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THE WIT AND HUMOR OF AMERICA
EDITED BY MARSHALL P. WILDER
Volume II
Funk & Wagnalls Company
New York and London
Copyright MDCCCCVII, BOBBS-MERRILL COMPANY
Copyright MDCCCCXI, THE THWING COMPANY
CONTENTS
PAGE
Arch\u00e6ological Congress, An
Robert J. Burdette
390
Aunt Dinah's Kitchen
Harriet Beecher Stowe
335
Ballad
Charles Godfrey Leland
355
Barney McGee
Richard Hovey
223
Beecher Beached, The
John B. Tabb
232
Boy's View of It, A
Frank L. Stanton
393
Budd Wilkins at the Show
S.E. Kiser
352
Colonel's Clothes, The
Caroline Howard Gilman 396
Comin' Thu
Anne Virginia Culbertson 333
Dutchman Who Had the "Small Pox," The
Henry P. Leland
295
Evening Musicale, An
May Isabel Fisk
325
Familiar Authors at Work
Hayden Carruth
289
Fascination
John B. Tabb
222
Golfer's Rubaiyat, The
H.W. Boynton
319
Go Lightly, Gal (The Cake Walk)
Anne Virginia Culbertson 317
Grandma Keeler Gets Grandpa Ready for Sunday-School
Sarah P. McLean Greene 266
Hoosier and the Salt Pile, The
Danforth Marble
357
How "Ruby" Played
George W. Bagby
311
Letter, A
Petroleum V. Nasby
282
Lost Word, The
John Paul
293
Love Sonnets of a Hoodlum
Wallace Irwin
307
THE WIT AND HUMOR OF AMERICA
1
Mr. Dooley on Gold-Seeking
Finley Peter Dunne
304
Mr. Dooley on Reform Candidates
Finley Peter Dunne
321
Natural Perversities
James Whitcomb Riley
350
Nautical Ballad, A
Charles E. Carryl
348
Old Deacon's Version of the Story of the Rich Man and Lazarus, The
Frank L. Stanton
227
Our Best Society
George William Curtis
233
Plagiarism
John B. Tabb
316
Recruit, The
Robert W. Chambers
230
"Ringworm Frank"
James Whitcomb Riley
395
Rival Entertainment, A
Kate Field
362
Samuel Brown
Ph\u0153be Cary
259
Seffy and Sally
John Luther Long
372
She Talked
Sam Walter Foss
264
Strike at Hinman's, The
Robert J. Burdette
342
Two Brothers, The
Carolyn Wells
281
Two Farmers, The
Carolyn Wells
258
Two New Houses, The
Carolyn Wells
221
Two Suitors, The
Carolyn Wells
229
Vive La Bagatelle
Gelett Burgess
280
Walk
William Devere
300
Way it Wuz, The
James Whitcomb Riley
261
Yawcob Strauss
Charles Follen Adams
370
Yes?
John Boyle O'Reilly
222
COMPLETE INDEX AT THE END OF VOLUME X.
[Pg 221]
THE TWO NEW HOUSES
BY CAROLYN WELLS
Once on a Time, there were Two Men, each of whom decided to build for himself a Fine, New House.
One Man, being of an Arrogant and Conceited Nature, took counsel of Nobody, but declared that he would
build his House to suit himself.
The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Wit and Humor of America, Volume II, edited by Marshall P. Wilder.
CONTENTS
2
"For," said he, "since it is My House and I am to Live in It, why should I ask the Advice of my Neighbors as
to its Construction?"
While the House was Building, the Neighbors came often and Looked at it, and went away, Whispering and

Wagging their Heads in Derision.
But the Man paid no Heed, and continued to build his House as he Would.
The Result was that, when completed, his House was lacking in Symmetry and Utility, and in a Hundred ways

it was Unsatisfactory, and for each Defect there was a Neighbor who said, "Had you asked Me, I would have
Warned you against that Error."
The Other Man, who was of a Humble and Docile Mind, went to Each of his Neighbors in Turn, and asked
Advice about the Building of his House.
His Friends willingly and at Great Length gave him the Benefit of their Experiences and Opinions, and the
Grateful Man undertook to Follow Out all their Directions.
The Result was that his House, when finished, was a[Pg 222] Hodge-Podge of Varying Styles and
Contradictory Effects, and Exceedingly Uncomfortable and Inconvenient to Live In.
MORALS:
This Fable teaches that In a Multitude of Counselors there is Safety, and that Too Many Cooks Spoil the
Broth.
YES?
BY JOHN BOYLE O'REILLY

The words of the lips are double or single,
True or false, as we say or sing:
But the words of the eyes that mix and mingle
Are always saying the same old thing.

FASCINATION
BY JOHN B. TABB

Among your many playmates here,
How is it that you all prefer
Your little friend, my dear?
"Because, mamma, tho' hard we try,
Not one of us can spit so high,
And catch it in his ear."
[Pg 223]

The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Wit and Humor of America, Volume II, edited by Marshall P. Wilder.
BY CAROLYN WELLS
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