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Post- magazine, March 25, 2010

Post- magazine, March 25, 2010

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Published by: The Brown Daily Herald on Mar 25, 2010
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the blunt facts about SSDP at brown
Weeding Out theOppostion
Brown University
l
March 25, 2010
l
Volume 10
l
Issue 25
 
2
upfront
POST-
Editor-in-Chie 
Marshall Katheder
Executive Editors
Allison ZimmerEllen “Scraps “ Cushing
Managing Editor o Fea-tures and Liestyle
Matthew Klebano 
Features Editors
Kate DoyleFred Milgrim
Managing Editor o Artsand Culture
Sam Carter
Music Editor
Katie Delaney
Theatre Editor
Rachel Lamb
Film Editor
Max Godnick 
Literary Editor
Ben Schreckinger
Copy Chie 
Sarah Forman
Copy Editors
Julia KantorAnisha SekarPaul WatanabePhil Lai
Layout Editors
Madelynn JohnstonAlexandra Linn
Graphics Editor
Katerina Dalavurak 
Photo Editor
Kate Doyle
 Staf Photographer
Kayla Smith
Web Designer
Eric Stayton
Web Editor
Al-li-son Palm
Publicist
Diana Shirina
post-
staff 
the
NOT COMIC\\ ben dannFALLING OFF THE (PUSSY) WAGON\\ brian mastroianni &hannah rechtBEDROOM BANDIT\\ teen wolf VSPRING TO THE STAGE\\ rachel lambFOREIGN FLICKS\\ kelly mckowenNOC LIST\\ ted lamm and alex loganEAST OF EDEN\\ anisha sekarHE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU\\ allie wollnerDOMINATRIX IN TRAINING
\\ the hardy brothers
03upront05arts & culture06arts & culture07ood & booze08sex04eature
WEEDING OUT THE OPPOSITION\\ casey bleho
CONTENTS
Post- Magazine is pub-lished every Thursdayin the Brown DailyHerald. It covers books,theater, music, lm,ood, art, and Universityculture around CollegeHill. Post- editors canbe contacted at post.magazine@gmail.com. Letters are alwayswelcome, and can beeither e-mailed or sentto Post- Magazine, 195Angell Street, Provi-dence, RI 02906. Weclaim the right to editletters or style, clarity,and length.
marshall
LETTER FROM THE EDITOR
Dear Reader,Ernie Anastos has that vacant-faced look that’s perfect for anews anchor. It’s accompanied with a booming, velvety voice,thick jet-black hair that’s receded just enough for a distin-guished forehead, and an effortlessly toothy smile—one withshimmering pearly whites that glisten against his lightly-toastedcomplexion.“It takes a tough man to make a tender forecast,” he says,bantering with a pudgy weatherman live on FOX5 WNYW.“I guess that’s me,” the weatherman says, trying too hard tolook comfortable.“Keep f*cking that chicken,” Mr. Anastos casually lobsback.As self-consciously as Jon Stewart and I have tried to injectthis elegant expletive into our daily usage, its absurdity cannever be replicated exactly. But I think it’s worth noting thatsomething beautiful happens when we loosen our tongues. Not
so much in the sense of letting your opinions errantly y out
like debris from a wood chipper. But more in letting language
be uid, not limiting yourself to clichés or latching yourself into
the same conversation you’ve had over and over again.
The weather in Providence sure is unpredictable; etc.
yawn.
Be sensitive, of course, and never speak out of ignorance
(unless you fess up rst). But spice up your speech, my darling
reader. Don’t always stick to the script, feel out the scene. Andhey, it’s Spring Break. You can always blame it on the booze.Keep f*cking that chicken,
Coal
to gray ponytail guy at the Rock forenforcing the “no food” rule. My appleisn’t going to hurt your books — I promise!The tickets are now 
Diamonds.
 
Coal
to BSA for failing to properly antici-pate the server burden from everyone try-ing to order tickets at once.
Diamond
to Ben & Jerry’s for free coneday.
Katerina Dalavurak 
Check outwww.diamondsandcoal.comto submit and get into Post-ave fve
DIAMONDS & COAL
Post- magazine
 Food, Sex, Booze, Music,Art—Write about it. Love it. Live itpost.magazine@gmail.comEmail us by April 21stwith a sample column(500-700 words)
 
3
upfront
 THURSDAY, MARCH 25, 2010
 TOP TEN
1234678910
Berge watchin’. In Cabo. Bikini edition.Sign all release forms handed to you bycameramen.
 
