There is nothing I can do to stop these fears. I’ve tried counselling,hypnotism, even considered suicide. If it weren’t for other fears that wouldbe the easy way out. No-one to miss me, no-one to realise I’m gone, no-oneto realise I’m still here. Still suffering. Fear is an obscureterm. It seems simple enough but what is it really. Is it the rush of adrenaline? The flood of dread?It affects us so much but we don’t really know why we feel as we do. If we knew we could try to overcome this word that can cause temporaryparalysis, but that’s the problem. Essentially we fear the unknown. Yet thereis no technical name for the fear of the unknown, even though 99% of theworld’s population suffer from said phobia. To name something reduces fearof the thing.So as I stand in the corridor, braving the drafts breaking through thebarrier of my front door, I chant phobias under my breath.
Aerophobia Acrophobia Agateophobia.
With each word I advance one step closer todread, closer until I am closer than I’ve ever been before. I don’t feel proud; Iam too overcome by looming horror. Pulling at the numerous chains on mydoor, my fingers tremble as they blur across the locks. Moving too fast,breaking my barrier too easily for comfort but they won’t stop. I try and trybut they work of their own accord. Demolishing my walls, the walls that keptme sane, secure and stable. The searing cold metal burns my fingers, numbing them from the stingof the latch as it slips out of place. I freeze. Paralysed by the fear of everything lurking beyond my now defenceless door. The cold, the snow, thespace, the streets, the stares. The stares and gazes, accusing, pitying,wondering. Ophthalmophobia, fear of being stared at. I should be used tothis, such a frequent ritual, but each step is another stab in my chest. A stepcloser towards what feels like death. The dark wood of the door taunts me, haunts me; and the dancingwhirls and knots in the grain reflect my inside spinning and twining together,apart, together again. Chinks of light escape from the boards covering thebeautiful stained glass, beautiful yet fragile, too fragile for safety, tooinsecure. The glowing beams scatter through the hall, illuminating the hell inwhich I feel secure. Of all my problems I never had a denial issues. I know
*Agoraphobia – fear of the outside *Chionophobia – fear of snow *Frigophobia – fear of the cold*Autophobia – fear of oneself