1

Redeemer Bible Church

Unreserved Accountability to Christ. Undeserved Acceptance from Christ.

The Christian Home, Lecture Eighteen:

Authority and Parenting
Selected Scriptures

Introduction
So far we have seen that the goal of our parenting is to bring the sinful hearts of our
children into the worship of the true and living God, into the worship of Jesus Christ.
Worship is why we parent.

The problem we face in the task of parenting, and humanly speaking, an

insurmountable one is that we are called to take children who are sinful from birth to the
place of worshipping God. Our children are sinners. And as we have learned, sin cannot be
limited to isolated acts of disobedience. It is a disposition. It is not a thing or a substance.
It is our irresistible inclination toward wrongdoing.

Moreover, sin is idolatry. We are born worshippers, and we either worship the true
and living God or we exchange the glory of the incorruptible God for an image in the form
of man. We are not neutral. Our posture is on our knees before an altar—some kind of
altar.

So sin is idolatry. And sin is a heart-inclination, an internal disposition toward evil

bound up in our hearts from the day we’re born.

And although the task of leading our sinful little ones into the worship of God is
humanly impossible, it is not impossible with God. If they are to become worshippers, God
has ordained to do so through human means: the parents themselves. The way in which we
begin to serve as God’s instruments in the lives of our kids is by showing them Jesus. After
all, the only way any of us will turn from the idols we serve to the true and living God is by
seeing just how worthy and wonderful that the true God is.

At the same time, sin viewed from the perspective of an irresistible heart-inclination
toward evil has a different, though certainly unrelated remedy. In order to uncover what
this remedy is, we need to be reminded about a further aspect of sin that we have not yet
addressed in detail in our series; namely, that sin is rebellion against God.

Sin as Rebellion against God

Indeed, perhaps the most basic way of understanding sin is that it is heart-driven,
idol-producing rebellion against God. This was the sin of our first parents: eating the
forbidden fruit. God’s command was that the creatures made in his image could eat of
every tree in the lush and perfect garden God had made, except for one. They were

The Christian Home, Lecture 18: Authority and Parenting © 2004 by R W Glenn
 2

forbidden to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. God said, “You shall not
eat from this one tree!” Yet as you well know, Adam and Eve did not comply. They
contravened the Lord’s command and did what they thought was best.

Genesis 3:6 says that “when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and
that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was desirable to make one wise, she took
from its fruit and ate; and she gave also to her husband with her, and he ate.” Good for
food, a delight to the eyes, desirable to make one wise—satisfying, delightful, illuminating—
certainly it was worth it to disobey their heavenly father. Rather than submitting to God’s
just authority, to God’s ownership rights, Adam and Eve transgressed God’s command and
plunged their progeny headlong into sin, into the guilt of that first sin and to the irresistible
acts, thoughts, and beliefs that flow from original sin, all of which constitute rebellion
against God.

At the root, then, is that we do not like to be ruled. We resist the rule of God in
favor of another ruler—ourselves. We prefer to be the rulers. We do not like authority.
Buried deep within our hearts and guiding our every decision is a spirit of autonomy. We
are a law unto ourselves.

And since this is so, it should come as no surprise that we do not only resist our
heavenly authority, but our earthly authorities as well. Of course, sensitive readers of the
Bible know that there is not a stark difference between the two. All authority has been
established by God.1 Therefore every act of rebellion against authority—civil authorities,
familial authorities, vocational authorities—is in principle an act of rebellion against the one
who deputized such men and women to exercise his authority.

I use this word “deputized” very deliberately; for those who occupy positions of
authority function as God’s representatives, as standing in his place in order to execute his
rule in the world. And when it comes to our children, the Lord commands them to live
their lives under the human rule of their parents. Turn in your Bibles with me to Eph 6:1-3:
“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. honor your father and mother
(which is the first commandment with a promise), so that it may be well with you, and that
you may live long on the earth.”

Parental Authority
Although this passage does not explicitly state something like, “Parents have been
granted authority by God to exercise rule over their children,” the thought is immediately
below the surface of the text. First, the passage tells children to obey their parents. The
parallel text in Colossians 3 says the same: “Children, be obedient to your parents in all
things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord” (Col 3:20). Since children are called to obey
their parents, it follows that parents are those who occupy a position to be obeyed; namely,
a position of authority.

