A casual analysis of Personal Identity

You exist at the moment of reading this. If you can be certain of anything then it is that. Can you becertain about anything else? Can you be certain that you aren't a character in a virtual reality, a brainin a vat or God dreaming you? No. But what is certainty? Why are you certain that you exist at thismoment? It feels that way. You are experiencing something, and you become aware that you areexperiencing something which is yet another experience. So the proof that you exist is self-contained in its own existence. You exist because you experience it. You do not exist because youdoubt, you exist because you exist, existence meaning that something is being experienced bysomeone and you are identifying with that someone.I'm going to revert to first person. I am. Just me. I'm trying not to focus on anything right now. Butthat is proving impossible. I'm forced to focus on something right now. And now. And now. Now I just took a five seconds break from writing and I still was forced to experience something. It isobvious to me that I exist. But what is my point right now? The point is that my existence is self-evident, self-referential, self-emerging from this very moment of experience. I exist and that is all Ican be certain about right now. But that isn't the whole story. My certainty about my own existenceright now emerges from my experience of things that I don't perceive as me. I am observingsomething. Or so it feels. I am the subject, the experiencer of whatever it is that I am experiencing.And what am I experiencing? Feelings, thoughts, sensations, memories.It's insane. I feel like my experience is changing from every moment to the next. This momentdoesn't feel like the one I remember experiencing just a fraction of a second ago. Now theexperience has changed again. It doesn't surprise me though since that is exactly what I expect it todo. Right now I remember that my experience has been changing as far as I can remember. But howcan I trust my memories? Where is the proof that I existed before this very moment and that what Iremember happening really happened? How can I know that the universe wasn't created one secondago, implying that nothing that I remember happening before this second actually happened? Icannot know. All I can know is that I exist and that it feels like my existence has changed.And now again it feels like it just changed. My present moment feels like part of a sequence. It feelslike there have been countless or at least many other present moments that felt just like this one butI cannot know for sure since I am not experiencing those moments, I am only experiencing thismoment. Take one hour ago for instance. I remember that I was laying in my bed one hour ago. Buthow can I know for sure? I can't. There is absolutely nothing I can know for sure, except that I exist, but even that is something I only know when I am aware of it. The certainty of my existence is yetanother feeling which I only remember experiencing when I think about it.But again, how can I know that I have existed before this very moment? I cannot. And neither can Iknow that I will exist after five seconds from now. Five seconds have passed. I still exist. Does thismean that I should expect to exist after the next five seconds? No, because now I can't be sure aboutmy past again. You see? I at this moment cannot be certain about I five seconds ago or five secondsafter this. So how does one solve this messed up state of affairs? What am I to do? Shall I just keeprepeating this frustrating thought exercise for as long as my existence keeps lasting? No, I'm sick of that.Instead I shall opt for inference. What do I mean by that? Well, it is obvious that except for thecertainty that I exist right

now

, nothing else feels certain, including my past and future existence.This means that I need to start making assumptions about the nature of my existence if I am to get1

anywhere. But lets not forget, everything except the certainty of my own existence is anassumption. So why should I assume anything? Why don't I just keep focusing on the certainty thatI exist right now and leave it at that? Good question. What does why mean by the way? What does aquestion mean? Where is all this weird stuff coming from? It is obvious that weird stuff ishappening. This experience of mine, which proves my own existence, keeps changing, or so it feels.I feel strongly compelled to assume that it keeps changing. But to assume that, I need to assume thatI am experiencing more than this very moment. For that I need to assume that my memory of pastevents reflects something real. And if I assume that then I should also assume that my anticipationof future events is well founded. But why should I do that? Why should I bother with all theseassumptions? But wait, do I even have a choice about that matter? Look, I am already doing that. Iam already assuming stuff. But how can I know that my assumptions are true? I cannot. What is itto know something? If I can know that I exist then why can't I know that I have existed before andwill exist again?Ah, there is no proof. There is no direct proof that my existence transcends this very moment.Should I conclude that it doesn't? How can I? There is no proof either way. Just as much as there isno proof that I exist beyond this moment, there is no proof that I only exist now. So what should Iassume then? What is this should? Should... I need to deconstruct things a bit more here. I know Iexist. But the certainty about my existence comes from my experience of something, which feelslike it just changed. What is this something? How is it related to my existence? What can I knowabout it? It is obvious that it exists too, even if it is nothing more than a mirage. If that were the casethen all I would know is that I am experiencing an illusion.My existence would still feel certain. But why does it feel that way? Why does anything at all feellike anything? Why do I exist?! And why do I think I exist? Yeah, now I'm doubting my ownexistence but to do that I must exist. So it is obvious. I

