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lifestyle //GOMmelier

Tobacco: Zeal and History


Earning a smoke by testicular deportation, Aboriginal
drug delivery, facial hair, and airline reprimands.
By Keith B. Hoffman

A
ccording to scholars on the subject, Tobacco has been known to the wider world see Australia he found the native Aborigines, in
many moons ago the Khoikhoi since the voyage of Columbus, when, upon arresting similarity to the natives that Columbus
(previously known as the Hottentots) of landing in modern day Cuba, two adventurous observed, to be wholly dedicated to tobacco. As
the southern regions of Africa used to practice members of his crew decided to join the natives Cook noted with amazement, Aborigines were a
a most interesting and macabre right of passage in their curious custom of burning a ‘weed-like completely nomadic people who displayed almost
for male puberty. As the nomadic Khoi relied thing’ and ‘drinking’ the smoke. Europeans had no penchant for cultivation, material goods, or
heavily on their hunting skills for survival, never seen anything being taken into the body permanent shelter. The trinkets and gifts that
some among them believed that a reduction in in such a manner, and had absolutely no customs usually triggered valuable trade for such expeditions
testicular influence would result in a more agile, related to the act of smoking. The sight may have as Cooks, were completely useless in Australia.
and therefore successful, hunter. To this end, on amazed the crew as much as finally finding land. The Aborigines showed no interest at all in
the day when puberty was first recognised, a boy The natives believed that the weed was from God, anything Cook’s men brought out to barter with.
would be handed a burning cigar, and would enjoy and incorporated the use of tobacco into almost
his first ever smoke as his mother gently placed
one of his testicles in her mouth, and immediately
all aspects of their culture. Tobacco especially
played a key role in ceremonies, and reading its
Snus: a call to the EU
chomped down with one clean, severing bite. smoke informed a viewer on such topics as: when
After this assumingly distressing introduction to harvest crops, whether to wage a fresh war, or
to smoking, an elder male would urinate on the take a nap.
boy, followed by a stuffing of his recently evicted Completely independently from the natives
scrota with animal fat and healing herbs. That was in North America, another ancient band of
a smoke truly earned. Perhaps muse over that the peoples, many thousands of miles away, had
next time you feel sorry for yourself about a faulty also discovered the power of nicotine. When
lighter delaying your first smoke of the day. James Cook came ashore as the first outsider to

Fire curing of tobacco is thought to be a major


cause of the weed’s carcinogenic potential.
Snus, a moist-version of oral chewing tobacco
especially popular in Sweden, is made from
steam-cured tobacco, which results in a far
safer product. In 1960 Sweden was literally on
fire—55 percent of males smoked, now that
number is down to 14 percent, in large thanks
to Snus. Yet, the EU has banned Snus, and one
can only buy it legally in Sweden. Women in
Sweden still smoke unreservedly, apparently
as Snus is not viewed as a womanly thing to
do, and their cancer rates remain extremely
high. The cancer rate for men in Sweden has
plummeted to the lowest in the Industrial
world. In the 2001 the EU was forced to repeal
a forced labeling law that declared Snus as
a cancer risk, because the evidence of such
was simply not there. Given the information
above, I would strongly encourage the EU to
reevaluate the ban on Snus.
È A man enjoys a cigar, blissfully unaware of the often bizarre history of the tobacco leaf over the centuries.

64 GAMBLINGONLINEMAG.CO.UK
GOMmelier // lifestyle

È Today’s cigar fans prefer to smoke, but native


Aborigines used to put the rolled leaves behind their
ear and let the nicotine leach through their skin.

The single exception to their austere life was the


cultivation of one single crop, tobacco. They, just
like the natives in North America, also invented
various other ways to enjoy the weed. The North
Americans are credited with inventing snuff (the
crushed, dried, and finely powdered version of the
tobacco leaf taken by gently sniffing into the nasal
cavity), whilst the Aborigines actually rolled up
moistened tobacco with wood ashes and placed
the wrap behind their ear as one would a pencil.
The nicotine slowly leached through their skin
and into their bloodstream. This invention is what
nerds in pharmaceutical companies across the
globe now call “transdermal drug delivery”.
From the early days of tobacco ingestion
mentioned above, the weed has taken hold of
almost all human societies ever since. A typical
introduction to a new place follows a general
course of: willful acceptance by a certain class
of people; rapid passion; widespread adoption
by most of the population; taxation; outrage
at its hold on society; religious persecution;
draconian governmental regulation; regulation
abolishment; taxation; and acceptance once
again. Such patterns have been borne out
repeatedly throughout history in: England,
Germany, Spain, Russia, the Americas, Japan,
China, etc. The recurring path tells much
about human nature, greed, the genesis of what
constitutes ‘fashionable’, and our ultimate È Captain Cook found the Aborigines to be uninterested in trade. Tobacco was the only thing they cared for.

GAMBLINGONLINEMAG.CO.UK 65
lifestyle //GOMmelier

È These innocuous looking leaves have taken hold of


human societies for centuries, hooked on its charms.

failure to quell the siren call of nicotine. Obvious


reminders of the weed’s hold on us humans can
governmental authority controls the skies you
are about to be in. Where are the warnings about
A smoky separation
still be seen in almost any public place in every heroine, cocaine, peanut allergies, the dangers of church, state
corner of the world.
A curious testament to the power of nicotine
associated with lighting your seat on fire, and
admonishments to refrain from dismantling
and beards
addiction can be heard every time you board equipment necessary for the operation of the
an airplane. In most places, non-smoking laws, airplane’s navigational equipment? You are The interplay between governmental
whilst flying, have been in effect for many years. about to be hurtled hundreds of kilometres regulation of tobacco and religious persecution
Yet, each, and every, time a plane is about to per hour through a static-charged atmosphere of the weed has historically depended solely
leave the ground we are verbally reprimanded in a metal tube held together by thousands of on the personal tastes of those in power. Many
not to have a smoke. The signs above every single rivets and miles of electrical lines crisscrossed a ruler passed laws banning the weed, and,
seat, even recently built planes, have the crossed over metric tons of petrol—and the majority typically, when power was transferred to a new
out cigarette logo. Finally, we also need to be of the pre-flight lecture centres around tobacco ruler the laws would instantly be abolished.
reminded that taking apart sensitive airline consumption? That, my friends, is a window For example, Peter the Great, Czar of Russia,
equipment, like a smoke detector, is frowned seat into the power of the most popular was very fond of smoking, a habit he picked up
upon, both by the airliner, and whatever weed ever to exist. on working in shipyards across Europe prior
to coming back home to Russia to assume
power. The first moment he was called Czar
he repealed Czar Feodorovich’s strict anti-
tobacco laws, which included punishments
such as: slitting open of the lips, castration,
and death. This action did not please the
church so they decreed excommunication on
anyone who smoked.
History has shown us that, Czars, in
general, do not particularly enjoyed being
publicly rebuked. Peter declared that his
subjects ignore the admonitions of the fully
bearded Greek Orthodox church leadership.
In an inspired guise, publicly deemed for
‘modernisation’ of his people, Peter declared
heavy taxation on all beards and even kept
specially designed scissors with which he
personally snipped off his subject’s beards.
È No-smoking signs on planes stand as a curious testament to the addictive power of nicotine in tobacco.

66 GAMBLINGONLINEMAG.CO.UK

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