How to read this book
1)Have a deep desire to learn.
Repeat: “My popularity, my happiness and sense of worth dependto no small extent upon my skill in dealing with people.”
2)Reread each chapter.3)Stop frequently and ask yourself how you canapply each suggestion.4)Read with a pencil in hand.5)Review each month.6)Apply these suggestions as often as possible.7)With a friend, make a lively game out of mastering these rules.8)Check up each week on your progress.
“For years I have kept an engagement book showing all theappointments I had during the day. My family never made any plans for me on Saturday night, for the family knew that I devoteda part of each Saturday evening to the illumination process of self-examination and review. After dinner I went off by myself, openedmy engagement book, and thought over all the interviews,discussions and meetings that had taken place during the week...”
9)Keep notes about how you have applied these tips.
Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
1)Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.
No one, even hardened criminals, blames himself. If you must,write criticism but don’t mail it. “Do you know someone youwould like to change and regulate and improve? Good! That isfine. I am all in favor of it. But why not begin on yourself? From a purely selfish standpoint, that is a lot more profitable than trying toimprove others—yes, and a lot less dangerous. ‘Don’t complainabout the snow on your neighbor’s roof,’ said Confucius, ‘whenyour own doorstep is unclean.’” Give second chances.
2)Give sincere and honest appreciation.
Everyone wants to feel important. When we are not engaged inthinking about some definite problem, we usually spend about 95 percent of our time thinking about ourselves. If we stop thinkingabout ourselves for a while and begin to think of the other person’sgood points, we won’t have to resort to flattery. “I shall pass thisway but once; any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindnessthat I can show to any human being, let me do it now.
Let me not defer nor neglect it
, for I shall not pass this way again.” Emerson:“Every man I meet is my superior in some way.”
3)Arouse in the other person an eager want.
It is necessary to bait the hook to suit the fish, not the fisherman.Why talk about what you want? That is childish. Absurd. Of course, you are interested in what you want. You are eternallyinterested in it. But no one else is. The rest of us are just like you:we are interested in what we want. Henry Ford: “If there is any onesecret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s pointof view and see things from that person’s angle as well as fromyour own.”
How to… …Make People Like You
1)Become genuinely interested in other people.
You can make more friends in two months by becoming interestedin other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you. Alfred Adler: “It is the individual who isnot interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties inlife and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from amongsuch individuals that all human failures spring.”
Like a dog, show that you are happy to see people. An insinceregrin is mechanical and we resent it. Smile even when talking onthe phone. William James: “The sovereign voluntary path tocheerfulness, if our cheerfulness be lost, is to sit up cheerfully andto act and speak as if cheerfulness were already there.”  ElbertHubbard: “Whenever you go out-of-doors, draw the chin in, carrythe crown of the head high, and fill the lungs to the utmost; drink in the sunshine; greet your friends with a smile, and put soul intoevery handclasp. Do not fear being misunderstood and do notwaste a minute thinking about your enemies.”
3)Remember that a person’s name is to that personthe sweetest sound in any language.
Napoleon’s advice on remembering names: If he didn’t get thename distinctly, he said, “So sorry. I didn’t get the name clearly.”Then, if it was an unusual name, he would say, “How is itspelled?” During the conversation, he took the trouble to repeat thename several times, and tried to associate it in his mind with the person’s features, expression and general appearance.
4)Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk aboutthemselves.
Charles W. Elliot: Nothing is so flattering as exclusive attention tothe person who is speaking to you. Ask questions that the other person will enjoy answering. A friend often doesn’t want advice, but just a friendly, sympathetic listener.
5)Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
Whenever Roosevelt expected a visitor, he sat up late the night before, reading up on the subject in which he knew his guest was particularly interested. Man visits and talks to a boy about boats, but his mother says that he wasn’t really interested in boats: “He isa gentleman. He saw you were interested in boats, and he talkedabout the things he knew would interest and please you. He madehimself agreeable.”
6)Make the other person feel important—and do itsincerely.
Do unto others as you would have others do unto you. All the time.Everywhere. Emerson: “Every man I meet is my superior in someway. In that, I learn of him.” Employer wanted to keep a keyemployee: told her how important she was to the company in frontof the entire staff and later in front of the boss’s family.