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1Outcome 3 2 3For the 1.6, We

1Outcome 3 2 3For the 1.6, We

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Published by Melinda

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Published by: Melinda on Jan 14, 2010
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial


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Outcome 3
For the 1.6, we needed to establish a commonality between the authors in order tocorrectly support our argument with quotes. For the 1.6, I tried to argue that I was inconflict with myself because of my father’s mixed teaching of femininity. My thesis was,Pieces from Rodriguez, Theroux, and Felton’s essays help illustrate why I cannot set a personal goal because I was raised with conflicting values…”(1.6 F 2). My professor commented that “The shaping is something that you do not something that you do notdo” (Henderson 2). Once again, my thesis was off prompt. I intended to prove my thesisusing essays from Rodriguez, Theroux, and Felton. I quoted Rodriguez saying, “Whatimmigrants know…
 Become your own man
(Rodriguez 344)”(1.6 F 2). I then continuedwith my personal experience saying, “My father was keen on keeping me in touch withmy Chinese culture...”(1.6 F 2). I was trying to show that Rodriguez was conflictedsimilarly to me but the quote I used from Rodriguez did not have any connection to provemy shaping at all. In fact, Rodriguez’s entire essay was irrelevant. Throughout the entireessay, I continued to have weak and not enough support from all three texts. Whenwriting about Theroux I said, “Theroux writes in his essay, ‘Being a Man,’ ‘The youthwho is subverted, as most are, into believing in the masculine ideal is effectivelyseparated from woman …finding woman a riddle and a nuisance’ (Theroux 133).”(1.6 F3). My personal experience was, “When I was younger, I wasn’t allowed to play withBarbie dolls…”(1.6 F 3). What I was trying to prove was how I was raised like a boy because as stated in Theroux’s quote, I was pushed away from feminine activities.However, like the previous example, my evidence was not supportive and off prompt. Inrevising my 1.6, I changed my thesis and support pieces. My thesis states, “All threeessays by Jacoby, Felton, and Theroux show how the authors, and myself, hidcharacteristics that felt natural to them in order to avoid the judgment of others.”(1.6 PV1). When I use Jacoby’s essay, I am proving that although her shaping is different, her action is the same as mine:‘in adolescence girls begin to fear that they will be unattractive to boys if they are typed as ‘brains.’ Science and math epitomize unfeminine braininess in a way that, say, foreign languages do not. High-school girlswho pursue an advanced interest in science and math …usually find that1234567891011121314151617181920212223242526272829303132

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