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Tales of St. Austin's by Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville), 1881-1975

Tales of St. Austin's by Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville), 1881-1975

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The Project Gutenberg EBook of Tales of St. Austin's, by P. G. Wodehouse
#18 in our series by P. G. Wodehouse

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**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts**
**eBooks Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971**
*****These eBooks Were Prepared By Thousands of Volunteers!*****

Title: Tales of St. Austin's
Author: P. G. Wodehouse
Release Date: November, 2004 [EBook #6980]

[Yes, we are more than one year ahead of schedule]
[This file was first posted on February 19, 2003]

[Date last updated: January 22, 2005]
Edition: 10
Language: English
Character set encoding: ASCII
*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK TALES OF ST. AUSTIN'S ***

This eBook was produced by Suzanne L. Shell, Charles Franks
and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team
TALES OF ST AUSTIN'S
by P. G. Wodehouse
1903
PREFACE

Most of these stories originally appeared in _The Captain_. I am
indebted to the Editor of that magazine for allowing me to republish.
The rest are from the _Public School Magazine_. The story entitled
'A Shocking Affair' appears in print for the first time. 'This was one
of our failures.'

_P. G. Wodehouse_
[Dedication]
AD MATREM
CONTENTS

1 How Pillingshot Scored
2 The Odd Trick
3 L'Affaire Uncle John (A Story in Letters)
4 Harrison's Slight Error
5 Bradshaw's Little Story
6 A Shocking Affair
7 The Babe and the Dragon
8 The Manoeuvres of Charteris
9 How Payne Bucked Up
10 Author!
11 'The Tabby Terror'
12 The Prize Poem
13 Work
14 Notes

15 Now, Talking About Cricket--
16 The Tom Brown Question
[1]
HOW PILLINGSHOT SCORED

Pillingshot was annoyed. He was disgusted, mortified; no other word for
it. He had no objection, of course, to Mr Mellish saying that his work
during the term, and especially his Livy, had been disgraceful. A
master has the right to say that sort of thing if he likes. It is one
of the perquisites of the position. But when he went on to observe,
without a touch of shame, that there would be an examination in the
Livy as far as they had gone in it on the following Saturday,
Pillingshot felt that he exceeded. It was not playing the game. There
were the examinations at the end of term. Those were fair enough. You
knew exactly when they were coming, and could make your arrangements
accordingly. But to spring an examination on you in the middle of the
term out of a blue sky, as it were, was underhand and unsportsmanlike,
and would not do at all. Pillingshot wished that he could put his foot
down. He would have liked to have stalked up to Mr Mellish's desk,
fixed him with a blazing eye, and remarked, 'Sir, withdraw that remark.
Cancel that statement instantly, or--!' or words to that effect.

What he did say was: 'Oo, si-i-r!!'

'Yes,' said Mr Mellish, not troubling to conceal his triumph
at Pillingshot's reception of the news, 'there will be a Livy
examination next Saturday. And--' (he almost intoned this last
observation)--'anybody who does not get fifty per cent, Pillingshot,
fifty per cent, will be severely punished. Very severely punished,
Pillingshot.'

After which the lesson had proceeded on its course.

'Yes, it is rather low, isn't it?' said Pillingshot's friend, Parker, as Pillingshot came to the end of a stirring excursus on the rights of the citizen, with special reference to mid-term Livy examinations.

'That's the worst of Mellish. He always has you somehow.'
'But what am I to _do_?' raved Pillingshot.
'I should advise you to swot it up before Saturday,' said Parker.
'Oh, don't be an ass,' said Pillingshot, irritably.
What was the good of friends if they could only make idiotic

suggestions like that?
He retired, brooding, to his house.
The day was Wednesday. There were only two more days, therefore, in

which to prepare a quarter of a book of Livy. It couldn't be done. The

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