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Table Of Contents

Robert is still sitting at the table. I can¶t think of a thing to
I¶m not a potty mouth under usual circumstances. He had
Blood is SO hard to get out of carpet.´
I don¶t have time to listen to this bullshit. It isn¶t even
You are leaving me.´ I ask him this without breaking my
We met while we were in college. He thought I would
What¶s going to happen to me? I don¶t know how to do
What did I do wrong? What could I have done differently?
How can I make him stay? I don¶t deserve this. Maybe I
I¶m the one responsible for the hole in his arm. He could
Five-O doesn¶t decide to break the door down and charge
I don¶t know if Wichita law enforcement will see this
Could she be in trouble if she doesn¶t open the door?´
The pounding continues. My ears block out the sound. I
She¶s on her way to the hospital now with her friend Dottie
I should in case you need me.´ Rene is a talker
The cell phone rings and vibrates again. It¶s a good thing
I go down and open the door for her. She doesn¶t waste
I take a seat across from her. ³Robert just told me he
I think about this for a minute ³No. I wasn¶t enraged; I
I¶m going to the hospital to see what I can find out. In the
Okay?´ She makes it sound so reasonable
I put away the beef. I don¶t want it to go bad. Then I go
My life is not turning out as I anticipated. Robert may be
I reach for the freezer door. It is Tuesday. Meatloaf with
Then I call my mom on her cell phone. I doubt she will
Mom answers on the first knock. ³Come on in the
Fifty-five and I still get the ³young lady´ from him
Fuck it. I am tired of only cursing in my head. What did my
I feel good. I said exactly what I wanted to say and didn¶t
What is there for me to say? She thinks I have anger
There is still no sign of Robert. I prepare a sandwich to
Still no sign of Robert. A movement by the closet catches
It¶s been five long years. I¶ve barely thought about him this
She looks at me. Maybe she already knew my name. Her
I could say µI stabbed my husband and I want to look
Robert¶s car is in front of the house. Maybe this is all just
It wasn¶t a dream and he hasn¶t come to his senses. I try
FORTY HOURS
What did I do wrong? I¶ll fix it.´ My skin goes cold as I
Harold is trying to pacify me but I don¶t hear everything
Go home for what. I don¶t have a Robert anymore. Now
Harold¶s office is made before the emotions can erupt. I
Robert. What will Robert say? Is my life finally as far in
Robert¶s car is in the driveway. Mine goes in behind it
At least Robert didn¶t ask me about dinner
Grand Canyon I had never felt more accepted or wanted
Mr. M.O.P. frequently came to the U.S. and wanted me
Robert comes in a short time later. ³What are you doing
He can¶t be leaving and still be in control here. ³That
I wouldn¶t have to go to court for stabbing him but I
I feel the voice before I hear it. ³Yessss.´
The judge looks up directly at the man. ³Didn¶t I tell you
The judge smiles. It is not a pretty smile. ³Well this is on
Your Honor continues to smile. ³Next´
I hug them both. ³Thank you so much for coming to be
I want to cry. Tears for the past I have lived sacrificing
Lynnette. She picks me up and we go to an Italian
What would I like Robert to know? I sit at the dining room
Thursday I go to my head doctor appointment. I don¶t
She changes the subject. ³How are you sleeping?´
DINNER AND A LYNNETTE
Lynnette. Her ability to be self-absorbed is amazing. Of
She will be my role model. She wouldn¶t be crying about
Monday morning I go back to work. Mail and email are
Where do you find a yoga class? None of the people I
Ms. Please Go Eat a Burger speaks ³Put your left foot on
This is the Tree Stance´
I watch. Then I put my hands on my knees and bend my
Queen spouts. ³With both hands on the floor in front of
I figure I can do all fours. I make it down there since I
Are you serious? She has no fat. I do
