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Pistachio

Pistachio

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Published by botchagalupe

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Published by: botchagalupe on Apr 03, 2008
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09/27/2012

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There are times in history when a certain event just has to be documented no matter howobscure it might seem. This event occurred last Saturday evening at BarcampAustin III,and it just simply needs an historical footprint. The stage is set with a karaoke band calledKaraoke Apocalypse (KA). KA allows would-be rock stars the ability to sing and makeutter fools of themselves while dangling without a net. The live band aspect gives thewould-be
 Bono
 just a little bit more rope than the usual karaoke DJ or CD boom box.Singing live with a band adds just a little more spice to the eventual success or failure of the would be rock star incumbent. In general, the brilliance of a karaoke performance isthat, throughout mostly miserable performances, every once in while is a performer who just misses, which just seems perfect given your current perspective. I call these performances the 2%’rs. Furthermore, a true analysis of a good karaoke performanceincludes more than just one’s singing skills. Not unlike professional performances, thereis always an “IT” factor that has to be analyzed. The perfect 2%’er has 100 percent of thiscoveted 2%’er “IT” factor. All this means is that the best-of-the-best karaoke performersare judged on their linear distance to how close they get to a perfect 2%’er performancegiven that it is mathematically impossible for them to approach 100%.Enter center stage:
Pistachio
, swinging her extremely sexy good looks to an Pat Benatar song. This would seem to have all the makings of a great potential 2%’er. Pistachio wasno slouch, and, man, did she deliver. Her performance was a 2%’er delivery with extreme prejudice. She had it all. Her voice was about 2% from being good (which in the Karaoke perspective is great). When she did that sexy left shoulder leather jacket drop it had allthe makings of true 100% perfection, but, when her jacket slipped off her right arm, itimmediately went into this great 2%’er triple lutz and the jacket eventually wound upslapping some poor dude in the audience in the face. Just short of perfection where the jacket should have made a beautiful pirouette into the audience but it wound up two feetoff the stage with some poor bloke covering his black-eye. Here again she was in brilliant2%’er form.Poor oldGiovanniwas working a boom to get close-up video footage, and the brillianceof these two bodies in motion,Giovannis camera and Pistachio’s face, banging into eachother at perfect intervals was - let’s just say 2%. Jim Carrey could not have scripted thisany better.Giovanniwould move in for a face shot, and Pistachio would move right intothe camera - Ka-Boom. He would pull back and she would pull back. He would go leftand she would go right - just brilliant. I can’t image how good the footage will be once itis available. I mean, if this isn’t 2%’ism, I don’t know what is. Ok, big ending, for sure.Pistachio decides to do a mosh pit dive into the crowd, but there is one serious problem:the crowd is back at least 5 feet from the stage huddled around the heating lamp. A few perceptive boys anticipate the looming disaster and run to Pistachio’s aid before she landshead first on the ground (ouch that would have been bad). The boys brilliantly work her vertical stabilizer and rudders, and, in an act that could only be compared to the infamousSioux City UA DC10 crash, they somehow carry her off to the back of the venue in pure

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