woke to te ound of metl cping gintpvement. spk bigtened tt otewie gywinte dy in 1991. I w nging upide down inidemy gilfiend’ bby blue Fod Ecot, upended by et belt te c utled t ity mile pe oulong te wetenmot ection of te McuettTunpike.I w twenty-i t te time. I d been in New YokCity wit my gilfiend te nigt befoe, tking bekfom my gd tudie t Yle nd dinking until dwn.Wile e took tin ome to albny, I d gone tocl in New hven, till dunk, nd ten et out fo albny myelf. On te tity-mile tetc of te M.
Pike between Eit 3 in Westel an Eit 2 in Lee you
ee noting but pine tee nd te occionl wite-tiled dee. somewee long tt pn I difted into peceful leep.I emined clm te c lid long on it oof.Tee w noting to do but wit nd ee wt wouldppen net. Te ention w fmili. I d longbeen umn miile wit no guidnce ytem.One umme evening, jut fo fun, I’d lifted love
seat oe my hea an tosse it out an eihth-oowinow of a UCLA omitoy; one New Yea’s Ee,
jut befoe midnigt, I w town toug te pltegl window of midtown Mnttn etunt, to
the hoo of the fousome whose inne I lane on;
I’d been ccepted t te Tuck scool of Buine tDtmout nd ten w town out, befoe ttending
my st class, fo lyin on my application; an I ha
developed bit of blcking out fom dinking.I felt eing pin te oof of te c, lmminggint te tunpike n inc fom my ed, cimpedound clump of my i nd ynked it fom myclp. Te et belt dug into my cet, dwing bloodtt tined my it. at lt, te c topped, leving wke of cpe in te pvement. I unbuckled, fellon my ed, nd cemed, “Fuck!” afte focing tedoo open wit my oulde, I pinted wy fom tec, fid te g tnk w going to blow.We ve emkble bility to epond intinctivelyto life-tetening dnge. Te poblem come ftett initil, intinctive epone: Te body utdown. a tte policemn found me king violentlyon te ide of te igwy. I till cn’t emembe wtppened fte I got out of te c. I could ve beentnding on te ide of te igwy fo tity econdo fo tity minute.“son, you’e one lucky on of bitc!” te toopecemed wile king i ed in digut. “I’ve
seen plenty of Escots ip, but I’e nee seen anyone
uvive. I don’t like ving to pull ded bodie out ofweck, o ow bout being moe ceful?”hi wod didn’t egite. I d beten det gin.In my budding buine cee, te tke gewbigge, I bougt te me ene of invincibility ndclm tt I d felt utling long upide down in te
Escot. At twenty-nine, I became chief nancial ofce
of te Povidence Jounl Compny, uge nd
ecely piate meia conlomeate. The company’s
ote eecutive, mot of tem twice my ge, tougtI ould be getting tem cup of coffee. I pokeonly wen poken to. I t ttentively wit my bo,te cimn of te bod, e dnk cotc ndmoked cig, ely ying wod ecept to nodmy ed in geement. and yet, once I d becomei mot tuted dvie, I needed jut ninety dy totke te oldet newppe compny in te countypublic nd ten negotite te le of te buinein n atlnt otel oom fo billion to bunc ofcowboy fom Dll. Te cimn d inititedte contct but neve tougt I could negotite uc good pice. Wen I did, e d no coice but to
pocee, espite the estom it woul cause amon
eolde, employee, nd te community. I toodto mke evel million doll nd be cedited witpulling off te impoible.
My calculus at wok ha been awless. Afte the sale,
I ppeed on te cove of te Wll steet Jounl, blond-ied wundekind. Wt I d filed toclculte wee te ik I w tking t ome nd owmuc I d to loe. I d two bby cilden, nd I wbout to len ow peciou my eltionip wittem elly w. It w if te c c d putte emotionl pt of me into upended nimtion. Iw fele in my pofeionl life but unble to feelnyting in my peonl life.Citm tt ye w gonizing. My oon-to-be-e wife d kicked me out of te oue fo good.My nine-mont-old on, semu, nd two-ye-olddugte, Key, went to albny wit tei mom. I
was not inite. I packe a hue e e enine in my
compny c, got on I-95, nd dove to my pent’oue in Wington, D.C. On Citm moning I
ae my bothe’s olest son the e tuck an tie to
ok up i entuim. It didn’t wok. all I could tinkbout w my own cilden wking up witout me, on
Seamus’s st Chistmas. My bothe an siste an
pent ll wee undetnding nd ovely fiendly,but I couldn’t top tinking bout ow I would neveve te cnce to live wit my kid.Te net dy, on my wy bck to Povidence, I toppedin Mnttn to moke cig wit ome collegebuddie. I d been tying to top dinking witoutmuc ucce. Tt nigt my fiend nd I ended upin soho etunt wit mioed b tt let llte beutiful people enjoy good view of temelve.
It wasn’t my wost niht of inkin—I in’t ip anycas o y thouh any plate lass winows—but I
w ude nd moe tn little leceou.I woke up te following dy wit pounding edce,te mell of cigette in my i, nd te tte of cigon my tongue. I pent te moning contemplting owI could kill myelf quickly nd pinlely. But lte inte dy, I dove bck to Povidence, I convincedmyelf tt neite semu no Key deeved teitty fte I d been. Tey cetinly didn’t deeve ded fte wo didn’t ve te gut to fce idemon.Tt w te lt time I d dink, but obeg up w jut te tt. I d to len ow to tke ce of mytwo bbie by myelf. Wen tei mote moved bckto Boton, I knew I d to follow. But I d touble
nin a place that felt iht to me, because moin
out of my week-to-week ovel in Povidence wouldmen tt ti w to be pemnent condition: Ielly wn’t going to live wit my kid.I eventully found pentoue on te cone ofCommonwelt nd Mcuett venue, killebcelo pd to be ue, but not te dem I d inmind, o it took quite wile fo me to ettle in. Tebtoom d kyligt ove te tub, nd often, wen
son of a...
- Stt Polic Offic