Issue 949 - Weekly Thursday 19th November 1998

Tuition Fees TheGuardian and NUS:

Campaign
Moves to
Didn’t organise a
Parliament piss-up in a brewery
he Guardian / NUS London”.

T Student Media Awards

are the highlight of the
academic year for all involved
The following
morning, back at
in producing student media, the Media
be it newspapers, magazines, Conference, NUS
radio or television. President Andrew
Pakes released a
Last Saturday saw the 20th statement from
Anniversary event, part of the the NUS which
Student Media Conference, claimed that The
take place at the Truman Guardian were
Breweries building in East responsible for the
London. Unfortunately around arrangements for
Union Officers campaigning at Westminster 200 of the conference dele- the awards cere-
n Thursday 12th November, students from gates were unable to get into mony and that it

O across the country converged on

Westminster to take the Student Rights
Charter to the Government. After the successful
the awards ceremony due to
the ceremony taking place in a
venue that could not cater for
Day of Action held in the Unions on 30th October, the required number of peo-
the campaign was taken to MPs in the Houses of ple.
Parliament. It was also a chance for Union officials
to gather more information about why the battle is As the situation developed the
so important to all students. door staff allowed a few peo-
ple to fill up the back of the
At 12 noon over 40 unions filled in comedy size venue. However according to
cheques representing the amount tuition fees have some of those who did gain
cost their students. A press stunt then took place on entry it was obvious that the
‘College Green’ outside Westminster, with both room was not designed to take
local and national press covering the event. Later the numbers who had been
NUS President Andrew Pakes handed the Student admitted and was an unsuit-
Rights Charter to 10 Downing Street. The charter able venue for a large and
has already been signed thousands of times by those prestigious awards ceremony.
involved in the University system.
The NUS made alternative,
From 2:30 onwards Union officials converged but hardly satisfactory,
inside the Grand Committee Room in Westminster arrangements for the unfortu-
to listen to speakers from NATFHE, AUT , the nate delegates at Queen Mary
Conservative Party and the Liberal Democratic and Westfield Students Union.
Party. This was followed by a mass lobby of However, some delegates
Parliament, where each University lobbied it’s own were unable to get in there
MP about student hardship. either and two delegates were
beaten up near the awards
These events were just the latest in a campaign venue, which one delegate
against tuition fees that NUS is determined to see described as being in “one of
through to the end, and we can expect more action
the least nice areas of
like this in the future. Gareth Harmer
was The Guardian
who had refused
entry to confer-
ence delegates,
Some of the entries for the media awards with Pluto winning the coveted
who have in Newspaper of the Year Award - full list of winners on page 2.
previous years
attended the
ceremony.
Andrew Pakes then answered
questions from the somewhat
angry and disappointed dele-
gates. However he appeared
arrogant and was evasive in
his responses to the question-
ing, qualities which will sure-
ly serve him well should he
wish to follow a career in pol-
itics.
In response to the NUS state-
ment The Guardian state that
they had not expected all dele-
gates to be attending the cere-
mony and that they “deeply
regret the disappointment and
discomfort which resulted”.
They are saddened that the
NUS was not prepared to
accept any responsibility for
the problem, but look forward
to ensuring a positive future
for The Guardian / NUS
Media Awards. An NUS
spokesperson held firm and
confirmed the earlier NUS
statement. NUS have written
to the Editor of the Guardian
and are willing to give them a
chance to explain. However
NUS reaffirm that the mix up
was the fault of the Guardian
and that they hold the proof.
The Student Media
Conference itself was a great
success. Saturday morning
started with talks from Chris
Ward-Johnson, a former
tabloid hack now working at
The Times, and Andrew
Gowers, the editor of the
Financial Times. The remain-
der of the day was filed with
workshops presented by
industry professionals on a
wide range of subjects includ-
ing; editing, music journalism,
investigative journalism,
design and advertising.
Sunday morning saw further
talks from Andrew Collins,
former editor of Q magazine,
and Gary Younge, an inves-
tigative journalist from The
Guardian.
The Conference will not be
remembered for the excellent
speakers and informative
workshops, but only for the
miscommunication between
The Guardian and NUS which
resulted in the vast majority of
the student media not being
admitted to the Student Media
Awards.

News 2 n Societies 3 n Reviews 4 n Feature 5 n Music 6 Ents 8

n Welfare & Advice 10 n Letters11 n Personals and Notices 12 n Surrey Pride 13
2 News Thursday 19th November 1998 n

Congratulations to all the award winners News in Brief by James Buller

Student Media Awards 1998 The Student Radio Awards 1998 Strong Army Of Model Of The Year this
Student Photographer of the Year - Matthew Fearn, Pluto, Best Entertainment Feature- Anthony Cooke, University week. 8 Regional finalists
The Law vs Year took part in the competition,
University of Central Lancashire Radio Nottingham
Student Website of the Year - Edinburgh Student Newspaper On-Air Branding - Ali Rezakhani / Alex Thomson, 2000 run by Woman magazine and
As the new milenium creeps size 16-24 clothes retailers
Student Publication Designer of the Year - Richard Turley & University Radio Falmer, University of Sussex Rogers+Rogers. The event
closer so does the possibility
James Turrell, Shout, Liverpool John Moore University Best Dance Show - Two Faced Collective, Kick FM (now was held at the Fashion
of apocolyptic technology
Student Newspaper of the Year - Pluto, University of Fly FM), Nottingham Trent University failure on 31 December Café. However there was no
Central Lancashire Station Marketing: Amanda Dodson, Demon FM, 1999. The milenium bug is sign of the venues owners,
Student Magazine of the Year- Mustard Magazine, DeMontford University threatening to crash comput- Naomi Campbell, Kate Moss
University of East Anglia Best Factual Programme - James Merrit, FCT FM, ers all over the world at turn and Claudia Schiffer.
Student Feature Writer of the Year - Katherine Crockett, Farnborough College of Technology of the century. The problem
Concrete, University of East Anglia. Best Male Presenter: Toby One, University Radio is that no one knows how Turned ON
Student Reporter of the Year - Helen Briggs, Scan, NottinghamBest Female Presenter: Lorna Hethrington, serious the effects could be. ON Digital ws turned on by
Lancaster University University Radio Nottingham, University of Nottingham Fearful of chaos and perhaps Ulrika Johnson last
The Guardian Impact Award - Heather Tomlinson & Bill Best Student Station: Storm FM, Manchester. civil unrest in the aftermath Sunday.Amidst a blaze of
Staples, Roar, Kings College London of the worst case scenario, publicity the new 30 channel
the army and police are
Walnut Tree Close
service, which can be
working on contingency received by your existing
plans. aerial via a special box was
or the past two weeks, asking for comment. I gave General Manager, Dean of inside, denying that the launched.

F Surrey students have

been making front
page headlines in the local
newspaper, the Surrey
Advertiser. On Friday
November 6th, the headline
“Drunken Students accused
of Damage” appeared in the
paper. The article which
followed accused students
of causing serious criminal
damage to a number of cars
parked in the bays outside
Jewson, past Yorkie’s
bridge. The vandalism
included smashed wind-
screens and pouring paint
over one particular car.
Local residents from
Walnut Tree Close rang up
the Surrey Ad., claiming
that groups of 50-60 stu-
dents carrying pint glasses
had been seen in the area on
the evening in question,
Monday 2nd November.
Residents were quoted as
directly accusing Surrey
students for the vandalism,
as part of a series of inci-
dents caused by students.
The University correspon-
dent for the Surrey Ad rang
me on Tuesday morning,
Arts Editor Daniel Jones
the opinion that I didn’t
believe this kind of vandal-
ism would be the work of
students, and that the Union
offers a free minibus service
into town on busy student
nights to reduce the number
of people using Walnut Tree
Close as a route into town.
The bias of the reporting
meant that, in effect, false
accusations were printed
and the unfavourable head-
line created unnecessary
tension amongst the
University and the Union.
To resolve the situation,
Dennis Frost - Union
(ps51dj@surrey.ac.uk)
Nick Walsh
(ps71nw@surrey.ac.uk)
Students, John Hoborough
and myself met with Walnut
Tree Close residents,
including the Chairperson
of their Residents’
Association, who was quot-
ed in the article. Prior to the
meeting, security staff had
checked through the securi-
ty video which over-looks
Yorkie’s bridge, to establish
whether large groups of stu-
dents had been recorded
leaving or returning to cam-
pus at the time of the van-
dalism. The tapes showed
no large groups, no pint
glasses and no disturbances.
The meeting began a little
tense, but we managed to
convince residents that stu-
dents were not to blame in
this instance and that no-
one within the University or
the Union wants to be at
odds with our neighbours.
Residents agreed that false
accusations are not helpful
to anyone and that the bias
of the Surrey Ad article was
unfair.
There followed extensive
and at times heated discus-
sion on how to combat the
more general problems
caused by students using
Walnut Tree Close as a
route into town. The follow-
ing Friday’s edition of the
Surrey Ad. showed a front
page headline “Residents
say sorry to students” and a
furious letter from the
University Secretary and
Registrar was printed
vehicle vandalism was the
work of students. This let-
ter states that the
University, “are prepared to
make a severe example of
any student who is proved
to be bringing the
University into disrepute”,
and they mean it. Residents
complained of noise, bad
language, and minor dam-
age. This kind of behaviour
must stop. We are fortunate
at Surrey that campus is so
close to our local town and
it is good that students are
eager to sample life outside
University walls. However,
we must all bear in mind
that we are part of a com-
munity and the residents of
Walnut Tree Close and
other surrounding streets
are our neighbours. I
understand that you want to
go into town, but please go
quietly and be respectful of
people who may be trying
to enjoy a peaceful evening.
Please also use the free
minibuses the Union pro-
vides on Monday and
Wednesday evenings. They
are there so you can get to
and from town safely, com-
fortably and without caus-
ing any disturbance to local
residents.
The video camera is now
permanently focused on
Yorkie’s Bridge and any
misbehaviour will be
severely dealt with by the
University. Regular meet-
ings with Walnut Tree Close
Residents are being set up
and liaison will be much
improved in the future.
Your academic career is at
stake - staff are not happy
with the level of complaints
and there really is no excuse
for bad behaviour. Be safe,
be quiet and be mindful of
our neighbours. You’ve
been warned, and it’s not
much to ask.
Harriet Sims
President
The military could give air
support and other assistance
to civilian agencies accord-
ing to a senior police offi-
cer.The army could help
move police from “hot spot
to hot spot” if need arises
according to high level talks
between police chiefs and
army officials.
The Government played
down the suggestion of crisis
meetings, saying that there is
a regular liaison between the
military and police to discuss
cooperating during future
times of need. A spokes-
woman said that procedures
were already well estab-
lished to cope with a nation-
al emergency. “There are no
special plans” she added
No More Cosmetic
Animal Tests
The last few UK companies
which had been testing cos-
metics on animals have
given up their licenses.
Home Office Minister
George Howarth said that
since no new licenses will be
issued, this move seems an
effective ban on such experi-
ments. He added that it
meant the Government had
met another of it’s election
pledges.
While the ban was warmly
welcomed by campaigners
such as Anita Rudock of the
Body Shop it will affect less
that 0.1% of Britains 2.7 mil-
lion laboratory animals.
Make up companies have
now agreed not to test their
lipsticks etc or their ingredi-
ents on guinea pigs, rats and
mice. However the animal
experiments carried out in
the name of medical science
will continue. The end may
be in sight for these trials too
though. As technology
improves the possibility of
growing human skin and
organs become ever more
real. Tests could then be
done on these tissue samples
rather than live animals.
A Perfect 16?
“Well proportioned” ladies
battled for the title of 16+
ON’s rivals, Sky Digitals
dismissed the new compa-
nies claim of covering 70%
of Britain with their ser-
vice.The ON system which
is simple to install was
described as “plug and prey”
by a Sky spokesman.
Just getting a system is diffi-
cult enough however.
Suppliers cannot meet
demand for the set top boxes
and many customers are hav-
ing to wait to join the digital
revolution
Stuck In Traffic?
Sue!A Japanese court has
ordered the organisers of the
1997 winter Olympics to pay
damages to a distraught
sports fan.
The Nagano Olympic
Committee was sued for the
measly sum of $28.88 to the
spectator. The court upheld
the plaintiff’s complained
that he has suffered “mental
anguish” as a result of miss-
ing a ski jumping event due
to a Nagona traffic jam.
He had been travelling in a
bus laid on for the occasion
and was refunded the cost of
the bus ticket at the time,
The sum awarded this time
however will reimburse the
man for his train ticket
home.
Pool Theft
“As a student at the
University, you may have
heard about a theft of money
from a pool table cash box
last Sunday, November 8th.
Sometime between 9am and
10.30pm, someone smashed
the cash box attached to a
pool table in the Stag Hill
lounge and stole about £100
and caused about £30
pounds worth of damage.”
“While they did this, they
cut themselves quite badly,
so you may have seen some-
one the following day wear-
ing a bandage on their hand
or wrist.” If you know any-
thing, you can contact PC
Paul Woodfield in complete
confidence on
 n Thursday 19th November 1998 Societies 3

Looking for adventure? With Fudge it won’t budge!!!

