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This One’s ForYou, PLull!

This One’s ForYou, PLull!

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Published by tksnyder
Feb. 2010 Noncord (A student publication at Luther Seminary)
Feb. 2010 Noncord (A student publication at Luther Seminary)

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Published by: tksnyder on Feb 21, 2010
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial


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St. Paul, Minnesota
February 17, 2010Volume 5, Issue 2
This One’s For You, PLull!
Dean Lull Replaced by Dean
Obama may have him beat in sex appeal, but ol’Mr. President’s algorithm is nothing compared toDean Dean’s. Yes You Did, Big DD!
Seminary Scandal
Dwight Zscheile doesn’t even
 glasses! Full Story pg. 6.
Also Inside!
Luther Seminary’s Chapel ofthe Incarnation becomes newestinternship site for 2010-2011 - pg. 10
Sign up for interviews with Paul Westermeyer in the Choir Room!
It has been a season of surprises for the LutherSeminary community, but perhaps nothing ismore shocking than the recent announcementfrom President Rick Bliese that senior Master ofDivinity student Dean Grier has been tapped toreplace Patricia Lull as Dean of Students.The decision came on the heels of theadministration’s call for candidates for theposition. In a move that is both controversialand a bit avant-garde, Bliese and the seminary board suspended the search-and-screen processwhen Grier applied and they realized thatLuther Seminary could have as its new Dean ofStudents a student named Dean.“The board and I love puns,” Blieseexplained. “And what started as a joke justsort of snowballed into something moreserious. When he came in for his interview, heimpressed—big time.”In addition to being recently approved forordained ministry in the ELCA, Grier, a 40-year-old father of two originally from Hawley, Minn.,
has experience in commercial shing, asbestos
removal, teaching graduate chemistry, andhelping to launch a nanotechnology center. Therelevance of that experience quickly presenteditself in Grier’s interview, Bliese said.
M.Div. senior Dean Grier astounds the Luther Seminary Board with analgorithm that will now defne his enrollment strategy as incoming Deano Students.
Continued pg. 2
Tiny Japan Rejoice
: Modern Dance Instructor
 Aaaaa! Seurkyl:
One Hit Wonder
 Major Unpleasant Eh?:
Strolling Minstrel
Carnal T. Juicy-Number:
Bliese Memorial Circle-Talker
 Jauntily Clean Miracle:
 Assistant Director to the Assistants
West Hamata:
Wooden Desk Stainer
Nice Junk List:
Connoisseur of Delight
Drab When Tender:
Lion Tamer
 Mean Shank Rap John:
DJ Extraordinaire
Chunk A. Dishonorables:
Octogenarian Enthusiast
Stripe Retch:
Goat Killer
Granny Adores:
Personal Trainer
News INBrIef( 
•Faculty tricked into aending chapel withcreation of falsied “all-faculty-all-the-time”
preaching schedule.•Paulson found molding Luthers desk maskto his own face.•Don Lewis declares “Mission Accomplished.”Community asks, “Who is Don Lewis?”•Administration vows less circle talk at nextround of community forums despite Trinitarianmodel of interpenetrating perichoretic love.•Student council fails on its promise to get apop machine in the cafeteria.•Zscheile takes casual Fridays to the extreme– parts hair on right side.•Vagina monologues to be presented by malefaculty – Eve Ensler denies authorship.•Announcement of new campus pastoreclipsed by revelation that John Mann was
replaced by shape-shiing Smoke Monster in
Mid-February is a time fraught with excitement andtrepidation for seniors who await the national church regional
assignments for their rst call. While the majority of these
seniors end up in Midwestern regions, such as 3 and 5, that hasnot kept senior Bjørn Bjørnson from feeling discouraged by hisassignment. Mr. Bjørnson, who hoped to end up on either ofthe coasts, explained the pain of ending up in Region 3 in thefollowing way:“I knew that, statistically speaking, this was a possibility, butI thought I would beat the odds, you know? I don’t know what
I could have done dierently. I thought my paperwork wasprey clear. I listed Peter Rollins as my favorite theologian, said
that I only lead post-modern worship and casually mentioned
my numerous taoos and liberal political leanings. Maybe I
overdid it. I did use the word ‘context’ roughly 143 times in the
Rostered Leader Prole (RLP). I guess I thought I was being
subtle.”Mr. Bjørnson is not totally despairing, though. “I don’t know,maybe this can be like, ironic or something, like taking a promdate to Arby’s. Plus, old people can be kind of cool, especiallywhen they swear.”