exist. But who or what am I? Am Iexistence itself or am I just the observer of it? Are there things that are not me? Again, all I am leftwith are assumptions. But before I start getting into those, I want to explore certainty a bit more. Isaid that I doubt, therefore I exist. How can I know this? What is knowledge? How does it followthat my existence implies my existence?Hmm. Seems like I've met the wall of reason. It follows because... it feels obvious. Or because it isobvious? Again, how can I know that something is obvious? I can only know it by experiencing itas being obvious. Take the proof of my own existence. I didn't feel sure about it until it appearedobvious to me. Once it did that, it appeared obvious that I existed despite of having doubted it. Sothis feeling of obviousness about something takes precedence over any feelings of doubt that I mayexperience about the same thing at other moments. But how can I know that to be true? Take 1+1=2for example. It feels obvious that it is true. But does it? You see? Now I am doubting it again. Sowhat can I do? I can test it. 1+1=... 2. There we go again, it feels obvious.But now the test is gone. Am I to doubt it again? That would force me to keep recheckingeverything I wanted to feel certain about for eternity. This isn't good enough. I don't feel like beingstuck thinking about the obviousness of my existence and that 1+1=2 for eternity. Instead, I'll justaccept those things to be true. How can I do that though? By attributing the value of truth to them inmy memory. This way, every time I consider my own existence or 1+1=2 I can skip proving it tomyself and instead I can just trust that I already know it to be true. But isn't this risky? What if mymemory were to fail? What is my memory anyway? And how good is it?My memory feels like a shadow of my past experiences. It has a feeling of certainty attached to it.2

For example, the memory that 1+1=2 feels very certain. Extremely certain. It feels so certain that Icannot be bothered to check its validity right now. But what about my memory of my phonenumber? How certain do I feel about that? Quite certain but not perfectly so. It could be wrong after all, maybe something happened in my mind and the memory got changed. But I don't worry aboutthat possibility. I don't feel like worrying about it. I am forced to evaluate this and every presentmoment. Actually, I'm not even forced, I just happen to evaluate it. If I assume that I exist in pastand future moments then my existence contains a pattern of subjective experience. This subjectiveexperience is all I know at any given moment. I am literally stuck in my subjective experience, believing whatever it contains.The question now is whether there is anything to be learned about this ever changing subjectiveexperience or whether I should just dismiss it. Let's see. Isn't it from the subjective experience that Idiscovered that I exist? Doesn't the certainty of my existence rely on me having a subjectiveexperience, if of nothing else than of the certainty of my existence? It certainly does. Or so it feels.Feelings, feelings, how can I trust my feelings? The only way I can trust them is on their subjectivefeeling of validity and certainty. Do I still feel certain about 1+1=2? Not as much as I remember feeling some minutes ago. But if I remember that I felt certain earlier, shouldn't that make me morecertain now? That depends. Can I remember ever feeling certain about 1+1=2 only to discover thatit was wrong? No.As far as I remember, 1+1=2 has always been the case. But how can I trust those memories? Herewe go yet again. I need to break free from this loop. I need to start making assumptions. I need tostart differentiating among my feelings of certainty. I need to change my subjective experience. Need, need. Where does this need come from? OK, I better introduce the concept of logic. Thosefeelings of absolute certainty I get when considering certain ideas, those I will call logic. It islogical that I exist. And it is logical that 1+1=2. But what difference does it makes to call it logic?Does using the word 'logic' make it magically more certain to be true? No. But I am forced todeclare some feelings to be true if I am to get anywhere beyond this endless, self-referential proof of my own existence.But why? Why am I trying to change my subjective experience? Am I even choosing this or is it just happening? Am I not just being pulled into the mirage and forgetting that none of it is certain?How can I know for sure? Again, I cannot. All I can know for sure is that I exist and that asubjective experience exists. All I really, ultimately know is that I am the observer and that I amobserving something. I don't really know what I am observing and I don't know how myobservation is related to me. Am I observing myself or am I observing something outside of me?That depends on how I define 'me' (and 'I'). According to my current definition, I am the observer of this experience. But if I am the observer, then what would happen to me if I stopped observinganything? Would I still exist? No.My existence is dependent on me having an experience of something. But doesn't this mean that I

my experience or at least that my experience is a fundamental part of me? If I am nothingwithout my experience then how can my experience be separate from me? I am my presentexperience. But I am also the experiencer of my experience. But my experience right now is of me being the experience of my own experience. So what am I!? I am whatever I experience being. Butwhat if my experience of what I am changes? Does that mean that I am constantly changing? Or does it mean that I transcend change? And what is change? It is yet another experience. So I am theexperiencer and the experience.But wait a second. How can I know that? What if these things are outside of me, both the3