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Tino di Bellezza

Tino di Bellezza

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Published by Eric Peter Schwartz
Two hapless monks try to give their Abbot an incredible gift.
Two hapless monks try to give their Abbot an incredible gift.

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Published by: Eric Peter Schwartz on Mar 11, 2010
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial


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TINO DI BELLEZZAwritten byEric Peter SchwartzREVISION 7March 11, 2010Copyright © 2009-2010Eric Peter SchwartzAll Rights Reserved
FADE IN:EXT. MONASTERY CLOISTER - DAYThe sound of MONKS CHANTING echoes through the ivy-covered,ancient stone colonnades that surround the tranquilmonastery cloister.A small reflecting pool at the center of the cloistercatches the sunlight and makes it dance.The sound of SQUEAKY,WOODEN WHEELS ON COBBLESTONE shattersthe tranquility.SKWEEEEE-KA-THUNK – SKWEEEE-KA-THUNK – SKWEEEEE-KA-THUNKTwo novice monks, BROTHER MAURICE and BROTHER PAUL, arepushing a huge, old wooden vat of gruel through thecolonnade.Both are fairly young, late teens. They both wear thetraditional robes and crosses.The vat is gigantic. The gruel within is lumpy and fairlydisgusting. As it rolls over the cobblestones the surface ofthe slop bobs and jiggles like quicksand.The two monks look at each other, smile slightly and nod.INT. CHAPTER HOUSE - DAYA line of MONKS steps up one by one to silently congratulatethe ABBOT of the monastery, who is seated on a smallplatform.One by one the monks take his hand, bow and touch theirforehead to his hand and then step past.The Abbot nods in thanks.EXT. MONASTERY CLOISTER - DAYBrother Maurice and Brother Paul continue to wheel the hugevat over the cobblestones.They seem satisfied with themselves as they roll the gruelvat up to two large wooden doors.Brother Maurice holds open one of the doors while BrotherPaul pushes the vat through the door.
2.INT. CHAPTER HOUSE - DAYThe Monks and the Abbot all turn as light streams into thedim room as Brother Maurice and Brother Paul maneuver thegruel into the Chapter House.The Abbot sighs as the two Brothers move the vat to thecenter of the room.Maurice and Paul ignore the other Monks, they nod reverentlyto the Abbot.Then they move to either side of the vat.The Abbot looks with concern to his aide, BROTHER RADICCIO,who looks back.Suddenly Brother Maurice reaches under his robe and producesa boombox.Brother Paul grins wide and winks at the Abbot, who’s eyesgrow wide with fear.Brother Maurice pushes the play button on the boombox.“HEAVEN’S ON FIRE” by KISS starts playing.The other Monks’ mouths fall open in disbelief.A buxom, redheaded STRIPPER rockets out of the gruel to thedelight of Brothers Maurice and Paul.Gruel flies everywhere – a large splop landing on theAbbot’s forehead.The stripper wears only a sequined thong and pasties.Brother Paul takes her hand and helps her out of the vat. Ashe does so, she bends over and grinds her ass into Paulwhile blowing a kiss to the Abbot.As all the blood drains from The Abbot’s face, BrotherRadiccio passes out and drops from sight.The line of Monks are shocked, horrified and strangelydelighted.Brother Maurice is now wearing a green visor, has hissleeves rolled up and is waving around a fist full of dollarbills.The Stripper slinks her way toward the mortified Abbot. Sheclimbs up on the platform and dances for him for a moment.Then she drops to her knees, whips her long red hair in acircle, sending gruel flying. Then – her head disappears,presumably into the old Abbot’s berobed lap.

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