Welcome to Scribd, the world's digital library. Read, publish, and share books and documents. See more
Standard view
Full view
of .
Look up keyword
Like this
0 of .
Results for:
No results containing your search query
P. 1
The Wicker Man

The Wicker Man

Ratings: (0)|Views: 15|Likes:
Published by juni51268

More info:

Published by: juni51268 on May 06, 2010
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial


Read on Scribd mobile: iPhone, iPad and Android.
download as PDF, TXT or read online from Scribd
See more
See less





FADE IN:INT. COFFEE SHOPNICOLAS CAGE is a motorcycle cop. He picks up a SELF-HELPVIDEO on display. This is an attempt to give his characterdepth, which FAILS MISERABLY. Luckily, the director does notmake another attempt the entire movie.EXT. WINDING TWO LANE ROADA stuffed animal falls out the window of a car NICOLAS CAGEis following. While going seventy miles per hour, he managesto lean over and grab it. He stops the car with EMILY HOLMESand OBNOXIOUS CHILD inside.NICOLAS CAGEI’m such a heroic person that Irisked my life needlessly to bringyour daughter her stuffed animal.EMILY HOLMESUm okay.... did you have to stop mein the middle of this dangerous,winding two lane road? If there’s atruck or something speeding--NICOLAS CAGE(
)You see, I’m a nice police officerwho helps people but is alsotroubled inside. Didn’t you see mebuying that self-help videoearlier?OBNOXIOUS CHILDWhy are grinning like a fuckingidiot?NICOLAS CAGEBecause its the only way I can getthrough this unbearably awkwarddialogue sequence until the truckcomes and hits your car.A HUGE TRUCK comes out of nowhere and CRASHES into the car.The car is now ON FIRE. He tries to rescue them, HEROICALLY.NICOLAS CAGEArgghh!!! Child mahh save rawh! ConAir!!
2.The car EXPLODES, killing everyone but NICOLAS CAGE.INT. HOUSENICOLAS CAGE is now depressed. A HORNY FEMALE COP knocks onthe door.HORNY FEMALE COPI find your squinting, oddly-shapedface attractive somehow.NICOLAS CAGEAll I can think about is thatfamily. If only I hadn’t pulledthem over for basically no reason.HORNY FEMALE COPYeah that was dumb, but I stillwant you.NICOLAS CAGE(
squinting as if in directsunlight
)Also, I got a letter from myex-fiancee saying I have a daughterwho is now missing. I should gofind them.HORNY FEMALE COPI’m basically offering to rip myclothes off this instant.NICOLAS CAGENo, instead I’m going to find thiswoman who’s ignored my calls forthe last eight years and lives on amysterious island.(Beat.)HORNY FEMALE COPI hope you get burned alive.EXT. MYSTERIOUS ISLANDFor the rest of the movie, NICOLAS CAGE looks ANGRY ANDCONSTIPATED in every scene.NICOLAS CAGEI’m looking for my daughter. Here’sa picture.
3.He hands her a photo, ANGRILY.MARY BLACKNever seen her. Neither has anyoneelse here so please don’t spend theentire movie going around askingpeople that.NICOLAS CAGE’S NOSTRILS FLARE.INT. MYSTERIOUS BARThe bar is filled with woman dressed in Amish clothes.NICOLAS CAGE(With a straight face)Must be ladies night.DIANE DELANOHi, my character is a fat, ugly,and obnoxious bartender.NICOLAS CAGECould I ask you-DIANE DELANOBout your daughter?NICOLAS CAGENo, no I was just wondering if youra man or woman, I literally can’ttell.DIANE DELANOAin’t heard nothin bout yourdaughter.NICOLAS CAGESo... man?KATE BEAHANI’m your extremely attractiveex-fiancee who is also twenty yearsyounger than you.NICOLAS CAGE(
grinning like a idiot
)At first sight I’ve fallen madly inlove with you and your giant lips.Although I probably shouldn’tbelieve any part of your ridiculousstory involving the townspeople

You're Reading a Free Preview

/*********** DO NOT ALTER ANYTHING BELOW THIS LINE ! ************/ var s_code=s.t();if(s_code)document.write(s_code)//-->