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Why I Like Chopsticks, Even for Ice Cream
Written by: Eric Gower http://www.breakawaycook.comI wrote the following a few years ago, someone remembered it, and requested that Ireprint it here. So here it is. Plenty of hyperbole, yes, but what the hell. Does anyone elsevastly prefer chopsticks for salads?* * *I’ve pretty much stopped eating with forks; it’s almost exclusively chopsticks thesedays. I’ll still use a spoon occasionally, when it’s called for, but, for the most part, I tryto avoid eating with utensils made of metal.Why this aversion to metal? It may be because I already have so much metal in mymouth. By the time I was about 10 my sweet tooth had turned into several metal-amalgam teeth; I had imagined, on my way back from the dentist, that “only onecavity!” was a mark of achievement. I may thus be especially sensitive, but there issomething scary about a heavy metal forkful of food slightly missing its mark andlanding squarely on one of my metal-dominated molars, and sending the dreaded ping of metal-to-metal pain in a quadrant of my mouth, in hideous and direct contrast with thedelight of the morsel I am simultaneously attempting to chew. I have nightmares aboutchomping down on a small piece of foil, innocently clinging to a piece of food.Moreover, there’s something crass about the shoveling motion for which the fork isdesigned. It is imprecise, even fumbling, to an alarming degree. We often need a blocker  just to make it work: a pile of mashed potatoes, a piece of bread, a thumb. And thenthere’s the “stabbing” function of a fork, which lends even more associations of unpleasantness, if not downright violence. Plopping the fork on the plate between bitescan also be a delicate operation — more metallic clanging — and is discernibly andunpleasantly audible in any restaurant the moment you decide to tune in to it. Not so with wood or bamboo, on any of the above charges.The most obvious and most pleasing characteristic of the chopstick is its materialcomposition: wood or bamboo. Not plastic; I can ‘t think of a single reason ever to use a plastic chopstick, when vastly superior wooden and bamboo sticks are both inexpensiveand widely available. There is something about the feel of wood inside the mouth. Mostof us probably remember the rough and warm texture of the twigs we tasted as children.It is a most pleasant memory for me.The Japanese-style wooden or bamboo sticks are tapered, almost to a point. The square- bottom sticks represent a serious design flaw. Tapered sticks afford great precision; onecan easily, quietly, quickly, and elegantly select the precise morsel of any pile or 
Why I Like Chopsticks, Even for Ice Cream © 2010
 
formation of almost any food, an especially useful feature when eating salads. The morevaried the size and texture of the salad components, the more useful sticks become.Pastas, too, especially shells or penne — no stabbing, falling, or shoveling. Gravity andthe sheer awkwardness of the shovel motion of a fork conspire constantly to derail awhat-you-thought-was-a-well-timed-and-well-placed forkful of desperately desiredfood, and embarrassing you in the process. The gentlest of squeezes of the stickseffortlessly brings the morsel into your mouth; it slides in the exact mouth location youdesire. The pleasure is heightened yet again by the feel of the smooth, warm grain passing both into and out of your lips. And,when finished, down they go, noiselessly,into their little rests (I like using wine corks as stick rests) or on the edge of a plate.And then there’s the issue of actual taste. Metal often contrasts, most unpleasantly, withacidic foods, which I happen to love. I emphatically do NOT want to taste metal of anysort in my food. This is why no one drinks wine from metallic glasses: it destroysnuance. Metal dominates, takes over, destroys subtlety. Cut bamboo and wood, on theother hand, are totally neutral if the utensils are old, or lend a barely discernible grassysubtlety if they are freshly cut. Nor are knives normally set out at my table. I do not wish to cut or saw anything when Iam sitting down to eat. All cutting, slicing, and carving takes place in the kitchen; I don’twant to pick up a big piece of meat with chopsticks and begin gnawing away at it — Icut it into bite-size piece before serving it. In fact, I don’t want to mess with or manipulate the food in ANY way. I just want to eat it, not mess with it. Knowing beforehand that the meal will be eaten exclusively with chopsticks can change themeal’s whole dynamic.I like to set a big ceramic utensil jar on the dining table, stuffed full with an enticingvariety of sticks (the one above is actually a munition shell picked up at a flea market inGermany). Guests choose their own pairs. This also obviates the need to “set the table,”a task no one in their right mind looks forward to.Chopsticks can be intimidating to someone not well-versed in them, but we can rapidlydispel that fear in well under five minutes with an easily learned technique. With onechopstick, imagine that you are writing with a long thin pen. With the second, place it parallel to the other so that it rests between the webbed area of the thumb and the inwardside of your ring finger. The bottom one never moves; you only work the top one. Berelaxed and gentle. Practice on grapes, then on raisins, then on a tossed salad, pickingout precisely what you want.I have no desire nor illusions toward changing the way people get food into their mouths, so this is not meant as any kind of evangelical screed. Bang around all the metalyou want. But next time you’re in Costplus, or Pier One, or any imported goods store(why doesn’t some enterprising domestic company come out with a line of really cool,
Why I Like Chopsticks, Even for Ice Cream © 2010
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