here do you want or your winter in a ski resort isn’t always easy, overall

W
San
to

Francisco?
work?
Southampton or
New
Malden or New Orleans?
And what do you want to do
this weekend? Watch the
footie in the pouring rain in
Southsea, or go body surf-
ing on the beach in Sydney,
Australia? And how will
you spend your summer hol-
iday next year? A week on
the piss in ‘Shagaluf’, only
to return penniless, hun-
gover and very confused
about what/who you did in
your drunken stupor? Or
maybe you could spend an
unforgettable four months,
meeting and working with
people from all over the
world in idyllic surround-
ings, before jumping into a
sports convertible which
someone has asked you to
drive from New York to LA.
THIS DOES NOT HAVE
TO BE JUST A FARAWAY
DREAM! Thousands of
in Canada, and by joining
BUNAC (British
Universities North America
Club) this year, you can
start planning where you
want to be for the millenni-
um celebration! I thought
this was an unrealistic possi-
bility for me too, but with
the help and support of
BUNAC I spent an unfor-
gettable industrial place-
ment year scuba diving,
windsurfing and partying
(and working a little bit) in
the Florida Keys.
BUNAC offers 14
work/travel programs in a
variety of countries, includ-
ing USA and Canada,
Ghana, Jamaica, Australia,
South Africa and New
Zealand. As well as the
benefit of meeting loads of
other British like-minded
travellers, your eyes will be
opened to the cultures,
social lives and friends of
hundreds of people from
financial gain is usual mini-
mal, but the rewards you
reap in return are unbeat-
Hairtec
able.
If you’ve ever thought about
24 Madrid Road
doing something just a little
bit different, and want to
live a little before you sit at
that desk job for the next
forty years, then come and
see what BUNAC has to
offer you. Once you’ve
started your career, it’s very
unlikely that you will be
able to take a year (or even
three months) out to do
exactly what YOU want. So
let your selfish independent
streak take control for a
while and find out what’s
waiting out in the big wide
world for you to discover.
Are you tempted yet…..? If
you want to find out how
you can widen your hori-
zons, visit the BUNAC stall
in the Student’s Union
foyer/ or lecture theatre con-
course in the next few

students in the same posi-
tion as you have done this,
and with some careful
money management and a
bit of hard work, it is an
option for you to consider
too. Spend your summer in
a sports camp in America ,
your host country. Lots of
money and exotic holidays
will leave you with a good
suntan and a few photos,
but nothing can compete
with the richness of experi-
ence you get when you are
living that dream. The work
(01483)440414
weeks, and look out for
posters for more details.
Alternatively, email me on ,
call extension 4877, or put a
note in my SU pigeonhole.
Reduced Prices for Students
Tuesday’s - Fridays inclusive
Felicia Lewis

ould I just say a huge
C thankyou to last
year’s Postgraduate
Association (PGA) commit-
tee, and good luck to our
PGA
And it’s easy to get frustrated
with the number of apparent-
ly irrelevant meetings you
are expected to attend.
should be fun! We challenge
Cath Soc Ballroom Dancing
other societies (and the
Union) to make “getting
involved” less boring.
The University Of
Surrey Catholic
Society
Society e are a fun socia- some complete stranger)

recently elected new com-
mittee.
Often it seems that when the
Union or a society says “why
not get involved?”, what
they really mean is “why not
come to lots of meetings?”.
By becoming a committee
member of a society, you can
find yourself drawn further
and further away from the
activity
you joined the society for.
That’s why the PGA is
slashing its number of for-
mal meetings from 41 last
year, to 0 this year. Instead,
any issues will be discussed
informally at our new social
night... and if we do ever
need a “formal” meeting,
then we will just slip aside
to a quiet corner for ten min-
utes.
Getting involved in the PGA
won’t be a chore - in fact, it
Our regular Wates House
Postgrad Social Night
(codename: WHoP) will
start after Christmas. If you
have got any ideas about
what it should be like then
we want to know! We will
be meeting for a drink in
Wates House on Thursday’s
from 6pm, so come and chat
to us, and... dare I say it?...
“get involved” !
Andy Gale PGA President
ass is held twice
M every
The
Sunday.
morning
Mass takes place in the
Lady Chapel at the back of
the Cathedral at 11.15am
and an extra evening Mass
is at 6.30pm in the Quiet
Centre on campus.
We also have regular events
taking place ranging from
W
ble society that
meets every week
in the University Hall.
Despite the scandalous
image broadcast by “Come
Dancing” we are not all
pasty faced old codgers that
prance around in sequins
and DJs.
For an easy way to pull, it’s
great (you can’t fail when
you’re pressed up against
and we’re actually quite a
friendly bunch too. If you
are interested, come along
(we won’t tell anyone!)
every Wednesday at 7:30.
We also have plans to
organise a FORMAL ball
and go on trips to places like
Leicester Square to try
swing, or to a salsa night.
So try it! You might like it...

MACS:
talks by visiting speakers to
Maths and Computing Society bowling trips and days out
with other groups.
fter our AGM last yourself?. We, at MACS,

A week I am delighted
to say MACS is
back. MACS aims to pro-
vide social events for Maths
and Computing students.
We are starting with a trip to
the Ram on Thursday 19th
November. We want to pro-
vide a forum so that all
Maths + C&IT students can
meet and socialise together.
will only be to happy to help
you advertise it.
MACS will also embrace
the existing interdepartmen-
tal sports and the course rep
system.
For more information check
out our brand new website:
http://www.ee.surrey.ac.uk/
Societies/MACS/
Alex Glaser
If you would like to find out
more about what CathSoc
does, or just more informa-
tion on the Masses then
please contact our Chaplain
Fr. Seán Finnegan on
(01483) 571091 or via the
Chaplains office. You can
also contact James on
extension 4877 (email:
mu61jg).

If anyone has any sugges- The CathSoc web page is

tions for future events then http://www.surrey.ac.uk/Un
e-mail either myself, Alex, ion/Societies/cathsoc
on ma81ag or Liz, our social
officer, on ma71ef. Or, how
about organising something
4 Reviews Thursday 19th November 1998 n

Antz - Review Ronin

hat can you fit in a large brief-
Voices by Woody Allen, Gene
Hackman, Sharon Stone

f ever there was an animat-

The worker ants start to realise
that they are being oppressed
and stage an uprising. The
Marxist ideology underlying
W case? 16 cans of baked beans.
A whippet, with breathing
space. Half a dead body (or a whole one

I ed film that could be taken

as a metaphor for real-life
then this is it. Brought to us by
this film hopefully will give
people ideas and also a bit of
realisation as to what is going
minced). Whatever you can squeeze in
there’s one suitcase that everyone wants to
get their hands on. Whatever the cost...

Steven Spielberg’s
Dreamworks company, this
computer-generated produc-
tion is stunning to view and
has an intelligent story to tell.
This works on a number of dif-
ferent levels, whether you’re a
child or a University student.
The story revolves around an
ant named Z ( voice by Woody
Allen). Z is a worker ant,
bored of the oppressive soldier
ants and bored of his job. He
begins to question his own
existence and seeks to find
Antopia, the fabled land where
you are able to choose a life by
yourself. Does he find it?
There is one problem, General
Mandrill (voice by Gene
Hackman), leader of the army.
Mandrill is intent on creating a
pure race of super-strong ants,
and has his own agenda for
getting there involving getting
rid of all the weak worker ants.
on, and what has been going
on throughout history. There
are funny yet subtle parts to
the film such as double-irony
shown in one scene of the film,
where the ‘stoner’ ants are
pondering over the meaning of
life. The ‘Stoners’ say ‘maybe
we are all a small part of
something much larger’. This
old cliche is amusingly told
whilst ‘stoned’. At the end of
the film you realise its true,
and even though it’s a comput-
er generated film a parallel
becomes apparent, linked to
your own life.
Another great facet to this film
lies in its quality cast. The
characters are almost a perfect
match for the voices. Woody
Allen is a brilliant dead ringer
for an ant with a highly active
mind and Sly Stallone plays
A group of hired professionals meet in a
Parisian cafe down a quiet backstreet.
Brought together by Deirdre (Natascha
McElhone, The Truman Show), the
spokesperson for a mysterious employer,
their mission (should they choose to accept
it) is to track down and capture said brief-
case.
Sam (Robert De Niro), Vincent (Jean Yes, there is a crash in a tunnel in Paris.
Reno), Gregor (the great Stellan Like the Ronin (masterless Samurai forced Yes, there are explosions, intrigues and no
Skarsgard) and Spence(Sean Bean) head to roam the world in search of paid labour) soppy kissing. Frankenheimer is the guy
up a team of crack operatives who soon they owe loyalty to no-one. All that counts who made the unsurpassable “The
find themselves dodging bullets and dri- is getting the job done. So when Seamus Manchurian Candidate”, what do you
ving at breakneck speed down the winding (Jonathon Pryce) appears, the psychologi- expect? So strap yourself in for a roller-
streets of Paris, Nice and Cannes in the cal stakes are raised even higher. Who coaster ride of suspicion and suspense, but
best European car chases since the Italian does he represent? Who can they trust? look out if you’re an innocent bystander,
Job. And what by jiminy is in the case? because these boys don’t take prisoners.
Spot of culture? Cosi Fan Tutte - Mozart
- YVONNE ARNAUD THE- ence for a bunch of students. A the little old lady sitting just ting to ensure that he wins!
ATRE - 10/11/98 lot of people argue that opera offstage with her Roland key- By disguising as a pair of
has been superseded by board playing the harpsichord moustache-toting Albanians
ll right, I admit it - operetta and the musical and continuo. Perhaps she was sup- the officers woo each others

The film has an incredibly

wide ranging appeal. Kids
love the cute little cartoon
style ants, the funny, fast
paced style and the happy end-
ing. It also appeals to the more
cerebral among us. In a way it
is the animated film equivalent
of ‘Animal Farm’.
his soldier friend, big yet cud-
dly. Better visuals than ‘Toy
Story’ and a better plot than
‘The Truman Show. A wor-
A opera is not everyone’s
cup of tea, and it may
just be the fact I’m a music stu-
dent, but I thoroughly enjoyed
thy film to go and see and
this performance.
probably one of the best you
will see this year. 9/10
It’s often felt that opera is sur-
rounded by an air of pretence
Nick Walsh
but the Yvonne Arnaud strove
to make an evening of ‘culture’
a completely painless experi-
that there’s a dubious amount
of pleasure to be gained in
watching something conceived
in the 1780’s. This production
would have proved them
wrong.
Cosi Fan Tutte was performed
in English (rather than its for-
mer Italian) and performed in
the dress and fairly simplistic
set style of its actual period of
composition.
The London Opera Players, a
group of talented young per-
formers, actually achieved
their aim of bringing tradi-
tional opera to a diverse audi-
ence quite successfully and
carried the spirit of the come-
dy beautifully.
Congratulations must also be
offered to the orchestra - The
majority of the music was
excellent (perhaps with the
exception of a few bum notes
from the violins), especially
the obviously talented wood-
wind section. The only
object of our amusement was
posed to be out of view, but
from where I sat it looked like
she was about to launch in
Wurlitzer classics at any
moment!
The title of this opera means
‘Thus do all women’ or ‘ The
School for lovers’ so its hardly
surprising that it was slated
throughout the 19th and early
20th century for being
“immoral and frivolous” . We
just found that fact more of an
incentive to go and see what all
the fuss was about! The result
was as close to ‘Indecent
Proposal’ as was allowed in the
18th century - mild flirtation
and copious arias about the
characters feelings... but noth-
ing even provoking a blush
these days!
The plot centres around two
young sisters who are engaged
to two military officers. A cyn-
ical friend bets that he can
make the sisters commit acts of
infidelity and sets about plot-
girlfriends - all in the name of
comedy though! They lose
their bet but all ends happily.
Believe me, this is an exception
to the norm though as in opera
it is extremely unusual that a
pair of female lead characters
will live to see the final curtain
come down!
At 2 1/2 hours long, Mozart
may have drawn out what is an
essentially basic plot but the
whole dramatic experience, not
to mention the wonderful
music, was one not to be
missed.
Watch out for further touring
opera companies coming to
Guildford soon and if its the
price that worries you phone on
the evening of the performance
and enquire about late avail-
ability tickets. Try opera once
and you might just like it!
Lucy Andrews
Arts and Ents Chairperson

The Paul McKenna Show

Guildford Civic Hall their grip until they shook furi- interval and then ended the
8th November 1998 ously or lost all blood to their evening with the usual strip
hands or indeed both. At the routine to the Full Monty.
ollowing his Broadway climax of this those unable to Crazy capers continued

