English for Workplace Communication (Workshop) Semester 2, 2009/10

Session 7: Persuasive Messages (Getting Attention in the Opening) ©PolyU HKCC

Session 7: Persuasive Messages (Getting Attention in the Opening)

Part A: Diagnostic Test

Analyze the following e-mail. List its weaknesses (in terms of the approach,
organization and language used).

Dear Colleagues

1
Since we work in the same organization, I think it might not be too great a trouble for
you if I ask you to serve as a mentor for the student-participants of our
newly-introduced mentorship programme.

2
Basically, we expect you to meet two or three mentees once every month over the
course of next year. 3When you meet your mentees, you can share your personal
experiences with them, teaching them how to apply their learning in reality. 4You can
also let them know about the trends in the workplace.

5
As we haven’t built up a large pool of mentors from the industry yet, we believe that
using our existing resources will be the first step to making this programme a success.
6
Besides, you need to spend only minimal time with your mentees.

7
Although I know you have other administrative duties to perform, I hope that I will
receive an affirmative answer from you. 8If I do not hear from you before March 15, I
will assume you are comfortable with this arrangement.

9
Thank you in advance for your help.

Sincerely
Allison

Problem with the approach: ____________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

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English for Workplace Communication (Workshop) Semester 2, 2009/10
Session 7: Persuasive Messages (Getting Attention in the Opening) ©PolyU HKCC

Problem with the organization and language used:

Opening: ____________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

Body: _______________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

Closing: _____________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

Part B: Concept Review

Although there are different types of persuasive messages (such as favor request,
persuasive claim, sales letter, etc.), they have similar organizations:

1. Gaining Attention in the Opening. You can use the following methods, such as
describing a problem, mentioning a reader benefit, offering the reader a
compliment, posing a stimulating question etc. to gain your audience’s attention.

2. Building Interests. You should persuade your audience to believe that your
assertions/claims/ requests are reasonable. To justify your ideas, you may employ
statistics, expert opinions and/or readers’ benefits to support your case.

3. Reducing Resistance. You should anticipate your audience’s potential doubts

and/or resistance that they may have against your assertions. You may reduce your
audience’s resistance by stating reader benefits.

4. Motivating Action. You should close by telling your readers what you want them
to do; you should be clear with your requests/assertions without sounding pushy
or unreasonable.

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English for Workplace Communication (Workshop) Semester 2, 2009/10
Session 7: Persuasive Messages (Getting Attention in the Opening) ©PolyU HKCC

Part C: Concept Boosting Exercise

Exercise C1: Read the following scenarios. Then, for each situation, write an
effective opening which draws the audience’s attention according to the
requirements specified in the questions.

1. You want to write a persuasive email to your senior requesting for an

upgrade of your current computer. (Describe the problem in the opening to
gain your senior’s attention.)
_________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________

2. You want to promote sports equipment (like treadmills, cycling machines

etc.) to people who are too busy to pay attention to their health. (Use
shocking facts to gain your audience’s attention.)
_________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________

3. You are a fundraiser for Charitable Computer Fund. Appeal to the public
for donation to support the poor to purchase computers. (Use a story to
gain your audience’s attention.)
_________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________

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English for Workplace Communication (Workshop) Semester 2, 2009/10
Session 7: Persuasive Messages (Getting Attention in the Opening) ©PolyU HKCC

4. You write to the industrial partners to secure placement opportunities for

the Year 3 students in your programme. (Use reader benefits to gain
attention.)
_________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________

Exercise C2: In drafting sales letters, you want to emphasize the benefits to your
audience. Revise the product features (selling points) to highlight the audience’s
benefits.

PRODUCT FEATURE (SELLING AUDIENCE BENEFIT

POINT)
1. Simply by completing the
application form online, you can sit
back and wait for our staff at
MoneyFast to contact you within 24
hours to help resolve your urgent
financial needs.
2. Happy Ending provides you with
one-stop wedding planning and
consulting services.

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English for Workplace Communication (Workshop) Semester 2, 2009/10
Session 7: Persuasive Messages (Getting Attention in the Opening) ©PolyU HKCC

Part D: Quiz

Question D1: Write an effective opening for the e-mail in Part A.

_____________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

Question D2: Revise the product feature (selling point) to highlight the
audience’s benefits.

PRODUCT FEATURE (SELLING AUDIENCE BENEFIT

POINT)
Our products are made by frozen
yogurt and gelatin. The fat contents in
both frozen yogurt and gelatin are
lower than conventional ice-cream.

Part E: Grammar Review – Adjectives and adverbs

Exercise E1: Add the adjectives in the correct order to the following statements.
The first one has been done for you.

Example Answer:
Jason likes shopping. He often returns with _____________
(new, strange) items. strange new

1. Agnes bought a(n) ____________________________ (deep

purple, interesting) mini-skirt at the flea market.

2. Would you like to try some of these

____________________________ (chocolate, little, tasty)
cakes?

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English for Workplace Communication (Workshop) Semester 2, 2009/10
Session 7: Persuasive Messages (Getting Attention in the Opening) ©PolyU HKCC

3. I bought a(n) _____________________ (Italian, powerful,

second-hand) car.

4. Crystal is a shopaholic. Although she has tons of

______________________________ (fashionable, brand-new,
expensive) clothes, she still said she has nothing to wear!

Exercise E2: Complete the sentences below by using adverbs or adverbial

phrases according to the requirements specified in brackets.

Example:
Every few months, Liz attempts a new diet _____________________. (Adverbial of
reason)
Answer: Every few months, Liz attempts a new diet because she feels heavy.

1. Janice knows the importance of having a balanced life. That’s why she
_________________ (frequency) works _________________ (time).

2. Walter is a serious student. He spends at least 4 hours every day to study

___________________________________ (purpose).

3. Jason is an opportunist. He is always looking for a magic way to get rich

____________ _________________________________(manner)

4. I got to know Gwen at a coffee shop near my home. At that time, both of us
______ (frequency) went__________ (place) __________ (time) _______________
(purpose).