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7 Sure-Fire Ways to Prevent an Affair
Read Jed’s new book,
Mr. Mean: Saving Your Relationship from theIrritable Male Syndrome
on Scribd
at:
get a “hard copy” by going tohttp://www.menalive.com/mrmean.htmJed Diamond, Ph.D. has been a marriage and family counselor for the last 44 years. He is the author of 8 books, including
Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places, Male Menopause,
and
The IrritableMale Syndrome.
He offers counseling to men, women, and couplesin his office in California or by phone with people throughout the U.S.and around the world. To receive a Free E-book on Men’s Healthand a free subscription to Jed’s e-newsletter go towww.MenAlive.com. If you are looking for an expert counselor tohelp with relationship issues, writeJed@MenAlive.com.As a marriage and family counselor I am always dealing with issuesof sexuality, infidelity, and betrayal as well as intimacy, honesty,courage, and integrity.A rash of recent public scandals – from Tiger Woods to David Letterman, from Sen. John Ensign to Gov. MarkSanford, to the suspected shenanigans of Jon Gosselin of reality TV'sJon and Kate – might make it seem that sexual infidelity is sweepingthe land. Many of my clients want to know how to prevent an affair.Here’s what I tell them.
1.Renew Your Vows Every 7 Years.
There’s a joke I heard that could even be true. A man and awoman have been married for 57 years and their friends and familyare throwing a party for them to celebrate so many years of love.After the party the woman says to the man, “It was a wonderfulgathering and I’m so glad all our family and friends could get together to celebrate with us.“But I have a question that has been bothering me for years. Whydon’t you ever tell me you love me?”
The man looks at his wife of 57 years with surprise. “Why I
did
tellyou I loved you the day we got married. If I should change my mind,I’ll let you know.”Too many people assume their relationship will just coast alongonce it gets started. Well, it won’t. My wife and I have been married31 years. It is the third marriage for both of us. Every 7 years, werenew our vows and recommit to our marriage. And we tell eachother often, “I love you.”
2.Don’t Let Nature Take Its Course.
Many people assume that if two people love each other and trusteach other they don’t have to worry about affairs. Nothing could befurther from the truth. Biologically speaking we come together inorder to create children who we can raise until they are of an agewhere they can have their own children.Through most of human history, when we reached the age of 40or so, our children were grown and on their own and we enjoyed thelast few years of our lives and then quickly died. Now that we’reliving through our 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s, and more and more of usinto our 100s, we need to rethink marriage.Nature is through with us a lot sooner than we’re ready to checkout. We have to continue to renew our vows to ourselves, to staycommitted to life, even though nature may be pulling us to the greatbeyond.
3.Our Biology Wants Older Men To Cheat On Their Wives.
Think of the world through the eyes of your genes. Their goal is toget themselves passed on. The only way they can do that is to getanother human to have sex with the body that houses those genesand hope a baby is created. It is a biological reality that womenreach an age when they can no longer reproduce. We call itmenopause. Men reach an age when their hormones begin to dropand they become more and more irritable and antsy. We call it “malemenopause.”
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