F success Paul McKenna

amazed all in attendance
with his fun filled extravagan-
za of witty one liners and hilar-
ious hypnotic shenanigans.
The dynamics of the hypnosis
went largely unnoticed as will-
ing members of the audience
closed their eyes and imagined
a heavy weight in one hand
whilst string pulling the other
hand high above their heads.
Those with one hand on the
floor and one reaching for the
skies were those with a free,
far-reaching imagination or so
Paul said. Anyway, the audi-
ence was then asked to clasp
their hands whilst our hypnotic
compere turned an imaginary
wrench and people tightened
free their hands were invited
on the stage to take part in the
show.
With a stage full of unsuspect-
ing people Paul began to send
them all into a deep sleep
ready for their night of fame
and of course…humiliation.
Paul’s calming voice soon had
us all transfixed wondering
what he would be getting the
people on the stage to do next.
The student population was
soon represented by our very
own final year Economist
David Smith. He amazed us
all with impersonations of a
ballet dancer, his personifica-
tion of a film director (com-
plete with loudspeaker) in the
throughout the evening includ-
ing a man frantically calling
‘man the life boats’ every
minute during the interval,
before blaming those around
him for the outburst. The
evening culminated in a
cacophony of calamity and
cajoling capers as one man was
led to believe he had left his
scarf on stage, and after a
while became the proud wear-
er of a dozen scarves.
This truly was an example of
just how thrilling live enter-
tainment can be. Catch Paul
McKenna’s next hypnotic
experience in the Civic Hall in
March next year.
Sue Butt and Daniel Jones
 n Thursday 19th November 1998
A Dream Come True
lmost one year ago
A
we heard Mr Juan
A n t o n i o
Samaranch, President of the
International Olympic
Committee, announce “the
city that will have the hon-
our and the responsibility to
organise the Olympic
Games in 2004 is Athens”.
From that day on, one
nation, Greece, which
don’t forget organised the
first Olympic Games in
1896, has proudly worked
towards showing the rest of
the world what the
Olympic Games are really
about. The Olympic
Games in 2004 will be
he Ministry of
T Sound have set up
their own website
where clubbers from all
over the world can commu-
nicate with each other. You
can talk about what you
like, although the main top-
ics of conversation were sex
and Essex girl jokes.
You can also subscribe to
the Ministry of Sound’s
mailing list and receive info
(in an E-Flyer) regarding:
who’s playing at the club,
tour dates, the newest
releases from Ministry of
Sound Recordings, website
updates, competitions and
the latest happenings from
the UK club scene.
A link for the blokes: there
is a webcam link that broad-
casts pictures live from the
club’s ladies toilets. Also
live can be heard broadcasts
on the web from the
Ministry of Sound main
room on Friday and
Saturday night.
For those who like their
night outs a little less virtual
(but nevertheless just as
good), check out the UK
Club Scene. This is a web-
site containing all the details
you need to have fun in the
UK’s dance music clubs. It
consists of reviews submit-
ted by the clubbing public
unlike all others.
Athens 2004 will not just be
and athletic event, it will not
be merely about economic
gain and organisational abil-
ity. It is commonly felt that
the world is expecting
something different from
Greece; expecting the return
of the true Olympic spirit.
The old adage that ‘winning
is not everything it is the
taking part that counts’ will
never have been more true.
The Olympic Games have
already started for Greece.
The roads, the stadiums, the
airport and the subway are
all well on their way to
being ready. Thousand s of
WWW?
(i.e. paying customers.) and
the designers are always on
the look out for more writ-
ers.
Thursday (12 November)
was the fourteenth anniver-
sary of the release of
Madonna’s second album
“Like a Virgin”. The record
was top of the American
Billboard charts for six
weeks. The title track was a
number one single, while
the songs ‘Material Girl’,
‘Angel’ and ‘Dressing Up’
were all top five. Madonna’s
mass appeal shows no signs
of abating however, as she
was awarded the award for
Best Female and Best
Album (‘Ray of Light’) at
the 1998 MTV Awards on
Friday.
There are an endless number
of Madonna websites, 128
of which are listed in the
Yahoo database. Madonna
Gossip seemed initially
dull. There were no pictures
or bright colours just a list
of links leading to pages of
gossip. However, what the
page lacks in aesthetics, it
soon makes up in generating
curiosity. Some of the
entries in the menu were:
Madonna’s special relation-
ship with Sharon Stone, Her
erotic encounter with
Michael Jackson, and
Madonna’s special message
volunteers are working tire-
lessly so as to complete the
preparations.
After 109 years the dream
will come true. The
Olympic Games finds the
destination.
Hello World. Have you lost
your way again? Have you
lost your spirit of ‘well con-
tent’? Don’t be afraid
because Greece is here
again. You have trusted
them in the past and they
have given you civilisation,
trust them again and they
will offer you the real
Golden Olympic Games.
Giannis
to a special group of men.
A word of advice though:
there is no indication as to
whether any of the informa-
tion on the site is true. For
the designer’s sake, I hope it
is. But an interesting read all
the same.
For more reliable informa-
tion, there is always the
Official Fanclub of
Madonna, which provides
the latest news about
Madonna’s appearances.
Surfers can also read ICON
MAGAZINE, a web zine
that documents the life &
times of Madonna.
Published on the web quar-
terly, each issue includes a
self-penned letter from
Madonna herself, along
with input from her closest
associates. This is an ideal
site for any fan.
This week’s websites
Ministry of
http://www.ministry
Sound
of
sound.co.uk/
UK Club Scene
h t t p : / / w w w . x -
network.co.uk/uk-clubs/
Madonna Gossip
http://www.joking.com/mad
onna.html
Official Madonna Fanclub
http://www.madonnafan-
club.com/home.htm
This week’s keywords
“Ministry of Sound”, Clubs,
clubbing, Madonna.
Interview with a Big Issue Vendor
ive years ago, Joe
F split up with his girl-
friend by whom he
had two children. He found
solace in alcohol to numb
the pain. “Instead of facing
my problem, I ran
away...That’s the story of
my life really.”
At the moment, he is in the
process of trying to get back
to his feet. He no longer has
an alcohol problem though
he is the first to admit that
once an alcoholic, always an
alcoholic. I found him on
Saturday in Guildford High
Street outside Boots selling
‘The Big Issue’.
Fortunately, he was not too
busy to answer a few ques-
tions.
How did you get
involved with ‘The Big
Issue’?
Through a friend. I was
sharing a hostel room
with him. I went with him
to ‘The Big Issue’
[office] to sign up.
How would describe a
typical day?
Fairly routine. I wake up
at eight, start at nine and
work through to five. It’s
just like a normal job.
Even when it’s wet?
Yes, I have to cover my
travel costs and the cost
of the magazines.
Game Review - Grim Fandango
Author: LucasArts Price:
£34.99 Format: PC-CD
ands up all you who
H have played Monkey
Island? Day of the
Tentacle? Indiana Jones and
the Fate of Atlantis? In fact,
it is almost certain that if you
own a PC then you have
played a ‘point and click’
style adventure game before.
LucasArts, a company that
has had huge success in this
area in the past, have taken a
gamble by dragging the
game into 3D. The amazing
thing is that it works!
The game is based on a
Mexican festival called the
So you have to buy the
magazines from ‘The
Big Issue’?
Yes, I sell it on at a profit
of 60p [Wholesale price
40p - Retail price £1].
Do you benefit from
WHSmith and other
businesses selling the
magazine?
Joe looks confused.
I heard a rumour that
WHSmith promote
‘The Big Issue’? How
does this affect you?
We [vendors] are the only
market. No-one else sells
‘The Big Issue’. It is an
opportunity for the home-
less to help themselves -
people who are in the no
home, no bank account,
no job, no home circle.
Oops...Moving swiftly
on, how are you treated
by the general public?
Very well. Everyone is
really friendly and cheery
and recognises that I am
only trying to make a liv-
ing. [As if the whole inci-
dent was staged, an old
man buys a copy.] In
London though, everyone
is a rush and tends to
ignore me.
Day of the Dead, where rela-
tives from beyond the grave
come back and are honoured
guests at dinner parties.
LucasArts have taken this
idea further by depicting a
whole world in which the
Dead live. You play Manny
Calavera, a travel agent for
the Department of Death. His
job is to arrange travel pack-
ages for the recently departed
to the Ninth Underworld.
Unfortunately Manny hasn’t
been selling very many pack-
ages recently, and his job is
on the line.
Grim Fandango is based on
the film noir style. With
1920s decor heavily influ-
enced with Mexican and
Aztec ages, there is a real
sense of class to the game.
Features 5
That must be frustrat-
ing...
It is but you get used to it.
So Guildford is your
main base of opera-
tions?
Yes, been working here
fore five years.
How do you see your life
progressing?
Good question! To be
honest, I don’t know. I
have just got a council
flat but I have to get
myself back on my feet
before thinking of any-
thing else. I take each day
as it comes.
What has been the high
point of recent years?
Getting a council flat. It’s
nice to go somewhere
after a hard day’s work to
relax and have a bit of
privacy, especially after
sharing with others.
[Sounds familiar.]
Finally, do you have a
message for us stu-
dents?
What can I say really?
[Thinks for a bit] You go
to college for three years
or so for whatever rea-
son...all I can say is to
make the best of it.
Interview by Pravin Jeyaraj
The soundtrack has been
carefully composed, really
adding to the atmosphere.
The backgrounds to all the
locations are all rendered in
3D, while all the characters
are drawn in real time using a
3D graphics card. Don’t
worry if you haven’t got one
though, as the game will look
fine without!
Overall the game deserves to
fly off the shelves in astound-
ing numbers. The fact that
LucasArts have put a lot of
work into this game really
shows. I was also surprised
that the 2 Cds come in a card-
board holder rather than a
plastic jewel case.
Grade A - One of the best
games of 1998. Marker:
Gareth Harmer
6 Music Thursday 19th November 1998 n

3 COLOURS RED NOJAHODA

Reading Face Bar 31-10-98 University Union 8/10/98
Following their soundcheck, where 3 Colours Red revealed to have rediscovered the spark that excited everyone so Nojahoda, such a big word for a band so young. Not actu-
some of their mighty new material, I talk to guitarist Chris much when they first hit the scene 3 years ago. A couple of ally sounding, looking or giving the impression of having
McCormack about the band’s forthcoming album ‘Re-Volt’. the new songs see the band using tapes to augment the nomadic tendencies, but it’s an impressively pointless word
Chris is a little the worse for wear and they have only been sound, the forthcoming single ‘Beautiful Day’ is quite stun- none-the-less. In fact, this band, who look easily under
out on tour for a day, he got to bed at 1.30pm earlier in the ning, possibly the best song they have written, and should twenty, could be seen as being the American Symposium.
afternoon. “I went to a great party after the show in surely be a big hit single. The encore starts with ‘Copper Their sounds are a mix of brazen guitars, ranging from one-
Leicester last night, and got a taxi here this morning.” The Girl’, I still find it hard to believe that Creation/Sony failed minute thrash skate punk through to (an ironic? cliché of)
band’s new single ‘Paralyse’, is their heaviest record to date to make this a huge record worldwide, during which the stadium rock. There are two ways of looking at bands like
and being a 4-track EP is ineligible for the charts. “It is good band sort out the idiot spitting into Pete’s face, before the this, firstly there are a lot of people who go for this sort of
to do something more fan based. The reason for the single final adrenaline fuelled blast of ‘Aniseed’ and ‘Hateslick’. thing. They are out on tour supporting Reef and
is the tour, otherwise there is no point touring if you don’t 3 Colours Red are well and truly back. By this time next Symposium, the people who would probably buy into this
have anything out. We just wanted to ease back in and give year the world should be at their feet. sort of thing. So in a sense they are very marketable, which
people a chance to see us again, then come back with the big Rob Winder is probably why music-maiming label Sony signed them.
single, ‘Beautiful Day’, in January.” The second point of view is that there is simply no need for
This is the band’s first tour in a year, do they enjoy touring? them. They had no songs as such just childish etchings of
“I love touring, it is the best bit about being in a band. We their favourite bands Faith No More, Metallica, Aerosmith
are a live band.” perhaps. Trying to equal rather than trying to better. It’s
I always thought that 3 Colours Red’s first album, ‘Pure’, maybe unfair to be so hard on them, being so young.
was poorly produced, the songs just lacked the bite that the Though the second guitarist did have the worst mullet I
band had live. This time they have worked with Manic’s have ever seen and the bass player wore his cap sideways,
producer Dave Eringa and the album had been mixed by so really they are fair game after all. Nick Walsh
Chris Sheldon. “You will not be disappointed, we are proud
of this album. The last one didn’t catch the live vibe prop- Delakota
erly. This album is a massive leap forward, there was no
point in making two albums like ‘Pure’. There are some
good pop songs, some real heavy, riffy songs and some trip-
py stuff like ‘Paranoid People’.”
Chris is obviously very excited about the new album, and
from the tracks played in soundcheck they have certainly
delivered with the songs.
“The music speaks for itself. It is just top. I couldn’t be hap-
pier.”
At that I leave him to get some more sleep.
3 Colours Red hit straight into their set with the new single
‘Paralyse’ a bruising slice of hard metal, the pace hardly
drops for ‘This Is My Hollywood’. The sound is loud, Pete
Vukovic’s voice is sounding great and the band are really
into the show, playing harder and with more edge than I
have seen them do in the past couple of years. They appear

