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SomethingNew

PGWodehouse

PublishedbyZippedBooks(www.zippedbooks.com)

Publisher'sNote

PelhamGrenvilleWodehousewasbornin1881inGuildfordandeducatedatDulwichCollege.Hebeganwriting(afterstartinghisworkinglifeasabankclerk)in1902,andpublishedover100bookseventually.HisbestknowncharactersareJeeves(agentleman'sgentleman)andBertieWooster,whotypifiedtheupperclassstratumofsocietythatWodehousebothlovedandmadefunof.After1909Wodehouselivedlargelyabroad,andduringWorldWarIIwasinternedbytheGermanauthorities.HeinjudiciouslyallowedhimselftobepersuadedtomakeradiobroadcastsinBerlin,andtheresultingangerinBritainwasprobablythereasonwhyWodehousesettledintheUSAafter thewar.HetookUScitizenshipin1955,buthisachievementswerefinallytoberewardedbythecountryof hisbirth,justweeksbeforehisdeath,withaknighthood.Althoughsetinanarrowsocialmilieuandaperiodofhistorylongsincedeparted,thereissomethingtimelessinthecharactersthatWodehousecreates,andhisworkseemslikelytoendureformanygenerationstocome.GeneratedbyABCAmberLITConverter,http://www.processtext.com/abclit.html

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CHAPTERI

ThesunshineofafairSpringmorningfellgraciouslyonLondontown.OutinPiccadillyitshearteningwarmthseemedtoinfuseintotrafficandpedestriansalikeanoveljauntiness,sothatbusdriversjestedandeventhelipsofchauffeursuncurledintonotunkindlysmiles.Policemenwhistledattheirposts--clerks,ontheirwaytowork;beggarsapproachedthetaskoftryingtopersuadeperfectstrangerstobeartheburdenoftheirmaintenancewiththatoptimisticvimwhichmakesallthedifference.Itwasoneofthosehappymornings.Atnineo'clockpreciselythedoorofNumberSevenArundelStreet,LeicesterSquare,openedandayoungmansteppedout.OfallthespotsinLondonwhichmayfairlybedescribedasbackwatersthereisnonethatanswerssocompletelytothedescriptionasArundelStreet,LeicesterSquare.Passingalongthenorthsidewalkofthesquare,justwhereitjoinsPiccadilly,youhardlynoticethebottleneckopeningof thetinycul-de-sac.Dayandnightthehumanfloodroarspast,ignoringit.ArundelStreetislessthanfortyyardsinlength;and,thoughtherearetwohotelsinit,theyarenotfashionablehotels.Itisjustabackwater.InshapeArundelStreetisexactlylikeoneofthoseflatstonejarsinwhichItalianwineofthecheapersortisstored.ThenarrowneckthatleadsoffLeicesterSquareopensabruptlyintoasmallcourt.Hotelsoccupytwosidesofthis;thethirdisatpresentgivenuptoroominghousesfortheimpecunious.Thesearealwaysjustgoingtobepulleddowninthenameofprogresstomakeroomforanotherhotel,buttheyneverdomeetwiththatfate;andastheystandnowsowilltheyinallprobabilitystandforgenerationstocome.Theyprovidesingleroomsofmoderatesize,thebedmodestlyhiddenduringthedaybehindabatteredscreen.Theroomscontainatable,aneasy-chair,ahardchair,abureau,andaroundtinbath,which,likethebed,goesintohidingafteritsusefulworkisperformed.Andyoumayrentoneoftheserooms,withbreakfastthrownin,forfivedollarsaweek.AsheMarsonhaddoneso.Hehadrentedthesecond-floorfrontofNumberSeven.Twenty-sixyearsbeforethisstoryopenstherehadbeenborntoJosephMarson,minister,andSarahhiswife,ofHayling,Massachusetts,intheUnitedStatesofAmerica,ason.Thisson,christenedAsheafterawealthyunclewhosubsequentlydouble-crossedthembyleavinghismoneytocharities,induecourseproceededtoHarvardtostudyfortheministry.Sofarascanbeascertainedfromcontemporaryrecords,hedidnotstudyagreatdealfortheministry;buthedidsucceedinrunningthemileinfourminutesandahalfandthehalfmileatacorrespondinglyrapidspeed,andhisresearchesintheartoflongjumpingwonhimtherespectofall.Thatheshouldbeawarded,attheconclusionofhisHarvardcareer,oneofthosescholarshipsatOxfordUniversityinstitutedbythelateCecilRhodesfortheencouragementoftheliberalarts,wasanaturalsequenceofevents.ThatwashowAshecametobeinEngland.TherestofAshe'shistoryfollowsalmostautomatically.HewonhisblueforathleticsatOxford,andgladdenedthousandsbywinningthemileandthehalfmiletwoyearsinsuccessionagainstCambridgeatQueen'sClub.Butowingtothepressureofotherengagementsheunfortunatelyomittedtodoanystudying,andwhenthehourofpartingarrivedhewaspeculiarlyunfittedforanyofthelearnedprofessions.Having,however,managedtoobtainasortofdegree,enoughtoenablehimtocallhimselfaBachelorofArts,andrealizingthatyoucanfoolsomeofthepeoplesomeof thetime,heappliedforandsecuredaseriesofprivatetutorships.Aprivatetutorisasortofblendofpoorrelationandnursemaid,andfewofthestatelyhomesof Englandarewithoutone.Heissupposedtoinstilllearninganddeportmentintothesmallsonofthehouse;butwhatheisreallythereforistopreventthelatterfrombeinganuisancetohisparentswhenheishomefromschoolonhisvacation.GeneratedbyABCAmberLITConverter,http://www.processtext.com/abclit.html

