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Ocean Sized Love

Ocean Sized Love

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Published by Katiebug96

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Published by: Katiebug96 on Dec 26, 2009
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial

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09/27/2010

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And I wish to feel smaller under your hands, though you seem satisfied as you slipmine down your pants. And I'm thinkin' about how you care half as much for me,while you lift up my shirt after asking politely. And I guess it doesn't matterwhat I am or pretend to be cause it's her you'll always love and it's her I'llalways envy. I want to end this now so dreams of you won't keep me up, but I swearI'm gonna cry. I'm sick of tryin' to be tough and my blood won't stick to theconfines of my veins. And your heart is gonna tear mine away.When you're talking out loud and nobody is there, you look like hell and you justdon't care, you're drinking more than you ever drank, and sinking down lower thanyou ever sank. When you find yourself falling upon your knees, praying to god,begging him "please", that's when she's more than a memory.But I just thought that you should know, that was how I spent my autumn, wantingyou. I was just too scared to admit it.And you're so guilty it's disgusting, he's been sneaking underneath your sheets.And your hands have been in places that they probably shouldn't go. But don'tworry sweetie, because I already know. Regardless, you know that I'll still waitfor your call.Well it's getting colder and you're getting distant, and I just keep thinking thatI never meant it to be like this. You know what comes next, and so do I. Youre
 begging for a way to gracefully bow out, and say goodnight.It's shocking how many kinds of addiction exists. It would be too easy if it werejust drugs and booze and cigarettes. I think the hardest part about kicking ahabit is wanting to kick it. i mean, we all get addicted for a reason, right?Often, too often, things that start out as just a normal part of your life at somepoint cross the line to obsessive, compuosive, out of control. It's the high we'rechasing, the high that makes everything else fade away.I'm your puppet, I'll learn to love it and I'll undress if you need it, but pleasedon't need it, if you need it, I'll scream out. Weave a secret, I will sweep itbeneath the carpet, where you'll keep it, how weak is that? Wish I was worth it toyou. Review my wishes for fair weather, 'cause I know if the clouds with rains orsnows, you wont be there, how weak is that? Wish I was worth it, to you.yeah, i'm not angry and no i'm not upset it's taken me awhile, but this is whati've learned: emotional attachment is really not a threat when i'm simply notconcerned.she's just a friend, you always agree. you know i lie but you still trust me. andyou believed in so much hope. but i'm the one who let you go.we turn our music down and we whisper. "say what your thinking right now" tell mewhat you thought about when you were gone and so alone. the worst is over you canhave the best of me. we got older but we're still young. we never grew out of thisfeeling that we wont give up.fightig back the impulse turn my head and close my eyes. spending these nightsawake and cold and paralyzed. wonder how we got this far and never realized.everyday, with worthless words we get more far away. the distance between us makesit so hard to stay. nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe. it hurts but it maybe the only way.don't you say that i'm ruining what we've made. we know enough to know we're both
 
to blame. it's like you're leaving but you don't know the way.the city is making me sick, and the season's getting colder. and it's not helpingnow that we're growing so much older. in all this monotony, oh darling it'sgetting to me. and how do they expect for me to plan out my life so precisely? andall this negativity, you know it's getting to me.are we just holding onto the things we don't have anymore? sometimes time doesn'theal, no not at all. just stands still while we fall in or out of love again. idoubt i'm gonna win you back when you got eyes like that.this town, it feels like a headache. and all the words inside my mouth won't comethrough. i've got this pain in my head that i can't shake. when i remind myself ican't get to you.i watched you change with the seasons. i wrote you letters but i forgot to mentionthat i'm a wreck, i'm a mess, you're a stranger.another cigarette and i'm so bored.your words aren't making sense.i was taken, but you were waiting.one more drink and i'm convinced.Over time, I've watched you change. Now I wonder what you have become. What haveyou become? Has it dawned on you I haven't done a thing but sit back and watch youtear apart what we had? The only mistake I ever made was placing my faith in youbut I can't control what's out of my hands (this time I know where I went wrong.)Nothing we shared was ever good enough for you. Nothing we shared was ever goodenough at all. There is no way, there's just no way you're going to turn it aroundon me. There is no way, there's just no way, you're going to take this away fromme.Tonight I lose my best friend. Tonight I lose it all. How can I stop you fromwalking away?You spend so much time wondering who you are, don't you think? You flounder about,searching for your identity, when most of the time it is as plain as the nose onyour face. You struggle with questions of purposes and need and forget the answersare found mostly in yourself.^^especially love this onee. :]a sip of wine, a sip of water. someday maybe, maybe someday we'll be smarter andi'm sorry that i'm such a mess. i drank all my money could get and i tookeverything you let me have and then i never loved you back.The last time we were all together was different than the first. The last time, wesat there talking about nothing at all. We had so much to say but we couldn't letit out. We were a family and we knew it then. We knew all there possibly was toknow about each other, but most importantly, we knew it was the end. That was thelast time I saw my best friends for who they really were and the last time I everwould.so one last touch and then you'll go,and we'll pretend that it meant something so much more.but it was vile, and it was cheap.and you are beautiful, but you don't mean a thing to me.
 
Now i do as i please, and i lie through my teethsomeone might get hurt, but it won't be mei should probably feel cheap, but i just feel free and maybe a little bit empty.Youre such a violent scheme, you say i looked beautiful on my knees. i say i
 looked better on my back, only in the backseat of your car. looking out throughthe skylight at the blanket of stars, that night was a whirlwind, that just flewby. you're the only one in the world who knew i sinned, a sin that made me cry. doyou ever think that we'd be different, if our paths had never crossed. what if wecould go back & do it all again, do you think we'd do it different? i wouldnt, iwouldnt change a thing. what if you never broke my heart. or i never let you backin. but i'd always let you back for more, i always would because you said i lookedbeautiful on my knees. you said i looked beautifulI'm falling into memories of you and things we used to dofollow me thereA beautiful somewhereA place that I can share with you.Are we holding on to what's already gone from our hands? Time will tell truth justlike a night fall hits land. I'm sorry that I didn't treat you like an angel,cause that's exactly what you were.Everywhere she looks, she looks through the corner of her eye. Every time sheleft, she never turned to say goodbyeDon't walk too close. Don't breathe so soft. Don't talk so sweet. Don't sing.Don't lay oh so near. Please don't let me fall in love with you again. Please letme forget all those sweet smiles. All of the passion. All of the heat, the peace,the pain. All those blue skies, where your words were my freedom. Please, don'tlet me fall in love with you again.Sometimes my burdens get so heavy and they seem too hard to bear. Sometimes I feelso empty and it feels like no one's there. Somebody said that nothing lastsforever. Just a storm, so I've been told. But it seems that when it rains, itpours.And I hope that someday we could talk and forget that time ever drew distancebetween us. We could make a bridge out of words, as fragile as it might be, theawkward pauses and incomprehensible mumbling twisting and twining into somestronger foothold. Someday, I might reach you and redeem myself. But I wouldn'tcount on it anytime soon.So imagine what you want and then hold on to that thought. Cause that's as closeas it will ever come and believe you're where you are and keep acting out thepart. But at the end of the end of the day the trees all get wheeled away andyou'll be standing alone in a blank blank space.Turn out the light. Just say goodnight to yourself. May I remind you when you findyou're all alone, is when you've got to be strong. Could you save yourself forsomeone who could love you for you? So many times we just give it away to someonewho we met in a bar, the back of a car and for a moment you felt important, butnot in your heart.

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