AIR/SEAN LENNON DELAKOTA

Theatre Royal, Drury Lane, 1/11/98 Portsmouth Wedgewood Rooms 12/11/98
This was the first UK date for the “French Band”. A chance to see them live was eagerly “Inside this comotion there is no distraction, intention is clear as the day it was born”. Lyrics
awaited, as there have been delays due to the problems touring with their original 70’s from Delakota’s last single ‘C’mon Cincinnati’. Trouble was, it was far from a comotion.
equipment. The venue choice was unexpected. How would Air’s atmospheric easy listen- The band having big problems with their sound, caused the show to be put back an hour,
ing sounds represent itself in the gilt and red velvet of the Theatre Royal? Support was Sean and forcing the punters to have to wait in the foyer of the venue. Despite,good press hype,
Lennon. Its difficult to review him objectively as the ghost of his father is always seems to an amazing debut album, and good airplay on the singles the venue is still half full. This is
be omnipresent. He certainly has a lot more to live up to than most other musicians. The unusual in Portsmouth, where bands ask specifically to play this venue, as they almost
comparisons came even more to mind when his mother was spied in the Royal Box. His always get a great, enthusiastic reception.
voice certainly sound familiar but the similarities ended there, this was definitely new The warm up DJ tries to get people in the mood, but it is not actually until the band arrive
music. It was difficult to pin it down to just one style. He tried lots of different stuff, some on stage, that there appears to be any signs of life. It takes until 10 o’clock for the expand-
of it worked and some of didn’t. ‘Spaceship’ was a stand out track. Air’s intro music was ed 6-piece of a band to shuffle on. Starting with ‘Open the Door’ the last song on the album,
‘Sgt Pepper’ (cheeky!). It was hard to know what to expect, as they came on in identical the easy groove, seems rocky than on the record and better for it, bringing the song a new
white “dentist” outfits. Would their performance be as ambient as the album or would they life. The set, of nearly all album tracks, bar one newie is both rockin’ and rollin’. With each
be completely different live? The first two songs, ‘La femme d’Argent’ and ‘Remember’, new track from the confrontational power of ‘Brothers’ through to the harmonies of ‘On
perfectly executed, were note for note reproductions of the album tracks. It was then good The Trail’. It is a fresh air to the dry and reserved bands who just stand there and play.
to hear a couple of songs from earlier in their career; ‘Le Soleil Est Pres De Moi’ and Audience participation is an integral part of their show, and if no-one is dancing, then the
‘Modular’. When they spoke to the audience, in was in to a spooky sounding microphone band aren’t happy. The last three tracks of ‘The Rock’, which is so laid back, you don’t even
making them sound like mad French accented robots! They experimented with some of have to try, you just soak up the feeling. Forthcoming single, ‘555’, is all seventies funk, the
their new songs, it will be interesting to see what they sound like when they are released. backing singer employed works wonders, recreating the album version. The last track of the
One of the highlights of the evening was a guitared up ‘Kelly Watch The Stars’, which show proper, ‘C’mon Cincinnati’, turns into an extended jam, going off on one and all the
brought regrets that we were in an all seater venue, as the audience were too sedate! ‘Sexy better for it.
Boy’ was remixed to become a 80’s sounding electronic track .The best moment of the night The band were so good, that the crowd wanted an encore, plus they deserved onebut owing
was the guest appearance of Beth Hirsch, singing the unbelievably brilliant ‘All I Need’ and to the fact that the band messed everyone around. The band though had played all their
‘You Make It Easy’ with a voice that sent shivers down the spine. There were two encores songs and had nothing left to play so they then played ‘555’ again, but more sound grem-
playing more tracks from ‘Moon Safari’ and French children TV themes (that’s what they lins creeped in an this finished half-arsed, but failed to spoil a really good gig.
said they were anyway!) All in all, an excellent night despite a few technical hitches. I’m Nick Walsh
looking forward to any new material released. Vanessa Turner
Morcheeba / Beverley Knight ment how on earth she is able to do it. The backing band were so the album has sung it’s praises. The second song ‘Part of the
tight, like the JB All-stars, loose yet always hugging the beat. Process’, with its easy vibe and reflective chorus soothe us still.
Royal Albert Hall 9/11/98 Beverley though is the star in waiting, she really does have the best The guitarist Ross Godfrey works wonders with his slide guitar
A night of laid back grooves, nothing too stressful. Both acts hav- voice I have ever heard, sung over songs, not just vocal exhibi- and blues motifs, giving a rocky yet melodic trim to the songs
ing made significant boost to their fanbase, with critically tions. Which makes her a million times better than Celine Dion. which makes all the difference live. Playing a staggering yet wel-
acclaimed long players. Morcheeba, released this year, the stun- Morcheeba, though were still better, with bands playing the Albert coming hour and forty-five minute set was perfect. The singer
ning ‘Big Calm’ and Beverley Knight gave us the innovative soul Hall they seem to push the boat out, and here was no exception. Skye Edwards’ velvety vocals filled the auditorium no trouble, the
masterpiece ‘Prodigal Sista’. Here they were complemented with, a string section, a keyboard sound so clear and whole. On ‘Fear and Love’, one of many high-
Beverley Knight was supporting, playing initially to a half-empty player and various brass players. Beginning with ‘The Sea’, with lights, the strings added to a slow jazzy beat. These are a sort of
crowd, but as each person entered, they too realised, what a talent all it’s dreamy imagery, and beatific ambience, a perfect opener welcoming excursion for such a band, choosing to write meaning-
the young songstress is. Usually, with virtuoso (mostly female) allow us to dip our toes into the waters of the beau ideal. Part of ful songs compared to the others under the ‘trip hop’ straitjacket.
singers, you think why sing 17 notes when 1 will do. But, when the glory of Morcheeba is their accessibility, yet still remaining
you see someone of these abilities sing a seemingly endless trill, able to do what they want to do. Everyone I know who has heard Nick Walsh
vocals gliding effortlessly over the band, you wonder in amaze-
 Thursday 19th November 1998 n
SINGLES
CORNERSHOP - Candyman (Wiiija)
The ‘Rob Swift’ remixes are really rather good
with rapping over the top of the track and quite a
bit of scratching on it. It also doesn’t sound much
like Cornershop (i.e. a bit dull really) which helps
a lot. Also the ‘Schizod Man’ mix is good, by
injecting a large amount of disorder into affairs.
8/10 I.P.
BEVERLEY KNIGHT − Sista Sista
(Parlophone)
Rapidly rising soul singer, who played the Union
not long ago, so people should be aware of her.
Rather than being slushy, dumb, R&B, this is real
class. Taken from, her critically acclaimed album
‘Prodigal Sista’. The bare arrangement, relaxed
beat, to this song, give the vocal a platform, from
which she can perform her majestic soaring.
Deserves to be massive. 8/10 N.W.
GOLDEN - Passenger (Golden)
This is a dark/moody experience which, although
mostly dominated by analogue synth elements,
manages to retain the foundations of a guitar-
based indie band. Slightly sketchy in the lyrics
department, but still possesses a surprisingly
fresh sound. Good bonus tracks too. A.S. 7/10
SALAKO-The Moon Radiates A Purple
Glow/Go On Then Enlighten Me, Why
Doncha? (Jeepster)
If you like songs with long and interesting titles
which are happy and poppy and meander
ALBUMS
R.E.M. - Up (Warner Bros)
An R.E.M. album bestowed with beauty is not a
strange thing but to have such a reverance as this,
entrenched in the spinning, swirling cocoon of a
sounds, noises and a zillion orchestrated
melodies makes for a euphoric kind of mela-
choly. 'Up In The Air', seemingly a slow paced
trance curls snake-like to emotional barreness
ALBUM OF THE WEEK
PORTISHEAD - Roseland nyc live (Go Beat)
At last Portishead have released a live album and wow what an album with tracks from their previ-
ous two albums including ‘Glory Box’ , ‘Sour Times’, and ‘Over’. The set was performed at the
Roseland Ballroom in New York where they wove intricate orchestral arrangements into their rap-
turous, and cinematic soundscapes. This added effect gives each song a whole new dimension as mas-
sive sounds echo around you with each one a definite sonic blast to your ear drums. All the Bristol
sound is there which has been enlightened by the ballroom. The scratching which takes place during
the whole set is more real then ever before its not just a background sound anymore its a front run-
ner. And of course not forgetting the exquisite voice of Beth which explodes with all the dynamics
of nuclear bomb. Totally out of here, Brilliant. 9/10 K.M
through territories similar to those an elderly rel-
ative with senile dementia will bibble on about,
then ‘Salako’ are for you. However ‘Go On Then
Enlighten Me, Why Doncha?’ is definitely the
standout track on the single. 7/10 D.N.
DOPE SMUGGLAZ - The Word (Perfecto)
Amidst the height of Grease fever, comes the
inevitable dance re-make of the Bee Gees’ theme
tune, barring the word itself. Initially, this sounds
how every other crass ‘70s club resurrection
does, and highly repetitive to boot, but evolves
into a funked up disco stomp, sure to be a hit on
the dancefloor. Still, not a patch on the original.
7/10 J.R.H.
MONK & CANATELLA - Son 4.5.98 (Telstar)
Welding a little rap and an underlying hip-hop
beat to what is basically an indie-rock tune, has
resulted in a highly effective melting pot job.
Overlayed with dark lyrics, this is a distinctly
disturbing affair which, despite the variety, does-
n’t quite reach its destination. 6/10 J.R.H.
LO FEDELITY ALLSTARS - Battleflag
(Skint)
The lead track just doesn’t have enough chaos in
it to work properly and really has to be played
loud enough to destroy you’re house before it
sounds really good. The second track on this CD
is much better than the title track with a more laid
back vibe which works a lot better. 6/10 I.P.
CYCLEFLY - Crawl Down (Radioactive)
Cyclefly have the misfortunate tendancy to slip
in to what sounds like a poor Placebo cover. The
songs are far to familiar, easy to hum along to
devouring darkness, spewing some fettered hope.
The songs are offered not as the paeans of Stipe's
heart but his re-working of the world, but in
songs like 'At My Most Beautiful' the inspiration
owes more to some emotion within. 'I live a sim-
ple life..' suggests 'The Apologist'. Here it is
clearer the stories are liberations of people he's
met, imagined or, indeed, buried over in his psy-
che. The sheer distilled beauty owes much, too,
to the twisted experimentation of Buck and Mills,
unshackled by the retreat of drummer Berry,
which may have been the catalyst for this musi-
even if it is the first time you’ve ever heard
it.6/10 E.C.
NINE YARDS - Lonliness Is Gone (Virgin)
Funky soul punctuated by understated musical
tinkering. The Full Crew Remix skates along
smoothly reminding of a British Boyz 2 Men
with a Fugee style rap interlude. 6/10 D.J.
SILVER SUN - Sharks (Polydor)
So this is the band that has been on TFI Friday,
are Chris Evans current favourites and have been
getting all the critical acclaim lately... well I per-
sonnaly think they are over-rated. This song is
about “staying away from bad things”, but you
can hardly convey that message just by repeating
the line “keep away from the sharks” over and
over again, with some bland unoriginal guitars in
the background, can you? 4/10 D.A.
THE JON SPENCER BLUES EXPLOSION
Magical Colors (Mute)
Yeehaa that country guitar sound is all that you
can remember from this single as it just plays on
your mind and winds you up chronically. And for
that 3/10 K.M
ALABAMA 3 - Converted (Elemental
Records)
Many bands strive to achieve a sound that is
instantly recognisable as their own. Alabama 3
however, have succeeded in taking this concept
too far as ‘Converted’ is identical to their two
previous releases ‘Woke Up This Morning’ and
‘Ain’t Goin’ To Goa’ (in much the same way as
every Lighthouse Family song sounds the same).
Although the gospel chorus of ‘Converted’ is not
cal dreamscape. 9/10 D.J.
ANOTHER LEVEL - ‘Another Level’
(Northwestside Records)
Another Level are a cool rhythm and blues group
with a mellow sound. The album sounds vary
from a light dance rap with a strong beat to a
combination of harp and song. Talent in both
areas is evident in addition to all the styles in the
middle. The degree of stylistic variation is
unusual. A possible classic for chilling out to.
8/10 G.T.
BECK - Mutations (Geffen)
Displaying quite a departure from his previous
material Beck has gone back to his roots with a
more country tinged album. The sampling is min-
imal and from the first track you’d be forgiven
for thinking this was any other American country
band. However, once Beck starts the dialogue in
his distinctive style it all becomes familiar. Proof
that you can diversify without a complete over-
haul (U2 and Blur take note). 8/10 A.T.
PAUL WELLER − Modern Classics (Island)
This ‘best of’ of his solo career, includes all the
singles, from his first solo album ‘The Paul
Weller Experience’ through to his new single
‘Brand New Start’, despite his critics who label
his work “dull retro”, this maybe so. Also it is
well acknowledged that he did his best, most
important both musically and culturally in The
Jam. Nevertheless, listening to ‘Sunflower’, ‘Uh
Hu Oh Yeah’, ‘Wild Wood’ through to ‘Broken
Stones’ are great songs. While this music may
not be challenging, sometimes just being boring
searching for that elusive “Authentic sound”, in a
way there is a middle aged repose to the songs,
but there is also a comforting latenight earth feel.
It is easy to slag him off if you’re part of
London’s cosy coterie, but why then has he such
a loyal fanbase with everyone else? In a way his
best work, since he has been solo has been his
first two albums, his worst was probably heavy
soul, with him reaching his peak on Wild Wood,
although the mostly subdued songs are more suit-
ed to a night in than preparing you for anything
else. If you like the songs, it is worth getting.
7/10 N.W.
THE OFFSPRING - Americana (Columbia)
If you like The Offspring’s ‘Smash’ album,
you’ll pretty much like this. Basically they have
recorded a bunch of very similarly sounding
songs, but have used a much higher production
standard. Yes, they still have that fun punk-metal
Music 7
SINGLE OF THE
WEEK
MARILYN MANSON The Dope Show
(Nothing)
This is the first single of what could be many
from his latest and greatest album ‘Mechanical
Animals’. Not as poisonous as previous releases,
this is potentially main stream. Catchy. 8/10
G.N.
unpleasant, the verses act only to fill the time in
between. Overall this song is just bland.3/10
O.M.S.
This weeks reviews brought to you by:
Daniel Jones, Denise Nicholson, Oliver
Chamero, Rob Winder, Andrew Smith,
Andrew Thomas, Nick Walsh, Emma Clark,
Oliver Melville-Smith, James Hemingway,
Gareth Nolan, Dean Arif, Georgina Tarrent
sound, and yes, the vocals are still affectionately
annoying but there is just too much that has been
heard before. The forthcoming single, and album
highlight, ‘Pretty Fly (For A White Guy)’ not
only steals the intro from Def Leppard’s ‘Rock
Of Ages’ but is basically ‘Come Out And Play’
with different words. There are a couple of other
good songs, notably ‘Feelings’ and ‘Why Don’t
You Get A Job’, which at least trys to sound dif-
ferent, but the album is just lacking that special
something to make it stand out. 6/10 R.W.
V/A - Skinful Vol 2 (Second Skin)
As the magnificent trio would most definetly
point out, this compilation is a tad repetitive and
certainly not as good as the last
compilation...which basically means that this is
the kind of cheesy drum and bass/disco shit that
infests clubs lately.. there are one or two excep-
tions, like Lexi Loves and Shape Shifter vibin
remixes, but on the whole this compilation just
ain’t that good...
5/10 O.C.
PLANKTON - Ganja killed the Dinosaurs
(Ochre)
The debut album for a band consisting of two
part-time London techno DJ’s, Miles and Marcus
Lavers, now find an urge for diversity. Spurred
by the idea to alternate the playing of instruments
between their vinyl mixes, they have taken on an
entirely different slant, opting instead for ‘avant-
punk’ and expelling even the slightest hint of
their dance music background.
As the title suggests, this is an album for the non-
sensical. Drum thrashing, sporadic piano playing,
distorted guitar chords, and flat monotone vocals
reminiscent, but a poor comparison to ‘Black
Grape’, making this somewhat incoherent and a
little disturbing to listen to. They are quoted as
priding themselves in having no trend to ascribe
to, but the catch 22 situation as a result is they fail
to become trendy in the process, which, judging
by this album is more than apparent. 3/10
D.M.C.
 Thursday October 12 1998 n Entertainments Guide 9

Cineline
0870 505 0007
OFU
Fri 20th Nov to Thurs 26th Nov
Out of Sight
Saturday Friday Thursday Wednesday Tuesday Monday Sunday Saturday Friday

Saturday 22.00
20th

Ronin
fri-sat 13.00 15.50 18.40 21.30
sun-thurs 12.15 15.00 17.45 20.30
Les Miserables
NO WAVE - HRB fri-sat 12.10 15.10 18.10 21.10
sun-thurs 13.45 17.15 20.15
Rounders
fri-sat 12.40 15.30 18.20 21.10
sun-thurs 12.15 14.55 17.35 20.20
21st

Blade
fri-sat 12.55 15.45 18.30 21.20
sun - thurs 1225 15.05 17.45 20.30
Hope Floats Gattaca is this weekends film ation when the mission direc-
fri-sat 13.30 19.10 showing in LT G on tor is killed. Will the police
sun - thurs 12.30 18.10 Sunday 22nd at 5pm track down the former Vincent
ANTZ before the once-in-a-lifetime
and 8pm and Monday lauch. Vincent must avoid
fri-sat 11.00 (sat only) 13.15 15.30 17.45 19.55 22.00
23rd at 8pm and starring arousing suspicion, while
22nd

sun - thurs 12.25 14.40 16.50 19.00 21.10

Ethan Hawke and Uma passing the tests, evading the
The Exorcist
Thurman police, and not knowing whom
fri-sat [13.00 16.00(fri only)] 18.45 21.30
Vincent is one of the last “nat- he can trust...
sun-thurs [12.05 14.50(except sun)] 17.30 20.20
A Student Band - See ural” babies born into a sterile, Ma Vie En Rose is the Arts
There’s Something about Mary
genetically-enhanced world, film showing on Wed 25th nov
Union for details fri-sat 16.15 21.40 where life expectancy and dis- at 8pm in LT G Ludovic lives
sun-thurs15.20 20.40 ease likelihood are ascertained in a french suburb with his
Club Tropicana Elizabeth
fri-sat 13.45 19.00
at birth. Due to die at 30, he parents, two brothers and older
has no chance of a career in a sister. Ever since he can
Hari’s
23rd

sun-thurs [12.45 18.10(except wednesday)] society that now discriminates
The Truman Show against your genes, instead of
fri-sat 16.30 21.50 your gender, race or religion.
sun-thurs [15.40 20.50 (except wednesday)] Going underground, he
Small Soldiers assumes the identity of Jerome
sat 11.30 13.55 16.20 and achieves prominence in
sun 12.45 15.10 the Gattaca Corporation,
Snake eyes where he is selected for his
fri-sat [12.15 14.35)fri only] 17.05 19.30 22.00 lifelong desire: a manned mis-
24th
remember,he has been con-
vinced that he is really a girl.
His family humour him until
he stages a wedding with his
Catholic friend Jerome, who is
also the son of Ludovic’s
father’s boss.
It is in French but don’t panic
if you are not fluent - there

sun-thurs [13.00 15.30(except sun)] 18.30(except mon) sion to Titan. aresubtitles.

21.00 Constantly passing gene tests
Mulan by diligently using samples of
sat 12.45 14.55 Jerome’s hair, skin, blood and
sun 12.45 15.10 urine, his now-perfect world is
thrown into increasing desper-
Buy your tickets from the
union receptionist or reserve
them via the box in the post
room.