1
See Rom 13:1-7.

The Christian Home, Lecture 18: Authority and Parenting © 2004 by R W Glenn
 3

Second, our passage appears in the context in which people in roles of authority and
submission are called to behave in ways appropriate to their respective stations in life.
Husbands and wives are handled in 5:22-33; children and parents here at the beginning of
Ch 6 (through v 4); and masters and servants in 6:5-9. Clearly, parents have been given
authority by God to exercise rule in their children’s lives.

Let us pause for a moment to absorb the significance of parents possessing God’s
authority in the lives of their children. From our perspective, it means that we must
remember that our authority is a bestowment of our heavenly father. It is not an absolute
right. It is God-given; he is the only reason we have it. Therefore biblical authority has a
God-ward orientation.

When dealing with our children, then, it is critical that we express to them that the
reason we have our position of authority is because God has granted it to us for their
benefit. God is a good God and his commandments and decrees are always in the best
interest of his creatures. They are not barbed-wire fences meant to protect the innocent
from the wiles of the criminal; they are loving boundaries meant to protect the beloved from
with wiles of his own heart, the influence of the world, and the temptations of the devil.
This, like everything else in the Christian home, must be communicated to our children
both verbally and non-verbally through the ways in which we interact with them.

One of the main ways we express our understanding of authority is to see ourselves
as we really are, as people under authority as well. An autonomous, rebellious attitude on
the part of parents most often functions to fan into flame the already present fallen
tendencies of our kids. A wonderful example of a man who understood this well, was the
Roman Centurion of Matthew 8, who is commended by the Lord Jesus for his deep faith.
The humility of this man was that he understood that there were those in authority over him
and those over whom he wielded authority.

We as parents are under authority. We must yield to the laws of the land; we must
submit to our rulers in the church; we must submit to our employers, wives to their own
husbands, and yes, children to parents.

So then, what we must appropriate the God-ward nature of our parental authority as
well as communicate the “God-wardness” of that authority to our kids. This should be
done both in terms of how we behave toward them, in our speech and in our conduct, and
also in terms of what we expect from them.

For example, if little Johnny asks why he must comply with your demand to clean
his room, your answer should not be something like, “Because I’m your mother and I said
so.” This is only half the story, and this half truth, if left unexplained, becomes an untruth.
Our response instead should be more like this: “Because the Lord has put me in charge over
you.” One response takes the finger and points it at oneself; and the other directs the child
to the Lord.

The Christian Home, Lecture 18: Authority and Parenting © 2004 by R W Glenn
 4

I hasten to add that both parents have equal authority when it comes to childrearing.
I mention this simply to point out the vital importance of parents presenting a united front.
We need to be like-minded in our approach to the discipline and instruction of our children,
otherwise it will be nearly impossible for our kids to know where their allegiance is to lie.
And human nature being what it is since the fall means that in a divided home our children
will almost always choose the route of least resistance—least resistance to their own will,
that is.

In addition, less than unity on the task of parenting will work to undermine the
expression of God’s own authority in their lives. The Lord is not divided. His will is
singular. Though he is three persons, he is one in essence and the members of the trinity in
the exercise of their will never act out of concert with one another. We cannot give our
children the impression that they can pick and choose the authorities to whom they will
submit. God has established them and to subvert them is to subvert him, it is to rebel
against him.

And since our authority comes from the Lord, it is absolutely essential that we
exercise that authority after the character and in the manner of the God who gave it to us.
We must never break a bruised reed. We must never lord our authority over those under
our charge. We must never use our authority as a weapon to crush the weak.

Look down at Eph 6:4 and notice what it says: Fathers, do not provoke your
children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Similar
language is found in Col 3:21: “Fathers, do not exasperate [or embitter] your children, so
that they will not lose heart.” In other words, we need to be careful not to make our
children resentful of our authority. We should not provoke or exasperate our kids. We
never want to dishearten them as they seek to obey us as they obey the Lord.

