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I
ʼ
m Kind of a Big Deal in Liberia
This week I received a very intriguing email, which confirmed my growing suspicion thatI am, in fact, kind of a big deal in war-torn nations. This particular email came from mynew (and dear) friend Miss Chelsea. I can only assume that she found my informationthrough Match.com, and I
ʼ
m overwhelmed with a feeling of optimism that I simply cannot explain. Her letter went like this:
Hello,How are you today? I hope you are fine. My name is Miss Chelsea Kouma, from Liberia in West Africa. I am single girl looking for honest and nice person. Somebody who i can partner with. I don 
ʼ   
t care about your colour or ethnicity. Upon your reply to this mail I will tell you more about myself and send you my picture. I 
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m sending you this beautiful mail,with a wish for much happiness. I am looking forward to hear from you.Warm regards,Miss Chelsea 
To which I immediately replied:Dear Miss Chelsea,Thank you for your beautiful mail. I do not believe in coincidence—I think we are kindredspirits. I too am single, and am looking for someone to partner with. It
ʼ
s funny how lifeworks, isn
ʼ
t it? You start down one path and next thing you know, you turn 30, yourboyfriend hops a crazy train, and you find yourself one Lean Cuisine away from sodiumpoisoning—you know? Can you tell me how I can meet a nice, honest man? Any advicewould be appreciated.Warm Regards,Inez PeruFrom Miss Chelsea. (It actually said this.)
My Dearest,Thank you very much for your Urgent mail. I am very glad to read through your mail today and i am admired with you. Let me write you my biography. I was born in Liberia in West Africa. I am a single girl of 23 years and i do not have kids.
 
My late father Dr Charles Kouma was the former Comissioner for works and transport before the rebels attacked our house one early morning and killed my father in cold blood. I would like to know more about you.Your likes and dislikes,your hobbies and what you are doing presently.I really want to have a good relationship with you,Once again, A relationship of deep feeling that will construct a mutual understanding. I will tell you more about myself in my next mail. Attached here is my picture and i will like to see yours,Hoping to hear from you soon.Yours,Miss Chelsea Kouma 
Dear Miss Chelsea,Wow! You
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re arms are so toned! Do you use P90X?I
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m attaching my photo too, but just so you know since this photo was taken I
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ve lost 60pounds stopped smoking and run all the time.As for my likes, I
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ll keep it simple. I like tall men. This shouldn
ʼ
t be a problem, right? Heshould have his own goats. This is a must. I prefer non-refugee status (but I can beflexible on this), definitely no rebels though.As for me, I do not have kids or pets, but I once kept a hornet alive in a honey jar forthree magical days. I was in the cultural exchange club in high school. I am open tonew things. I will try his sweet potato pone, but he must be willing to try my tunacasserole. It is delicious.
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