RAG Beer GIG GUIDE

25th

It is always advisable to confirm with the

Competition venue before travelling.
Thurs 19
Double & Mixer £1 Sebadoh @ Oxford Zodiac
Fri 20
STUDENT COUNCIL - 6pm LTD Jetpak/Floor @ Camberly Arts Centre
Sat 21
26th

Enertia/Sonic Blue @ Aldershot West

End Centre
RAG PRESENTS ITS ANNUAL
Sun 22
GCR - NO Wave Night
HRB 8-2 £2
Front 242 @ London Astoria BEER DRINKING
Mon 23
Elementary @ Reading Alleycat COMPETITION
Tues 24 TAKING PLACE IN THE
27th

Henry Rollins @ Oxford Apollo

Wed 25
MAIN UNION
Foil @ Reading Alleycat. Symposium WEDNESDAY 25TH NOVEM-
@ London Brixton Academy BER
Thurs 26
L.A. Doors/Pollen8 @ Reading Alleycat.
KICKOFF AT 8PM
DOUBLE+MIXER STILL AT
28th

£2 Alabama 3 @ Camden Electric Ballroom

Fri 27
Dolce Vita @ Reading Alleycat
£1!!!!!!!!Any problems please feel free to
contact us via the RAG pigeon hole
10 Welfare & Advice Thursday 19th November 1998 n

Dr Russ Out and about in The Devastation in

Dear Russ
A friend told me about a
really difficult question
which she was asked
during an interview.
How is it best to answer
these?
Guildford & Woking Central America
extremely interesting”.
Those answers may sound
naff but at least they’re pos-
Coming up at the Civic laughter and song will be on HOW THE USA MADE for so long. Governments
itive.
Hall, there are a myriad of offer in this variety show. IT WORSE like the US have systemati-
cally looted the region for
That particular question is mesmerisingly interesting
he disaster, which hit decades. Honduras and
one which you are almost
certain to be asked during
the interview. The best
way to deal with it is to
events B/O (01483) 444 555

L’esise d’amore. 25/27/28

Dear Juliet
plan your answer in
advance. However, if you
Actually, I’ve been on the
get a question which you
receiving end of one of
are not expecting, could I
these. The very first ques-
suggest you try the follow-
tion I was asked in my first
ing. First of all it’s very
ever job interview was “Tell
important to keep calm.
me, Mr Clark, what prompt-
Don’t worry about pausing
ed you to apply to our com-
before you answer. Ask
pany?” At the time, I sim-
yourself what exactly
ply panicked. What could I
they’re trying to get at.
possibly say - surely the
They almost certainly want
truth is the best thing in
to find out something about
emergencies I told myself.
you which will show them
“Well, you pharmaceutical
whether you can do the job.
firms are all the same so I
Frame your answer in such
just stuck a pin in it”.
a way that it says some-
thing positive and relevant
My intense relief at being
about you. It doesn’t have
able to blurt out the sem-
to be earth-shattering - just
blance of an answer was
November (£5-13)
Guildford opera returns with
an enchanting tale of love and
flirtation set in an Italian vil-
lage.
Mediaeval Baebes
29 November
(£10.50/12.50/14.50)
The glamourous young lasses
devoted to the sounds of the
swinging 1360’s are
renowned for luring a male
audience.
Danny La Rue in the Hiss
and Boo Music Hall Show
3 December
(£7.50/8.50/9.50)
A concoction of music,
The Yvonne Arnaud
Theatre continues to show
Alan Acykebourn’s hilarious
comedy ‘How The Other
Half Lives’ starring Anton
Rogers and Angela Thorn
until 28 November and
should be a barrel of laughs.
Call the B/O on (01483) 440
000.
The New Victoria
Theatre in Woking plays
host to ‘The Crucible’ from
23 – 28 November. Set in the
village of Salem, this drama
of human conflict, corruption
and self-deception amidst
accusations of devil worship
and sexual depravity, which
all seems rather interesting.
Tickets £6-16, call the B/O on
(01483) 761144
T Central America, is a
massive blow to an
already crippled country.
Over 10,000 people are
known to have died already,
following Hurricane Mitch
which devastated Honduras,
large parts of Nicaragua and
other neighbouring coun-
tries.
At least two million people
are refugees, and the death
toll is likely to soar as starva-
tion and disease start to set
in. When you look at the his-
tory of Honduras and
Nicaragua, you realise the
problems they have now are
not just down to Hurricane
Mitch. Honduras and
Nicaragua are the two poor-
est countries in the Western
Hemisphere after Haiti.
Nicaragua are paying over
$1.3 million a day, every day,
to line the pockets of the
bankers. Every penny means
less money to strengthen its
infrastructure, to improve
roads, bridges and houses,
which can withstand the
force, the nature. This is why
hurricanes cause massive
devastation and death, but
not when they hit Florida.
New Labour minister Clare
Short claimed that “debt is
completely irrelevant” to the
disaster. The government
now talks of a ‘moratorium’,
or temporary suspension of
debt repayments. The $250
million debt payments made
by Honduras already this
year are enough to repair a
vast amount of the damage to
the capital, Tegucigalpa.

The Future is Bright

matched by the look of
abject horror on the inter-
viewer’s face. She got rid
of me as soon as she could
and I was left licking my
wounds.
What could I have said?
How about - “I’ve applied
to you because I believe
your company could make
the best use of my abili-
ties”, or what about “I read
about the kind of work you
require graduates to do and
I must say it all sounds
confident, honest and to the
point.
By the way, if you really
can’t answer a question,
why not ask if you can
come back to it later. It
shows you’ve got the confi-
dence to ask and it gives the
old grey matter a chance to
mull over the question in
the meantime. They might
even forget they asked the
question in the first place -
but don’t bank on it!
Russ Clark
Careers Service
ou’re hot. You’re hun-
Y gry. Your possessions,
your home, your town
went under water long ago.
You’re a refugee, one of mil-
lions.
The weather changes dramati-
cally and unpredictably. Some
animals have long since died
out. They couldn’t cope, and
you’re only hanging in there
by your fingernails.
The fragile systems that gov-
lived on. Malaria has been
rife, other diseases spreading
so quickly.
You think about the past. To a
time when people had every-
thing they could possibly want
and far more besides, and yet
still were not satisfied. A time
when people wanted to build
bigger, better, faster, without
appreciating what they already
had. When the dire warnings
were not heeded, when
nobody wanted to believe the
Before the hurricane, about
70 percent of the population
were living below official
subsistence levels, yet all this
is hard to believe, when you
consider both countries are
rich in resources and have
fertile land.
They are poor because of the
crippling burden of debt to
Western Bankers and the pil-
laging by multinational busi-
nesses which has taken place
The debt can and should be
cancelled now, but this is
only one part of the pillages
Central America has been
subjected to. World powers,
above all the US, and multi-
national businesses have
played a key role in reducing
the region to poverty. The
US has always used Central
America as it’s backyard and
seemingly continues to do
so.

Fire Matters erned the food production and

distribution for the planet
predictions might come true.

doesn’t exist any more. The To a time when people were

his is the time of that this was a practice

T year when the

University is oblig-
ed to carry out fire drills in
evacuation.

Despite the inclement

order to fulfil our legal
obligations and ensure the
safety of our staff and stu-
dents. As many of you
will already know a prac-
tice fire evacuation drill
took place in the early
hours of Saturday morn-
ing. (0115hrs 14.11) at the
Students’ Union.
Over 1250 students and 50
staff were involved in the
drill, which went very
well. the whole union
building was evacuated in
six minutes and although I
am a new face at the
University myself, I am
told that this is somewhat
of a record. There is natu-
rally always room for
improvement, as it took
most people about 30 sec-
onds to realise what was
occurring. There were, of
course, the odd one or two
that were reluctant to
leave the premises even
though they did not know
weather and the fact that
most people had no coats
with them everyone man-
aged to maintain their
good humour whilst real-
ising, after the recent
disco tragedy in Sweden,
how serious and important
it is for us all to be aware
of fire safety procedures.
The Union staff reacted
very quickly to the situa-
tion and did a particularly
good job, conducting
themselves in a very pro-
fessional manner.
I’d like to take this oppor-
tunity to say that we will
not be carrying out anoth-
er drill in the foreseeable
future, so should the fire
alarm sound it will not be
because of another prac-
tice. Thank you all for
your co-operation.
Mark McGlinchey
University Fire Officer
fresh water supply has become
contaminated with the sea
water that rose up and
drowned or washed away
everything in its path. The
sun’s rays beat down on you.
It’s crowded. Some of the
plants and animals may have
gone, but so has the land that a
third of the people in the world
Food (and more)
his is your invitation to
T free lunch.......in return
for attending a lively
Focus Group to give us your
views on how we can improve
the Library and our services to
you.
Library staff will be running a
major survey in the Spring
semester and your ideas and
comments will form an essen-
tial part of this. This is a real
opportunity for you to have
*your* say in the development
of the Library service. We
need to hear from a wide
cross-section of our users and
even non-users; everyone’s
comments will be valuable
too wrapped up in their busy
little lives to care. When they
didn’t bother to make a few
small changes, not wanting to
believe that they might have to
make bigger ones later on, or
that catastrophe was just
around the corner.
It’s the future Jim, but surely
not as we want it.
Claire Haggett
THE UNIVERSITY CONFERENCE OFFICE
REQUIRES STUDENT HELP IN JANUARY.
..For Thought THE WORK WILL BE VARIED AND
INVOLVE DEALING WITH CONFERENCE
We plan to hold Groups in the
Library on various days/times
until 9 December. Discussions
will last about an hour. Lunch
DELEGATES
AND HELPING TO ENSURE EVENTS RUN
SMOOTHLY
or refreshments will be pro-
vided according to the time of APPLICATION FORMS AND JOB
day.
DESCRIPTIONS ARE AVAILABLE FROM
*You will also receive a £2 THE CONFERENCE OFFICE
copycard and be eligible to (PHILIP MARCHANT BUILDING)
enter a prize draw for a book
token or copycard up to the CLOSING DATE:-
value of 30 pounds*.
THURSDAY 26th NOVEMBER 1998
If you are interested please
contact the Library
Information Desk or Sue £3.50 PER HOUR
Telfer e-mail s.telfer@sur- PLUS FREE ACCOMMODATION ON CAM-
rey.ac.uk ext 9233 or PUS
Glenda Davies e-mail
g.m.davies@surrey.ac.uk ext
 n Thursday 19th November 1998
To whom it may concern,
Thank you very much for
the anonymous personal
attack in response to my
article on the NUS. This
article appeared alongside
my job title of “External
Affairs Officer” precisely
because it is my job to bring
the NUS to the attention of
Surrey students. The
University of Surrey
Students’ Union
Constitution states that part
of my role is to “be respon-
sible for keeping all Union
officials and members
informed of relevant NUS
policies and action being
taken”. Therefore I was act-
ing entirely within my role
and justified in airing and
countering views that have
been shared with me over
the last nine months.
I apologise most sincerely
for having called “organi-
sations such as communists
and yogic fliers” crackpots.
I was not referring to the
Socialist Party of Great
Britain (based in Clapham
High Street), nor to the
Democratic Left, nor to the
Natural Law Party, whose
manifestos I have read. If
there are any other commu-
nist parties or supporters of
yogic flying who attend
NUS conference and pro-
duce manifestos, and who
feel offended by my article,
I shall be happy to read their
Monday 23rd November
publications and amend my
views if necessary.
I feel that perhaps you
chose not to understand the
point I was making in refer-
ence to the political alle-
giance of the controlling
elite of NUS to the Labour
Party (I am well aware of
the position of Unions in the
political spectrum). This is a
reality, as illustrated by the
situation with tuition fees.
The general feeling at that
time was that the NUS did
not do as much as it could to
prevent the introduction of
tuition fees because of the
political aspirations of cer-
tain leading figures in NUS.
As to attendance of the
NUS Blackpool conference
I took up my post after nom-
inations for attending had
closed, none of the dele-
gates stood down, and
despite offering to go as an
observer for Bare Facts, my
own situation of relative
student poverty prevented
me. I have, however, been
conscientious and accurate
when reporting the facts
about NUS and its structure
as presented at the NUS
meetings I attend and from
the literature I receive. I
have also received a letter
of support for the view I
expressed which states: “I
can assure you (having been
to NUS conference myself)
that it IS a shambles, and
Letters
half of the time is wasted on
procedural motions and
debate-scuppering standing
orders”.
To say that NUS is perfect
would be a mockery but by
highlighting both the good
and bad points, and in some
detail, I feel that my article
raised awareness of NUS in
a way that had not previous-
ly been achieved by any
member of the executive
committee (including
myself). The fact that I am
receiving responses, in per-
son, via Bare Facts and in
Student Council, means that
I have achieved my goal.
However, if you feel open
discussion on NUS to be a
threat to the Students
Union, and that using my
role as External Affairs
Officer to achieve this is an
abuse of my responsibility
as an elected representative,
then I challenge you to pro-
pose and second a vote of
no confidence in me for the
next Student Council. In
this way I will be able to
find out who you are, and
debate our feelings on NUS
in open.
“I do wonder why there is
this recent trend to make all
letters in BF anonymous-
are people scared of voicing
their views?!”Yours sin-
cerely (and in my own
name) Marcus Mayers
External Affairs Officer
1998 MTV Europe Music Awards
ITV, Saturday 14th
November, 11.15pm -
12.45am
by Pravin Jeyaraj
he ceremony was
T recorded the day
before in Milan, and
presented by bubbly blonde
Jenny Macarthy. She intro-
duced each act that per-
formed with as many puns
as could be squeezed into
half a minute.
The status of MTV as the
music fan’s mecca was con-
firmed by Faithless opening
the show with ‘God is a DJ’.
The group was nominated
for Best Dance Act, but
they lost out to The Prodigy
who decided to break the
habit of a lifetime and actu-
ally appear to collect it from
Natalie Imbruglia and Bush
frontman Gavin Rossdale.
Even after the departure of
one member, the Spice Girls
still showed they were the
best (pop) group in the
world, beating the Beastie
Boys, Garbage and arch-
Dear Editor,
While reading last weeks
article by Nick Walsh, (The
tabloids go too far again) I
was appaled by the hypo-
critical nature of the author.
I agree that some of the
comments were perhaps
inappropriate, but if noth-
ing, else people in support
of homosexuality must, by
nature, be liberal; a way of
thinking that promotes free-
dom of speech. With this in
mind it is quite disgraceful
that he should go onto insult
other peoples beliefs
(Paragraph four).
Having already said that
some of the articles were
inappropriate, Norman
Tebbit’s fears have clearly
already shown themselves
during the life of this
Government. Without
homosexuals like Stephen
Twigg in the Government,
issues such as the homosex-
Outrage review
his week saw the
T return once again of
OUTRAGE
Wednesday evening, with a
on
Snow Board Party.
Amongst the OffPiste”
Boarding Revellers,
Congratulations go out to
‘Lizzie Hales’ (1st Year)
who was the quickest down-
hill playstation snowboard-
er, winning a Sony
Playstation Game. As for
rivals All Saints. Mel C and
Emma collected the awards
for Best Group and Best Pop
Act to a deafening cheer.
Last year, the band were
booed off stage at the MTV
Awards in Barcelona.
All Saints themselves are on
course for being declared
the next Madonna. Their
raunchy (but legal) perfor-
mance of ‘Lady Marmalade’
was sure to get testosterone
levels rising. Not that that is
a bad thing! Jean-Paul
Gaultier and Giorgio
Armani presented them with
the award for Best
Breakthrough Act.
Madonna showed that no
matter how many awards
you win, receiving each one
is just as exciting and sur-
prising as the last. 1998 has
been a busy year for The
Material Girl - she appeared
as Evita in the Hollywood
version of Andrew Lloyd
Webber’s musical, gave
birth to a girl and revamped
her image yet again. And it
paid off as she was present-
Letters 11
ual age of consent, and the proved now. It is therefore
repealment of Clause 28, surely natural that an elected
might never have been body of politicians want to
raised. do what is best for the fami-
ly, hence the Tories’ Back to
Until the end of the Second Basics campaign, and
World War this country had Labour’s new White Paper,
a firm set of morals and the “Family Values”.
Family was a strong institu- Personally I don’t believe
tion. Since then a liberalisa- that either take the neces-
tion of these morals has led sary steps to cement the
to a deterioration of the fam- family’s place back in the
ily with an ever increasing backbone of the country, but
divorce rate as well as and it does show that politicians
increase in the number of recognise it’s importance.
single parent families.
Increased social unrest has, At the end of the day, most
surely by no coincidence, people experience the tradi-
followed leaving a genera- tional idea of family during
tion with few or no morals. their life and it is therefore
In the aforementioned para- short-sighted, to say the
graph, Nick Walsh implies least, to suggest it is outdat-
that the notion of ‘family’ is ed, In this case the minority
outdated. I propose quite views is anti family , a view
the opposite. If nothing else which could have serious
it is clear that man and repercussions for the whole
woman were made to live World in the future.
together, and together raise Mike Ashworth
a family - an argument that I
don’t feel needs to be
the real test of endurance on worth £230 donated by
stage, riding for the USSU -
Snowboard 98 Team,
‘Kristian Steele’ (1st Year)
“Ski-Bartlett” in Hillingdon
Middlesex, and now at the
Wycombe Summit ski slope
held his style and balance in in Bucks.
the amazing run for over 3
minutes on the snowboard See elsewhere in this issue
simulator, with rival board- for more details of Ski-
ers Sam and James finishing Bartlett, for all your skiing
joint second. After this gru- and snowboard needs.
elling display from our top Outrage return on 16th DEC
3, Kristian was presented with their final Party for 98:
with a “Scott” Snowboard “The XMAS Foam Party” -
ed with the awards for Best Busta Rhymes, Manic Street
Female and Best Album. Preachers, Aqua, Pras
Michel, 5ive and German
The ceremony was inter- guitar dance act Rammstein.
spersed with ‘live’ perfor- The show ended with
mances from:- Faithless, ‘Millenium’ by Robbie
Madonna, All Saints, REM, Williams.
The full list of winners (in order of announcement) are as
follows:
Best Male Robbie Williams
Best Group Spice Girls
Best Dance The Prodigy
Best Song Natalie Imbruglia ‘Torn’
Best Rock Aerosmith
Best Female Madonna
Best Pop Spice Girls
Best Rap Beastie Boys
Best Breakthrough All Saints
Best Video Massive Attack
Best Album Madonna ‘Ray of Light’
12 Personals and Notices Thursday 19th November 1998 n

