PERMISSION TO ATTEND THE RED SKY RIDE 2010

(otherwise referred to as the postpubescent pedal pushers pissing off for a week)

Name

Marco De Campi

Age:

40 going on 14

Address

Not supplied – not having you lot rock up at here all sweaty at breakfastexpecting espressos and adoration/sympathy depending on how gruelling your ridewas.

Emergency Contact

Call his mum. I’m looking forward to a week free of discussions ad nauseum on the benefits of leg shaving, paw paw ointment, thedecreasing weight in kgs of other blokes bikes (finally, when smaller / lighter isbetter), references to carboshots, carbo loading, carbo offloading (is that like taking areally big poo? – I get enough of that talk from my 3 kids!) and shouts of “where’s mylycra?” from the laundry at 4am while its still dark out! Oh, and the blessed relief fromthat interminable clippity clop clopping on the floorboards at that hour! If his mumwon’t answer just say what I say when it’s hurting, bleeding or grazed – “rub it with abrick!” And,no, running out of Paw Paw ointment does not constitute an emergency.

OTHER IMPORTANT INFORMATION ABOUT THE CYCLISTPERSONAL HYGIENEShowering:

needs to be strongly suggested as Marco worries if he heads off for ashower he might miss something like a conversation about leg shaving or carboshots, another beer or something on the telly. He’s very social able but ignorerequests for group showers or the offer to wash your back – this is a tactic designedto take the party wherever he goes so he doesn’t miss anything.

Toilet trained:

Y/N?

Not really

NUTRITION

Avoid additives 102 103 104 110 120 122 123 124 127 129 131 132 133 142 150151 155 160b 210 211 220 282 319 320 321 421 620621 627 631 635 951 Seriouslythese are all linked to hyperactivity so feed him twisties and redskins at your peril.

Breakfast:

ONE bowl of weetbix will do. He’ll ask for a second bowl but just tell himto have a piece of fruit. At that point you’ll need to remind him that bananas are notthe only type of fruit available. I don’t want him coming home all bound up! Oh, andhe likes his milk warmed for the weetbix – 30 seconds on high in the microwaveshould do it.

Morning / Afternoon tea

;

I’ll let the coaches decide at what speed he can inhalethose flipping carboshots. If he chokes it’s your problem

Lunches / Dinners

I notice Sausage Sizzle prevails as a main meal on this trip.Can I please put in a request for skin free gluten free bio-dynamically grown organicsausages on a multi grain spelt gluten and fun free bun please? I don’t want himreturned with “glue gut”.

Medication

Self medicates with beer, a pack of Winnie Blues, a good rub with Paw Paw and a liedown.

Fleur De Campi

, give permission for

Marco De Campi

to attend the Red Sky Ride from March1 –7, 2010.