Q6: Someone keeps putting citations on my SUV's windshield claiming I'm supportingterrorism, killing the environment, that I'm a selfish pig, and that my SUV is maiming other drivers on the highway. These traffic citations are piling up because I don't see an address of where I need to go to fight these tickets in court. Will they come and arrest me for not payingthese tickets? I don't think I should have to since there's no address I can see on where tomail in fines.A6: No, you don't have to pay those or do anything with them. You may tear them up andthrow them away along with any parking ticket or other traffic citation you may be issued. Asan SUV owner you're entitled to special driving privileges that inferior men don't share, and if any police officer tells you differently, you should explain to the liberal about your rights as aSUV driver to do whatever the Hell you want when you want to do it.Q7: Why do so many people in other cars and people walking on the sidewalk hold up twofingers a couple of inches apart and point at my SUV and laugh?A7: They're probably trying to tell you that you have a door ajar or that they believe one of your tires is under inflated. Check to make sure that all of your doors are closed properly andif they are, be sure to check your tire pressure.Q8: About once a week or so I walk out to my SUV and I find a bumper sticker on my H2"Hummer" either saying I'm changing the environment or that I'm "compensating," whatever that means. What's happening to me?A8: There's a Communist Liberal by the name of Arianna Huffington who hates America andshe travels around the world putting these bumper stickers on people's Constitutionallyprotected SUVs and "Hummers" because she hates America. It's just loony liberal nut blather which doesn't mean anything so you can ignore it. If you want it to stop, you need to send her email and demand that she stop harassing you else you'll call the FBI. That'll make her stop.Q9: I think there's something wrong with my "Hummer." Every two days I have to refill my gastank even though I only drive around the city from home to work and back. I've checked for leaks and I don't smell leaking gasoline when I'm driving so I'm thinking there must be somereason why I'm only getting 10 miles to the gallon. What's up with that?A9: There's nothing wrong with your car. What's wrong is the notion that as an American your personal vehicle needs to be engineered for fuel economy -- a Communist notion if ever there was one. When you drive a "Hummer," you're driving freedom, liberty, apple pie, andGod -- the Christian God -- and nobody -- absolutely nobody! -- has the right to tell you todrive some Fresh wimpy girly car. When you fill your gas tank every other day, you're fillingyour tank with freedom.Q10: I got me one of those Hummies with the jungle camouflage paint job, really big tires,and I wear Army clothes when I drive my Hummie, just like my fellow Hummie drivers in Iraq.Question: am I allowed to shoot brown people like they do and get away with it like they do?And if so, what about homos? Can I shoot homos too if I see homos on the sidewalk?A10: Yes, as an H2 "Hummer" driver you're entitled to shoot as many brown-skinned peopleand homosexuals as you want to. There are a few police officers who might pull you over after engaging in your Constitutionally protected Second Amendment rights, but most policeofficers will notice your "Hummer," its really cool camouflage, and support the troops by notstopping you or giving you problems. If a police officer does pull you over, all you need do isshow him or her your Republican Party membership card or your National Rifel Associationmembership card and they'll cut you loose to continue exercising your American rights. Anypolice officer who still gives you a hassle is a closet queer and, of course, fair game.