n wendy - i fancy you, not
cindy crawford
n to the man from the lit-
tle insignificant island in
the middle of nowhere.
how’s the buns? from your
tracksuited friend.
n pull score:fresher
1...greek 1. was the pierc-
ing good for you?
nthe hall restaurant girls
have fun because... they
are dodgy!
nroom 5 but they are cur-
rently planning a life
together. have uc59 got rid
of petie???
ntate 2, we’ve noticed you
around... do you find your
fridge very attractive?
well... do you?
nmeharg - how much fun
are girls with tongue
studs?
npervy petie and nick(y)
would like to announce
their forthcoming wed-
ding. sorry girls. love from
cathryn.
nwanted: 4 second year
management students to
do back to back leasing in
january 2000. interested
contact claire on 440436
or e-mail on li81ca.
n”ian, lately you just keep
on scoring!!!!!!!” “...on
and off the pitch”
Personals
nZim-Zam! Three am
jaunts from one side of
Guildford to the other.
Dedication or just the call
of the oat monkey?
nin the words of oscar
wilde, “thhhhhpppppt !”
nbimbo, maybe you
should stick to rugby!!!
naristotle, aristotle was a
bugger for the bottle !!
nmatt, uc66, fancy a top-
swap? rachel
naaron, was it as good for
you as it was for me?
ni dream about having my
arse spanked by the blonde
girl downstairs. romeo
dagnall
nwatch out for herr flick
around campus... we have
ways of making you talk
ndon’t agrue with odeon
pillars
nnew police station on
campus... hse 47
nbit of a quiet spell holly,
saving it up for soemone
special - jf??????
nmr benn will be moving
out soon. ha ha ha ha ha
ha. ha.
ns.u.r.f.c. formally chal-
lenge the footie boys to a
boat race at the beer com-
petition
ngio, keep away from big
bouncers and fire escapes
you naughty nurse
nhappy birthday sarah for
saturday. love and bites j &
c should come rugby train-
nyou have a great bod taz
but who was that black
haired bitch!!!
npete - or should i say
adonis - what woman
wouldn’t have your seven-
teen children????
nboy d - not in bare facts
this week then??
nto all the gorgeous bods
on west 4. thanks for let-
ting me join in yourpizza
and perving sessions. love
beaver woman.
nwomen’s rugby elite
training (no that doesn’t
mean only 5 people turned
up!)
ndietitian in battered
sausage and bacardi breez-
er calorie shocker!
ncaroline in flat 53 - you
smell nice.
nsophie, shit me, that was
close!
nsophie, my red light is
worn out now!
nstingers- the kestrels are
gonna get stung!
ndo blonds have more fun
testy?
nto my little heroine per-
son, sat in any trolleys
later puss, puss?
nhow is steve the bruised
nose raindeer?
nbimbo - maybe you
ing
nyou’re glowing kay(!),
where were you on
wednesday?????
nthanks for that [chilli
sauce], last night - it
almost killed me. it was-
good.
npetie has an admirer - its
official!!! he currently
lives in uc45
nmddp footie - was the
blonde one aiming for the
corner flag?!!!
nwaste 1 - waste of
time!!!
nwanted: the last remain-
ing man in the university
who hasn’t snogged us.
kirsten and sarah xx
nSo if Rory McGrath has
a bit of Graeme Le Saux in
him, you’d like the tape
would you Hawkins?
nUniversity of Surrey
Football Club hit the
Social Trail on Saturday
5th December with the
Annual get pissed, swap
footie shirts, oggle breasts,
get drunk, snog bird, get
tits out, grope and pass out
Xmas dinner.
Notices
University of Surrey
Lesbian,Gay and Bisexual
Society meetings every Tuesday
8pm, TB20b, or e-mail
lgbsoc@surrey.ac.uk for further
information
Pool Society AGM 18.00 by
the pool tables on Thursday 19th
November
Oscar Film Unit EGM - To
elect a new secretary. Tuesday 1st
December - 18.00 LTH
Thai Society AGM - Friday
27th November 18.00 LTA
Are there any czech speakers
(mt or fluent)
who can help with a language pro-
ject? please contact: jo @ lim4jb
or ext. 4182
Netgamer AGM - Thursday
26th November 13.00 at the Union
bar
Scout and guide club AGM
will be holding their on tuesday
24th november in teaching block
23 at 8pm
Green Society AGM
Thursday 26th november 18.00
TB22
EARS AGM- The Electronic
& Amateur Radio society is hold-
ing it’s AGM at 18.00 on
Thursday 26th November in
13BB21
Tai Jutsu AGM Sunday 29th
november at 15.20 Campusport
Studio.
Mechanical and Materials
Engineering Society AGM
Monday 30th November at 13.00
in 30BC20
wanted for dissertation!
british born, pakistani females. if
you are willing to be interviewed
for half an hour for my sociology
dissertation, please email me on
sc51aj@surrey.ac.uk. I would
really appreciate it. All replies
completely confidential.
A group of second year sociolo-
gy students are doing a
research project on gender images
in advertising. If you are willing
to participate in a small group dis-
cussion of about half an hour, with
refreshments provided, please
contact me on sc71ce.

Crossword No 85

Across
1. Primitive Drum (3-3)
5. Hard limestone (6)
9. Unemotional (6)
10. Coined (6)
11. A festive occasion (4)
12. Recall to mind (8)
14. Fraud (6)
16. Shot at (6)
19. Practice beforehand (8)
21. To bungle (4)
Down
2. To stare down (7)
3. Land-cultivation (7)
4. Presbyterian minister (9)
6. In being (5)
7. A rich sweet cake (4,3)
8. Tolerated (7)
13. A silver white element
(9) The Almighty Basketball Tournament
14. Most gloomy (7)
15. US partnerships (7)
ancy a game of basketball?? If any group of students are inter- ful diet over the next few months

F
22. Introduced from a for- 17. Much below actual
eign land (6) value (7) With exams in the not to dis- ested then please do not hesitate to would be recommended, e.g. 18oo
23. Disregard (6) 18. Compel (7) tant future, planning ahead is pop into the Union and pick up an calories per day, one and a half
24. An elephant, for exam- 20. An aromatic plant (5)
ple (6) vital! The Students’ Union aka the entry form or have a chat about the pints for each male a
25. Wooden hammer (6) Sports Officer Al, and the Hellenic tournament. day....etc.....hmmm!
Last Weeks Solution Society are organising a tourna-
Across: 1. antiquated 7. retinue 8. primp 10. garb 11. estimate 13. ment open to all Clubs, Societies, It will be held in the Sports hall at A whopping entrance fee of one
top-hat 15. Athens 17. engaging 18. spin 21. snake 22. elector 23. groups of friends or enemies (for Campusports on the 31st of hundred pennies per player will be
streetcars
Down: 1. alter 2. tint 3. queasy 4. appoints 5. emirate 6. bright- all I care!) and all abilities. January 1999, not long away trust demanded on submission of your
ness 9. pleasantry 12. gangrene 14. pageant 16. invent 19. pates me! There will be prizes, so a care- entrance forms!
20. beta Crossword compiled
by Jeff Blackham
 n Thursday 19th November 1998
Surrey Pride Star Profile
Number 5, Gemma Herbertson
Pop My Cork!
Paul Cliff, Sports Editor
Vital Stats;
t’s very hard, trust me! I
Age:
Dept:
Sports
25
Union
Office
Administrator
- I don’t want to hear any-
thing about the Bishop or
the actress thankyou very
Nicknames: H e r b i e much. I’m talking about
(does Bananas???) attempting to create an
Sporting Interests inspiring monologue, full of
(and why?): Tennis, impassioned pleas and chest
Running, Swimming swelling clichés and pro-
- for fun and general pelling it, not unlike an
fitness (Ref. Bunty adrenaline tipped arrow, out
Annual 1978 - Sports to the heart of your Surrey
Ed.) Pride. Usually, I find it flow-
Marital Status: ing uncontrollably (again no
Swaying towards the schoolboy innuendo’s
married side please!), spouting forth like a
geyser of undirected motiva-
Personal Info;
tional drivel. But today I find
What do you go for in a man? Eyes and humour
myself stunted. Stifled.
Favourite Drink? Guinness, in Dublin.
Impotent, if you like. The
Favourite Food? Roast Parsnips
reason for this temporary
Favourite Music? Anything loud and in a
dark room (I Cant sing or dance)
occlusion in the pipeline of
my otherwise flowing stream
of Ralgex scented sewage, is,
Sporting Info: I’m ashamed to report, an
What does Surrey Sport give you?Admirers, a salary, a impending sense of
windy office (that’ll be the parsnips!), and most of all, lots of Christmas cheer. Joining a
fun!
few fellow sportsmen and
What is your; most memorable moment in Surrey Sport? women for lunch in
Getting my job and feeling really proud at the Sports Fayre,
because of all the enthusiasm, dedication and pride shown by
everyone.
funniest moment you can recall from your days at Surrey?
Chancellors today, I felt
eager to draw the conversa-
tion towards gift ideas,
Christmas dinner’s and the
“Is that Martha?”
tradition of afternoon post
worst injury? Cracking my (boyfriends) coccyx and
exam beers towards the end
putting an end to riding (him!).
of term. I feel light and
Do you have any sporting superstitions? Never jump on a
relaxed, chirpy and giggly; in
weak coccyx
fact I feel almost.....happy?
How does Surrey Sport affect your Social/Private life?
What private life?! - my door is always open!
I must be coming down with
Is sex better before or after sport? N/A - until I’m drunk!
something...on to business!
Who is your sporting role model? Grant and Nigel running
With the BUSA qualification
around Albert Square
stages all but at an end for
Which sports personality would you most like to meet and
most of us there may be a few
where? Linford Christie - for lunch of course!
free Wednesdays on the hori-
Sum yourself up in 3 words? Blonde But Dizzy (sorry I used
zon for you to get some work
too many words!)
Shuffler Russel’s nominated question; Following a part-
ner’s nasal injury, allowing no physical exertion, would it First Past the Post
be unethical for a member of staff to enter into a liaison
’m still looking for my
with a canoeist? Who nose what this question is a boat? - I’m
up the creek without a paddle on this one!
Now that you are a Star of the Pride, which question would
I first winner, as Queen of
Spades disappointed in
the Murphy’s Gold Cup at
Cheltenham on Saturday,
you like added to the profile list for next weeks Star, Footie Tony McCoy winning on the
Club Vice Chairman, Jon-Paul Samuels? very impressive Cyfor
Malta. This horse was appar-
If a footie fella stayed in on a Wednesday and his bird went out ently not even fully fit, and
to Bojanglez, would you consider him truly dedicated or just capped with still being only
sad and needy if he turned up at her house after a 45 minute 5 years old, this could be one
walk at 3am? of the most exciting
Thankyou Gemma, now we can really see how the woman prospects seen for several
behind the scenes of the Sports Officers lectern really gets years, and his odds for the
him going. If you haven’t met Gemm yet, she can be found Gold Cup were halved to 7’s
in her all new windy office, cracking the coccyx of many a following this victory.
riding career - but we have heard that she prefers the shape
of a parsnip to a canoe. Must remind her of something, Mr. Two other interesting perfor-
Sports Officer. Next up is the Vice Chairman of USFC and mances at the weekend, with
resident Die Hard of the Varsity Centre Bar, Jon-Paul the March Cheltenham
“What’s it all about?” Samuels. Come on then! Festival in mind; Grey Shot
won on his seasonal debut
under Jamie Osborne, and is
down to 16-1 for the
Champion Hurdle, and
although early favouritism
for the Triumph Hurdle has
proved a very heavy burden
to carry over recent years,
Katarino was a runaway win-
ner on Saturday and takes
that bogey position at 10’s.
On Friday, the in-form train-
done.....no, I think I really am
ill, now! With many of our
teams looking to qualify for
the Cup and Shield (not too
mention the many who will
gallantly make it into the
plate!) a successful knockout
stage will be upon us before
we know it. One last push
now, Mrs. Pride, and you
may deliver a bouncing
BUSA trophy!
With success in mind, ex-
SURFC boy, Dan Luger,
made his debut for England
on Saturday in their cricket
score demolition of Holland,
less than two years after fear-
ing his career was over fol-
lowing a cruciate ligament
injury. Following a 10 month
lay-off, Luger, who joined
the University in 1996 as part
of the Scholarship pro-
gramme, showed the determi-
nation of the Pride getting
himself fit to return to top
class Rugby Union and
capped his England debut off
perfectly with a try.
A bumper colour edition of
Surrey Pride for you this
week documenting a plethora
of Sporting achievement. My
new-found pot of Yuletide
glee has even dissuaded me
from further berating those
evil souls ‘outed’ in this
weeks Dictionary Corner.
Enjoy it while it lasts!
Goodwill and Peace to All
Men [thwack,,oof!], sorry,
Holly, and Women too!
Be Jolly for Sport, Be Jolly
for the Surrey Pride.
er, Paul Nicholls takes
Buck’s Palace to Ascot,
where the improving Dante’s
Cavalier may also be worth
backing. Down at Exeter, my
choice is Bally Lira, follow-
ing up on an encouraging
second on his first trip over
fences. Saturday sees the
return of the daunting
Aintree fences, as many
Grand National hopefuls get
some early season practice in
the Becher Chase.
Last year’s National winner,
Earth Summit will be lining
up, and is sure to do well if
the ground remains slow. At
Ascot, Cyfor Malta is
entered in the First National
Bank Gold Cup Chase.
However, the 2 miles and 3
furlongs could prove to be on
the sharp side, so
Dontleavethenest may prove
a better bet. Also at the
Royal Course, Navarre
Samson is likely to be the
favourite as he bids to extend
his unbeaten streak in novice
hurdles to 6. The Tote
Cambridgeshire winner,
Surrey Pride
Stingers Face the
Mighty Kent
T
his Sunday sees the
first home game
for the Surrey
Stingers American
Football Team. After their
strong performance
against Bristol two weeks
ago, it seems likely that
the Falcons, like the
Bristol Bullets will get
stung. This year’s starting
line up sees a perfect mix
of rookies and veterans
which should allow
Surrey to become one of
Britain’s premier
University American
Football teams.
Scum To The Slaughter
As Surrey Netballers
Wield A Mighty Knife!
Surrey 46
Southampton 28
nother Strong
A performance (Big
Dave likes those!)
leads to a convincing win
for the Surrey netballers,
extending their unbeaten
run to three games.
Defensive challenges
were frequent and well
timed which, combined
with some excellent
defensive tactics meant
that the Southampton
attack had little opportu-
nity to shine. This result-
ed in a (wo)man of the
match award for Becky,
despite only managing to
by Eddie Heardman
Pasternak, continues his flat
season on the all-weather at
Wolverhampton as he steps
up 2 furlongs.
Fakenham racecourse have
announced that they shall
waive the standard entrance
fee for students presenting
ID on Monday 7th
December, in a pilot scheme.
Jenny Pitman’s autobiogra-
phy has been in very high
demand, and the publishers
shall be rushing through a
second print.
A more contentious issue
follows the impending disci-
plinary hearing of reigning
champion jockey, Tony
McCoy, as he awaits to find
his punishment for breaking
whipping rules. With this
being his fifth offence of the
year, he now faces a mini-
mum of a three week suspen-
sion. McCoy is without
doubt one of the most talent-
ed jump jockeys of recent
times, who possesses an
extraordinary will to win.
The current case was not
13
To complement the first
home game Surrey will
also witness the first pub-
lic appearance of the (as
yet unnamed) cheerlead-
ing team. (Any sugges-
tions for a name should be
left in the American foot-
ball pigeonhole). Kick off
is at 1pm on the far side of
the astro-turf at the
Varsity Centre. The
game will be about three
hours so feel free to drop
by for some of it. We will
also be drinking in the bar
afterwards and running
our traditional raffle.
Dave (Mauer) Wall
sink one quarter a pint in
the Varsity afterwards -
chutney!
The centrecourt worked
hard all game which
meant that Surrey led
throughout the match and
dominated in all areas of
the court. Some excellent
and consistent shooting
kept the pressure up but
Surrey were rarely trou-
bled and never looked
like losing the match.
This win leaves us on
course for a successful
season with many more
wins to come.
The Girl With Attitude
(See Dictionary Corner)
during a big race by any
means, with a moderate hur-
dler winning a small claimer
for the horse’s owners.
Following his previous mis-
demeanours, he has changed
his whip action, and adopted
the new foam and rubber
model, guaranteed not to
hurt the horse. McCoy has
talked of leaving the racing
game, although he has
received support from own-
ers and trainers alike.
It is felt that the whipping
rules in this country are
much more restrictive than in
most others, and his offences
here would rarely have
raised a steward’s eyebrow
in Australia or the USA.
Currently more than a dozen
UK flat and jump jockeys are
serving or are due to serve a
suspension.
However, the rules are there
to be obeyed and not broken,
and because a successful
jockey voices disapproval,
he should not be given spe-
cial dispensation.
14 Surrey Pride Thursday 19th November 1998 n

