What to do in a Terrorist Attack

The US government has a new website,http://www.ready.gov. displayingpublic service symbols for terrorism readiness, in the tradition of the old "duck andcover" campaigns after WWII.The fun thing is that these pictures are so ambiguous they could meananything! Here are a few guesses about what they mean:If you have set yourself on fire, do not runIf you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are bald, yell reallyloud.If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder

If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about it instead of seeing a doctor.Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you!The proper way to eliminate smallpox is to wash with soap, water and at least onearmless hand.Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal with dead, deadeyes, run the f*** away.

Hurricanes, animal corpses and the biohazard symbol have a lot in common. Think about it.Be on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also, they tend to rub theirhands together manically.If a door is closed, karate chop it open.If your building collapses, cower under a desk and kiss your ass goodbye.