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Havingsavedalittlemoneyatthisdreadfultrade,AshecametoLondonandtriednewspaper work.AftertwoyearsofmoderatesuccesshegotintouchwiththeMammothPublishingCompany.TheMammothPublishingCompany,whichcontrolsseveralimportantnewspapers,afewweekly journals,andanumberofotherthings,doesnotdisdainthepenniesoftheofficeboyandthe juniorclerk.Oneofitsmanyprofitableventuresisaseriesofpaper-coveredtalesofcrimeandadventure.ItwasherethatAshefoundhisniche.ThoseadventuresofGridleyQuayle,Investigator,whicharesopopularwithacertainsectionofthereadingpublic,werehiswork.UntiltheadventofAsheandMr.Quayle,theBritishPluckLibraryhadbeenwrittenbymanyhandsandhadincludedtheadventuresofmanyheroes:butinGridleyQuayletheproprietorsheldthattheidealhadbeenreached,andAshereceivedacommissiontoconducttheentireBritishPluckLibrary--monthly--himself.Onthemeagersalarypaidhimfortheselaborshehadbeensupportinghimselfeversince.ThatwashowAshecametobeinArundelStreet,LeicesterSquare,onthisMaymorning.Hewasatall,well-built,fit-lookingyoungman,withacleareyeandastrongchin;andhewasdressed,asheclosedthefrontdoorbehindhim,inasweater,flanneltrousers,andrubber-soledgymnasiumshoes.InonehandheboreapairofIndianclubs,intheotheraskippingrope.Havingdrawninandexpelledthemorningairinameasuredandsolemnfashion,whichtheinitiatedobserverwouldhaverecognizedasthatscientificdeepbreathingsopopularnowadays,helaiddownhisclubs,adjustedhisropeandbegantoskip.Whenhehadtakenthesecond-floorfrontofNumberSeven,threemonthsbefore,AsheMarsonhadrealizedthathemustforegothosemorningexerciseswhichhadbecomeasecondnaturetohim,orelsedefyLondon'sunwrittenlawandbraveLondon'smockery.Hehadnothesitatedlong.Physicalfitnesswashisgospel.Onthesubjectofexercisehewasconfessedlyacrank.HedecidedtodefyLondon.ThefirsttimeheappearedinArundelStreetinhissweaterandflannelshehadbarelywhirledhisIndianclubsoncearoundhisheadbeforehehadattractedthefollowingaudience:a)Twocabmen--oneintoxicated;b)FourwaitersfromtheHotelMathis;c)SixwaitersfromtheHotelPrevitali;d)SixchambermaidsfromtheHotelMathis;e)FivechambermaidsfromtheHotelPrevitali;f)TheproprietoroftheHotelMathis;g)TheproprietoroftheHotelPrevitali;h)Astreetcleaner;i)Elevennondescriptloafers; j)Twenty-sevenchildren;k)Acat.Theyalllaughed--eventhecat--andkeptonlaughing.TheintoxicatedcabmancalledAshe"SunnyJim."AndAshekeptonswinginghisclubs.Amonthlater,suchisthemagicofperseverance,hisaudiencehadnarroweddowntothetwenty-sevenchildren.Theystilllaughed,butwithoutthatringingconvictionwhichthesympatheticsupportoftheireldershadlentthem.Andnow,afterthreemonths,theneighborhood,havingacceptedAsheandhismorningexercisesasanaturalphenomenon,paidhimnofurtherattention.OnthisparticularmorningAsheMarsonskippedwithevenmorethanhisusualvigor.Thiswasbecausehewishedtoexpelbymeansofphysicalfatigueasmalldevilofdiscontent,ofwhosepresencewithinhimhehadbeenawareeversincegettingoutofbed.ItisintheSpringthattheacheforthelargerlifecomesonus,andthiswasaparticularlymellowSpringmorning.ItwastheGeneratedbyABCAmberLITConverter,http://www.processtext.com/abclit.html

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