Jokes by Jokes.com
You Silly Blonde. Don't You Get It?
A blonde was at home watching TV with her friends when she heard a noise. She ran out just in time to seea thief drive off in her car."Did you see their face?" her friends asked when she came back inside."No, but it's okay -- I got the license plate number!"
Heh. Stupid Blondes.
How do you make a blonde laugh on Sunday?Tell her a joke on Thursday!
How do you keep a blonde at home?Build a circular driveway.
Blonde and a Brunette on a Cliff
Q: A blonde and a brunette jumped off a cliff. Who hit bottom first?A: The brunette -- the blonde had to stop and ask for directions.
Yo' Mama is so fat, that when she wears blue people think a flood is coming.You're so fat that when you step on the scales it says, “One person at a time please.”
Scared to death
A taxi passenger tapped his driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The drover screamed, lost controlof the car, and landed inches away from a shop window. After a few silent moments, the driver said, "Look,man, don't ever do that to me again! You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized andsaid, 'I didn't think a tap on the shoulder would scare you that much.'The driver replies, it isn't really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I was driving a hearse for the past 25 years!(hearse: funeral vehicle)
Bad Things to Hear on an Airplane
10. This is your captain speaking and I don't feel that life is worth living anymore.9. We're cruising at an altitude of... ah, hell, I don't know.8. Could somebody come up here and tell me what this button does?7. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Just kidding.6. Would a flight attendant bring me a martini? And keep 'em coming!5. This is...uh...this is...uh...your...hmm. I seem to have lost my memory.4. Passengers on the left side of the plane -- does that engine sound funny to you?3. Welcome aboard flight 109 -- you bunch of jerks!2. Good God, Steve! We're going to crash! Oops -- is this intercom on?1.We'll be on the ground in 10 minutes. One way or another.
The Way It Goes
-- The spouse who snores the loudest always falls asleep first.-- The product you are most embarrassed to buy must be price-checked over the intercom.-- The heavier the load and the farther you must carry it, the more your nose itches.--The original will be found when a replacement is bought.-- When you have a deadline, the printer always runs out of toner.-- When you have to get up early, a power surge knocks out the alarm clock in the night.-- Technical instructions are in three languages: Spanish, French and Greek.-- On the verge of completing a major spreadsheet, you will mysteriously perform an "illegal operation" anderase your work.