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If You Love Someone

If You Love Someone

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Published by Joey Wheat

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Published by: Joey Wheat on Jan 29, 2010
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01/29/2010

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1WheatIf You Love Someone...Make Them FatI would have said, "...set them free," but there wouldn't be any comical reason to do so: thecliche task was just too much. My attention comes to focus on the healthy habits we havedeveloped as a twenty-first century society (in the wake of such modern miracles as: fast foodand sprawling shopping centers: monolithic deities designed by their greater gods to be places of commune and worship (no, I haven't slipped into Marxist/anti-capitalistic rant just yet)). So whatinevitably comes of this, is that we, as a nation of pigs and domestic bovine, must grunt and mooto the sound of our ever increasing payloads bulging from the strained seams of our mass- produced clothing. It's a scary thought when you realize that people too can reach
critical mass
.Thankfully, we don't annihilate into enormous mushroom clouds of radiative energy, nor do weincinerate large square-mile radii.Our freedom to be fat should be neglected in that being fat, the state of a fat existence, isitself a crux to humanity. It isn't discrimination when someone taxes your bloated ass to cart anextra several hundred pounds of lard across an equal amount of distance via jet plane. Whatworries me is that fast food, and even the nostalgic relics before the restuarant craze, have become so ingrained into the social fabric that people fail to realize when they're being fed liketheir companions on the industrial farm.Love is such a funny thing: hilarious, really. This so-called love we have for our family,or those closest to us, seems to be reason to encourage their unhealthy lifetsyles. We treat themto dinners, give them gift cards for restuarants, send them boxes of chocolates on Valentine'sDay, and just for precaution, pick up the difference at the movies for a box of Goobers and anextra large popcorn and soda with all of the trans fat, salt, and refined sugar one could ask for:this is the bond which cannot be broken: enabler and enabled. Forget the cheap drug anaolgy,
 
2Wheatfood has taken on its own unique context, because legality and brand marketing are somethingthat heroine and cocaine may never fully realize.As you sit down to a juicy burger from MacDonald's, and the steaming fries waft their fragrance through the chattering restaurant, there is a sense of nirvana as you take the first bite:the hook. Fast food comes with its own attention-whore sentence, and the perfect thesis:want/need more. There isn't a clear argument, only the pure thought of consumption. If there areany supporting details to this feeding frenzy, they are: "buy more," and "no more." (Hopefully,the second one isn't often used.) I could never shake the feeling, when digging through a fastfood bag, that I was going to find oats and a harness. I still eat fast food: it's convenient, pleasurable, moderately priced, and nostalgic. Reward is the greatest of all human expectations,and all expectations are proportional to their failure.There are rehabs for the drug-addicted, there are gyms for the masochists among the physically unfit, and there are hordes of books for the fat bibliophile and Weight Watchersenthusiast. The average man is left to his own devices should he want to strike fear into hismetabolism. Diet pills offer a mild sedation to the financially and physiologically bold. I couldnever risk the harm of damaging my constitution with drugs of any kind. It seems the redemptionof the unhealthy, at the hands of fast food giants, is most likely within some co-op or health nutstore. It may very well be, but whatever these may offer to console the ravaged body of theunhealthy, are doubly tainted by waves of snake oil seeping from the remnants of the New Agecraze. If you're going to put your fate into the hands of a modern shaman, make sure he at leasthas a Ph.D. in witch doctery.Our designer genetics may inevitably be utilized to save us from ourselves. It's mostly afault of our altering the make-up of plants and animals, then the slow process of industrializingour food distributors, which has left us a fat and impotent herd of sheepless cattle. Gene therapy
 
3Wheatcould offer the most effective solution, but we still are not nearly addressing the cause: our food.The term "natural" is as properly used as the term "gay." When a food purports to be "natural,"either: a) the marketer is targeting the consumer; or b) the "low fat" and "diet" titles were allready taken by another product in their line. The solemn truth is that what you buy in the store isnever "natural." If it was, you wouldn't buy it wrapped in plastic, or pre-packaged in a cardboard box. The only way to eat natural is to grow the damn thing yourself, and if you're too sensitivetoward the poor miserable life of animals, then allow a butcher or delicatessen to murder themfor you (bon appetite).If anything, people should practice fasting more. When your life becomes so hazed bywork that you can't adequately starve yourself briefly, then there's a serious malevolence afoot. Itmay sound like the distorted psychological pleas of an anorexic drama queen, but I have never felt more relieved then when I fasted for at least a day. This doesn't mean restricting fluids; people should drink more, much more. Most of us believe that urine is supposed to be yellow,and for the most part that's okay; however, when you're adequately hydrated, urine is milky totransparent. Eating is a very destructive force to our bodies: we're taking in alien matter directly, breaking it down with what chemicals we can synthesize internally without killing us, and thenexcreting the matter we can't fully digest or have no use for. This is a very excruciating processto our body, and if your metabolism isn't up for the job, it's even worse. If one were to fast (firstconsulting their doctor about what interval of time would be healthy), I postulate that many people would live somewhat healthier lives. Of course, if you're still eating poison made fromchemically synthesized and refined compounds, I can't say that fasting will greatly help. There'sa great need for detox in our society, like a hung over priest needing a quiet congregation.Having survived the largest portion of the rant, I wanted to reiterate that I'm not a doctor of any kind, merely a humble witch doctor. People will always be ailed by their bodies (we're

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