MOKSH IS THE ONLY THING I KNOW
Moksh is the only thing I know, and I understand. All else is

secondary to me.
The present work on BhagavadGita will be built upon and around
the premises of Moksh. It will attempt at explaining: How the
soul begins its journey – where does it live – how does it use its
freewill – what choices does it have – where does it end its
journey!
This work will be the extract of knowledge and understanding
acquired by ‘this soul’, through its journey over multiple births;
its own, original, and authentic version.
128
It was Saturday 10 November 2001 at 25 Mabelle Avenue, Etobicoke, ON

The purpose is to install a path indicator for those who are
traveling, and may be looking for some indication as to which
direction to go.
‘This soul’ wanted to experience this world, in its different colors
and shades, before its final dissolution; and it wishes to leave the
tracks for those who would be sinking or swimming through the
ocean of this world, yet desirous of final freedom from it.
YOU CAN DO IT – WHEN YOU RECOGNIZE YOUR TRUE GOAL
This world is real. It is possible to remain within this world and

yet to be out of it.
The environment of this world will keep influencing us. Yet, it is
possible to continue our journey towards the Supreme Soul.
Attaining God does not wholly depend upon129 the clothes we
wear; the vocation or life-style we adopt; it depends on the
character of our desire for attaining Him!
Om
Asato Maa SadGamaya
Tamaso Maa Jyotir gamaya130
Mrityor Maa Amrtam gamaya
Om Shaantih Shaantih Shaantih!131
O God! Please lead me from this transitory world to the

permanent bliss. Please lead me from my spiritual ignorance to
the spiritual knowledge. Please lead me from the cycle of
repeated birth and death to the ultimate dissolution into the
Supreme Soul, where after, there would be no more a birth, nor
a death. Please lead me to the permanent peace!
129
It helps, but it does not conclusively determine that.
130
Letter ‘a’ in Gamaya is pronounced as ‘u’ in But.
131 rd th
BrihadAranyak Upanishad First Adhyaay 3 Brahmana 28 Mantr

EPILOGUE
10 Dec 2009 IST 17:122
Lot has not been said above – left to be told at some later date
when the TIME arrives.
Time changes and so does the environment. Perspectives
change. Call of Time gets redefined. Rising to the Occasion
becomes the Touchstone of Time.
And that was to be reflected in my writings to come, where
writings would be the vehicle to reach the people, and the Time
for other Action would patiently wait for its turn.
It has been more than seven years when all this was written and
Moksh was the only thing on my mind. I did not, but He knew of
the path He would be leading me towards, in due course of time.
He also knew that my priorities would change drastically with
time, so much so that I would hardly bother to remember what
all I had once passed through, leave aside remembering minute
details thereof (ex: addresses, dates, names, sequence of events,
state of mind, etc). Not only this, He also knew that I had no
inclination whatsoever to document132 those experiences. But
132
2009-12-10 For a normal person it would be very difficult to understand why
I would not want to make them public. To understand that one has to first
transport him (self) to that state of mind and heart in which I was then. And
you know it well that it would not be possible for you to do so, on the fly.
Therefore, I have to resort to logical explanation to make you understand that.
In that state of mind where I sought nothing but dissolution within Him, that is,
in effect, lose my existence and become one with Him; in that scenario how
could I be left with any desire to place on record what all were my experiences.
Think of it this way: when this mortal world itself had become redundant for
me why would I want to leave any footprints behind?
This entire thing is a deep subject. I have gone into depth describing it in
various ways in my other work “Om namo Naaraayanaay”

