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Book 3 of Breaking Dawn in Edward's POV

Book 3 of Breaking Dawn in Edward's POV

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Published by Abbie
Book 3 of Breaking dawn in Edward Point od view
Book 3 of Breaking dawn in Edward Point od view

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Published by: Abbie on May 04, 2010
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial

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02/13/2014

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Awakening
I could not leave her side.It is physically impossible; even as the faintest suggestion materializes in mymind, the muscles in my body lock down as though bracing for an assault, and asharp sting – the memory of an absent heart, a hollowness that I had enduredduring those endless months when I tore myself from her – pierces my chest.So I cease to think of leaving altogether.She lies there, so still, her breath hissing through clenched teeth in short gasps. Ihold her hand between my palms, hoping beyond all hope that she is not in pain – that she can feel me here, beside her.And I tell myself that this is what she wanted, that it was the only way to save her in the horrific aftermath of our child's birth… and it is what
wanted, if I wascompletely honest with myself, ever since I realized that I loved her.I concentrate on the air filtering in and out of my lungs, using the motion to marktime as it passes inexorably, marching towards the moment that will define theremainder of my existence. I will know for certain then, at the inevitable end,whether I have failed or succeeded.I did everything right – exactly the way that I had planned it, so carefully, insidemy head. I did not allow myself to think as I plunged the steel barb into her weakly throbbing heart, flooding the organ with my venom. I did not taste thesweet nectar of her blood as I bit through the tender skin on her throat, her wrists, the creases of her elbows…She got what she wanted. My venom flows through her bloodstream, changingher, reshaping her from a human to a vampire. Soon, that transformation will becomplete. And I'll be able to keep her forever.I am the most selfish creature that has ever walked this earth.Footsteps ascend the staircase, composed and purposeful. I recognize thecadence just before my father calls my name with his thoughts.
Edward? I'mcoming in to check on Bella.
I do not bother to form a reply. I stare, unblinking, at her face – so pale, so empty – and beg every god and power that has ever existed in this universe to grant me just one
second 
of insight into her mind. To give me something, anything, that willlet me know if this grand scheme of mine is working – if the morphine has sparedher from the indescribable pain… or if she suffers in silence to keep me fromblaming myself for subjecting her to such agony.A whisper of air, and the door opens. My father approaches us, bending over fluidly on Bella's right side, opposite of me, to feel the pulse on her wrist. "Still no
 
change?" he asks quietly while he counts the beats of her heart in his head."None." My voice sounds so strange, even to my own ears. All emotion has beenleached from it – the word is as lifeless as the definition it implies.Carlisle leans closer, inhaling the scent of the skin on Bella's forearm. "There'sno scent of the morphine left."
Her body must have used it all. Or perhaps thevenom purged it from her system.
"I know." The answer addresses both his words and his thoughts. My palmspress together tightly, sandwiching her small hand, and I feel the smooth metal of her wedding ring against my skin. I will never forgive myself if she is in pain,paying for my selfishness, my inability to go on without her. Never."Bella?" Carlisle gently replaces her limp arm on the operating table, and calls,"Can you hear me?""Bella? Bella, love? Can you open your eyes?" I watch her frozen face for theslightest flicker of movement, and desperation wells inside my chest, turning mynext question into a plea. "Can you squeeze my hand?" I remove my hand fromatop hers and intertwine our fingers with the other. But hers remains motionless,even as I stare at the slender digits, silently willing them to twitch in my grasp.Then my fear makes its presence known. It seizes control of my mouth, forcingout the unbearable thought that my brain has refused to finish contemplating. Ilower my head, hiding my face in the curve of Bella's shoulder. "Maybe…Carlisle, maybe I was too late."My voice, the toneless inflection, shatters like glass on the last word, cutting intomy flesh and shredding what remains of my heart. A shudder ripples across myframe as the resurrected pain of loss begins to surface in my crystalline memory.A large hand touches the crown of my head, resting comfortingly on my hair."Listen to her heart, Edward," my father murmurs. Of their own accord, my earsattune themselves to the low thrum echoing steadily through the soft body besideme. "It's stronger than even Emmett's was. I've never heard anything so
vital.
She'll be perfect."My accursed, perfect memory recalls the sickening crack that had filled thisroom, the image of her beautiful form crumpling like a rag doll on the table, and Ishudder again. A second passes as I inhale the smell – her unique smell – fromthe skin over her collarbone, using its familiarity to calm my fractured sanity. Itoccurs to me belatedly that the scent does not cause my throat to burn as fiercelyas before. Then, I manage to ask, "And her – her spine?""Her injuries weren't so much worse than Esme's. The venom will heal her as itdid Esme." Carlisle's hand starts to withdraw, slowly, from my head, while hecontinues to console me mentally.
You mustn't lose yourself in despair, son.Bella will be just fine.
 
"But she's so still." I pull our interlocked fingers upward, clutching them to mychest. "I
must 
have done something wrong."
Oh, Edward…
My father is suddenly at my side, laying a palm on my hunchedshoulders. Part of me does not wish to be comforted, especially if myincompetence has caused any harm to befall my Bella… but another part of me –the broken, weeping part – craves the soothing, familial gesture."Or something right, Edward," Carlisle says. His tone rings with quiet confidence."Son, you did everything I could have and more. I'm not sure I would have hadthe persistence, the faith it took to save her." His hand squeezes my shoulder for a moment. "Stop berating yourself. Bella is going to be fine."A broken whisper escapes my parted lips. "She must be in agony.""We don't know that." Carlisle has a gift for speaking so calmly, smoothing thefrayed edges of my nerves with the simplest logic. "She had so much morphine inher system. We don't know the effect that will have on her experience."
Perhaps I will ask her about it, once she's had time to adjust.
I tune out his speculations. I do not want to think about Bella's 'experience', whatshe may or may not be enduring in her unusual stillness. Pulling my face awayfrom her shoulder, I place a feather-light kiss on the crease of her elbow, in thesame exact spot where my teeth had ruptured her silken flesh. "Bella, I love you."The sentiment wafts over her prone body as a barely audible murmur, and I praythat she hears me. "Bella, I'm sorry."Both my father and I tense slightly as a scuffle erupts downstairs. Despite theheartache I feel for the woman lying in front of me, I have the sudden urge to rollmy eyes in exasperation. Again, Rosalie and Jacob are arguing over whose turnit is to hold my –
our 
– newborn daughter.Renesmee has disrupted my family's existence in the most wonderful, profoundway, and I love her with a love that is just as strong as what I feel for Bella, onlychanneled in a different direction. The responsibility of fatherhood is a conceptthat I thought I would never experience, and now Bella has given me – not only atimeless life with her, my soul mate – but also the gift of seeing myself mirrored ina child's face.Eternity is not nearly long enough to repay all that Bella has done for me.A low growl rumbles from below; Rose's thoughts are considerably worse and far more murderous than her wordless warning. Jacob should consider himself verylucky that she is, as of now, only making idle threats on his life. Carlisle glancesat me from the corner of his eye.
You ought to head downstairs, Edward, and claim your daughter before we have a real war on our hands. I can stay withBella until you return.
My head is already shaking in the negative before his train of thought draws to aclose. "No, I'm staying right here," I whisper fervently, my body unconsciously

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