Reunite with Kiwi friends. Awkwardly makeexcuses for why our darling Editor Allison Zimmerhasn’t called back.
Get arrested. Make sunglasses out of lit cigarettes.“Once you kill a cow, you gotta make a burger.”
The*ck, Lady Gaga? 
Beg MTV to meet you at the beach even thoughSpring Break is over for e’ryone but Brown. Have anexec tell you it sounds too douchey.
Have sex on the beach. And maybe a cocktail.Drink with your parents; realize they are racist.Explain to your Mom that the bulbous red markon your neck is from paintball. With the boys.Not a hickey.
If I were visiting Brown, I mightpick up
The Brown Daily Herald 
toget a sense of the student voice. May- be I would read a couple of articlesto find out what is going on and, “Ohlook,” I might say, “There are comicson the back page!” A second later I would realize that I would never getthat second back. Soon, I’ll wonderhow such a brilliant student body could create such atrocious comics.Being a Brunonian, I feel likesomething must be done. If I caredless, I might let it slide, but doesanyone else scratch their head aftertrying to justify a joke that is just…not there?I don’t mean to be harsh: I know the artists are just trying to createlighthearted humor. But someonehad to say 
something
. I feel a deep void in my stomach where laughtershould be. Although it’s cliché to inform you, my dictionary widget definescomic as, “causing or meant to causelaughter.” But as I sit at break-fast each morning, I read the com-ics only to find a caliber of humor vaguely comparable to the quality of the scrambled eggs on my plate.Frankly, I find the fact that the Ratty microwaves bananas to ripen themfunnier than comics about fruity characters saying stupid things.Some of my friends have tried todefend their favorite
comics.
They like the idea of squeezing as many  jokes out of basic geometry as possi- ble. I guess that’s fine, because afterall, it must be difficult if it takes twomath geniuses to come up with those jokes. You also have to love the gemsabout self-conscious dictators and whiny anime characters. And only after an intense
 BDH 
comic sesh doI realize how hilarious it is to spendtoo much time playing Pokémon or browsing Facebook.Perhaps nonsensical comics arethe way to go. There is a place in my heart for spontaneous blips of silli-ness. Cute talking animals have theirdays, and sometimes have me chuck-ling despite my utter confusion. Youlaugh because you cannot explain it.But I could get the samelaugh by giving a secondgrader paper and pastelsand saying, “Go nuts!” Un-fortunately, giving collegestudents pen and papersomehow yields the sameresults.But who am I to criticizethe comics? People mightretort: “if you are so vocalabout the comics, then why not make one yourself?”I thought about this,and I can give you a few reasons why not. First,humor is subjective, andit is hard to please others(as this column is quickly proving). Friends andlife’s funny moments makeme laugh; everything elseis second rate. Secondly, Ican’t draw for beans. Andthirdly, my funny bone is broken. I am writing this just to make the comic art-ists angry.Comics are somethingto which you should look forward, and they are anintegral part of our news-
benDANN
contributing writer
Not Comic
why comics are dropping the ball (point pen)
Have a Badass, Post-ied Spring Break
Say
woo
! whenever possible.Don’t drink and drive,
smoke
and
fy.
 
paper. Some schools don’t even havestudent-drawn comics, so for that,kudos. But… the end of the papershould be the cherry-on-top, not thestale end of the loaf.The funnies are for the people who don’t want to read the paper—ordon’t have the willpower. They are forthe people who don’t have the timeto do a crossword puzzle or fill out agrid of mathematical mind-busters.Sometimes we just don’t have time
 
5
for your big words,
 Herald.
So whenthe disparity between the quality of  your writing and the quality of yourcartoons is so glaring, how are thegoobers among us supposed to getour daily laugh? And don’t even get me started on Vagina Dentada.Sincerely, Your Biggest Fan, Ben Dann
Katerina Dalavurak 

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