Now if we are going to avoid provoking our children to anger and exasperating them
we need to beware of the following:

First, we need to see to it that we do not make unreasonable demands. Something

that’s too difficult for them. Something cannot be completed in the time we’ve specified.
Nothing can be more frustrating than trying to do something that your superior has
demanded of you that for one reason or another you are unable to perform.

Second, we must not be unnecessarily restrictive. Unless there is a good reason for
your rule, don’t have one. And do not be arbitrary. If you can say yes, say yes. Many
parents’ default response to requests from their children is no. In fact, they can say no
without even really listening to what their child is saying. Of course, you don’t want to go
the opposite direction and say yes without thinking either. Nevertheless, it is not
uncommon to say no because we are lazy or irritable or insensitive to what is going on at
the moment.

Third, we need to be sensitive to the context. Now, I am not speaking here as a

situational ethicist. I am saying that as we exercise our authority, as we call our children to

The Christian Home, Lecture 18: Authority and Parenting © 2004 by R W Glenn
 5

comply with our wishes we need to take into account the circumstances. If it is past your
child’s bedtime and you ask him to do something that requires more than average patience,
you might be placing him in a position for disobedience, a situation that he is too weak to
handle. While it might be reasonable for you to ask him to sort his clean clothes before bed,
the context would seem to suggest that waiting until morning would be a better context for
clothes-sorting.

I would also add to the idea of being sensitive to the context, the temperament of
each of your children. I have three kids with very different personalities. I can deliver a
command to Noah with a certain tone of voice that would utterly wrinkle and dishearten
Zoë.

As parents it is important that we take all of these into consideration so that we do

not unintentionally exasperate, provoke and ultimately dishearten our kids.

Children Called to Obedience

Having established the authority of parents over their children, I’d like us to spend
some time addressing the issue of obedience. Obviously, children are to obey their parents.
The passage couldn’t be any more explicit. Look again at v 1: Children, obey your parents
in the Lord, for this is right. The parallel passage in Col 3:20 is all but identical:
“Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord.”

Now this notion that children are obligated to obey their parents is something that is
not original to the new covenant. Look down to vv 2-3: Honor your father and mother
(which is the first commandment with a promise), so that it may be well with you, and
that you may live long on the earth. This, as you are no doubt aware, is a citation from the
Decalogue; it is the fifth commandment.

As young children the honoring of our parents comes through our obedience, and as
we get older and ultimately leave father and mother, we honor our parents through our
financial support and attitude of deference and respect. What is clear, however, is that kids
need to respond to their parents as their just authorities with appropriate respect and
obedience.

So then, what we find not only in the Old Testament, but also in the New Testament
is clear. Parents have God-given authority over their children. Thus they stand in his place
when exercising their rule. Related to this is the child’s obedience. Since children are to be
subordinate to their parents, they are obligated to obey their instruction and yield to their
will.

What I want you to see here is that like the parents’ authority, the child’s obedience
must be understood from a God-ward orientation. Children are obligated to obey their
parents because God has placed their parents in authority over them. So we must make it
clear to our children that when they disobey us, they are disobeying God and that when
they obey us, they are obeying God.

The Christian Home, Lecture 18: Authority and Parenting © 2004 by R W Glenn
 6

So when Johnny disobeys our command to clean his room, the God-ward nature of
his disobedience must be pointed out to him. His problem is not ultimately that he has
failed to comply with your demand; his problem is that he has failed to comply with God’s.

So much of our parenting is man-centered. We want our children to obey us and

yield to our authority because it is annoying when they don’t, or because it is inconvenient
when they don’t, or because it embarrasses us in public or with relatives when they don’t.
Our parenting needs to be God-centered. Our children need to obey our commands because
the Creator God has commanded them to do so.

Our children need to see the seriousness of their disobedience not in terms of us, but
in terms of the Lord. Otherwise, they will not be brought up in the discipline and
instruction of the Lord; they will be brought up in the discipline and instruction of the
Glenn’s (insert your own name). God did not make us to live for our parents. He made us
to live for him. And since our hearts are so inclined toward idolatry, it is not uncommon for
us to comply with our parents’ wishes because we have turned their approval into an idol.
We do not want to perpetuate this in the hearts of our children; on the contrary, we want to
eradicate it.

