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THE WIT AND HUMOR OF AMERICA
EDITED BY MARSHALL P. WILDER
Volume I
Funk & Wagnalls Company
New York and London
Copyright MDCCCCVII, BOBBS-MERRILL COMPANY
Copyright MDCCCCXI, THE THWING COMPANY
CONTENTS
PAGE
Anatole Dubois at de Horse Show
Wallace Bruce Amsbary
152
Billville Spirit Meeting, The
Frank L. Stanton
188
British Matron, The
Nathaniel Hawthorne
192
Champion Checker-Player of Ameriky, The
James Whitcomb Riley
156
Colonel Sterett's Panther Hunt
Alfred Henry Lewis
98
Cry from the Consumer, A
Wilbur D. Nesbit
190
Curse of the Competent, The
Henry J. Finn
14
Darby and Joan
St. John Honeywood
166
Day We Do Not Celebrate, The
Robert J. Burdette
134
Deacon's Masterpiece, The; or, The Wonderful "One-Hoss Shay"
O.W. Holmes
9
Deacon's Trout, The
Henry Ward Beecher
212
Disappointment, A
John Boyle O'Reilly
191
Distichs
John Hay
65
Down Around the River
James Whitcomb Riley
29
Enough
Tom Masson
213
Experiences of the A.C., The
Bayard Taylor
116
Feast of the Monkeys, The
John Philip Sousa
183
Fighting Race, The
Joseph I.C. Clarke
214
Grammatical Boy, The
Bill Nye
16
Grizzly-Gru
Ironquill
174
John Henry in a Street Car
Hugh McHugh
177
THE WIT AND HUMOR OF AMERICA
1
Laffing
Josh Billings
171
Letter from Mr. Biggs, A
E.W. Howe
69
Medieval Discoverer, A
Bill Nye
31
Melons
Bret Harte
1
Menagerie, The
William Vaughn Moody
24
Mrs. Johnson
William Dean Howells
74
Muskeeter, The
Josh Billings
181
My Grandmother's Turkey-Tail Fan
Samuel Minturn Peck
219
Myopia
Wallace Rice
151
Odyssey of K's, An
Wilbur D. Nesbit
209
Old Maid's House, The: In Plan
Elizabeth Stuart Phelps
60
Organ, The
Henry Ward Beecher
217
Partingtonian Patchwork
B.P. Shillaber
20
Pass
Ironquill
91
Pettibone Lineage, The
James T. Fields
196
Psalm of Life, A
Ph\u0153be Cary
207
Purple Cow, The
Gelett Burgess
13
Quarrel, The
S.E. Kiser
68
Similar Cases
Charlotte Perkins Gilman
56
Simple English
Ray Clarke Rose
19
Spelling Down the Master
Edward Eggleston
138
Stage Whispers
Carolyn Wells
195
Teaching by Example
John G. Saxe
91
Tragedy of It, The
Alden Charles Noble
194
Turnings of a Bookworm, The
Carolyn Wells
182
Wanted\u2014A Cook
Alan Dale
35
What Mr. Robinson Thinks
James Russell Lowell
131
When Albani Sang
William Henry Drummond
92
When the Frost is on the Punkin
James Whitcomb Riley
169
Why Moles Have Hands
Anne Virginia Culbertsonn 202
Wouter Van Twiller
Washington Irving
109
Yankee Dude'll Do, The
S.E. Kiser
136
The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Wit and Humor of America, Volume I, edited by Marshall P. Wilder..
CONTENTS
2
COMPLETE INDEX AT END OF VOLUME X.
[Pg i]
FOREWORD

Embodying a Few Remarks on the Gentle Art of Laugh-Making.
by
Marshall P. Wilder.

Happiness and laughter are two of the most beautiful things in the world, for they are of the few that are
purely unselfish. Laughter is not for yourself, but for others. When people are happy they present a cheerful
spirit, which finds its reflection in every one they meet, for happiness is as contagious as a yawn. Of all the
emotions, laughter is the most versatile, for it plays equally well the role of either parent or child to happiness.

Then can we say too much in praise of the men who make us laugh? God never gave a man a greater gift than
the power to make others laugh, unless it is the privilege of laughing himself. We honor, revere, admire our
great soldiers, statesmen, and men of letters, but we love the man who makes us laugh.

No other man to-day enjoys to such an extent the close personal affection, individual yet national, that is given
to Mr. Samuel L. Clemens. He is ours, he is one of us, we have a personal pride in him\ue000dear "Mark[Pg ii]
Twain," the beloved child of the American nation. And it was through our laughter that he won our love.

He is the exponent of the typically American style of fun-making, the humorous story. I asked Mr. Clemens
one day if he could remember the first money he ever earned. With his inimitable drawl he said:

"Yes, Marsh, it was at school. All boys had the habit of going to school in those days, and they hadn't any
more respect for the desks than they had for the teachers. There was a rule in our school that any boy marring
his desk, either with pencil or knife, would be chastised publicly before the whole school, or pay a fine of five
dollars. Besides the rule, there was a ruler; I knew it because I had felt it; it was a darned hard one, too. One
day I had to tell my father that I had broken the rule, and had to pay a fine or take a public whipping; and he
said:

"'Sam, it would be too bad to have the name of Clemens disgraced before the whole school, so I'll pay the
fine. But I don't want you to lose anything, so come upstairs.'

"I went upstairs with father, and he was for-giving me. I came downstairs with the feeling in one hand and the five dollars in the other, and decided that as I'd been punished once, and got used to it, I wouldn't mind taking the other licking at school. So I did, and I kept the five dollars. That was the first money I ever earned."

The humorous story as expounded by Mark Twain, Artemus Ward, and Robert J. Burdette, is purely
American. Artemus Ward could get laughs out of nothing, by mixing the absurd and the unexpected, and then
backing the combination with a solemn face and earnest manner. For instance, he was fond of such
incongruous[Pg iii] statements as: "I once knew a man in New Zealand who hadn't a tooth in his head," here
he would pause for some time, look reminiscent, and continue: "and yet he could beat a base-drum better than
any man I ever knew."

The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Wit and Humor of America, Volume I, edited by Marshall P. Wilder..
COMPLETE INDEX AT END OF VOLUME X.
3
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