wished I belonged, I had family, I had friends and I had a life. I made people laugh and I evenlaughed myself. But in reality I haven’t laughed in well over six months.I have been in this group home for almost four years. Apparently nobody wants a lanky 10year old klutz. It constantly smelled of feet and dirty laundry due to the amount of kids they took in every year. Endless amounts of kids that have been abandoned or left alone, much like myself.Thrown out into the world much too soon to fend for themselves or pushed into a place where noone really truly cares about them. Only because they get a paycheck or volunteer brownie pointsdo they give two shits to the wind about any of us.That is what the government thinks is best for those abandoned kids; empty compassion andfalse connections. Life can be a living hell on earth when you are the only one that actuallysincerely cares about your feelings.What keeps you going?What keeps you motivated to hope that this isn’t it, that life will get better?What keeps
place where I cry every night when I go to sleep?It wasn’t until the day
came, the day I discovered that my life did have meaning, that I gotthe answers to those questions consistently floating around in my head. A spark ignited inside methat took my breath away the moment I saw him and I knew he was the reason why. The reason Istayed in persecution, the reason I didn’t sneak out the window one night and run as far awayfrom this place as possible.
was the reason I fought with my inner self over the reasons I
left.I had been here two years, always staying to myself and not making friends with anyone because I knew it wouldn’t last. Everyone in my life has always been temporary, never stickingaround long enough to learn one damn thing about me. Like that is the way to grow up. Do youknow how screwed up that can make a person? More so in the earlier stages of life.Well I do and it isn’t pretty. I have seen some messed up kids that have been in the systemsince they were born. Some people think they want to be a foster parent because they want tohelp kids, some people adopt because they are incapable of bearing any offspring of their ownand some people foster for the money it provides every month.Almost all of these cases end up back at the group home or passed around from home tohome. Those are the kids who end up going in and out of jail because that is the only thing theyknow, the only thing that keeps them constantly under supervision like they have been their whole lives. Some kids will rebel and runaway or throw fits about everything in hopes thatsomeone will actually show real worry about their feelings.Which brings me to the fact that not one person in my life has asked me how I feel or how Iwas coping. Maybe that
partly my fault because I refused to see a shrink but they are the fakest