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Only Human25

Only Human25

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Published by Ana Karen

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Published by: Ana Karen on Mar 02, 2010
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial

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11/17/2013

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Chapter 25
Title:
Only Human (25/27)
Author:
Amethyst Jackson
Rating:
M/NC-17
Category:
Drama, Angst, Romance
Pairing:
Edward/Bella 
Summary:
A wish sends Bella back in time to Chicago, 1918, and to a human Edward.
Disclaimer:
 
 All this genius belongs to Stephanie Meyer. I’m just having a little fun.
 I slept off and on, lying on the bed next to Edward. I could never stay asleep for long 
though it  was more comfortable than the chair in the hospital
had been, Edward’s occasional cries would
 wake me. He never fully screamed, fighting to hold the sounds in, but I had a feeling it was only a matter of time.
 
Carlisle was thoughtful enough to bring me food, enough to feed several people, but I was grateful
for every bite. It had been several days since I’d eaten more than a nibble here or there. Still, it was
hard to feel comfortable or content when Edward was in so much pain.
 Would he hate me for this? I couldn’t blame him if he did –
his pain was clearly excruciating, andthe sight of it caused a harsh ache in my chest. I would gladly trade places with him if it could savehis life, but of course, it could never be that easy. And I knew what he would think of himself once
he learned what he would become…a 
nother reason for him to resent me. I could very easily beruining everything.
I tried to imagine what he would say if I could ask him, but I could come up with nothing…and I
hated that helplessness. Surely I should know what my own husband would want. Whether he
 would prefer death to becoming a vampire…whether he would curse me for not preventing all of this…I wanted my suspense to be over with. I wanted to be with him, even if he would spurn me in
the next instant.
“What’s troubling you, Bella?” I jumped,
 
startled. I hadn’t heard Carlisle come into the room;
usually he made a little noise to announce his presence. Evidently, the turmoil in my mind was written on my face.
“Do you think he’ll hate me for this? He’s always despised himself for what he is…what 
 
if he can’t 
forgive me for coming back in time, knowing what would happen and not doing a thing to prevent 
it?”
 
Carlisle took the chair beside the bed, frowning thoughtfully. “Bella, I’ve wandered this earth for
over two hundred years now, and while I may lack personal experience, I think I can safely say from observation that most people would do anything to keep hold of the kind of love you show for young Edward. Perhaps Edward will come to hate what he is
 
but I don’t think he’ll mind so
much when that 
leads him to you.”
 
“Would you feel the same?” I asked desperately.
 
Carlisle shrugged. “I’ve come to terms with what I am
 
but keep in mind that I’m already olderthan your Edward will be when you meet him in the future. I don’t mind my life. It’s not exa 
ctly 
 what I would wish, but I accept my limitations…and I hope. I hope that one day, my work will berewarded. That one day, I’ll have more than a reason to go on living, but a reason to enjoy life as well.”
 
“You will,” I promised him, inspired as always by Carlisle’s story. I hoped that Edward would oneday find such peace, even if he couldn’t forgive me immediately for my part in his fate.
 
“Thank you, Bella,” he sighed. “That knowledge will sustain me.”
 Edward cried out then, and I devoted all my attention to him.
 
Twenty-four hours passed, and he continued to struggle against his pain, to keep it inside, though
he didn’t seem to have a rational reason to do so. I could tell he no longer recognized me –
 perhaps he tried not to scream simply for something to focus on other than the pain.I did my best to soothe him with cool water, afraid to stray too far from his side. I ate again, andfell asleep curled up against him. When nearly 48 hours had passed, I woke to a sharp scream anda pain in my arm. I realized Edward was grasping my wrist for dear life, his fingers unnaturally and
dangerously tight around the small bones. I couldn’t ask him to let go, however. I waited for him to
relax a bit, and he finally loosened his clasp.I could barely stand to watch, bu
t I couldn’t turn away. His eyes remained open wide, unseeing 
and edged with terror. The tendons in his neck and arms stood out as he strained against the venom coursing through him. His nails tore holes in the bedspread beneath him.The very core of me pr
otested against seeing him this way, but I couldn’t deny the small, scared
part of me that watched this with fear for myself. I knew now, without a doubt, what I wouldexperience if Edward kept his word and changed me. I had proof in the worst way of everything Edward had warned me of 
how I would experience a pain so thorough that I would wish fordeath before the end. Was I ready? Everything within me cringed away from the idea of that much pain, but when Iremembered my reasoning 
 
for Edward 
 
the fear was tamed from a snarling leopard to a clawing kitten. It was more than manageable. I could survive this much pain for an eternity with the person who made my world turn.The last day was by far the worst. Edward cried out continuously, growing hoarse but neverceasing. Carlisle told me his internal organs would be shutting down now, and that would causehim excruciating pain.I took advantage of those last, long hours, lying close to him, feeling his fading warmth as the flow of blood slowed, listening to his ragged breaths and raging heartbeat as it fought against his ailing body. Even knowing exactly what he would be like after the transformation, even knowing I wouldlove him just as deeply, it broke my heart to see the changes in progress, to know his sweet, boyishinnocence would never return.
Edward’s fingers clutched at me involuntarily, curling into the folds of my clothing, clenching andunclenching with pain. He bruised me, but I couldn’t move from my place against him, nor did I
turn away when his screams turned to sobs and he wept in agony.Carlisle came back into the room as the sun began to set on the third day.
“You’ll need to leave, Bella,” he told me regretfully. “His heartbeat is growing dangerously slow.
His transformation will likely end
 within an hour or two, and I’m sure you know what will happenif you’re here when he wakes.”
 
“Yes…yes, of course,” I answered dazedly. Truthfully, I’d put this moment far out of my mind. I’d
known it would come, but had never thought about it. Now what? Now that my time with Edward

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