I walk out. I¶d rather do time
I call off work for the rest of week. I have time; I may as
Our hapless couple returns to the stage. I watch as ±for
There are tears in her eyes. There are tears in my eyes. I
Seeing has not gotten me anywhere. I¶m tired of what I
Thursday. I know she is going to ask me stupid questions. I
My look says µthank you Doctor Brilliant.¶
book and almost completed it. I put it in my memory trunk
I go in and decide to put something on to eat. I don¶t
You didn¶t hear me knocking at the door. You didn¶t
Tennessee. I take out the push up bras and corset from Las
I watch the window. Light follows dark. Dark follows
I slide to the floor and continue to sit. I don¶t know what
I look into the mirror. I do not recognize the woman there. I
I don¶t get the message. It falls on deaf ears. I go back into
Standing at the foot of the bed is Mr. M.O.P. P. my one
He starts laughing. ³You are not going to die. You are
Now you show up. For what? So you can leave again? So I
Without the job you didn¶t really love. Without a husband
What¶s really holding you back?´
How did he get in here? Oh. He is a ghost. He can do
Britain trip. It comes out to get some action now. ³What
You only need casual clothes. Today is Wednesday´
Caesar¶s Woman
What could I say? The man I had an experience with five
I pull out my driver¶s license. I could be turned away at
I haven¶t been on a plane in five years. I have gotten over
I turn to my seatmate who has deigned to arrive. ³Hello
Mr. M.O.P. His smile still has the power to make my
I feel my eyes get teary. This should not feel so right. I
Bloomington. I find the freeway and head out 70 West to
Where am I going?´
She looks up. ³Hello. Do you have a reservation?´
Saturday. Checkout is at noon. Enjoy your stay.´ She gives
Unintentionally I begin counting down the hours until I
Mr. M. O. P. Nothing. I should have brought along my
Saturdays. I definitely have time to stop. This is the first
I pull into the parking lot of Clee Winery. The building
Mr. M.O.P
My answer is repeated as a question. ³Nothing?´
It demanded I call him as soon as I arrive home. It also tells
MY TRAVEL TIP FOR BLOOMINGTON
Don¶t go all the way there if you can avoid it. Go to the
We go to court on Wednesday. Do you need me to come
I go home to find Robert is here. Good manners dictate I
Robert looks as if I had stabbed him again. ³Clearly
I bow to the inevitable. ³Let¶s talk.´
I get up and head to work on Tuesday. The day is totally
COURTROOM NUMBER TWO
Robert enters with a man I guess is his attorney. The
I see Robert¶s attorney enter the courtroom as Dottie is
I look back to see Robert¶s attorney bending down and
Food never tasted so good. Dottie and I laugh over
Dottie and I laugh and talk until early evening. When she
Robert¶s things out of the drawers. While pulling clothes
Wait a minute. Why should I worry about taking his
Harold know I will be out on Wednesday. I know he
Monday and Tuesday are workdays. They follow the
COURTROOM NUMBER ONE, AGAIN
Today I am faced with a dilemma. My eyes look like a
She continues. ³Even though Robert has admitted it was
I attempt levity. ³So does that mean my salmon colored
He has on a turtleneck and Dockers. He doesn¶t look
I see a smartly dressed brunette talking to Robert. He
Robert soon gets close. ³What did you do to get the
The judge doesn¶t even look up. ³What do you say Ms
The judge looks up at me. ³Are you sorry?´
Robert is here. He does not ask how I got home. He looks
My overnight case comes back out. ³How long will I be
Maybe I should condition them. Anything so they are not
Robert. Because what I honestly want is revenge without
Robert¶s letter. We go to the one close to downtown. I get
Phoenix and Sedona. There are enough things to escape the
I¶ll have to find a sex substitute. Chocolate with Brazil nuts
THE DICKS YOU MEET ON A DANCE FLOOR
I continue dressing. What if I do meet someone tonight?
