Inhale. Focus. Exhale. Squeeze. It’s how you do a proper stomach crunch.

Its
how you pull a trigger and blow someone’s head off.

If you could spy on me in my bed tonight, you’d see me awake, focusing on

Tim’s left temple.

To him I’m honey. To his unfortunate offspring I’m mom. To their friends I’m
Mrs. Magnuson. To my acquaintances I’m Lola. To Aaban I am ‫( فرشته‬angel).
To my parents I am dead.

I keep my Sig in a Tampax box in the top drawer of my side table. Tim would
never look inside. Feminine hygiene products terrify him. If he only knew.

If you watched from above, you would see him wake to find me staring at
him. He thinks I lie awake smiling at him because I’m so fucking in love. I’m
really imagining his stirrup bone hitting my face.

If you could go even deeper - straight through me and under the bed – you’d
find a locked box. In that box: a fake passport, untraceable cell phone and
the right thumb of ex FBI agent, Jennifer James, sawed off just above the
second knuckle.