Part of our task, then, is constantly to remind our children of the blessings and the
consequences of failing to obey their mom and dad.

The Bible’s consistent witness in both testaments is that children who disobey their
parents place themselves outside the orb of God’s blessing. Proverbs 30:17 says, “The eye
that mocks a father And scorns a mother, The ravens of the valley will pick it out, And the
young eagles will eat it.” And Rom 1:30-32 places disobedience to parents alongside of
such sins as greed, envy, murder, deceit, and God-hating and tells us that those who practice
such things are worthy of death. Our kids’ disobedience is no peccadillo. It is a grievous
offense to the Lord, as worthy of death as greed, envy, murder, deceit, and God-hating.
Our children need to know this.

Our children need to understand that disobeying God in the area of their submission
to our authority carries with it grave consequences. Under the old covenant, the child who
refused to obey his mother and father experienced what may seem to our modern sensibility
to be an extreme penalty. Listen to Deut 21:18-21:

If any man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey his father or
his mother, and when they chastise him, he will not even listen to them, 19 then his
father and mother shall seize him, and bring him out to the elders of his city at the
gateway of his hometown. 20 "They shall say to the elders of his city, 'This son of ours
is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey us, he is a glutton and a drunkard.' 21
"Then all the men of his city shall stone him to death; so you shall remove the evil
from your midst, and all Israel will hear of it and fear.

Now even though this commandment about capital punishment for recalcitrant
children does not continue under the new covenant, the abominable nature of our children’s
disobedience persists. To borrow the language of Romans 1 again, those who practice such

The Christian Home, Lecture 18: Authority and Parenting © 2004 by R W Glenn
 7

things are worthy of death. Our children must see themselves as boys and girls in rebellion
against God and deserving of death at his hand.

On the flip side, there are explicit God-ward benefits of being obedient to parents. In
Colossians 3, Paul says that it gives God pleasure: “It is well-pleasing to the Lord.” And
here in Ephesians 6, using the fifth commandment, the apostle reminds his audience that
honoring one’s father and mother carries with it the promise of a peaceable and long life. In
other words, the quality and quantity of the child’s life with the Lord will be superior to that
of the child who refuses to honor his father and mother.

So when your child is being especially obedient, it is much better to say “Praise the
Lord that you are following Mommy’s commands! The Lord is so pleased with your
behavior!”—it is much better to say that than to say, “Mommy is so proud!” Now although
there may seem nothing wrong with expressing your pride over your child’s obedience, if it
is not coupled with explicit God-ward language, it can function to undermine the God-ward
intent of the divine mandate.

So then, what do we have? We have God placing parents in a position of authority

over their children and we have children logically called to offer obedience to their parents.
Both our authority and our children’s obedience are rooted in and directed toward the Lord.
Thus there is a God-ward orientation to parental authority and the obedience of our
children.

The Nature of Our Children’s Submission

Now then, before we move any further in our discussion of parenting, it is important
that we develop in a bit more detail what it means for our children to submit to our just
authority. What would an obedient response from our kids look like in the real world?

Well, since our children are commanded by the Lord to obey us in all things, it is
important that they obey us as they would obey the Lord. Now when the Lord gives us a
command at what time are we responsible to carry it out? That’s right, immediately. This,
incidentally, is in part the nature of the petition from the Lord’s Prayer in which we pray
that the Lord’s will be done on earth as it is in heaven. In heaven, the angels comply with
swiftness and immediacy. There is no delay. There is no—“I need to finish this first”; “In a
minute”; “When I’m done coloring.”

Obedience, to be true obedience, must be offered right away. Anything less than
immediate obedience to our commands undermines our God-ordained authority.
Remember that since our children are commanded by the Lord to obey us, their
lollygagging, their hesitancy, their delays are first and foremost with reference to the Lord.
If I call my child to come to me, I should expect him or her to come to me without delay.
We must see delayed obedience is disobedience. Children should obey the Lord (by
obeying us) right away.