What will he say? What would my response be? It¶s been a
I head to the concert area. I hear the music before I get
My soul wants to feel again. Something. Anything
I stare before finally managing to squeak out a ³my bad.´
He bends over and captures my mouth. He kisses me. He
He might think I am a slut. I will never see him again. If I
Could I live with myself? Yes
I¶m making it up as I go
The clerk heard him. Just in case. She will be able to
One. The first stroke gets him a ways into me. It feels like
I hear an ³aaah´ and then feel nothing except his body
I really have no choice. This is bigger than I am. I get up
I¶m sure he doesn¶t get a call back from women after their
When can we get together again?´ He puts legs in the pants
I move to the front to help him button his shirt. ³That¶s
All of that tall. All of that bass. For what? For thirty
Mr. M.O.P. doesn¶t let it go; making me ask questions of
She looks me over and walks around me. ³What an
Star Trek and it almost sucked the Enterprise in before
Captain Kirk got them out. A vortex is nothing to casually
Zena doesn¶t act worried about the vortex. She gets a
I copy her movements. ³And why do we need to get
How many ways can you view mountains? I¶m here so I
Cathedral Rock. This view does not have the interference
Words escape me and I follow Zena back to the car
I don¶t have any more marks to leave.´
My life has changed and I need to do the same. The rest
Sunday I decide to walk around the Phoenix area. The air
Thursday. Today is Monday. You haven¶t been to work
Robert looks at me as if I am an idiot. ³You don¶t know
My Travel Tips for Phoenix and Sedona
IN MY OWN DAMN HOUSE
Friday meals according to Robert. Heavier fish like tuna
His comments stop me from walking. ³You can¶t be
He says it¶s his house too. She is going to cook for him. In
Shock stops the tears. ³What?´
She prepares to leave. ³I¶ll let your father know about this
She has me there. She smiles at Robert and heads into my
Robert¶s friend Brenda.´
My mother doesn¶t curse. A space alien must have
Robert comes in shortly thereafter. ³What did you say to
Brenda? She¶s very upset.´
The memory puts a smile on my face. ³When we went to
Mom¶s eyes grow round. ³Robert believes his word is his
FORGET THE ALAMO
Mr. M.O.P. makes his presence known by the scent of
Tuesday night. You have to find a hotel and rent a car. See
The festival in San Antonio occurs in various locations
Alamo and the Riverwalk. The car can stay at the hotel
Texans are supposed to remember. With the Riverwalk and
I purchase the ticket to enter the Texas history. The time
The Riverwalk is a short walk from the Alamo a few
It¶s a river swim and I don¶t know how to swim
I¶m drowning and they want me to stand up. Sons of
CIGARS? CIGARETTES?
He stops rubbing and squeezing. I feel him shaking. I
I have the answer to the question. There is no more. That
I wish I were a better woman. I¶m not. He could have
I head back this way.´ I commit
M.O.P. and feel his lips on my cheek before sleep
My Travel Tips for San Antonio
To Confess or Not to Confess
Robert¶s car is in the driveway when I get home. I feel
Your name has been supplied to the Wichita Health
Department Sexual Health Clinic by a recent sexual
We are located at 14007 Bingham Lane if you do not
We can be reached at FOR-HELP (367-4957) if you have
Sexual Health Program Staff
Wichita Health Department
Robert laughs. ³I notice you have been traipsing across the
You should take it while I am feeling generous. My mind
I don¶t want to tell him about my efforts. ³It was just a
Come. Why not take a trip to Seattle and Vancouver.´
Thursday. Go to Seattle and stay a few days. I will meet
I decide not to bother telling Robert. It is my life after all
Vegas with Mr. M.O.P. This place is a doghouse compared
Tina my all and she shares her energy with me. Hell I
The Frankie Beverly singer. He has the smoothness of
M.O.P. laughs and disappears
Maybe I¶m reading too much into this
I¶d probably have to teach him a thing or ten and I¶m too
He speaks as he is strapped in across from me. ³Hello.´
I give him a bright smile and a µhello.¶ I feel great. I am
My new seat partner the Hispanic male with the kid¶s
The black lady tells the bus driver ³If anything should
Paco waves to his girlfriend. He didn¶t get off the bus
I don¶t have a particular destination. I do find my way to
MY TRAVEL TIP FOR WASHINGTON
It could be I am horny because I have not been laid
She obviously saw the µBitch are you out of your mind?¶
Nothing throws her off a potential sale. ³Bone is bone. It
She¶s still higher than I want to pay. ³That is too bad. I
She is right. I have a definite attachment to the bracelet. I
She smiles. ³Of course. We have a lot of tourists here.´
Once in the room Mr. M.O.P. puts in an appearance
I want to do. ³And I brought something for myself.´
I don¶t want to go to some damn park. I don¶t want to
This is the second recommendation for Stanley Park. I