He must have seen some purpose behind making me do so133. He
had His own way of planting the seed in my mind. He used DM134
as the vehicle and made her ask me of my spiritual journey, and
then let it germinate while He made me wait at Milan Airport.
So, finally, I did place the events on record but did not publish
them for public consumption. It is only now that I understand it,
and therefore, I am publishing them.
Many of you may be familiar with my prior works which actually
came into existence after this work, but got published much
before this one. Now that you have read this one, you may have
figured out how much I have changed over time. But do you
have any idea how difficult was that process of change? From a
state of bliss to this state of filth is not easy to come by. I was
torn within. This change was unacceptable to me and I did make
several attempts to avoid that, but then it kept drawing me like a
powerful magnet rendering me powerless. That tug of war has
been tearing me apart. It hadn’t been a brief surgical operation.
It had been a thorough dissection bit by bit, limb by limb. And
this was all happening inside my mind and heart. The process
was long drawn over the years. Indeed, it had been very painful.
When you are in a state of bliss the entire world looks to you as
one. Everything feels like part of that one, the Creator. You are in
love with everything around you. All are one to you. You cannot
feel good towards one and bad towards another. You see the
beauty in ugliness and love in hatred. You cannot feel hatred
towards any and cannot perceive inequality in any form. To you
all are equal – even different religions135. I would have become a
133
2009-12-10 Which I did not understand then but I do now
134
2009-12-10 He only made DM find me. For I knew her not; nor were there
any common friend who could have introduced both of us; His ways are
unique, so are His scheme of designs.
135
2009-12-11 IST 0557 Those who quote Shri RaamKrishn ParamHans Dev or
Sri Ramana Maharshi fail to realize that such statement (if they made) was the
result of a specific state of mind and heart, and it would be applicable only to

god man136 soon if I had been allowed by Him to stay in that
state for long enough.
But then He wanted me to experience that this happened to be
only one part of the Truth, and yet there was another form of
reality. And my knowing that form of reality was probably more
important to Him given the environment137 that we have today.
And I had surrendered myself totally to Him so He had every
right to lead me wherever He wanted to. While I was more than
willing in principle I had no idea what He had in store for me.
I was in bliss and I wanted to remain in bliss, and from there
merge into Him losing my existence all together so that I do not
have to return138 for another merry go round.
LESSON OF THE LIFE TIME

Generosity is good but being generous without evaluating
possible consequences could be deadly. In Treta Yug Raja
Dash’Rath gave three boons not knowing what would be asked
in return when time comes to pay back. You all know what
happened. In Dwaapar Yug Crown Prince Dev’Vrat made his
legendary Bheeshm Pratigya without caring to evaluate what
could be the outcome. You all know what all he had to endure in
those who live in that state of mind and heart. It would be foolish to apply this
to people who do not even know (cannot even fathom) what kind of state of
mind and heart that could be. Therefore, something stated (if it was) wasn’t
meant for quoting out of context and thereby misguiding the rest of the world
which today’s god men are doing for they themselves haven’t been to that
state. Most of these god men possess second-hand knowledge acquired from
books and other people of prominence. The concept of “Parrot Humanoids” (as
I call it) applies to them and to their followers very well.
136
Today many of them become god men by reading books and scriptures
137
2009-12-10 IST 23:25 We humans are responsible for bringing it to this stage
– read “Vidhata” in “Om namo Naaraayanaay” to understand the concept
138
Om namo Naaraayanaay – analogy of the amusement park

due course of time. TIME takes account from us for every deed
that we did. TIME forgives none, forgets nothing. In Kali Yug
someone showed his generosity without taking into account
what could be the outcome. It happened about the time of his
final journey. It was the final test. He failed. This changed the
course of his journey. That one act of misjudged generosity
necessitated one more birth to battle out the ordeals of worldly
pleasures and pains, the course of which hasn’t ended yet with
one last sacrifice remaining for this Yagya.

OTHER WORKS
Om namo Naaraayanaay (Who am I? Where have I come from?
Where will I go to?)
Arise Arjun: Awaken my Hindu Nation (Your Journey with me into
World of Lesser known Facts)
Ayodhya Shri Raam Mandir: Facts that did not reach you all
(Baabri Mosque Demolition: Untold Story)
Christianity in a different Light (Face behind the Mask)
Gita Today (Rise against Adharm)
Judaism Christianity Islam Secularism Hinduism (All Religions are
NOT Equal)
Do your History textbooks tell you these facts (Hindu History:
Untold Chapters)
Beware of this Aasuric Culture (Christianity’s True Character)
Muslim India will be like This (Emerging Face of Islamic India)
Christianity and Organized Crime (why Christianity also happens
to be a System of Organized Crime)
ORDERING PROCESS
You can pay by Visa, MasterCard or American Express using the