Flexibility - Andy Goring, Sports Massage Therapist Tonight We’re Out For Curry And
after a workout. So, before you start Brewin’,
doing some slow deep stretches, it’s But First We’ll Give These Chumps A
worth putting on a sweatshirt or extra
layer to keep your muscles warm. Shoein’.

General Guidelines for Stretching: University D 6 nodded back by Cliffy for

-make sure you are stretching the mus- Milford and Witley 2 Baldo to strike home. 1-1.
cles and not the ligaments Milford looked despondent
anicked half drunken, and quite frankly we should

tretching is probably the most takes about 10 minutes to stretch all

-never hold your breath whilst per-
forming stretches
P half hungover phone
calls to re-arrange fix-
have taken over from there
but some sloppy defending

S neglected aspect of fitness and

sports training, yet it is one of
the most important in preventing injury
the major muscle groups and the bene-
fits are cumulative stretching will also
help improve your posture, alleviate
-stretching should not be painful

-only stretch to the point of tension

and improving sporting performance.
Flexibility starts to decrease almost as
soon as you are out of short trousers
and continues to do so through your
adulthood, unless you do something to
maintain it.
Stretching is easy and enjoyable and it
MEng Engineers on the Ball
hey started rolling in runners up. This eliminated
tures, swap players, organ-
ise transport and dig up a
missing Captain after a Miss
Moneypenny night out at
led to them going 2-1 up
and putting the boys back
under pressure. We respond-
ed well and went in at half
minor back difficulties, promote circu-
-keep as warm as possible throughout Bojanglez may well have time level thanks to a bril-
lation and reduce muscle tension and
been expected given the GI liant cross from Muppet
fatigue.
-stretching must be performed on a Res skipper’s track record being headed home by
regular basis to be effective in days of old. However, Morton.
It is important to stretch after the
warm-up, prior to your main training Saturday mornings version
-hold the stretch for between 30 and 60 of the Great Escape Some drastic switches dur-
and then again at the end of the ses-
seconds, gradually increasing the revolved around the Old ing the break left the team
sion. Stretching after a warm up will
stretch when tension eases Boys digging the B team out unsure of the skipper’s sani-
prepare your muscles for the work
of a hole (not that it didn’t ty as Jockey was switched
ahead and can also help improve your
-finally, a stretching routine doesn’t happen in my day or any- to centre back and Wilson
performance by increasing your range
have to be restricted to training and thing!). Arriving at the on at right wing. Within the
of movement. Stretching at the end of
competition, it can be done every day. Varsity Centre to find a minutes the wisdom of the
the session can help your muscles
wealth of stout hearted men decision was evident as a
recuperate better after a strenuous ses-
Andy can be found at the Campusport (not the boys that so many beautiful ball from the out-
sion (so you wont have that dull ache
centre or contacted on 01483 452028. of the other sides are flush side of the skipper’s boot set
the next day).
with at present!), wanting Morton free to square for
nothing more than a game Bailey’s second and put us
It’s important
of footie and a jaunt into into the lead. We never
to stay relaxed
deepest Guildford for beers looked back from there.
when stretch-
and a curry, I found my faith Five minutes later Cliffy
ing, as the
in mankind renewed (NOT skinned their right back and
body cools
an invitation, Zammo!). crossed to set Baldo up to
down quite
complete the easiest hat-
dramatically
With Baldo Bailey, coming trick he would ever score,
straight off a stint of night and he made it four shortly
duty to play for us, the only after fine work from sub
Stir Fry, lead to another easy
man on the field who didn’t
The 3rd/4th play off was not build up, the pressure of look ready to walk across tap in.

