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How to kill a Dragon with Programming

How to kill a Dragon with Programming

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Published by Ali TekBoi
How to kill a Dragon with Programming
How to kill a Dragon with Programming

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Published by: Ali TekBoi on Sep 22, 2007
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial

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10/14/2011

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How to kill a dragon with various programming languages
 
This funny text comes from Ibon from the dream team who got it from a Spanish blog.
There's a beautiful princess, prisoner in the highest tower of a castle, guarded by a mighty dragon, anda fearless knight must rescue herThis is how each language would manage to rescue the princess from the hands of the dragon
Java
- Gets there, finds the dragon, develops a framework for dragon anihilation with multiplelayers, writes several articles about the framework… But doesn't kill the dragon.
.NET
- Gets there, sees the idea of the Java developer and copies it. Tries to kill the dragon, butthe monster eats him.
C
- Arrives, looks down at the dragon, pulls out his sword, beheads the dragon, finds theprincess… And ignores her to see the last checkins of linux kernel cvs.
C++
- Creates a basic needle, and gathers funcionality until he has a complex sword that he canbarely understand… He kills the dragon, but gets stuck crossing the bridge because of memoryleaks.
COBOL
- Arrives, sees the dragon and thinks that he is too old to kill a monster that bigand rescuing the princess, so he leaves.
Pascal
- He prepares for 10 years to create a dragon anihilation system… When the momentcomes, he discovers the program can only take lizards as an entry.
VB
- Builds a dragon destruction weapon based on several components, jumps to the back of thedragon and in the most critical time he discovers that the sword works only on rainy nights…
PL/SQL
- Gets data from other dragon slayers, creates tables with n ternary complexityrelations, tridimensional data, OLAP, takes 15 years to process the information… And by then,the princess became a lesbian.
Ruby
- Arrives with massive fame, saying he is the best at anything and when he faces thedragon, he shows a lame motion picture of himself killing a dragon… The dragon eats him out of boredom.
Smalltalk
- Arrives, analyzes the dragon and princess, turns around and leaves, they are waytoo inferior.
shell
- Creates a very powerful dragon slaying weapon… But in the moment of truth, he can'tremember how to use it.
shell(2)
- The guy approaches the dragon with a two line script that kills, cuts, disembowels,impales, chops to pieces and packs the beast, but when he runs it the script grows, it fattens,irritates and puts alcohol in the fire of the dragon…
Assembler
- He thinks he's doing the right and most efficient things… But he writes an Ainstead of a D and kills the princess to end up f***ing the dragon.
Fortran
- Arrives and develops a 45-thousand-code-line-solution, kills the dragon, meets theprincess… But she calls him a weakling and runs after the Java programmer who was elegant,and also rich.
FOX PRO
- Develops a dragon killing system. It's gorgeous and works on the outside, but it'sreally patched inside, so when he runs the dragon anihilator, he realizes he forgot to index theDBFs.
PROCESS ANALYST
- Approaches the dragon with two tons of documentation, develops theunified dragon-killing process, he develops a DFD to free the princess and marry her, convincesthe dragon that it's the best for him and it won't hurt. When he executes the process, heestimates the effort and the damage he will cause with a plan signed by the Pope, Buddha andMichael Jackson. Then he buys a couple of nukes, 45 cannons, an aircraft carrier and hires 300heavily armed men… When all he needed was the sword he was holding in his hand in thebeginning…
CLIPPER 
: Sets up a routine that loads a codeblock array to insult the dragon, serenade theprincess, load the sword in memory, beat the crap out of the dragon, clean the mess, prepare araspberry milkshake for the princess, make love to her, take a bath, start the car, put it somegas and come back home. When he runs it, he gets a "Bound Error: Array Access" and thedragon eats him with fries.
Lisp
, where the famous knight-errant, after speaking with numerous experts in dragon-killing,and modeling the knowledge they posess, he programs the system, and when he runs it he

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