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up the down staircase

up the down staircase

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Published by Alexander M Zoltai

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Published by: Alexander M Zoltai on May 16, 2008
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial


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Bio: Alexander M Zoltai is a writer with roaring flames in his heart, a blogger

with a global agenda, and a nutrition entrepreneur.
Title: Up The Down Staircase
At first, I was trying to push ahead when I really needed healing time.
Went from a homeless situation in Ohio to Florida for my daughter's wedding. (Dear

Audra! I wasn't able to help raise her but she loves me anyway.)

Was walking, literally, 100 blocks a day to get to my job and back to the
Salvation Army shelter. Had miraculously been included in her wedding party but I
was not the dude who gave her away.

One month after the wedding, I was homeless again, and deeply depressed.
Must have been some "turning-point" in my history of striking out with vigor only

to be beaten down...
Beat down enough to walk the streets of Sarasota, Florida begging God to kill me.
One of the member's of my Faith attempted an intervention--not for my psyche but

to loan me $3,000 to move into my own trailer.
There was a delay in approval for the place and I slid further down the slope of

Went to the bank one day and cashed the check, took the $3,000 and went into an
alcoholic tail-spin. Rented a motel room and drank about a case of Guinness a day;
also smoked pot...

Finally had the suicide idea hatch--hell, I'd been sittin' on the egg a long time!
Bought pills that I could overdose on, and proceeded to watch them for a whole

day--I had no motivation left at all--even to kill myself.
So, on to Sandusky, Ohio, my hometown and continued drinking.
My sister had hacked my email account and determined I was alive. Oh! I'd written

a good by e-mail and shipped it out to all my friends.
While in my hometown, I bought two knives and tried slicing my wrist--again, no
motivation at all--even to kill myself.

My sister did intervene with love. I went back to Florida and stayed with her,
went to the VA Hospital for psychological examination, got struck with a Chronic
Depression label, and found out I had Hepatitis C !

This is when I was certain something "spiritual" was going on: God, the Humorist, was letting me know Who was in charge. I told family and friends but they couldn't understand my delight.

Next, six months on antidepressants and quitting smoking plus max meditation and
spiritual recharging.

The day for starting treatment for the Hep C arrived and I skidded into eleven
months of debilitation, crappy feelings, hair-loss, muscle-mass-loss, flu
symptoms, bone aches, anemia--all "normal" for the treatment.

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