Table of Contents

1.Preface2.Too Much of the Ol' Bubbly3.Gray Lady Rugby4.Brooklyn, I Hardly Knew Ya5.Gods vs. Comedians6.Irony, Thy Color is Green7.A Simple Tip for When Learning a New Language8.Leditor to the Editor: Should I Be Worried About the Nazi to My Left?9.How to Judge a Professional Athlete's 'Intangibles'10.My Very First Poem11.I'm 'Thought-Provoking', Not 'Offensive'12.The Good Samaritan (updated, hangover version)13.A Piece of Advice for Those Thinking Otherwise14.A Friend, A Dinner and a Tangent15.Jesus, the Fucking Artist16.What To Do If You Pass Out Drunk on the Subway and Wake up in Coney Island17.Worst Best Product Name Ever 18.Solomon Grundy Like Take Time Publicly Confront 'Kavalier and Clay' Rumor 19.Leditor to the Editor: Snow White and the Seven Pints20.Maxims21.The World's Largest Outhouse22.About the So-Called 'Author'

1. Preface

The author of this book makes the following promise to you, the reader:

I, John Flowers, do solemnly swear that you:

WILL

laugh;

WILL

think the book worth the money spent;

WILL

wonder how much a good copy editor would have cost, though;but

WILL

try at parties to remember the name of that book you just read, it was really funny,um, something about toilets or something. Any way, it was really funny.

What you have in your e-hands is a collection of essays, commentaries and one-offs that may best bedescribed as “A.P.-level fart jokes”.. meaning, they required equal parts booze and sophistication to pen.And I would recommend booze and sophistication to properly

enjoy

the contents of this book as well..or, to just make Mondays at work fun again.“Too Much of the Ol' Bubbly” and “Irony, Thy Color is Green” were originally published in Richmond,Virginia, arts magazine,

RVA

; “Gray Lady Rugby” found fame and fortune in

The SubwayChronicles

; and a different version of the title piece (published under a different name) was originally printed in online travel magazine,

Pology

. Several of the posts, including the two “Leditors to theEditor” were published on a now-defunct personal blog. Everything else was published on a bar napkin,somewhere in the subtle confines of 1:30 in the morning.Thank you for downloading, and, please, don't forget to spread the word of John Flowers. Today'sword, incidentally, is “I've Got a Gun!” Remember to spread the word loudly, and, if possible, in anairport or bank.Yours,John FlowersAll material in this book © 2010 by John Flowers