I notice a large bird running towards me. I didn¶t see him
It doesn¶t seem like there is much I could do for them
Is it right? I don¶t know. I¶ll leave right for God to decide. I
Robert. We¶re just married. Thinking about it brings tears
M.O.P. smiling at me from the top of a small hill
Now I know what I am doing in this park. This must be
Mr. M.O.P. but he is gone again from the stage. I cry
I¶ve always wanted a rose tattoo on my left breast since I
I¶m still in my strappy sandals. He takes the time to bend
I wonder why his balls are such a dark shade. I haven¶t
I¶ll bet he wasn¶t shy about taking shower in gym class
Sedona and San Antonio and acknowledge size doesn¶t
Mr. M.O.P. and I don¶t know dual shower protocol. In the
He looks befuddled. And wet. ³Well...´ his voice trails
He looks amazed I would even suggest such a thing. ³I
Drowning doesn¶t seem like a good idea to me. You can
Mr. MOP
He¶s not very bright. ³Yes. I have restless leg syndrome
My Travel Tips for Vancouver
I think about Rene saying he would come home if I
Robert looks as if I had stabbed him all over again. The
It¶s been great over the years and I want to thank you for
It is noon before I get up the next morning because I had
Hmmm. They are supposed to be inserted. It helps to
No one is here but I still feel like I¶m being watched. I take
I look around for instructions but can¶t find any. Well the
Still nothing. They don¶t seem to be working. I turn over
Nope that didn¶t do anything either. I part my knees and
There weren¶t any buttons or switches on them now that I
I can¶t I won¶t. They¶ll just have to stay in there until I
I supposed to do about that?´ The tears dry up with the
I forget my metal ball crisis. I must be dead if I can feel
It will last until Wednesday. Only until tomorrow. This is
I¶m good even if I do say so myself. The audible sigh of
We are seriously sexing. He is all up in me and I am loving
He looks at me and I can't look away. ³Yessss.´ Then he
We chew the fat and end with me agreeing to Robert¶s
He reads the form and his puzzlement is apparent. ³Why
The living. There¶s really no substitute. To have someone
Enough to wish you well. Please do not settle for less.´ I
Robert. I couldn¶t have done it without you.´ I open the
Maybe it¶s time to explore my own back yard. I search
Las Vegas five years ago with Mr. M.O.P. It makes me feel
Mastectomy Momma Support Group
Why would she think I have prosthesis? I may not have
Maybe I should catch up with her and tell her I don¶t
I¶m going to be a ³D´ cup before too many more days pass
One of life¶s mysteries makes perfect sense to me now. I
I wish Mr. M.O.P. could see my titties. I wish I could
He takes my hand to comfort me. ³Then come and bury
P. 1
Sensing Passion: Travels of a Fifty-five Year Old Divorcee

Sensing Passion: Travels of a Fifty-five Year Old Divorcee

Ratings: (0)|Views: 292 |Likes:
Lynn Westner is floating contentedly through life with the security of a twenty-eight year marriage holding her aloft. She is serene until she crashes into her husband Robert’s desire for a divorce and the downsizing of her job. The twin blows have her questioning her sense of purpose and her sanity.
Lynn gets a lifeline by the ghost of her one foray into adultery who challenges her to get out and find the passion in her life. From Bloomington to Sedona and Vancouver to San Antonio, Lynn searches for strength and the courage to face her future as a single woman of a certain age.
Sensing Passion: Travels of a Fifty-five Year Old Divorcee will have you crying with Lynn as she attempts to overcome her feeling of failure, laughing at her revenge methods, and cheering at her sexual escapades. Travel with Lynn as she finally comes of middle-age.
Sensing Passion is the winner of the Strongest Start Three 2009 contest.
Lynn Westner is floating contentedly through life with the security of a twenty-eight year marriage holding her aloft. She is serene until she crashes into her husband Robert’s desire for a divorce and the downsizing of her job. The twin blows have her questioning her sense of purpose and her sanity.
Lynn gets a lifeline by the ghost of her one foray into adultery who challenges her to get out and find the passion in her life. From Bloomington to Sedona and Vancouver to San Antonio, Lynn searches for strength and the courage to face her future as a single woman of a certain age.
Sensing Passion: Travels of a Fifty-five Year Old Divorcee will have you crying with Lynn as she attempts to overcome her feeling of failure, laughing at her revenge methods, and cheering at her sexual escapades. Travel with Lynn as she finally comes of middle-age.
Sensing Passion is the winner of the Strongest Start Three 2009 contest.

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Published by: Christy Cumberlander Walker on Jan 24, 2010
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