“He worked out this algorithm that oered a
precise—and I would say elegant—solution to ourenrollment woes. It was like watching Will Huntingand that professor guy work on math together,” said
Bliese, noting that there are other benets to Grier’s
selection.“We will be able to pay him a work-study wage until
he graduates, so that obviously helps our nancial
situation,” Bliese said. “Finally, we felt like studentswould connect with him; his knowledge of heavymetal music is extensive. A Dean of Students who lovesTesla—does it get more missional than that?”No, no it does not.
Bjørn Bjørnson’s life will never be the same.
DeaN DeaN as New DeaN
Continued from pg. 1
Former M.Div. student Frank Forde’s remains were discovered during J-Term.
The cause of death was starvation aer falling through the cracks of Northwestern.
Forde would have graduated in 1994 and will be given an honorary degree at the2010 May commencement, as well as receive a post-mortem ordination. A Service of 
Remembrance for this former student will be held in the Northwestern Chapel. The
 family asks for memorials to be sent to Luther Seminary, which will commission alife-size painting of Frank Forde. The painting will be hung between Rogness andTiede.
Frank Forde
Bold move announced with newlyrevised strategic plan.
Earlier this week, President Bliese announced the specics
of a revised strategic plan formally adopted by the board of
directors at their February 5th meeting. Eective fall 2010,Luther will be purging the campus of excess, specically the
student body. The elimination of students from the campus
is expected to free up considerable faculty and sta for
“mission-directed” activities.“This was a purely mission-strategic decision,” claimedChair of Finance & Administration Bob Torkelson, in hisannouncement. Any additional cost-savings will be anunexpected yet welcome missional outcome.”For several years, the board has conducted its meetings attimes when no classes are in session and students are rarely
found on campus. “We saw rst-hand how well things run
around here without the students present,” said Paul Dovre, board chair, “and as a former educator, I can easily see thatthis was a mission-logical move for the organization tomake.” Dovre is the former president of Concordia Collegein Moorhead, Minn., a Lutheran college that still operatesunder an antiquated, student-based model.Also under consideration at this time is a redesign of therecently unveiled seminary slogan. In light of the announcedstudent downsizing, the board is considering the adoptionof “Luther Seminary: Removed By The Promise” as more
ing catchphrase. At their meeting, the board of directorscommied to a feasibility study to determine the mission-
mindedness of the proposed slogan, the cost of which is notexpected to exceed $130,000.On a related note Team Captain, Mark Throntveit was
seen congratulating other members of the faculty soballteam on their sure (and long overdue) victory in the spring2011 Faculty/Student Soball game.
Prosperity Theology
Dear Friends: A prosperous new year and decade toyou!
Since I rst advertised the new
section in the book store, I have been overwhelmedby your response. I know this is Luther Seminary but Iwas unaware of the underground aspect of 
here on campus. Don’t worry – I won’t revealyour book suggestions or your identity to professors, theadministration, or your candidacy committees. Thank youfor helping this section of the book store grow in prosperity.It is slowing edging out the “faculty book” section and hascompletely edged out the worship resource section (allworship-material-related sales are now by reservationonly).There has been a considerable increase in book salessince the creation of the
section. Inorder to compete with other big players in the Twin Cities(TCF Bank Stadium, Mall of America Field and TargetField), we’ve decided corporate sponsorship is the wayto appropriately represent the new direction of the bookstore.What will be the new name of this ever-growing sectionof the bookstore? Now there is just one more reason toattend the annual spring variety show and silent auction!Bid on the sponsorship of the prosperity section; rights willgo to the highest bidder. Please, no submissions outsideof the silent auction - we don’t want the mailroom or theIT folks to see who is bidding as they may “accidentallylose” your bid in cyberspace or in the deep recesses of the mailroom.Again, thanks for making this new section of the storegrow and prosper as is my wish for you in 2010. Bid onthe sponsorship for the
section or any other section.
Gary Anderson
Section Manager 
 O b i t u a r y

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