My Choice to Be in A Homeless Shelter, Bunk #11
I could be wrong, but I am sure there are some people out there that wonder how and ask why I could allow myself to end up on the street and in a homeless shelter. Asking this question would be similar to asking Jews why they allowed themselves to suffer under the hand of a monster like Hitler.
Though my story, has some drama to it, the truth is I chose to be homeless. Yes, Bunk #11 had my name written on all over it. Why do I say that? I will be happy to share that with you.
I chose to let go! I let go of everything in order to gain everything!
This may sound like an oxymoron and can be hard to understand. The truth is that many of us have had an experience where we let go in order to receive. Our children are great examples of this. We must let them go and allow them to walk in order for them to run. When our children go to school for the first time, we let go and trust that the school, teachers and God will care for our little ones. By letting our babies go, we allow them and ourselves the gift of personal growth.
We have our own personal “letting go” experiences.
Personally, I was tired of the way my life had been going and knew there had to be a better way for me to approach life. I lived the Beverly Hills lifestyle, married a rock star, lived a life others dream of, but that was what it was...a dream, not my Truth.
This Truth is what I chose to seek out...somewhere, somehow. It wasn't easy and I wasn't as willing in the beginning. The reluctant selling of my home was the start of the physical losses. I can still remember leaving that house and mentally feeling like I was being dragged out while I dug my fingernails into the walls as a way to keep from leaving. Of course this was all in my mind and never happened but that is how I felt.
Many more losses were to follow, but I realized there was one common denominator in all my losses…ME. There was nothing and no one to blame because when all was said and done I was the one looking, being and living my situation. So from my perspective, I had had enough and wanted answers.
Surely I could have chosen any number of people to rally and feed into my story, like many of us do, but no, not this time. I wanted answers and the answers would not come from living dreams, making believe, creating drama and new stories. No, I wanted the Truth at all costs. I chose to go within to find those answers. While everyone was hard at work, I was working hard to discover and see things within myself and my past that were contributing to my current situation. That was by far the hardest and most painful work I have ever done.
All of our present experiences are greatly influenced by our past experiences (good or bad). I believe that we re-create those bad past experiences in our current lives as a way to heal them. Our pains will continue (physically and emotionally) until we learn the lesson. These experiences will continue until we realize we need to stop and address that which needs care and healing. This pattern is what I wanted to stop once and for all, not only for myself, but for my son and everyone that I love.
When a caterpillar goes within a cocoon during its metamorphosis, the caterpillar literally liquefies within. I'm sure it isn't comfortable, but as each tiny cell transforms, it is recreated in perfect time to it’s perfect form. When the process is complete, we get to experience the emergence of a beautiful and magnificent butterfly being it’s Truth. Yet, the beauty of the butterfly would never be known if not for the caterpillar's surrender and allowing of nature to take its course. In many respects, the transformation of the caterpillar into a beautiful butterfly is similar to my own personal journey.
All of the answers I was looking for were within. Though I had much help and support, I couldn't have done the intense discovery had I not let go of everything in my life. I had to let it all go in order to be, to see, to explore the depths of my fears and past, to learn how to re-create my life and most importantly to learn how to love myself and realize and live the real Truth of who I really am.
I could not have done this without living in my healing pod, the homeless shelter in Bunk #11. What emerged was ME, the now magnificent truth of ME.
I am so very grateful.
With All I Am, In Love, Shari Rightmer Bunk #11
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