shopping cart provided at www.maanojrakhit.com but if you do
not have a card then you can pay by:
You can go to nearest branch of any bank and ask them to
deposit the amount in my account. For this you have to provide
them with relevant information (see below) regarding my bank
account. If you offer them cash to deposit they are likely to

charge you inter-city cash handling charges which you will need
to pay extra. As of October 2009 State Bank of India charges Rs
25 per transaction whereas HDFC Bank charges Rs 110 plus
taxes. However, if you offer them a local cheque it is unlikely
that they will charge you anything extra but it is always better to
ask and add the charges, if any; otherwise, they will deduct it
from the amount you send for books and that amount will be
short of the total price.
You can also use Internet banking and transfer the total amount
using NEFT (National Electronic Funds Transfer). Alternatively,
you can ask your bank manager to do the same for you. Here
again you have to provide relevant information (see below)
regarding my bank account.
Bank to bank transfer is very swift and inexpensive. Depending
on the time of the day you make the transfer I may get the credit
on the same or next business day. I checked State Bank of India’s
website on 9 Oct 2009 and they charge only Rs 5 (five) for
transfers up to Rs 100,000 (one lakh).
You can also send (a) electronic money order or (b) at par
cheque or bank draft or (c) cash in brown envelope (contents not
visible from outside) by registered mail, and inform me.
Once I have received the payment you will receive email
intimation from me. As the books are shipped you
receive intimation from me. From my side I shall do everything I
can to make it a happy experience for you.
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Turning

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Page 2 Turning Point

my journey to Him Page 3

Page 4 Turning Point

my journey to Him Page 5

PAST JOURNEY __________________________________ 22

VEIL OF MAYA __________________________________ 43

Page 6 Turning Point

PRESENT JOURNEY ______________________________ 78

my journey to Him Page 7

Page 8 Turning Point

या दे वी सवयभूतेषु शक्तिरूऩेण संण्स्थता।

कायेन वाचा मनसेण्न्िऐवा बुध्यात्मना वा प्रकृते स्वभावात।

my journey to Him Page 9

Om! Asato Maa SadGamaya,

Meaning8: O Lord! Please lead me from the unreal to the real.

Page 10 Turning Point

my journey to Him Page 11

Hinduism had never been a missionary religion, desirous of

Page 12 Turning Point

The central theme of BhagavadGita is Moksh. Moksh, in this

my journey to Him Page 13

SEEKING BEYOND THE LIMITATIONS OF INTELLECT

Before proceeding, I have something to ask you. Do you have an

Page 14 Turning Point

NO BLIND FAITH PLEASE!

I would expect the readership to be mostly a collection of men

my journey to Him Page 15

Page 16 Turning Point

At birth my grandfather named me Yashodharman. I developed

my journey to Him Page 17

Page 18 Turning Point

my journey to Him Page 19

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my journey to Him Page 21

TURNING POINT IN MY LIFE

Page 22 Turning Point

PURIFICATION OF THE SOUL

During August-September 1998, I spent all my spare time, after

Soul. Living alone at my condominium located at 3607–3 Massey Square,

my journey to Him Page 23

Page 24 Turning Point

MY LIFE’S GOAL SPOKE FOR ITSELF

During September-October 1998, I attended three Jaagaran35,

my journey to Him Page 25

Page 26 Turning Point

God has created billions of humans. He can, at His will, create

my journey to Him Page 27

After a few months, spiritual experiences started taking

ONENESS WITH THE UNKNOWN

As we dive deep into the spiritual domain, the aspirant often

Page 28 Turning Point

my journey to Him Page 29

Page 30 Turning Point

The feeling after regaining consciousness of my surroundings,

my journey to Him Page 31

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SHOCK FROM THE MONK

I have had no earlier exposure to any documentation on spiritual

my journey to Him Page 33

RETURN WAS INEVITABLE

This process of daily retreats to the total blankness - Oneness

Page 34 Turning Point

GOSPEL OF SRI RAMAKRISHNA48

Around this time, I felt an innate desire for reading spiritual