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The Positive Approach
By Peter Shepherd
Contents
Introduction21. Invalidation32. Co-Dependence53. Suppression74. Criticism95. Whose Responsibility?116. Reconnecting with the Past157. Our Resource of Pleasure178. Thought - Feeling - Action199. Overcoming Our Fears2210. Letting Go2411. I Wish I Hadn't Done That!2612. Self-Esteem3013. Creating Self-Esteem3314. Changing Your Mind About Yourself3515. Improving Your Relationships3716. Reactive or Response-able4017. The Why & the Lie4218. Turning Problems Into Challenges4519. Difficult Times4820. Self-Remembering5121. Why People Behave As They Do5722. False Beliefs6223. The Power of Affirmations6424. Look in the Mirror6725. Creating Your Reality7226. Making Your Vision a Reality7827. Finding Out Who You Are8128. Body, Mind & Spirit8429. Learning from Our Experience8830. The Positive Approach92What’s Next?95
Copyright
©
2003 Peter Shepherd
www.trans4mind.com
 
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Introduction
'The Positive Approach' is a personal growth home-study course written by PeterShepherd. Each lesson may be read and practiced, over hours, days or weeks as youneed.The Positive Approach is intended to help you become more clear about your ownidentity, what you want in life - your life vision - and how to consciously transformyour life for the better. You will learn how your beliefs shape your life experience andbecome aware of exactly how you are creating your reality. Each of these lessonsincludes a practical element that you can apply during the week, so your life cangenuinely start to improve and you make real progress toward manifesting your vision.The first lessons are about finding yourself and becoming whole. One of the factors thatcauses fragmentation of your identity - who you think and feel you are - is invalidation,which happens when you feel made wrong by another's comments or actions.
‘
Living Consciously
’Based on the principles described in Peter Shepherd's online book 'Transforming theMind,'this home-study course takes you much further to give you the tools to reallyturn your life around. You will learn important new skills, enabling you to look at theworld with a more aware and open mind -- left brain and right brain working inharmony -- no longer suppressing your needs, wants and feelings. And so begin a newlife of enhanced achievement and happiness."Thank you for all the help you given me since I began the course. Some things havebeen real life-shifters for me and I now look at my life and my friends and everythingthat happens in a completely different way. It's all an exciting game of learning and I'mlearning so much! I no longer worry about myself or what other people think, I justenjoy being me and I enjoy others being themselves!" --H.R. (Michigan)The Living Consciously course is delivered in PDF format, and comes with unlimitedemail support from Peter Shepherd - plus a free copy of the ‘Tools for TransformationCD.’(
CD contents
)
More informationClick here to order
Details of further Tools for Transformation courses are included at the end of thisdocument.
 
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1. Invalidation
When you act according to the will of another person and suppress your own wishes,you have identified a part of yourself with the other person. You have let them intoyour mind, as your master. You have become fragmented. One of the main ways thiscomes about is through invalidation, or 'making wrong'. If somebody says your effortwas 'not good enough' or that you 'shouldn't have done that', then you start to questionyourself. You begin to introspect and ask, 'Is there something wrong with me?' Whenanother person wrongly evaluates or misunderstands your communications or yourstate of mind, naturally this is upsetting. It means the other has not understood you.Your enthusiasm wanes. You may accept this false evaluation - perhaps because of theauthority or dominance of the other person. If you ignore your own feelings and believethey must be right, you begin to follow their will, not your own. A part of you hasidentified with the other person and split from the real you. The you that is responsiblefor your choices.This very commonly occurs with children, where they take on the characteristics of their parents. It is also very frequent in relationships where one partner adjusts to matchthe other's expectations. And of course it happens at work too. When our goals aresuppressed by another - however well meant - it is eventually life destroying. Negativeevaluations (personal criticisms, opinions) by another especially at times of stress cancause extreme upset.
Practical: How to handle invalidations
There are many and various ways you might have been put-down by others and as aresult agreed to have less power. You need to look again at what happened and ask yourself:1. What choices did I make? Consider:a. What did I decide about myself ?b. What did I decide about the other person or other people?c. What did I choose to think?d. How did I choose to feel? What emotion did I choose?e. What did I choose to do?f. How did my choices affect my behavior going forward?2. What other choices could I have made? And what might the effect of each of thosechoices be?3. What positive learning can I get from this experience?
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