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Bro Code Laws

Bro Code Laws

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Published by dwbplayer
Laws that every male in the world over must follow to keep the peace among all men.
Laws that every male in the world over must follow to keep the peace among all men.

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Published by: dwbplayer on Jan 15, 2010
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06/08/2013

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Bro Code1. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever!Unless you actually marry her.2. When questioned by a friend's girlfriend, you need not and should not provideany information as to his whereabouts. You are even permitted to deny his veryexistence.3. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friendout of jail within 24 hours.4. A best man's toast may not include any of the following phrases, "one time inMontreal", "one time when we were all piss drunk", or "and this girl had the biggestrack you ever saw".5. You may exaggerate any anecdote told to your friends by 50% withoutrecrimination, beyond that anyone within earshot is allowed to yell out "bullshit!".(exception: when trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration is 400%)6. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.7. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another man is 5 minutes. Themaximum is 6 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for everypoint of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.8. Bitching about the brand of free beverages in your buddy's refrigerator isforbidden. But gripe at will if the temperature is not suitable.9. A friend must be permitted to borrow anything you own - grill, car, firstborn child- within 12 hr notice. Women or anything considered "lucky" are not applicable inthis case.[Back to Top]10. Falling on a grenade for a buddy (agreeing to distract the skanky friend of thehot babe he's trying to score) is your legal duty. But should you get carried awaywith your good deed and end up getting on the beast, your pal is forbidden to everspeak of it.11. Do not torpedo single friends.12. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.13. Before dating a buddy's ex you are required to ask his permission. If he grantsit, he is however allowed to say, "man, your gonna love the way she licks your balls"14. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies untilthey demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a Buffalo wingclean.15. If a mans zipper is down, that’s his problem, you didn’t see anything!
 
Bro Code16. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. (infact, even remembering your best friends birthday is optional)17. You must offer heartfelt condolences over the death of a girlfriends cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.18. While your girlfriend must bond with your buddies girlfriends with in 30 minutesof meeting them, you are not required to make nice with her gal pal's boyfriends-low level sports bonding is all the law requires.19. Unless you have a lucrative endorsement contract, do not appear in publicwearing more than one Nike swoosh.[Back to Top]20. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may alwaysask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.21. If your girlfriend asks to set your friend up with her ugly, whiny, loser friend of hers, you must grant permission, but only if you have ample time to warn yourfriend to prepare his excuse about joining the priesthood.22. Only in a situation of mortal danger or ass peril are you permitted to kickanother member of the male species in the testicles.23. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked. This includes men who aren't wearingshirts. If your buddy is outnumbered outmanned, or too drunk to defend himself,you must jump into the fight. Exception: if during the past 24 hours your friendsactions have caused you to think "what this guy needs is a good ass wuppin", inwhich case you may refrain from getting involved and stand back and enjoy.24. Friends don’t let friends wear speedos. Ever. Case closed.25. Fives must be called at all times when getting out of your seat. If not, your seatis up for grabs. However, "house rules" may come into effect, in which case it is leftup to the owner of the seat.26. Shotgun can be called on anything where a shotgun applies., as long as you arein eyesight of the object, or it is at a reasonable time.27. When picking players for sports teams it is permissible to skip over your buddyin favor of better athletes- as long as you don’t let him be the last sorry son of abitch standing on the sideline.28. If you ever compliment a guy's six pack, you better be talking about his choiceof beverage.29. Never join your girlfriend in ragging on a buddy of yours, unless she iswithholding sex, pending your response.[Back to Top]
 
Bro Code30. Phrases that may never be uttered to another man while lifting weights:" Yeah, baby, push it!"" Come on, give me one more, harder!"" Another set and we can hit the showers"" Nice ass! Are you a Sagittarius?"31. Never hesitate to reach for the last beverage or pizza, but not both. That’s justmean.32. Never talk to another man in the bathroom unless you are on equal footing:both urinating, both waiting in line for all other situations an "I recognize you" nodwill do just fine.33. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than youare able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch nearby, hang up if necessary.34. You can not rat out a friend who show's up to work or class with a massivehangover, however you may: hide the aspirin, smear his chair with limburgercheese, turn the brightness on his computer way up so he thinks its broken, or havehim paged every seven minutes.35. If you catch your girl messing around with your best friend, let your states crimeof passion laws be your guide.36. If your buddy is trying to hook up with a girl, you may sabotage him only in amanor that gives you no chances of getting any either.37. Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt oneintervention. If he can get up on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a "fuckoff" then you are absolved from all responsibility. Later on it is ok that you have noidea what his girlfriend is talking about.38. The morning after you and a babe, who was formerly "just a friend", go at it, thefact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to jump on her againbefore there is a discussion about what a big mistake it was.39. If a buddy has lint, an eyelash, or any other foreign object on his hair or face,under no circumstances are you permitted to remove it. However an appropriatehand gesture may be made to make him aware of it.[Back to Top]40. An anniversary is recognized on a yearly basis, under no circumstances willanything be celebrated in an interval other than a year41. When using a urinal in a public restroom, a buffer zone of at least one urinal willexist at all times. If the only empty urinal is directly next to an occupied on, thenyou are still required to wait. (Exception: at a sporting event where a line hasformed to use the pisser)

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And I bought the book for no reason.... F.M.L
Chris Hall added this note
In these rules it has the word girlfriend, we do not want girl friends that is not the bro code.
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