Second, our kids’ obedience should be complete. What I mean by this is that they
must complete all that we’re commanding them to do. They are being disobedient when

The Christian Home, Lecture 18: Authority and Parenting © 2004 by R W Glenn
 8

they begin to do what we have commanded them and then do not finish, say, in favor of a
toy, a game, or a video tape. If you command your eight year-old to set the table, provided
you have explained to him what setting the table involves, and he does not complete his job,
he has disobeyed you.

Think about it. If God were to come down and explain clearly what it is you are to
do and you were only to complete half of it because you felt like doing something else, how
do you think the Lord would construe your behavior? He would call it what it is:
disobedience. So then, since our children’s response to us is in reality their response to the
Lord’s demand to obey their parents, then their failure to fulfill our demands is the same as
if the Lord himself had audibly commanded them to perform the same task. Our children
must not only obey right away, but they must obey all the way. Anything less is an affront
to the Lordship of Christ.

Third, obedience to our commands is not true obedience when there is an attitude of
rebellion, disgust, irritation, or “freshness.” Remember that sin is ultimately an issue of the
heart, and the Lord will not accept lips that draw near while there are hearts that are far
from him. If we serve the Lord joylessly, then we serve him disobediently. For genuine
obedience is heartfelt obedience. If I tell my eight year-old son to set the table and he says,
“Oh, man! Why do I have to do that?!” and he throws down his toys and stomps into the
kitchen and begins to bang silverware and dishware on to the dining table, he is disobeying
me. Or if our child is a bit more mild-mannered than this, his rebellious heart may manifest
itself in a subtler way. He may wrinkle his eyebrows, breathe a huge sigh, and say “all
right” (in the uncanny way kids say that). If so, he, too, has failed to obey my command.

This is where I have seen many parents fail to go all the way with their demand for
obedience. Many would see the more overt attitude of rebellion as disobedient, while a
sulking disposition would go unaddressed. The reason for this failure is that the parents
have not appropriated the truth that sin is a disposition of the heart. The same heart attitude
that gives birth to adultery is that which gives birth to lust. The same heart attitude that
gives birth to murder is that which gives birth to name-calling. Many of our kids will learn
that there are certain things they just don’t do as members of our household. But this
doesn’t mean that their hearts are no longer desperately sick, deceitful, and self-centered.
All it often means is that the behaviors become more subtle. Do not confuse subtlety for
submission. They are not the same.

I would add to all this that it is important to have our children address us in ways
that convey respect. In an earlier generation, children referred to their parents as “sir” and
“ma’am.” If a command was given, the child would respond with “Yes, ma’am” and “Yes,
sir.” This is still popular in some of the south eastern states. In our house, we ask our
children to respond with a modified version of the same. When we offer commands to our
kids, we expect them to say, “Yes, Dad” and “Yes, Mom.” Not only does this work to
engender respect for our authority in the speech that they use, but it also helps us to know
whether or not they have heard us.

The Christian Home, Lecture 18: Authority and Parenting © 2004 by R W Glenn
 9

Moreover, we do not allow our children to make declarations to or demands of us,

even when those declarations or demands are not the fruit of rebellion. For example, just
the other night at the dinner table my four year-old, Joy, declared, “Dad, I’m going to the
bathroom. I’ll be right back.”

As she was making her way to the bathroom, I called her back to the table and told
her not to make such a declaration, but to ask permission to use the bathroom. You see,
even though I knew that she wasn’t being disobedient, her language reflected a level of
autonomy that linguistically undermined my authority. I think speech matters. The words
we use matter. And it conveys something significant not only to those hearing the words,
but to those using them. Requiring my children to ask permission to leave the dinner table
in order to go to the bathroom reminds them that they are not their own masters, that they
are under the authority of their parents who along with their parents are under the Lord’s
authority.

So then, here is what we must expect from our kids as men and women who have
authority over them. We must expect their obedience. And obedience means immediate,
full, joyous compliance with our demands. And as I’ve suggested, I have found it helpful to
couple this with language appropriate for their compliance and their position.

Ferreting out Unbiblical (= Low) Expectations

Now then, some of us are probably thinking at this point that our idea of compliance
has been less than the biblical ideal. Others simply have a hard time discerning when they
are lowering the biblical standard. Well, here are six tell-tale signs that you are fudging on
your expectations for your children’s compliance. You can know with a high degree of
certainty when you’re not expecting true obedience when you’re characterized by
threatening, repeating, venting, bargaining, manipulating, and/or bribing.

