God bless America: land of the free, home of the brave – and litigators.

I sue,
you sue, we all sue – and the sillier the cause, the better. Frivolous lawsuits
are the stuff of television shows like Philly and Boston Public. But that’s
fiction, right? You think.

A woman in Florida has sued her employers for developing carpal tunnel syndrome –
also known as repetitive motion injury – in both hands. Why should this make news?
It’s a common occupational hazard for data entry operators and others who spend
all day typing on a keyboard. Right, except the lady in question is no data entry
operator and she didn’t get her tendons in a twist from too much typing. She got
it from too much masturbating.

The woman, who lives in Fort Lauderdale, is a phone sexline operator. Her job
description requires her to masturbate regularly – up to seven times a day - while
indulging her clients’ sexual fantasies. The ambidextrous female used one hand to
answer the phone and the other to give herself an orgasm during the verbal
foreplay. It’s all about customer satisfaction. Isn’t that what they teach you at
management school?

The phone sex lady has filed for worker’s compensation from Florida’s Department
of Labor and Employment Security. She has claimed weekly benefits of $267 and also
asked to be reimbursed $30,000 for medical bills reimbursement, after a
neurosurgeon operated on her hand to relieve the pain. Hey lady! You forgot to
collect damages for mental trauma.

Now that’s what I call private enterprise at its finest. It’s no wonder that the
USA is the leader of the free world.