T soon after 3 on
Friday, cautiously
awaiting the start of the first
M.D.D.P 5-a-side tourna-
ment at the Varsity. The six
teams, comprising of the fit,
not so fit and the down right
unhealthy (a couple of lads
from 8 Old Court Road
being contenders for un-
fittest of the day), turned up
to relieve some of the so-
called pressure we are under
at present. Some bright
spark had suggested that an
inter-project group Footie
competition would be a
good idea. Rugby I pro-
posed but loud words for the
round ball were chorused.
So Footie it was to be.
Warm up consisted of quick
run to Tesco’s for booze as
Brett’s bar failed to open for
kick-off. Copious amounts
of cheap French lager were
swilled before, during and
after the early games.
The preliminary round robin
saw early draws in the
fiercely fought out eight-
minute games, with the Ball
Park Boy’s winning Pool 1
and Rock Steady’s Rovers
finishing runners up. Pool 2
saw Bimbo’s Boys winning
and Crash Test Dummies
the FAB V and George’s
Constants. A Wooden
Spoon match was played as
we were running ahead of
schedule and FAB V won
with Barney and Mrs each
scoring to give them a 2-0
advantage, hence, George’s
Constants took the Wooden
Spoon.
Two semi finals were played
with a little more thought,
skill, even stupidity (I have
the wounds from that plastic
pitch to prove it) or a desire
to hold the trophy at the
close. Ball Park Boy’s were
the victors over Crash Test
Dummies, 1-0. Wurzel
notching up goal number 3.
The other semi saw a close
game of Bimbo’s Boy’s vers-
es Rock Steady’s Rovers
with Skinny knocking in the
winner close to time for
Bimbo’s Boy’s. Score 1-0.
By this time the tension was
starting to build as the teams
for the final were decided.
The touchline became
awash with supporters. Real
footballers watched in awe
as the likes of Barry Bethel,
the Big Man (who’s not 12
yrs old) and Karston the
Dane swerved, dodged and
baffled staunched defences.
played in the flamboyant
style of preceding games as
the two teams were aching
at their previous defeat,
denying them a chance to go
for the glory.
A quarter to six and the
whistle blew for the final
match. Nothing between the
two teams as shots on goal
were saved in spectacular
style by both keepers. The
breakthrough came when a
long ball forward saw Costis
(attacking) and Bimbo
(goalie) both running for the
ball, Bimbo made it there
first and booted the ball
straight into the advancing
player, the deflection fell to
the attacker and so 1-0 to
Ball Park Boy’s. Bimbo’s
Boys now on the rack as the
time ticked by. Barry Bethel
saved the day with a some-
what debatable goal in the
final whistle. PENALTIES
it was to be.
Trading save for save the
keepers did well, until it was
2-2 with one each to go,
Bethel struck and again
Bob’s keeping was up to the
task, adoring fans (Ann)
went wild in the crowd. So it
was Bob to win the match,
keeper verses keeper. The
sudden death to follow if
missed, one step, smack, the
keeper dives (the wrong
way) they think its all over,
it is now. BALL PARK
BOY’s were the winners!!!!!
Position Team
1 Ball Park Boy’s
2 Bimbo’s Boy’s
3 Rock Steady’s
Rovers
4 Crash Test
Dummies
5 FAB V
6 George’s Constants
Throughout the evening a
high level of drinking was
maintained with the finale
being a boat race between
the disciplines. The Civies
led by my-drunken-self
eased out the Mechies to
win after no shows from the
Sparkies and the Chem Eng
boy’s.
Thanks to all that played;
Jonsie & Roachie the refer-
ees; the supporters, includ-
ing our very own Dr. Bob;
and Brett in the bar for
putting up with the raucous
footie players in the bar.
Cheers. BIMBO
hot coals for a victory,
Surrey confidence was
supreme at the kick-off. The
early exchanges saw us win-
ning the challenges in mid-
field and quickly releasing
wingers Morton and Cliff to
set up a brace of chances
from first time crosses. The
inclusion of Basketball’s
‘Born Again Footballer’
Delvin at centre back,
caused little panic in the
first ten minutes as Brucie’s
boys ran riot up front, creat-
ing many an unfulfilled
opportunity to pop the cher-
ry of the referee’s maiden
scoresheet. However, as tra-
dition appears to be setting a
precedent, we conceded the
first goal (“History is a
mighty foe to cheat in the
face of the future”, once
said a wise man completely
off his tits on Loopy). As a
cross landed on the penalty
spot and found itself rooted
under the Muppet’s boot.
Despite several attempts to
“Get F@c#in’ Rid!”, a
Milford striker relieved
Mikey of his burden and
hoofed the ballon into the
onion bag. 0-1.
Surrey rallied well however,
and within minutes a
Fathead Babbs cross was
At 5-2 the game was over
with the exception of
Spooner’s rabid determina-
tion to score after fluffing a
series of chances. His
moment finally came with 5
minutes to go when he inex-
plicably managed to weave
the ball past two defenders,
without ever having it under
control, shoot feebly for the
ball to nestle lethargically
against the post, and thanks
to Randy not having the
heart (or pace??!!??) to beat
him to it, smash it into the
net from fourteen inches.
Final score 6-2 in a blaze of
yellow and blue glory.
A well deserved win for the
Learned Sages of Surrey
Football which left the
opposition Coach applaud-
ing us off the field, but a big
Bunch of Arse to our old
mate, referee Cyril West,
who blew the final whistle
just as I streaked into the
box to score. Three in three
games for the Mansion
Cyril!
Mr Cliff’s School of
Spelling and Alternative
Medicines (co-director
Churchill)
 n Thursday 19th November 1998
Are you good with your hands and like
playing with balls
f your answer is yes,
I come and join us. We
are the one and only
womens squash team at the
University of Surrey. We
are looking for some lively
girls who can play squash
or are keen to learn. With
our coach, Karen Cheung,
the best female squash
player in the south of
England, who won Gold in
the South East of Asia,
there’s no reason why you
can’t become one of us.
We have the best resources
and facilities available
here at the University,
including squash courts at
Campusports, the Varsity
Centre (opposite Tescos!)
and much more. We’ve
won 4 out of 5 matches
this semester (not bad
ehh?).
UniS suffer first loss in the National
Squash League
Chichester 3
UniS 2 hand. She was up against
aving had two big
H wins – the only
complete white-
washes that have appeared
in the League so far – we
put out one of the youngest
and least experienced sides
possible. It was a gamble,
but Coach Ian Robinson
was giving plenty of
opportunity to more of the
players he had signed.
Unfortunately the gamble
did not come off, although
we have now had nine
players representing us in
the three matches to date –
and we are still at the top
of the table!
Adrian Grant, playing in
his second game, was the
first UniS winner. At only
seventeen, he is maturing
as he goes and has proved
to be very tough to beat at
No 4. Twice he went a set
down but succeeded in
cinching the fifth against a
spirited Tim Vale, 15/10.
Neil Frankland was at
No. 2 for the second time
this year. He showed how
much he has to learn about
matchplay, courtcraft and
coping with some difficult
officiating as he went
down in four games to
James Robins. In the end,
James just wanted to win
more.
Lisa Stephens celebrated
her first appearance in the
Squash is not only about
competition, training and
strength, but it’s also about
having fun, meeting new
people (both outside and in
the University) and per-
sonal development. It’s
not all hard work either.
We organise regular
socials and you can even
check out the talent in the
Women’s World Ranking
by coming in to try her
Stephanie Brind. Fresh
back from reaching the
Quarter-Finals of the
World Championship, it
was obvious that Lisa was
playing a very accom-
plished player indeed who
was in no frame of mind to
give anything away. The
match lasted less than
twenty minutes. Eric
McAlpine had been given
another chance after bat-
tling away to a useful win
in the previous tie at Lee-
on- Solent. From being one
game up, he lost in four
sets to Ben Garner.
This meant we had lost
overall, but there was still
a lot resting on the last
match. To lose 4-1 would
wipe out most of the
advantage we had accrued
in one of our previous
wins. John Russell, play-
ing for the second time as
No 1 string had returned
from America only two
days previously and was
always going to be tested
against Lee Drew. At two
games to one down, it was
a testing time for him. John
is a tremendously exciting
player, but he was proving
that there is a lot more to
his game than mere excite-
ment.
With a string of full-blood-
ed shots to the nick
(absolutely unplayable
when they work) he took
control and won, to the
courts next door. All it
takes is a couple of hours a
week and you can join us
in representing the
University of Surrey. If
you’re willing to give us a
try, meet us at the varsity
centre at two O’clock on
Wednesday’s. We look
forward to seeing you
.Jackie Rutter
delight of not only the
UniS supporters who had
travelled to watch, but the
home crowd too.
Chichester have been
around for a long time.
They were well-organised
and very competitive, but
had made us all welcome.
They were obviously
pleased that John had been
able to turn in such a spir-
ited performance.
The next match is at home
to Devon and Exeter on
Tuesday November 24th
at the Varsity Centre,
7.00 p.m. start. There are
some tickets available and
there is a huge student dis-
count. We will have the
best team we can muster –
we have been stung by the
loss against Chichester.
No. 1 will be Paul
Johnson, celebrating his
new No.5 position in the
World Rankings – ahead of
the great Jansher Khan!
Also back will be the new
World No 25, Steve
Meads. Steve is captain of
the squad. With John
Russell being defeated
despite playing the last two
matches at No 1, we have a
very formidable team
indeed.
Do yourself a favour and
buy yourself or a friend an
early Christmas present
and come and watch world
class Squash in your own
back yard!
By Mustapha Rally
(Special Squash
Surrey Exterminate Farnborough in Close
Fought Victory
Surrey University 2nd
XV 12 Farnborough
3rd XV 7
here’s only one place
T
lesser
to be on a Saturday
morning, but unlike
mortals, the
‘Wanderers’ were gathered at
Senate steps for their trip to
Farnborough RFC. The pre-
match warm up saw some of
the best moves of the day by
the backs, which led some-
one prophetically to say ‘If it
goes right in practice then
it’ll go tits-up in the game for
sure’. Some unusual tactics
were seen at kick-off as Rob
Rock (Hooker for the day!)
was distracted by someone
on the touchline, remarking
that ‘Stig of the Dump’ was
on the pitch. But who could
that have been (Ewok?)!
It wasn’t until Farnborough
scored after about 10 minutes
that Surrey woke up.
Everyone gathered behind
the touchline and a few harsh
words were shouted about
tackling and support. As the
conversion went over, a
game plan was suggested that
consisted basically of run-
ning around the opposition
rather than through them. As
someone pointed out, the
‘dinosaurs’ on the other team
‘Community dance on
campus never looked so
good’
“Winter Happenings III”
a showcase from the Campusdance participation programme
“Winter Happenings” offers
you a rare opportunity to see
performances of a wide
range of dance styles, by
members of your communi-
ty and at a venue near you.
This fun, lively evening will
have you tapping your feet,
clapping your hands and jiv-
ing in your seat.
Campusdance offers a wide
range of high quality dance
activities as part of the
University’s Campusport
Programme. The mission
statement for Campusport
is to encourage life-long
physical activity....Activity
for Life! Students, staff and
members of the public are
all welcome to participate in
Contact: Philipa Robbins, Campusdance Participation
Programme Telephone: 01483 259201 Fax: 01483 300245
Surrey Pride
would not be able to cope
with Surrey’s speed and
agility!
Sure enough, the plan
seemed to work as Surrey
kept the ball moving rather
than commit to mauling with
the prehistoric goons. Then
suddenly from a turnover
outside Surrey’s 22 Brad
picked up, drew his man and
unleashed Jeff down the
wing for the try(5-7). With
10 minutes remaining Surrey
pushed forward but ended the
half defending their 22.
The second half started slow-
ly as Surrey took time adjust-
ing to the low sun making the
defence of our tryline diffi-
cult. For most of the third
quarter, Surrey were restrict-
ed to their own half, and only
some excellent team defend-
ing prevented Farnborough
adding to the score. One par-
ticular Farnborough attack
ended with Wurzel under half
their pack over our try line,
but it was worth it to prevent
the try.
Soon the forwards were into
their stride moving the ball
and making ground.
However, the Dalek decided
to momentarily breakaway
from the ‘run-around’ plan.
With one hand (or is that an
the Campusdance pro-
gramme regardless of expe-
rience or ability. “Winter
Happenings” is another of
the hugely popular and suc-
cessful annual events by
members of this amateur
community programme.
As an audience member at
“Winter Happenings” you
will see choreography from
our regular course attenders
in Tap, Contemporary, ,
Street Jazz, even Salsa. If
your preference is for Ballet
rather than Ballroom you’ll
find there’s something for
everyone! You may even
find a dance style you’d like
to come and learn. Some of
sessions on offer this
15
‘Exterminate’ limb) out in
front, Ben Mac proceeded to
bulldoze his way through the
opposition on one of his runs,
with able support from Ben
Dewen and Dave Foley, saw
Surrey upto their 22. Again, it
was Brad and Jeff who linked
up with Jeff finally slicing
through to score under the
sticks. This time with much
help from the left-hand post,
Captain Steve was able to add
the two points (12-7).
In the remaining quarter the
game was fairly even, only a
‘Wizbit’ special on the dead
ball line livened up proceed-
ings, (one of these days the
man chasing will get a hand to
it). Mention must go to the
pack who really worked hard
both in set play and the loose.
The lineouts were dominated
by Aesop and Richard as they
rose high above the opposi-
tion to win Surrey ball and
much of Farnborough’s.
When the final whistle blew
there were many relieved
faces to be seen following this
bruising encounter. The rugby
played was not classic by any
means but the points were on
the board. Surrey could walk
away with pride as they had
fought and won as a team and
nothing more could be asked
of
Wurzel
them than that.
autumn have included
Lambada, Breakdance, Line
dance, Chidren’s Jazz and
Lindy Hop. Campusdance
really is a must for all
enthusiasts.
Book your tickets now as
this show “sells like hot
cakes”. Join us on Saturday
December 12th at 7:30 pm
in the PATS Dance Studio,
University of Surrey,
Guildford.
Prices are £3.50 full, £2.50
concessions and £1.50 for
children under 14 yrs.
Tickets are available from
the Campusport Centre
01483 259201.

Badger’s Tail Revealed From
Between An Ample Pair Of Legs
UniS 2nd XI MHC 5
Sussex 2nd XI MHC 0
fter Saturday’s per-
Surrey Pride
How Many BUSA Points?
Southampton Inst 1 Surrey Uni WFC 2
ground, and my stick into a same stuff as Baz’s and dis-
defenders forehead. integrated on impact with a
defender. We eventually
Following a short injury realised that we had to pass

A formance,
Schlong’s sacred
seconds were once again
the
hungry for victory. Constant
burrowing through the
defence lines by Badger and
swift sword play by Cut-
Throat kept the ball in their
half for the majority of the
match.
After two minutes of play
we took the lead as Chin-
Chin Junior’s clean strike
from the top of the D was
text book stuff. We went on
break, Sussex seemed
strong and they miraculous-
ly broke through our ranks
only to hit the post. This
advance was to be a one off
and they were never again a
threat. We soon regained our
the advantage and nifty
footwork by Baz and his
bullet proof stick helped
Axe battle in our second
goal. Soon afterwards,
Badger (tail trailing in the
wind!) snuffled his way
around the oppo, connecting
with Shearer to give us a 3-
the ball and quick one-two
passes up front lead to bald-
ing Bob’s second goal. After
I yet again ran straight into
the keeper and was conse-
quently sprawled out on the
ground, Jake sailed in a shot
(clipping my stick on the
way!) finishing 5-0.
A tie for the man of the
match resulted in a show-
ast Wednesday saw the SEN-TRAAY-SHUN’ (as ture: turntable spinning for
down between Buster G and
Aquaphobic. The ‘Comber
of Curls’ set off at a good
pace but settled for a disap-
L women’s football and
rugby clubs teaming
up in St. Trinian’s outfits for
ever!) allowing the Institute
of Scumhampton Slappers to
level the score as she breezed
eternity with the same old
tune on the decks!

to dominate their D for the
next 15 minutes and saw
Basil demonstrating that his
play was far from fawlty by
undercutting from a 10
degree angle, embedding
the ball into the keeper’s
helmet. However, this
seemed to make the GK
more determined to termi-
nate our strikers and he exe-
cuted a swift shoulder barge
propelling me into the
0 lead by half time.
The second half was more
of a scramble with everyone
going for glory. Axe nearly
died when the ball rebound-
ed off his Adam’s apple
almost crushing his wind-
pipe. Luckily after a few
choky coughs he could
breathe again but was obvi-
ously unfit to play. Shearer’s
stick was not made of the
pointing 13.84 seconds.
Aquaman proved that he
was terrified of all forms of
liquid and babyshamed his
way to 44.32 seconds break-
ing Badgers pitiful record.
Commendations to Isaac,
who despite not playing
joined in on the ensuing fes-
tivities.
Fred Loppy (Cliff)
See Dictionary Corner
their respective games, away,
against Southampton
Institute. Holly felt it neces-
sary to abuse our nice Mr.
Minibus Driver (James, hope
you’ve recovered), who DID
know the way, unlike
women’s rugby who, despite
leaving half an hour earlier,
didn’t arrive until half an hour
after us (“...and do the pelvic
thru-uu-u-u-uust...”)
From kick-off, Surrey took
control of the game and it
wasn’t long before Biri
scored a beautiful goal in the
top right corner to take us into
the lead. Following this
strike, despite several warn-
ings from the Horn of Fog,
we briefly lost our ‘CON-
through our back four who
appeared to be lost in a dream
(...Beer?...Bo’s?...Football
Men?...), giving Clare no
chance in goal. Surrey
valiantly fought back and
once again took the lead as
Penny tapped home after a
storming run down the pitch.
2-1.
The rest of the game was pret-
ty uneventful but was accom-
panied lyrically, and with
such a beautiful voice, by the
Nottingham bird squealing
‘CUM ON SUURREA’, who
Cakey doesn’t think has an
accent. “Who said that?”,
“Cakey”, “Sorry WHO said
that?” “Cakey”, “Sorry,
WHO said that?”, Cakey”,
“Sorry, WH...you get the pic-
After many antics in the bar
with the Rugby lads from
Cheltenham (phwoarr!),
Slugger found herself on the
wrong coach home with 30
men but she has made good of
those odds before. The Union
and Bojanglez found the St.
Trinian’s girls celebrating in
some style for the third week
running despite having
Samuelson turning up at 3am
like a lost puppy (eager for
oats?) and the all too real pos-
sibility of walking sheepishly
across campus on Thursday
morning looking for all the
world like a drunken extra
from an early ‘Carry On’
slapstick comedy sketch.
NINE!Foghorn and Bitch
(See Dictionary Corner)

BUSA Results 11/11

BRUCIE’S CHRISTMAS BASH
Tickets will be on sale from
Saturday 21st November from
Paul Cliff at the Varsity Centre
following the days games. The
evening includes a three course
Dictionary Corner
bounder (baunde’) n. sl. a
morally reprehensible per-
son.
cad (kad) n. someone who
does not behave in a gentle-
manly conduct towards oth-
ers.
scoundrel (skaundrel) n. a
worthless or villainous per-
son.
any of the above n. a low,
shifty, morally bankrupt indi-
Christmas dinner, beer and
Surrey cocktail deals, a variety
of entertainments, Club raffle
and the Stitch Up Awards cere-
mony. Always a good crack,
vidual, lacking in any dignity
or self-belief; more con-
temptible than the most noto-
rious of criminals. Someone
capable of perpetrating an
action that deserves single
handedly to bring about the
return of capital punishment
in all it’s 16th century
Spanish Inquisition glory, for
those of you, highlighted in
this weeks edition, who are
so cunningly duplicitous as to
hand in hard copies of your
USSU Enemy Us Them
Football 1st v South Bank (H) 3 5
Football 2nd v So’ton Ins.(H) 2 3
Football 3rd v Reading(A) 1 5
Football 4th v Brighton(A) 0 5
W.Football 1st v So’ton Ins. (A) 2 1
Badminton (M)1st v Brunel WL(A)
Badminton (M) 2nd v South Bank(H) Walkover
Badminton (W) v South Bank(H) Walkover
BasketBall (M) v Portsm’th(H) 39 42
get your ticket early to avoid
Fencing (M) v Portsm’th (A) Walkover
disappointment. Contact Cliffy
on G. 457248 or 0403 719696
Golf v Brunel WL(A) 5 1
Hockey (M)1st v
for more information.
Hockey (M)2nd v Sussex(H) 5 0
Hockey (W)1st v Brnmouth(H) 9 1
sports reports, as opposed to Hockey (W)2nd v Reading(A) 0 12
being on disk or E-mail, for Netball 1st v So’ton Ins.(H) 46 28
me to type up all bloody Netball 2nd v Brighton(A) 12 50
afternoon. But more than Rugby 1st v
this, so much more than this; Rugby 2nd v
to slyly hand it in to someone W.Rugby v So’ton Ins. (A) 0 125
else to give to me, in order to Squash (M) 1st v Sussex (H) 5 0
escape my boiling fury, Squash (M) 2nd v
knowing that after a cuppa Squash (W) v Portsm’th (A)
and a packet of Wheat Volleyball (M) v St.Marys(H) Walkover
Crunch I’d type it anyway. Volleyball (W) v Reading(A) 0 3
You bastards.
Tennis (M) v Kingston(A) 2 4
Tennis (W) v Brighton(A) 0 6