The threatening parent says things like “If you don’t come to mom right now, you’re
gonna get it. One, two, three, four, five, six…” What usually happens here is that the child
learns just how many times it takes for you to “mean business.” They will know, for
instance, that threats one and two are meaningless until threat three is delivered. Then and
only then will they comply with your demands.

The threatening parent is the first cousin of the repeating parent. “Come to
mommy.” No response. “Johnny, I said come to mommy.” He continues to play with his
toys. Thinking that perhaps he hasn’t heard her, though she was standing in the threshold
of his bedroom door, the repeating mom says louder this time, “Johnny, put your toys down
and come to mommy now.” He only bangs with his toy hammer harder. “Johnny, I know
you can hear me. Come to mommy now. Come now.”

This almost invariably ends in the venting parent, who after all this says in his or her
voice of the greatest decibels: “COME TO MOMMY NOW!”

The negotiating parent is willing to take a percentage of compliance less than 100.
Perhaps your rebuke has functioned to tone down your child’s unacceptable behavior;

The Christian Home, Lecture 18: Authority and Parenting © 2004 by R W Glenn
 10

nevertheless, you can tell that his attitude still isn’t where it ought to be. But since a
modicum of peace has been achieved, you accept less than true obedience from him. “His
behavior isn’t so bad now; he’ll get over it.”

The manipulating parent is the one who uses emotional blackmail to extort
obedience from her child:

“I’m never doing anything nice for you again!”

“I’m sorry, Mommy. I won’t behave like that any more. Please do
something nice for me again.”
“No, I’m never doing anything nice for you as long as I live. I’m sick and
tired of your behavior.”
“I said ‘I’m sorry,’ Mommy? Please say you’ll do something nice for me
again.”
“No, I won’t. Now stop your whining?”
“Can I have a hug?”
“No. Go to your room. You make me sick.”

This manipulating parent is able to attain some form of compliance from her child, but it is
certainly not God-ward; for it is motivated by fear of abandonment, the fear of being
unloved rather than by love for the Lord.

And of course, there’s always the bribing parent. “If you come to mommy, I’ll give
you a donut, I give you a stuffed bear, I’ll give you a Bionicle, I’ll read you a story, I’ll pour
you some soda, I’ll…” Or as the child throws a temper-tantrum, or clobbers his sister, she
attempts to appease his rebellion by distracting him: “Look, Johnny,” she says over the
screaming, “It’s a big red ball. See the ball. See it…okay. Johnny, look at my face, peek-a-
boo…peek-a-boo.”

Perhaps you see yourself in some of these illustrations. Even the most consistent
parents have fall into them from time to time. All of them work to undermine God’s
authority in our children’s lives. They reflect unbiblical expectations from our kids. The
Lord’s demand is that our children should obey us in all things, anything less is rebellion
against God.

Required Disobedience
I should add here that there are circumstances in which our children, out of
obedience to the Lord, are not simply permitted, but required to disobey our commands. If
we command our children to sin, they must obey God instead of us. When I was a kid, my
brother had a friend named Curtis whose dad would drop them off at the grocery store and
would tell them to steal cookies, milk, candy, chips and anything else they’d like. Curtis’
dad called it, “Getting things the old-fashioned way.” It goes without saying that this is
unacceptable. A parent’s authority must never be exercised in order to get our children to
sin.

Let’s take a more “benign” example. Let’s say that it is dinner time on a weeknight
and your daughter answers the phone. She turns to you and says, “Daddy, it’s for you.

The Christian Home, Lecture 18: Authority and Parenting © 2004 by R W Glenn
 11

Someone wants to talk to you about cleaning our furnace and ducts!” If you tell her, “Tell
them I’m not home,” your daughter is constrained by Lord’s command not to obey you.
For her to tell the telemarketer that you are not at home when in fact you are is to lie to the
person on the other end of the phone. Children are never to comply with demands to sin.

