Funny English Notices Around the World!
Here are some signs and notices written in English that were discovered throughoutthe world. You have to give the writers an 'E' for Effort. I hope you enjoy them...
In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do suchthing is please not to read notis.In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret thatyou will be unbearable.In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin shouldenter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then goingalphabetically by national order.In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11A.M. daily.In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome tovisit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are burieddaily except Thursday.On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.On the menu of a Polish hotel: Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesydumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the countrypeople's fashion.In a Bangkok dry cleaner's: Drop your trousers here for best results.Outside a Paris dress shop: Dresses for street walking.In a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customersin strict rotation.A sign posted in Germany's Black forest: It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping sitethat people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless theyare married with each other for that purpose.In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in thebedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
10 most stupid questions people usually ask!
10 most stupid questions people usually ask in obvious situations and some equallystupid answers:-1. At the movies:When you meet acquaintances/friendsStupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here?Answer:-Well, it's so hot , there were no cool cabs so I thought I'd watch someadvertisements in the cool comfort of the theatre.2. In the bus:A fat girl wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feetStupid Question:-Sorry, did that hurt?Answer:-No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia..... why don't you try again or should I trythis time.3. At a funeral:One of the teary-eyed people ask Stupid Question:-Why, why him, of all people.Answer:-Why? Would it rather have been you?4. At a restaurant:When you ask the waiter Stupid Question:-Is the "blah blah blah" dish goodAnswer:-No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occasionally also spit in it.5. At a family get-together. When some distant aunt meets you after yearsStupid Question:-Munna,Chickoo, you've become so big.Answer:-Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask Stupid Question:-Is the guy you're marrying good?Answer:-No, he's a miserable wife-beating , insensitive lout...it's just the money.7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone callStupid Question:-Sorry. were you sleeping.Answer:-No. I was playing cricket for India at Sharjah and just when you called SalimMalik was betting with me that Pakistan would win. What do you think?8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair Stupid Question:-Hey have you had a haircut?Answer:-No, its autumn and I'm shedding......9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouthStupid Question:-Tell me if it hurts?Answer:-And while I'm telling you , you tell me if I bite.
10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asksStupid Question:-Oh, so you smokeAnswer:-No, it's a miracle ...........it was a chalk and now it's in flames!!!
Computer Jokes
Ramu : I've just become a member of Rotract Club.Somu : public member or private?
Ramu : Hey.. my submarine is not sinking into the water!! what could bewrong?Somu : may be u have used float instead of double in the software.PS : Hey Bull, Can you do me a favor? Can you pass on these 500rupees to Suthi..?Bull : Sure.. why not? But tell me one thing. Tell me whether its passby value or pass byreference.PS : ???!!!Ramu : I am very very sure that the guy who just talked to me is asoftware engineer...Somu : how do u say that?Ramu : he asked my physical address instead of my home address!Ramu : shhhh...I think the SW Engg who is sitting in the next cabinmustbe a farmer before ...Somu : How do u know...?Ramu : he asked me today that is there a way to cultivate the bitfields..!!Computer : Please sit over the hard disk to compress the files!Computer : please pour Engine oil in the floppy drive to enhance theperformance of Search Engine.Ramu : why people are beating that SW engg black and blue?Somu : it seems, he asked one of them that whether "vante mataram" isnew kind of RAM in the market!Ramu : Hey.. I think that SW Engg is very very naive..Somu : How do u say that?Ramu : He believes that there is an Arabian Sea++ next to Arabin Sea.
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