Second, our children, though in subordination to our authority, are given power by
the Lord to rebuke us in our sin. We are all serving the Lord. We’re all under his authority.
And as members of a Christian home, we need to hold up the mirror of God’s word to one
another in order to show one another our need for repentance and restoration from God.
We are very explicit with our kids in this regard. We tell them that whenever we are
sinning, they have the right to rebuke us in a spirit of respect. Here’s an example.

At the beginning of this year, my then five year-old, Zoë, was sick with the flu—fever
and all. During her illness my wife was getting Zoë ready for bed and my wife was
unloading some of her stress on them because it was getting late. My wife’s concern for the
kids to be to bed reasonably quickly after we arrive home at night (usually from a church
function) sometimes turns to sinful impatience. Tonight was one such time. And then Zoë
said,

“Mom, you’re sinning! And I don’t like it! Everybody probably feels the
same way—like Noah and Joy—but they’re too scared to say anything. It makes me
feel like, ‘Oh, no, Mom’s gonna be mad.’ It almost makes me not want to go even to
a birthday party when you’re this way because then you’ll get all angry because we
have to rush and hurry up!”
Gayle stopped everything she was doing, sobered by Zoë’s rebuke.
“I am so sorry Zoë. Please forgive me. Thank you so much for rebuking me.
I need you. You are such a good sister in the Lord to me. I need you to tell me when
I am sinning. It is wrong what I have been doing. Please forgive me. Will you pray
with me right now?”
“I forgive you. Sure, Mommy, I’ll pray with you.”

Third, when it comes to making declarations to us or demanding things from us. We

have a rule in our house that there is one demand that our kids can make, something that
they can command us to do. They can demand hugs and kisses! Of course, they love this
and they think it is very funny. “Daddy, kiss me!” They like being able to give us
commands.

The main reason why we do this has to do with the importance of affection, of
expressing our love and acceptance for our children. This is critical for us as we seek
biblically to exercise our authority as their parents. Unless affection for those under our
authority is folded into that authority, we will create too much distance between us and
them.

Remember that our goal is winning their hearts. Our goal in parenting, in the
exercise of our authority is leading them into heartfelt worship of the Lord Jesus Christ.
And although Jesus demands unreserved accountability, he also accepts us undeservingly.
This idea comes together beautifully at the end of Matthew 11, where Jesus says, “Come to

The Christian Home, Lecture 18: Authority and Parenting © 2004 by R W Glenn
 12

Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you
and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST
FOR YOUR SOULS. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

The one who will receive all authority in heaven and on earth in his resurrection calls
the weary and heavy-laden to come to him for comfort. At the same time, the call to
himself is that the weary and troubled person takes his yoke upon him- or herself. It is a call
to submit to his Lordship, to his authority. Though compared with the burden of the guilt
of unforgiven sin his yoke is easy and his load light, it is a yoke and a load nonetheless.

What I want you to see is that there are always these two components of gospel
ministry held together in dynamic tension. The same must be true in the exercise of our
authority in the lives of our children. Authority without affection ceases to be biblical
authority. It becomes authoritarianism. And affection without authority ceases to be
biblical affection. It becomes permissivism. We desperately need both authority and
affection.

This is true for anyone in authority. And it is why the shepherd is such an apt
illustration for the person in leadership. The love and care and affection as well as the
demand and submission and authority of leadership are modeled in a near perfect analogy.
We need to behave the same way with our kids. Our kids need to know that they are loved
and accepted by us in spite of their disobedience, in spite of their rebellion and in light of our
position as their God-ordained authorities. Affection binds up the distance that can often
creep in to our relationships with our kids.

Now, let me ask you this bit of Bible trivia. What is the most frequent “one another”
command in the New Testament? That’s right, “Love one another.” Now here’s a harder
one. What is the second most common one another command? Well, it’s this: “Greet one
another with a holy kiss.” Greet one another with a holy kiss!

If our homes are going to release the aroma of the gospel, then our authority must
never be bereft of genuine affection for our kids.

Redeemer Bible Church

16205 Highway 7
Minnetonka, MN 55345
Office: 952.935.2425
Fax: 952.938.8299
info@redeemerbiblechurch.com
www.redeemerbiblechurch.com
www.solidfood.net

The Christian Home, Lecture 18: Authority and Parenting © 2004 by R W Glenn